Originally published on October 26, 2017....
I'm writing to you from the tiny town of Dixon, New Mexico. Fall abounds, and the changing leaves are the perfect backdrop for the DIVINE WILL experience, which has been flowing through the corners of my consciousness the last few months.
When I first heard about moving from human free will into what El Morya called 'being a vessel for the Will of God' - described in my first book, Becoming Sar'h - I wasn't sure what it meant for my human life. Four years later, and on my last trip to Asia, it finally sunk into to the thickness of my human skin what he meant.
Moving from FREE WILL into DIVINE WILL entails giving up one form of sovereignty and taking up another - super sovereignty. When I first began to sense this shift within me, my friend, Karen, sent me the following quote from Tobias*.
"It will be challenging. You will want to keep both your free will and your divine will. You will want the wonderful attributes of free will while you take on the new divine will. We are here to tell you that it does not work that way. One must be released before the other can be experienced."
Leaving free will and taking up divine will also meant leaving NEW ENERGY creation (creating with energy + awareness) and taking up NO ENERGY creation, instead. Something I will cover extensively here in this new magical venue. This is one of the many reasons I have abandoned my old website. It simply no longer fits my personal experiences.
Like anything else in the self-realization experience, wisdom serves its purpose, and then it must be disintegrated with as much grace as it was received. What was I to do with this body of work on New Energy Creator? Simply walk away. It is and was that easy.
My friend, Xavi, told me a story recently. After teaching thousands of people for more than thirty years, Yogi Bhajan, being in his last days of life, gave a lecture in which he told his students to forget everything he had taught. Though not as dramatic, I feel that way about my New Energy Creator offerings, and I’m sure in some time I will feel that way about this project as well.
On the note of allowing things once integrated to disintegrate with grace, as I was saying, the autumnal season has been the perfect backdrop for such a self-realization occasion.
In the ever-present cycle of life, the leaves turn a fiery orange upon the curtain of azure sky, shortly before the angel of death appears, gently leading them back to Source - the earth below which created them, and the earth which will cradle them in decay before the time of rebirth.
It is in this space that I found myself standing outside the illusion of time. And, as the experiences occurred outside of the ticks of the clock, the following is written in present tense to denote its absence...
As Ollie, my dog, and I drive down the winding, gravel mountain pass in early afternoon light, I watch the sparkling Rio Grande flow steady below. The canyon carved by its weaving waters, allows us to pass with grace to our destination.
I observe the landscape with all my visions - human and divine. With human eyes, I see without the river, there would be no safe passage to the other side. There would be no path carved into the crystalline mountain, which bends only to the wisdom of the river, and never to the will of human drive.
With divine perception, I see I too am carving a canyon through the dense mountain pass that was my humanity, with only the flowing river of my soul's wisdom and without the rigid determination, which has marked my human path for eons of time.
The Rio Grande, essential for this land’s existence, further represents a perfect reflection of my soul’s irreversible flow returning to Self, the Self I left behind when I crossed the Wall of Fire and into the human experience for the first time.
As I drive across the grand river, I embrace the the fire. I know I will not get burned this time. The waters of the ice cold mountain river keep me cool in its wrath. And I know now, what I am reclaiming has always been mine and mine alone to retrieve - my divinity.
In that moment on the bridge, I reach through the wall of fire, reclaiming my divine right, to be human and God, combined. I bring it over to the physical side of existence. I stare in the face of fire with a smile.
I whisper without force,“It’s been a while, my friend.”
As the sun melted into the horizon, speckled with the trees of the apple orchard before my human eyes, I see with the eyes of God, I too am weaving a path back to Source through the sacred art of surrender.
“This experience is too personal, too sacred to share with anyone," my soul whispered in warning as I began to sweep into a deep sleep, feeling the divine will spread over me.
Inhale. I sense divine will as a blanket of blackness, which has enveloped me at sunset and only let up with the rise of the sun, with each turn of the day, spanning the past few weeks. Exhale.
Inhale. Once feared, I endear the darkness now. No where to go. Nothing to do. Paralyzed in the pitch black space, I can only BE. I can rest for the first time in eons, surrendering to the Source that flows within. Exhale.
I find I am relaxed, breathing deeply and steadily, in the void - yet I notice my heart beats a million times per minute as I succumb to the black hole enveloping me once again.
As I enter the now familiar state, my heart's rhythm slows to a regular beat. We. Are. Safe. I breathe the words in one at a time.
Then my soul senses my human desire to paint the picture of this ineffable experience in words. Yet, I do not know if it is possible to capture such a thing on paper.
