Anyone who knows me even a tiny bit knows there is no greater human experience for me than a travel adventure – especially one with my dog, Ollie. While one never has to leave the comfort of their own couch to go on the grandest journey available to us – the journey back to SELF – I tend to gravitate toward the expanse of the combination of discomfort and sensual stimulation I receive from a good, old-fashioned road trip.

I also love any adventure where I can drive my truck solo and take my dog along. Having a car and no concrete plans equals the ultimate sovereign travel experience. No planes to catch, agendas to follow, or people pleasing of any sort. Doesn’t that sound grand?

Ollie and I are about to embark on yet another road trip on Monday, weaving west to the Pacific Coast of America, and I’m choosing to go deep into the awareness of an internal journey as well. This will be an experience that allows my human desire to interact with changing physical landscapes and internal desire for self-realization, or deeper awareness of SELF, to merge and spiral in whatever way it shows up without letting the human self try to control it.

A couple weeks ago, I was translating a message from Ascended Master El Morya for a friend and client choosing the TRIPLE E = Embodied Enlightenment Experience. In the session Master M said the following:
"Embodied enlightenment is synonymous with self-love."

Wow! What he meant was, allowing completely undiluted, unfiltered love of SELF is essential in the embodied enlightenment experience. Now anyone choosing the triple E already knows allowing love to enter our perception of SELF is part of the experience, yet Master M says many have been holding back, including me.

"It has been the case that many of you are only allowing the self-love to drip like a leaky faucet. One of the major reasons you don’t allow the sink drip to turn into a fire hose unleashed is fear: fear of flying right on out of your body, flying right on out of existence (also known as the fear of death), and fear of losing something you have held onto to for so long.

If it is not this fear, whatever it is holding you back, whatever you continue to grasp at, to attach onto, whatever is keeping you from the flow of self-love, that is something you must answer for yourself.

Let’s address the first fear. Most of us here know, even in the absence of a physical body, you continue to exist. You deeply know death is an illusion. You understand your soul’s consciousness continues on from lifetime to lifetime and in between lives. So let’s cross that off the list.

Another fear was that you have come this far to experience embodied enlightenment in physical form, in this lifetime, and you don’t want to pop before that happens.

You think if you allow that fire hose of self-love, you might ‘pop’ so quickly you leave the body on accident. And that was a valid concern in the past, in another point in time and space.

But I am telling you right here, right now, you no longer need to fear it. You can turn the fire hose of self-love on and dive right on into your embodied enlightenment experience. So go ahead. Let the fire hose rip!"

“Say no more, Master M. I’m ready!”  
I waited until the session was over to scream it out loud.

Beginning March 13th and running through April 13th, 2017, I’m going to write a journal entry a day, sharing Ollie and my adventures both on the road trip and exploring what self-love means for me in the embodied enlightenment experience, or triple E.  I am overjoyed you have chosen to join us for the ride!

Each day the post will include reader reflections. Should you wish to use them in creation your own space to return to Self, is up to you. 

TO THE READER (DISCLAIMER):

The author of this book and website does not dispense medical or psychological advice or recommend the use of any specific technique or treatment without the advice of a physician or mental health professional. The information contained herein is only the author’s personal experiences. In the event you use the information contained in this book for yourself, the author and publisher do not assume responsibility for your actions or outcomes. This is your journey, and you are responsible for all creations in your life.

READER REFLECTION

​If you choose, take a few deep breaths. Connecting the soul and the human selves with each breath. Allow your human self to sense the unconditional love it holds for you, the human and all your perceived imperfections. Allow your human to trust the unconditional love and wisdom received from the soul. In this state of connection and alignment, ask yourself the following:

• In what ways do I sense the unconditional love the soul has for me - the perfectly imperfect human expression of SELF?
• Am I able to trust the wisdom of my soul? Why or why not?
• When, how, and why will I choose to allow self-love to flow freely in the universe of me – in all my parts of that make up SELF?
• How, if at all, will allowing self-love to flow unfiltered through my BEING change my external surroundings?
• How will it change my internal relationship with the multiplicity of who I am?

As I am packing up my Tacoma truck with all the trip necessities – bedding, surfboard and wet suits, camping stove, books, clothes, etcetera, I am simultaneously pondering what it truly means to relax.

