Saturday, Adamus announced the beginning of the Emergence series of channels at the monthly webcast. I totally forgot about it, yet had the sense that I was needing to tune into something. That I was missing something. Then a friend texted that he was watching the monthly webcast, so I tuned in.
I was so deeply and profoundly touched by Adamus’ words in the opening statements at the core of my being and deep within my chest, a space behind my heart, I decided to transcribe them here. ADAM-US is after all a collective consciousness and to hear the words reflected back to you of something you experienced is near indescribable.
Last month or so I had a chat with Adamus about this topic. I know I am not the only one. There are some I know in physical and some I do not know yet. And, I have found when I take something up with this consciousness, if it comes from the deepest space inside me, it will make it into the materials. Not the screaming, unbalanced human being I was in the past, but the living breathing being who is saying hey, this might be helpful and I know because I am living it. Things might have changed since your last Earthly visit.
Looking back – so much easier in hindsight – the realization experience, which really feels almost like a reversal into what already existed - through the eyes of the human and divine combined, started sometime around the fall of last year.
In October of last year, I had the ineffable experience in vivid color and without words the direct experience of knowing, being, experiencing the I AM GOD, also. I don’t even think I can write any more than the one article I wrote. That’s likely all I will ever write about it. It was too personal and too – well, too sacred for lack of a better word – to share.
Another wave of realization rolled through my being in January, a release of guilt, shame, fear, remorse, clinging of the Atlantean dream, disaster, programming, etc. I know we are all unique but FOR ME it was the needle in the haystack – buried so deep and so hidden – the last thread that kept me from the realized state. It was the one thread of crap I held onto all this time that kept me from my realization. It was right there in front of my face the whole time. Once I saw it, it unraveled before my eyes - in high definition, high speed rewind.
Shortly thereafter, my home sold in Colorado and the series of unfortunate or very fortunate events – depending on perception – began to unfold as a left Colorado, which more felt like being kicked out – by an angry mob that bled into my social media experience. There really was no point to be on there for me anymore with this space.
What was that experience? What was it really about? I have asked so many times only to shelve it for later. I simply could not put my finger one what that experience really was. Why I was so sad, why I still am sometimes.
Since leaving, I’ve had a few doubts that only reminded me to trust myself. Was I delusional? Did I make this realization experience up? Are these people who have cast me out right about me? I know you can relate - those in their free states now.
Yes, in realization you are still a human being with human attributes. You don't turn into super man or super woman. You almost become even more human in a way. (I'm so glad some of you let me know this. Thank you. I am passing the wisdom on.)
The answers undeniable and completely personal - you are the only one who will really truly know - undeniably. The dawn was upon me AND it was nothing I could imagine. It was more than I hoped it would be and less than I hoped it would be in many ways.
I’ll tell you why I am choosing to write this below.
I knew who I was and what I was and was not, and it didn’t matter what anyone or anybody else thought, said or did. It was my realization. And, it was beautifully mine and mine alone. I needed to be alone too.
Now to the channel...
ADAMUS in the August 2018 shoud (paraphrased as I am not a good typist):
“Is everyone going to go through (realization in the CC)?....Yes, sooner or later…. Some of you are going to take your time. You’ll go through in the slipstream. Some are going to go fast because you’re just so damn ready. Others will go in their slip stream. It’s not a race and there is no award for those who get there first...
(On those realized) You’re not going to be beating your chest about it….It’s such a personal beautiful quiet thing. It’s so personal…. You are not going to be bragging. You are not going to need acknowledgment. You are not going to get acknowledgment - from me or from others. Nor do you want it. You know – and that’s all. That’s all.
(I have found this to be extremely real in my personal unique experience, but it doesn't mean you will not want friends and that you will not be hurt...).
For those of you who have come along through this early, you already know this. There is no preaching at the others and not saying this how you have to do it. You’ll realize that. You don’t say this is how I did it and you have to do it. (talks about preaching on social media).
(Indeed, the desire to tell anyone how to do anything fades away, likely just after it rears its ugly head for the last hurrah of spiritual ego, in my personally unique experience.)
There’s no rushing anybody and there’s no pandering to anybody (poor dear etc.). You just allow them, and they’ll come through and maybe in your slip stream.
For those taking their time – and there’s something to be said about that – let the others go through and have the rockier path.
(The profound part for me…)
For those taking their time, don’t throw rocks at the ones you think that might have made it. Why would you throw rocks? To test them. Have they really made it or are they making it up?
