Relaxation & Self-Love

​Preparing For The Trip
Date: March 11, 2017
Location: Longmont, Colorado 

As I am packing up my Tacoma truck with all the trip necessities – bedding, surfboard and wet suits, camping stove, books, clothes, etcetera, I am simultaneously pondering what it truly means to relax.

Master M once said to me, “Lauren, self-realization is not a race. You know that. However, here’s a little secret to share with your human self. The more you relax, the quicker realizations come to you.”

More than anything right now, as I fold up my clothes, I sense and know, for me, relaxation is essential for moving into deeper awareness and into self-love. Relaxation is one of those magnificent sensations that feels ridiculously good to the human – physically, mentally, and emotionally - and the master or soul self, as well.

Sometimes what feels good to one part of self, feels uncomfortable to the other.  For example, closing a chapter in your human life and moving on often feels expansive to the soul and comes with, at least, a little resistance from the human. Relaxation is a golden ticket for all parties in the universe of you.

Like any human moving from awakening to an embodied enlightenment experience, I decide look back at what relaxation looked like when I was living a singular human life and what it looks like now in the multiplicity of my existence – human and soul. Comparison with observation rather than judgment can provide a wealth of insight to anyone stepping into their mastery.

In my singular human life, I worked somewhere between forty and sixty hours a week. Even the forty-hour weeks were hard on me. My company expected me to be on top of everything, so I was – at all times. Even when I was not physically present, I was thinking about work, dreaming about sending and responding to emails, and stressing over decisions made.

In my life as a non-profit lobbyist, I remember one Christmas Eve day being on the phone with everyone and anyone who had any state budget influence to save funding for one of the projects I was responsible for. Needless to say, that was not a relaxing holiday. It was probably a nice distraction from the stress of visiting family. As I look at it now, between both work and family, there was never a reprieve. There were so few moments alone with my soul in those days; I cannot fathom it now.

I remember after work, I ran. I ran so hard to keep my body looking a certain way. I ran so hard to shut off the repeating thoughts in my brain. Then, post-run, my husband and I would likely argue over dinner. Next we would collapse into the couch, “relaxing” with booze and Netflix. I would wake up a stress basket and do it all over again, like Groundhog Day.

As a married, working woman, “relaxation” also included Saturday college football games and more booze. Sundays were spent lying on the couch in hangover misery. Monday morning would start the cycle all over again.

We’d also take vacations. Nice ones, maybe two to four times a year. We would visit exotic locales and stay in nice hotels. The time I was actually relaxed during any of this: zero minutes and zero seconds.

Part of me was always still at work. Other parts were always struggling to meet the societal standards of what it meant to be as a wife, successful employee, daughter, and what, as a woman, my body should look like – hint: super skinny super model. My husband was never happy with me either. We didn’t have sex enough. I did not cook enough. What I cooked was awful. The list goes on.

I was always supposed to be giving more and more of myself to everyone around me. No matter how much I gave, it was never enough. The pressure was killing me slowly. The opportunities for pure relaxation did not exist. The opportunity to really dive deep into allowing self-love to radiate to the edges of my existence – you have to be kidding. There was no time or space for such nonsense.

When I went through my adult re-awakening - if you read Becoming Sar’h: Book One, you already know I was awake as a child and then went into some sort of slumber - I no longer had the job or the husband. My father passed away on May 3, 2012. Even in the intense grief, which lasted three solid years, I was a thousand times more relaxed in the freedom of being jobless and single and not worrying every minute of each day if today would be the day my dad died. Yet, what I was feeling was relief not relaxation.

Because there was part of me still in stress, I wasn’t truly relaxed. Relaxation seems to be one of those absolutes. You are, or you aren’t. It is not something you work at, but rather create a supportive environment to allow relaxation to flow into your life and existence. Relaxation is a sense, a state of being, rather than an emotional or mental state, for me.

Sar’h, the name I use to identify my soul voice, asked me, human Lauren, as I lay on the couch while taking a break from packing, “When do you feel the most relaxed?”