Master M once said to me, “Lauren, self-realization is not a race. You know that. However, here’s a little secret to share with your human self. The more you relax, the quicker realizations come to you.”

More than anything right now, as I fold up my clothes, I sense and know, for me, relaxation is essential for moving into deeper awareness and into self-love. Relaxation is one of those magnificent sensations that feels ridiculously good to the human – physically, mentally, and emotionally - and the master or soul self, as well.

Sometimes what feels good to one part of self, feels uncomfortable to the other.  For example, closing a chapter in your human life and moving on often feels expansive to the soul and comes with, at least, a little resistance from the human. Relaxation is a golden ticket for all parties in the universe of you.

Like any human moving from awakening to an embodied enlightenment experience, I decide look back at what relaxation looked like when I was living a singular human life and what it looks like now in the multiplicity of my existence – human and soul. Comparison with observation rather than judgment can provide a wealth of insight to anyone stepping into their mastery.

In my singular human life, I worked somewhere between forty and sixty hours a week. Even the forty-hour weeks were hard on me. My company expected me to be on top of everything, so I was – at all times. Even when I was not physically present, I was thinking about work, dreaming about sending and responding to emails, and stressing over decisions made.

In my life as a non-profit lobbyist, I remember one Christmas Eve day being on the phone with everyone and anyone who had any state budget influence to save funding for one of the projects I was responsible for. Needless to say, that was not a relaxing holiday. It was probably a nice distraction from the stress of visiting family. As I look at it now, between both work and family, there was never a reprieve. There were so few moments alone with my soul in those days; I cannot fathom it now.

I remember after work, I ran. I ran so hard to keep my body looking a certain way. I ran so hard to shut off the repeating thoughts in my brain. Then, post-run, my husband and I would likely argue over dinner. Next we would collapse into the couch, “relaxing” with booze and Netflix. I would wake up a stress basket and do it all over again, like Groundhog Day.

As a married, working woman, “relaxation” also included Saturday college football games and more booze. Sundays were spent lying on the couch in hangover misery. Monday morning would start the cycle all over again.

We’d also take vacations. Nice ones, maybe two to four times a year. We would visit exotic locales and stay in nice hotels. The time I was actually relaxed during any of this: zero minutes and zero seconds.

Part of me was always still at work. Other parts were always struggling to meet the societal standards of what it meant to be as a wife, successful employee, daughter, and what, as a woman, my body should look like – hint: super skinny super model. My husband was never happy with me either. We didn’t have sex enough. I did not cook enough. What I cooked was awful. The list goes on.

I was always supposed to be giving more and more of myself to everyone around me. No matter how much I gave, it was never enough. The pressure was killing me slowly. The opportunities for pure relaxation did not exist. The opportunity to really dive deep into allowing self-love to radiate to the edges of my existence – you have to be kidding. There was no time or space for such nonsense.

When I went through my adult re-awakening - if you read Becoming Sar’h: Book One, you already know I was awake as a child and then went into some sort of slumber - I no longer had the job or the husband. My father passed away on May 3, 2012. Even in the intense grief, which lasted three solid years, I was a thousand times more relaxed in the freedom of being jobless and single and not worrying every minute of each day if today would be the day my dad died. Yet, what I was feeling was relief not relaxation.

Because there was part of me still in stress, I wasn’t truly relaxed. Relaxation seems to be one of those absolutes. You are, or you aren’t. It is not something you work at, but rather create a supportive environment to allow relaxation to flow into your life and existence. Relaxation is a sense, a state of being, rather than an emotional or mental state, for me.

Sar’h, the name I use to identify my soul voice, asked me, human Lauren, as I lay on the couch while taking a break from packing, “When do you feel the most relaxed?”

I was surprised by my first answer, not so much from the second.
“When I am with clients – one on one,” I answered.
“That’s strange. Why is that?” I asked to clarify.

I realized for my clients I master up. I am open, clear, energetically aware, and completely aligned. I bring all parts of myself together – the whole team, if you will – in total love, honor, and compassion for the person in front of me, who is:

• Boldly courageous enough to show up unfiltered and amazingly vulnerable.
• Completely committed to their journey of self-discovery, no ifs, ands, or buts.
• Beyond beautiful in all facets and aspects of who they are at that moment.