You know rocks hurt, even to a master because they are still in a human body. (My body seized up here, I too felt so sick, Joanna, I felt the trauma of my move from Colorado – I’m at the six-month mark and just now able to function completely.)
Don’t throw rocks. Don’t assault them. Don’t criticize them. You are really just trying to test them.
Don’t to do that because when you first come through in the emergence there is an incredible sensitivity and sensuality.
If you are hanging back and waiting, don’t throw rocks. If any of this happens on social media, delete those posts. This is too sensitive. It hurts too much. It goes too deep - even for a human master.”
I just needed to hear someone say it. I needed to hear that and in hearing it, I healed a deep wound within myself.
If you truly know me, you know I am not bringing this up to pat myself on the back. I bring this up to say that for me, this was and STILL is an extremely sensitive and sensual time. Go easy on yourself, go easy on those around you (reminder for ME!).
Everything I thought a master is has been thrown out the door. Everything is not perfect, and yet like my friend, Xanthe, told me, it does feel at arms length. You still feel deeply, almost even more deeply, but in this beautiful state of grace and realization it becomes clear - so clear - that deep deep feeling, or sensation rather, is not yours to hold onto. It rolls through you without the analyzing mind and is beyond my descriptive abilities right now.
The other thing is the more my realization sinks in, the more normal I feel. I feel more like a normal human being each day – after a lifetime of feeling so weird. I believe this comes with extreme self-acceptance and balance sets in eventually.
To think you won’t cry. Oh, I have cried and cried and cried. Driving from Colorado, I dehydrated myself from tears while simultaneously opening to my true nature. The lotus flower in the muck.
To think that you won’t feel when energetic daggers are thrown at you. That you are some sort of stone being who is not moved by their surroundings is a total fallacy.
In the end, this message personally gave me some deep sensual acknowledgment not from outside myself but from within myself.
I also want to note that I am greatly enjoying the materials from CC in this relationship – having removed the human quality of it – for now. It still does not feel safe for me to go into that human system space but the direct relationship with the materials and placing my wisdom int the vault, the conscious library feels really good.
Instead, of using the materials as tool to get further along some strangely perceived realization timeline or platform. I am simply loving the words that help me remember how I did ‘such and such’ in hindsight.
How did I stop allowing my mind to consistently feed off me? How did my body make the jump? How did I have this profoundly personal experience and at the same time have so many people throwing rocks at me? What is embodied creation going to look like as we re-write history?
The materials are amazing for this. Adamus came to me around May and he said don't let the human side of things prevent you from having a direct relationship and direct input into the materials offered by the channels. Since then, I have heard so many of my own experiences and words make it into the channels. I feel seen and heard on a completely different 'level' of awareness that holds no human recognition, which would feel terribly icky at this point.
Realization was simply a perception shift of worthiness, a freedom from being beholden to anyone (especially my own aspects and guilt – for blowing up Atlantis in this case – this continues to roll through deeply).
It had nothing to do with what my human life looked like. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel. I don’t cry. If anything, I feel more deeply than I ever have in my whole life.
The opposite of guilt is innocence. The dichotomies that arise in being beyond duality is something the mind would never be able to fathom. For example, to be completely in a child-like innocence (guilt free) AND finding the spiritual maturity I so lacked when I first started writing with you all and creating this space. Perhaps you could see the vision before I ever created the website back in March 2017.
The spiritual maturity comes with the balance, of learning to walk like baby through this realization embodied and holding wisdom beyond years.
It is so tender, and self-care and self-nurturing is still needed in the fragility of this state, which is equally unbendable and unbreakable and unmoved by the rocks thrown. There is a learning of how to walk like a baby, to learn to crawl and stand holding onto the table for stability, in this new state. Balancing comes but it takes some time - time I gave myself after my move to California six months ago.
I could go on, but at least wanted to capture this tender moment, knowing I am not the only one in the sovereign collective of this website who will or has gone through this. Thank you.
Karen, I keep thinking of you texting me as a drove out of Colorado. It is imprinted in my soul. The text popped on my phone when I was in the depths of the rock’s impact. THANK YOU.
I'm so glad I tuned into the five minutes; what that message did for me, what it moved within me, cannot be captured in words. Deep exhale. Holy crap it feels good to shuffle that around.
Massive gratitude for you all and this space - NO ROCKS. NO RACES.
