Watching the June shoud with my partner in Poland, I was struck with the service Edith provided for those stuck literally in figuratively in their chairs. As a collective consciousness of beings choosing the embodied enlightenment experience, we often talk of patterns, limits, and moving beyond old beliefs, yet we rarely talk about the most terrifying thing of all - what happens when we move beyond them!
My friend Xanthe made a small comment that sparked a desire, a flame in me to talk about one of the most terrifying things of all - once you break those patterns and beliefs you will not have your "chair" at the party anymore.
Your chair, if you even have one anymore, is way out in what I somewhat jokingly call the Sovniverse. It's a place of true freedom, but also feels like it has no floor, no ceiling, and no relative bearing in the reality from which you perceived yourself while still in the limits.
This knowingness inspired the following post on social media...
" One of the rarely if ever mentioned facets of moving beyond limits of abundance or worth or any flavor of lack, is when you do so you also leave the perceived safety of a group consciousness.
As long as your still “getting there” you still belong to the group “on their way” to something that was never a destination but a way of being.
Without limits and lack, there you are in your sovniverse (sovereign universe of SELF) with nothing but you. Sounds so nice and it is but terrifying to the human to be so out there/ so in here that the group identity dissolves completely."
Someone responded that yes, you could be in the sovniverse AND in the groups and it is so true yet it's also so false, at the same time.
Right now in this experience of realization I find that I can swim into mass consciousness and back out without "losing" myself. Similarly, I can swim into a spiritual/ conscious group and maintain sovereign energy, knowing deeply what is mine and what is not mine.
However, there is a difference. The way I relate to others in groups like the Crimson Circle is completely different. In my lack, in my 'on my way to enlightenment' mentality I used to beLIEve, I felt a certain camaraderie - just like I did with my co-workers when I worked at a non-profit organization.
I do not feel that anymore with my human friends - although I love them and still hang out with them from time to time. But even more so, I do not relate to Shuambra anymore - not in the way I used to.
It's a very similar relationship I have to my singularly human friends and my mother. I love Shaumbra. I appreciate the company and the shared language of consciousness, but I feel no connection other than pure sight (I see you for who you truly are) to Shaumbra anymore. I no longer feel like a Shaumbra though I am deeply involved in the Crimson Council. Hanging out with a lovely human friend or a Shaumbra or my mom -- It's all the same to me.
And in that shift, the deep connection I had to a group - which was such a cool experience that served me so very well - no longer is part of my experience.
Getting there was terrifying at times as the group conscious was my safety net on days of doubt, days I felt like I might die, days I wondered if I had made the whole thing up. Plus, when a community feels you start to withdraw from a group, things can get real ugly.
When you say I don't need this group anymore AND in fact, my soul is deeply calling me to be alone in myself, people who still cling to the group for safety will react. Even when you know it's all about them and not you, it can still be quite unpleasant for the human. Yet, when you cross the Threshold, the fire breathing dragon takes care of it all.
In the soverniverse, you have no security blankets. I felt my human self trying to grab at a net - a safety net from any where - in this free fall. When I didn't find one, I threw my hands up in the air and yelled "whee!" Fuck it. This is what I'm here for. Not for friends, not for a group experience, I am here for ME!
You free fall until you create the bottom for yourself to stand on - or choose not to - allowing yourself to flail in unknown bliss within the GRANDness of our own Being-ness. Or more likely, both and a whole lot more!
In honor of you!
Lauren Hutton (Sar'h) writes adventure novels and short stories about the embodied enlightenment experience. She fancies herself a humanizing divinity journalist and DJ, and shares that work joyously on this page.