Clients show up to their soul sessions in their soul space. They bring their imperfect human qualities with them and experiences of all lifetimes and in between human lifetimes. The person in front of me is so overwhelmingly beautiful to me I often fight back tears of love and honor for that person until after the session when I let the tears rip.

“Why is it so beautiful to me?” I ask myself.

“Because I see my own magnificence reflected back to me.”

When I shared this with Sar’h, she did not say anything but energetically nodded in confirmation that I understood something.

“What if I approached every single person I came across is like a client reflecting back to me the love of SELF? What if I viewed everyone I came across at the soul level? What if I saw everyone in their own unique, innate mastery? Would I begin to see myself in a different light, as a result?”

I asked myself these questions and allowed an answer to flow in response. I am a huge fan of asking questions and observing what comes up. I highly recommend it to anyone, in any situation.

The way I perceive myself when I am working with a client is nothing but the total love, honor, and compassion that I sense for the person in front of me, reflected back to me. It’s a mirror of love for all parties involved.

There was certainly a gold realization nugget in there for me, and something I will explore further on this journey. If it doesn’t make sense now, it will later as is the case with most realizations. I’m sure you can relate to the following - You know something is there but can’t quite put our human finger on it yet. Or you sense it, but the words have not yet fully formed in your throat.

My other answer was sort of a given. I feel most relaxed when I am alone, in motion  - walking, driving, surfing - and when I am with my dog. Well, that’s certainly taken care of with this trip ahead of me.

In my alone space, I don’t have to worry that my energy is too big for a space. I expand. I don’t have to worry if I am following some sort of protocol for manners or behavior. I allow myself to see and sense energy designs and describe them aloud to Ollie, who seems to understand everything I say. I am completely understood by my soul and by whatever ascended master chooses to visit me at the moment.

Furthermore, I can have a conversation with the master in my backseat – sorry, Master M, Ollie always rides shotgun – and not worry about appearing insane.

As I fill up my coffee cup to head back into packing, I sense all of these energetic strands, weaving together in a crystalline spider web.

“It is the cobwebs of creation, if you will,” I heard Master M whisper in my right ear.

I see I am the creator – the spider – spinning the strands of self-love.

I realize putting the right words to this experience over the next month is a huge undertaking. I sigh, finish my coffee, and throw some last minute things into the truck for the multisensory journey ahead. I don’t know what it will look like. There are only two promises I make: It will not be boring, and I will write about.

The rest is up to you and me, independently, on how we move into perceiving ourselves through the lens of self-love.

READER REFLECTION

Breathe deeply and create an open a dialogue between your human self and your soul self, if you choose. With each deep breath, you connect the relationship between you soul and human parts further. Allow you human to address your soul, allow the soul to respond in it’s own language. Maybe you hear words or music. Maybe you see images or feel sensations. Maybe you simply feel gnost, or inner knowing, your soul is receiving your message. In this open space, you can ask any questions to your soul. You can state any human need to your soul. This is you, your best friend, you.

• When was the last time I felt totally relaxed within myself, free of external stimuli?
• What could I alter, if anything, to create a supportive environment for complete relaxation?
• What external factors play into my ability to relax within myself?
• What is occurring internally that keeps me from complete relaxation?
• Besides relaxation what is essential for me as I move into deeper awareness of SELF and expand into self-love?

Observe and make notes from the soul space, which is never critical, if you choose.

​I headed out of Longmont, Colorado on a seemingly sunny day. It was 10 a.m., and the trip shined like a diamond in front of me. As soon as Ollie and I crossed the Wyoming border it became apparent we were driving into a storm. The grey, swirling clouds seemed to reach the heavens themselves and touch down on the stretch of pavement before me.

As we drove further into the darkness, the winds began howl. I held onto the steering wheel even tighter to keep my truck within the yellow lines. Next the snow began to fall in large, heavy chunks.

“I’ve never liked Wyoming much. The energy always feels dense and seems to have jagged edges even when the sun is shining,” I told Ollie who was fast asleep in the front passenger seat.

The winds began to blow from different directions, criss-crossing each other. Two birds flying above my truck seemed to be flying in circles, stuck in the opposition of winds creating a whirlpool in the sky.

It reminded me of two fish I once saw on a scuba dive in Sabang, Philippines. We were nine meters deep in rough waters, making our way around an underwater island.