“Once you place the firefly in the glass jar, it can only glow a few moments before it too is visited by the angel of death,” she whispered in return.
The curiosity continues, and I wonder if my immanence** can be captured by words, or if would it catapult me straight back into the density of human experience at first attempt.
Not being able to hold onto a thought for more than a second, it vanishes into the vortex of the Will of God that now surrounds every corner of my consciousness. What returns is a notion, a nudge of wisdom from within.
"Let me sing a song, instead," I say to soul and to Source in the universal language of images and sensations, rather than in words.
"Let me sing the song of love - the love that exists beyond the veils of maya. Let me sing the song of coming home to Self. Let me sing of its splendor.”
The answer comes from Source and soul in a literal sparkle of light that flashes in the dark room. I see it with through the eyes of the human and through the eyes of the divine, which I sense resting both in my forehead and at the crown of my head.
Source (of Self) seems to open the gates of permission with careful instructions on the hows and the whys of what I offer in my writing. And, I know I must walk the tight rope with both the wisdom of human experience and my newly discovered divinity with a balance relegated to circus performers alone.
As always, those will eyes will see; those with ears will hear - in the spaces between the words.
"We have done this before," soul and source sing as one. "It's nothing new. Only the stage has changed."
"Thank you." I mouth the words without sound. I feel a space in my chest open as the river of my soul's wisdom carves a canyon deeply through my collar bone and into heart.
I wonder if I am dying for a brief moment. And then I know I am. Again.
Even Later. Or before, perhaps. Well, both.
For years, at the human level, I did not think or know God/ Source/ Spirit existed beyond the borders of my own soul. I moved from the concept of an external God so long ago. Indeed, I was the only God I knew - blinded completely by the radiance of my own soul, and what a magnificent experience that was - free will to create with awareness at the will and whim of no one other than myself!
Yet, in the fog of the familiar human amnesia, I forgot that in my soul, Source flowed, too. I only needed to dip my toes into its crystal cool waters. In the end, the consistent push of the human will was never any match - at all - to the sweet nectar of divine will. And, like anything else, my decision was not a choice, but a passion that raged in my soul, instead.
Through my divine eye, I place my bare feet into the liquid gold of the Rio Grande, a reflection from the sun above, and I remember who I am. I realize how I forgot, in my human free will experience, that Source, too, existed.
We are but one and the same, soul and Source. And, we are but two sovereign points spiraling on an infinity symbol, meeting in the middle and separating on the extremities.
What a generous gift to have received - free will with endless possibilities - a gift I enjoyed immensely. I feel the gratitude for the experience, honor it, and let it float with the decaying leaves down the Rio Grande.
Before I reached this trailhead of my own divinity, I stood upon the threshold of my humanity - the trailhead of forgiveness. I allowed the dragon, which guards it’s gates, to breathe the fires of forgiveness into every corner of the edges of the universe of me, igniting and destroying any perceived wrong doing from every lifetime and in between. The greatest of all shames, too, was incinerated - the shame of being human.
In the tsunami of fire, I embraced my human nature. I allowed myself to be an animal, chasing its desires with reckless abandon. Yet, in this self-given freedom, and with every path that lay open before me, I now chose God - flowing from within me and in unison with the soul's river of wisdom. And, in the end, like anything else, it was never a choice, but a passion that would create the path forward.
In knowing the threshold of forgiveness is marked by the element of fire, and our humanity is marked by the element of earth. Then, crossing the threshold of divine will is marked by the elements of water and air. If you have the will to follow blindly the flow of your soul’s river of wisdom, the vision of both God and human will come to light. Then and only then the opportunity to fly presents itself.
“Will we jump from the mountain top? Is that how we will soar?” my human asked.
“No, my friend, with our breath we defy gravity and levitate under the canopy of the majestic Banyan Tree, among those who know and those who see. The tree under which you have been floating all along,” Sar'h replies.
Inhale. The two points spiraling along the infinity symbol meet in the middle, once again. They are the merging of human and divine. And now, they are the merging of Soul and Source. And, when either or both of the two connect, they create LOVE. And, it is felt anywhere a spark of consciousness exists, waiting to ignite the divine flame of realization in anyone who seeks it with their soul. Exhale.
Song Suggestion: September Song by Agnes Obel
*Quote is from The Creator Series, available for free from the Crimson Circle HERE. (In Gratitude)
**Immanence refers to the metaphysical concept of divine presence in which the divine encompasses or is manifested in the material world. In other words, humanizing divinity.
Lauren Hutton (Sar'h) writes adventure novels and short stories about the embodied enlightenment experience. She fancies herself a humanizing divinity journalist and DJ, and shares that work joyously on this page.