I was surprised by my first answer, not so much from the second.
“When I am with clients – one on one,” I answered.
“That’s strange. Why is that?” I asked to clarify.

I realized for my clients I master up. I am open, clear, energetically aware, and completely aligned. I bring all parts of myself together – the whole team, if you will – in total love, honor, and compassion for the person in front of me, who is:

• Boldly courageous enough to show up unfiltered and amazingly vulnerable.
• Completely committed to their journey of self-discovery, no ifs, ands, or buts.
• Beyond beautiful in all facets and aspects of who they are at that moment.

Clients show up to their soul sessions in their soul space. They bring their imperfect human qualities with them and experiences of all lifetimes and in between human lifetimes. The person in front of me is so overwhelmingly beautiful to me I often fight back tears of love and honor for that person until after the session when I let the tears rip.

“Why is it so beautiful to me?” I ask myself.

“Because I see my own magnificence reflected back to me.”

When I shared this with Sar’h, she did not say anything but energetically nodded in confirmation that I understood something.

“What if I approached every single person I came across is like a client reflecting back to me the love of SELF? What if I viewed everyone I came across at the soul level? What if I saw everyone in their own unique, innate mastery? Would I begin to see myself in a different light, as a result?”

I asked myself these questions and allowed an answer to flow in response. I am a huge fan of asking questions and observing what comes up. I highly recommend it to anyone, in any situation.

The way I perceive myself when I am working with a client is nothing but the total love, honor, and compassion that I sense for the person in front of me, reflected back to me. It’s a mirror of love for all parties involved.

There was certainly a gold realization nugget in there for me, and something I will explore further on this journey. If it doesn’t make sense now, it will later as is the case with most realizations. I’m sure you can relate to the following - You know something is there but can’t quite put our human finger on it yet. Or you sense it, but the words have not yet fully formed in your throat.

My other answer was sort of a given. I feel most relaxed when I am alone, in motion  - walking, driving, surfing - and when I am with my dog. Well, that’s certainly taken care of with this trip ahead of me.

In my alone space, I don’t have to worry that my energy is too big for a space. I expand. I don’t have to worry if I am following some sort of protocol for manners or behavior. I allow myself to see and sense energy designs and describe them aloud to Ollie, who seems to understand everything I say. I am completely understood by my soul and by whatever ascended master chooses to visit me at the moment.

Furthermore, I can have a conversation with the master in my backseat – sorry, Master M, Ollie always rides shotgun – and not worry about appearing insane.

As I fill up my coffee cup to head back into packing, I sense all of these energetic strands, weaving together in a crystalline spider web.

“It is the cobwebs of creation, if you will,” I heard Master M whisper in my right ear.

I see I am the creator – the spider – spinning the strands of self-love.

I realize putting the right words to this experience over the next month is a huge undertaking. I sigh, finish my coffee, and throw some last minute things into the truck for the multisensory journey ahead. I don’t know what it will look like. There are only two promises I make: It will not be boring, and I will write about.

The rest is up to you and me, independently, on how we move into perceiving ourselves through the lens of self-love.

READER REFLECTION

Breathe deeply and create an open a dialogue between your human self and your soul self, if you choose. With each deep breath, you connect the relationship between you soul and human parts further. Allow you human to address your soul, allow the soul to respond in it’s own language. Maybe you hear words or music. Maybe you see images or feel sensations. Maybe you simply feel gnost, or inner knowing, your soul is receiving your message. In this open space, you can ask any questions to your soul. You can state any human need to your soul. This is you, your best friend, you.

• When was the last time I felt totally relaxed within myself, free of external stimuli?
• What could I alter, if anything, to create a supportive environment for complete relaxation?
• What external factors play into my ability to relax within myself?
• What is occurring internally that keeps me from complete relaxation?
• Besides relaxation what is essential for me as I move into deeper awareness of SELF and expand into self-love?

Observe and make notes from the soul space, which is never critical, if you choose.