I swam at the front of the line behind the dive master who asked us all to stay close to the reef so we wouldn’t get dragged out in the brutal ocean currents surrounding us. We were making our way around the underwater island, and I was holding onto my dive partner’s hand for dear life, feeling the pull of the current pulling at my fins.

Then the dive master stopped. Because he couldn’t talk under water, he pointed. There were two small fish, spiraling in the current. He motioned for the scuba group to turn around, and we made our way back to the boat. Once we got aboard, he told me in broken English the fish were his sign to go no further.

Seems to me sensing is not simply making life more sensual but also a guidepost whether to move forward, turn around, or create a new path. I watched the birds above me make a new path.

I should also note that driving is an interesting task for me. Since I was a child I could see and sense energies around me, but something shifted when I moved to Colorado in January 2016. I began to see energetic designs physically. Just as one would see a stop sign, I see energetic designs – the molecular makeup of whatever is in front of me – in clear, physical form. It would come and go at first. Now it is a twenty-four-hour-a-day way of sensing and perceiving. I have become accustomed to it during the last year and would certainly miss it if it went away.

So here I was, driving in forty plus mile per hour winds in a mini blizzard, watching the energy designs, and birds making their way through the wind. I began to cry. Tears poured out of my eyes. It’s just so amazing to be alive, right here, right now taking it all in. And, this life - for all linear time purposes - is my last time to do it in physical form on this planet. I wanted to take in every last bit of it in. Not just for me, but for Enola.

I cannot drive the western United States without thinking about Enola. Enola is one of my closest life incarnations. She/I was born on November 25, 1898 - my birthday in this life is November 27th, 1980, although my due date was the 25th - in Chicago, Illinois.

Enola’s greatest love was playing the piano, which she taught herself very early on in life. Her second love was adventure. This life seemed full of promise to be a woman at the turn of the twentieth century. She could wear pants instead of stifling dresses. Women were allowed to play music. Trains, which she loved, provided transportation options not found in previous incarnations, and she knew this invention called a car would occur in her lifetime.

Now I know lives run simultaneously, but I am going to talk about them in a linear timeline for a bit to keep our human minds with us on the journey. I write about Enola in greater detail in Becoming Sar’h: Book Two, but for the sake of brevity, I will only summarize here.

Enola attended college in Kentucky and then moved down to San Angelo, Texas. She loved the expanse and the untamed sense of the Western United States. In Texas, through the efforts of her oldest sister, Helen, she volunteered in the Suffrage movement. For non-American readers, that was the movement that gained women the right to vote in the United States.

Enola taught piano lessons but desperately wanted to play on stage and to play ragtime and jazz, not the classical music she taught over and over to her students. The 1920s were an amazing time for music, and Enola was thrilled.

About that time, she married Carl. She was not in love with him but loved him dearly, the way you would a best friend. Carl knew her. He liked her tomboy nature and agreed to go out to California so she could play in a Vaudeville theater. In her family, you had to have a husband to go out to California, although it still wasn’t acceptable to want to perform in a vaudeville theater. Her family called her a gypsy and often made fun of her, but never her sisters Alice and Helen.

Enola was twenty-five years old when she and Carl made the long journey out to California. It was not a comfortable trip. The car broke down many times. The weather was wild, but Enola was madly in love with the Wild West and all its promises. She was in love with the discomfort of travel, just like me, and what it brought out in the people around her.

I don’t have room here to write Enola’s whole story. You will have to wait for the next book. However, I will tell you where Enola’s story ends and mine begins. After some disappointments, Enola and Carl left California. In her grief that the world was not what she wanted it to be, she found solace in the Theosophy movement.

She held meetings in her home and discussed in great detail Madame Blavatsky’s books. She discovered Yogananda who also made the journey to California while she was there. The self-realization information they provided seemed so familiar, so accessible to her. She remembered everything through reading their publications and even thought one day she’d like to write about it as well.

When Enola died in 1936, at the age of thirty seven, she did so with the awareness of where she was going – back to her angelic family – and she knew she would come back to Earth when it was safe for a woman to travel alone, to be anything she wanted to be. Enola also knew she would incarnate in the same blood line, and asked her sister Helen to set up some sort of investment for her that would pay off in her future life. Money set aside for travel, for freedom.