After I wrote this post on Sunday, I received a few apologies for throwing rocks. All is forgiven and there is nothing to forgive. It's just part of the experience. I really do hope others come through the emergence and can celebrate it along side their friends. I hope they can say, wow! I went through my realization, and their friends and partner, whoever, will hug them and say, that's amazing. How can I sovereignly support you in this time of great sensitivity and re-balancing? How can I honor this deeply personal experience?
For me, I just want to be treated as a normal person, and that's it.
I have two friends that I know of who went through their realization several years ago. The rocks for me were less than they were for them, and I hope it continues in this manner and we co-exist in the emergence that is going to happen in its own naturally unfoldment.
I also want to include my apologies and what I learned in hindsight below after all your notes.
In hindsight, if I had known what was going on at a human level, I would have disconnected and been silent for a bit. I would have just been with myself.
I was alone in New Mexico when it started in October and in Costa Rica in January when it finished but going back to Colorado was not in my best interest (except to move my belongings and keep my mouth shut - except with the one friend who stood by my side and saw what was happening - thank you!).
Being online was not in my best interest. Being around anyone but my partner and my dog was not in my best interest. Yet, I didn't know and I'm glad I collected the writing because I would not be able to write it down now.
It happened so quickly. It was like an orgasm I could hold anymore. I wanted to stretch it out and it just popped before I could do anything about it.
All is forgiven within me and there is nothing to forgive myself for. It unfolded in the way it did. No turnarounds, no regrets. Freedom without borders on the other side.
I will say, at the human level, I really didn't know what was happening. I guessed it and then doubted it.
Truly, I was terrified not knowing if I would wake up in the morning; I simultaneously did not care and had no human control on the outcome of things - the pure passion of the soul took over and my human facet sat watching IN TOTAL CONFUSION (it has now returned in such a beautiful peaceful way).
My realization experience was both graceful and messy, and I couldn't pretend on the outside not to see what I was seeing. I couldn't pretend to have it all together and to be able to tolerate certain things people were bringing into my life. I was so fucking sensitive in a way I cannot describe in words.
I have apologized to anyone affected in the beautiful graceful MESS and received no reply from any of them but one, who I know who gets it deep down.
The corruption that exists in any system (and my jaded responses), the ridiculous need to defend myself (over it now). There's also no need to convince anybody of anything at all. (That too dissolves completely. There is no desire to help, only to watch in awe and honor of those around you.)
All is well - even if each word upon my departure from the CC community felt like a nail through my chest. I remain whole as I feel each nail hammered in. You don't have to tell me (someone commented on what was being said about me behind my back). I know already. I can feel each word, and It. Doesn't. Matter.
To others, who brought up being in a cocoon phase:
To be in the cocoon is not a bad thing. I can see it as a smart thing. Another friend on the other side of realization did just that. Total disconnection. And now re-emergence. There are others that came before me - thank you! - and there will be many more. And it doesn't matter the timeline that doesn't even exist.
Having been completed wiped off Facebook for some months and no longer living in a tank with lobsters trying to claw their way out of the tank, I have a very Pollyanna view of the way things will go. I am wildly excited and human likely over optimistic that we can co-exist in the emergence if we allow ourselves to. It sure does help to have removed myself from certain space.
I will give myself a pat on the back (after beating myself up a bit for the mess and letting that go because lets face it, realization is messy as hell) that while there may be a few bumps on the road -- this is the only space - that I know of - where the emergence is a place to co-exist in a sovereign collective (love Joanna's term here) without rocks and without races.
We worked for it a lot, then we allowed it, and I beam with pride at OUR collective creation.
To everyone - The space is here if you want it, just want to dip a toe in, or come and go as you please and just take a peak.
I have come to some sort of balance, especially in knowing anyone who is hyper critical of anything or anyone is a million times harder on themselves (I know from direct previous experience), and the fountain of undiluted compassion flows freely.
I thought I was going to surf into enlightenment. Instead I stumbled upon it, and now I surf - in a women's surf league. Completely free, and in deep appreciation of this space WE created together.
I love that it is growing, and I am so appreciative of those who allowed me to step into my own space, to those who could they could see what a gorgeous mess it was, when I was falling apart.
I love you all. I'm not so offended by that word anymore. But for those who are - deep HONOR of you and your unique experience, no matter what it looks like on the outside.
Lauren Hutton (Sar'h) writes adventure novels and short stories about the embodied enlightenment experience. She fancies herself a humanizing divinity journalist and DJ, and shares that work joyously on this page.