Enola was going to come back to the West and experience it on her own terms. Not having very much money in her life, Enola saw money as one thing - freedom. Forget fancy things. In her eyes, money was the fuel for adventure alone.

In this Lauren life, Helen was my great-grandmother, my mother’s paternal grandmother. That makes Enola my great-great-aunt. Helen stuck true to her word. Right after my father died, Enola’s investment came through. It is not retirement money, it is not millionaire money, but it is a little monthly stipend that pays for my trips. I’m in awe that Enola had the awareness to set something up like this, and that Helen followed through. I come from a line of amazing women!

I’m finally out of the snowstorm and the density of Wyoming and back into this present physical reality. I round the corner into Utah’s Ogden Canyon. It is one of the most stunning pieces of highway in the United States. The sun is shining through the trees. I have the windows down to smell the fresh air. Ollie wakes up from his nap to join in the sensory experience. A train clanks by me on the right, and I think of Enola and everything she has done for me. I sense how much I love her. I love her struggles, her honesty, and her love of life.

I realize I am loving a deep part of me and a previous (simultaneous in the absence of linear time) experience on Earth. I witness and sense how truly grand it is to realize SELF at this level.
 
READER REFLECTION
​
Join me in an experiment, if you choose.
What if you went an entire day being fully present?
Not only present in this physical reality, but also fully present as you move through your internal journey as well.
What places do you visit outside physical reality in any given moment?
What do you see, sense, and know about yourself in those various realities?
Can you feel into the edges and corners of your existence?
How far do they extend?
Can you feel into all parts of self from all lifetimes?
Details are unnecessary. Words are unnecessary. Sensing yourself is.

​Yesterday Ollie and I drove from Ogden, Utah to Bend, Oregon. The Utah and Idaho portions of the trip paled in comparison to driving the public lands of Oregon. To date, I believe it is one of the best places to watch a sunset and sunrise. The colors are magnificent, the landscape expansive and uninterrupted by manmade creations, and the wildlife in this area is unmoved by the few cars that pass through.

I even had to stop the car to allow a whole herd of deer to cross the road – deer that were unhurried, as I was the visitor on their land. As I was waiting for the last deer to cross the road, I opened the window for Ollie to watch and smell what was going on, and I pondered the point of my whole trip, which is really the point of this lifetime.

As humans, we come with a built in chip to desire things. It was a survival mechanism, at first. A desire for food, a desire for water, and later, a desire for love kept us alive and the world populated.

“How many lifetimes have I experienced the deep desire to be loved and to really be seen by another?” I asked myself.  

It starts with our parents if we are lucky enough to have them around, and then as we get older we desire a romantic partner. Yet, no matter what partner showed up in my life, it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t satisfied with anyone. They didn’t know how to love me the way I needed to be loved, I would say. Of course, I did not even know how to love myself in the way I needed. How could anyone else?

It was the archetype story of Isis and Adam, as Adamus St. Germain - an ascended master who shares through the Crimson Circle organization - explains in his ‘Wound of Adam’ material. Adam tells Isis he loves her. He does physical things for her and makes love to her, and says, “Isis, I love you. Do you not love me too?”

Isis responds, “Yes, Adam, I do love you, but I need to love myself first.”

Adam is wounded, and later he tries to punish Isis for being rejected. The story goes on, and it’s likely you have played both roles at one point or another.

If there’s anything I have experienced in this life intensely and repeatedly, it is this:

When I feel a deep desire for something outside of myself - whenever I long for external connection - whether it is an understanding friendship or a deep romantic connection - I must find it within myself first. Even the desire to make passionate love to someone is really a desire to make love to myself – something I can say I have mastered to date.

It wasn’t pretty, but for two straight weeks in January, I found myself longing to be understood by others, to be supported in my business by the conscious community around me in Colorado. You could smell the desperation. I wasn’t getting what I needed from my friends, and they were conscious, so why could they not see what I needed and desired?

Then on the night of February 3rd, after dinner and wine with members of my community, I went into a deep sleep. I woke suddenly at 3 a.m. feeling an intense passion.

“What was this passion for?” I asked.

It was for me, and I felt it permeate my body of consciousness. It rolled through the universe of myself – all parts. I sensed a passion, an attraction so intense for me, to know myself, to love myself, that I could not deny it anymore.

And so the idea for this journey – with a seed planted by Master M - was birthed from soul passion. It was an unwavering passion to internally explore who I AM, when I perceive myself through the sense of love. It’s one of those kinds of propositions, one of those opportunities to get to know yourself that you don’t turn down.

After nine hours of driving, dinner, and a beer later, I am laying in the hotel bed entirely relaxed. As I drift off to sleep, I see myself walking through a canyon that does not feel of this world. It is on a new earth in the absence of duality, linear time, and gravity.

I am walking alone  - Ollie is in his own bed and in his own dream at this point - through the canyon in complete love, peace, and more than anything, total expansion.

I sense the wholeness of who I AM. I sense the energy design of what wholeness looks like and what it means to me. I draw the energetic design in my virtual notebook so my human can remember when I wake up on old, physical, gravity-laden Earth, continuing on the journey.

Today I set out on the road, holding the energy design of wholeness within me, and exploring what it means to be a complete master of me, of Self.

As usual, it won't be boring. And, yes, I will write about it. 
 
READER REFLECTION
 
If you choose, first consciously breathe, bringing awareness to the natural connection between human and soul self, as well as all parts of the universe of you. You can ask the following questions or create your own, at any time.

• What have I deeply desired to receive from others, which I could not give myself?
• What has kept me from feeling incomplete?
• How is my ability to allow self-love related and/or connected to receiving love from others?

If you choose, move - with only awareness and no effort - into a time and space where you are in complete alignment – a space where you feel one with SELF.

Sense the difference between this space and where you were right before the shift.

What has changed? Can you sense any difference?

Observe – without judgment or criticism - how you move from the sense of oneness/ wholeness/ completion and back into the human desire to receive externally in your everyday life.

​Make notes, if you choose.

Yesterday Ollie and I made our way from Bend to Waldport, Oregon, where the Alsea River meets the Pacific Ocean. We took the road less traveled, which took us through piney, mountainous woods and dropped us softly into the lush, temperate Willamette National Forest.
​
As we wove through the winding roads, I sensed into what I was creating for myself on this journey. I sensed with each curve I took on the road, with each turn of the steering wheel, that I was weaving the cobwebs of creation for the experiences that lay ahead of me.

Weaving the cobwebs of creation is a concept I have been experiencing and sensually examining for some months now.

For me, it is about experiencing creative senses in addition to perceiving senses. Of course, the two go hand and hand. We use our perceiving senses to get a sensual lay of the land, and at the same time, we can access our creative senses, which we can consciously use to build and experience our reality, minute by minute, second by second.

As masters of Self, we are spiders spinning our own creative webs, weaving the energy designs which will attract and manifest anything we dream or desire in our creative cobwebs. The energetic design of the web determines what we will ‘catch’ and ‘dine on’ in our lives, if you will.
​
For spiders, weaving a web is instinctual. As masters of our lives, creative senses also come from a place within our body of consciousness, within the universe of self, that is beyond the human mind and emotions - beyond even intuition and imagination, as creative senses are far more sophisticated. Creative senses come from the soul, or master self-from the core of who we truly are beyond singular human existence.

Spiders do not use rush or force when spinning their webs. Their movements are gentle, delicate, and precise.

Consciousness gives rise to precision. If we choose, we can be completely aware of the energetic designs of the cobwebs we are weaving. We can be as energetically precise –beyond human details – as we would like in our creative abilities.

And because we are bringing our human selves along in the embodied enlightenment experience, one way I like to bring my human on board is to immerse myself in the energetic designs of music. Here are a few of my favorite songs from the soundtrack of me, the master of SELF, weaving the cobwebs of my own creations…

• Songs My Mother Taught Me – Antonín Dvořák
• Nocturne op.9 No.2 – Frédéric Chopin
• Claire De Lune – Claude Debussy

Perhaps one of the grandest ways we can perceive the sense of self-love is through weaving the cobwebs of creation in our lives, or simply enjoying an amazing piece of music as we twist and turn down an empty highway running through a rainforest.

READER REFLECTIONS
 
Perhaps listen to one of the songs listed in the chapter, or music without words of your choosing. Breathe with the musical notes. Allow the song to dance and weave through your existence as you dive into each layer, each part of yourself.

• Sense and know what creation you are weaving into your life.
• What creations do you bring forth in all the realities of you?

You can choose to simply be here and dance within yourself, allowing the self-love to flow.
Later, if you choose, ask the following about your physical human life:
​

• Are my creations demonstrative of the unconditional love of SELF?
• How do my creations support you or distract me from the ineffable love of my soul holds for all parts of my existence?

After making my way to the coast, I met a friend in the town of Waldport, where she and her husband had parked their camper van at a friend’s house. We had a lovely dinner, and I was thankful for the company after so much time alone.

The next morning we went out to go musseling. That’s where you head to the beach and collect mussels from a sea rock to have for a meal. It was a wonderful adventure. The rain was coming down in sheets, and the wind was so strong I could barely keep my feet on the ground. We made our way down a slippery, rocky bluff. It was so hard to navigate Ollie had to stay in the car.

My surfing booties kept my feet from sliding and a borrowed yellow raincoat protected me from the intense Oregon coastal elements. I was handed a tool to remove the mussels from the rock, and we gathered the sea creatures for our lunch. As we gathered the last mussels, I watched the intense tides roll in, spitting across the rocks. Then we had to make the ascent up the cliffs with two buckets of mussels. No one said a word as we hopped into our dry, warm cars to head back to the local friend’s house.

It was a grand experience, one I will always remember, and the best kind of way for me to spend time with people – a shared outdoor activity, where I am experiencing rather than absorbing energies. I was beyond grateful.

However, that evening I was invited to join them at a friend’s shamanic gathering in a neighboring town. I knew I was not going to enjoy it, yet my soul voice indicated I should go and there was something to experience there. Besides, I had declared a couple weeks ago I was not going to spend my embodied enlightenment watching Netflix.

We walked into a full home. There must have been thirty people gathered in a circle. At first my human self wanted to roll her eyes and walk out of there. People looking for blessings and answers from outside themselves is no fun for me, the human.

The energy of seeking, of feeding on information ravenously, feels like nails on a chalkboard to me. Yet, I witnessed something inside me I had desired to see for sometime – letting go of a pattern I no longer wished to repeat - one of judging people who were still seeking externally. I was experiencing compassion – honoring everyone where they are in their soul journey without trying to change it. I was experiencing discernment - a sense of the soul - knowing what serves me and no longer serves me. 

The host introduced the shaman from Peru and translated his words. He also introduced a local man from a native tribe as a guest of honor. I guess non-indigenous people aren’t guests of honor these days, yet it is the soul who has so much to offer regardless of tribe, but my human digresses.

The local tribe representative played the flute beautifully, and when he spoke, he talked about holding onto ‘good’ energy and ridding oneself of the ‘bad’ energy. Now, if you are reading my books, you likely don’t operate in such dualistic manners. Nothing is as black and white as people make it out to be.

Yet my reaction was not typical. I was not internally rolling my eyes. Instead, I saw a large group of people who were having an experience, connecting with their Shamanic roots and past lifetimes, and I was not judgmental. I could hardly recognize this reaction in myself – it was true compassion, not forced compassion. It was not mental. It was compassion as a soul sense, which can still exist in the presence of, or absence of, human judgment. Again, nothing is so black and white in the multiplicity of SELF.

Next there was a fire ceremony, of which I have never been a big fan, and a potluck dinner. I love talking to people about what makes them tick and was really enjoying myself. I was talking to a woman, a fellow writer, when the shaman from Peru tugged on my sleeve. In broken English, he said, “You happy.” I nodded yes, I am.

He smiled and made a gesture to his heart. His energy told me it was very rare to see someone who was not looking for something from him. I thought how alone he must feel most of the time, traveling around the world ‘healing’ people. I was likely one of the few people he saw on his journey that didn’t need anything from him, who did not need to feed on his buffet of energy. We shared a moment, and I moved on circulating through the crowd. Then I hit my limit. I could feel myself absorbing the energy of others. It was not a rush or a panic. It was a knowing that it was time to leave now.

It was a familiar feeling I have experienced all of this life and many others. I absorb people's energy and reflect it back to them. It used to be debilitating, and now I see it as a gift, one I share with clients. It’s also what Master M does for me when I ask him questions. He does not answer. He shifts his energy to a certain frequency, which honors me finding the answer for myself. I learned to do the same for others from him, but there is one difference - his energy is not affected by it. Unlike me, he doesn’t have to go home and take a shower. Well, maybe on occasion, he corrects me.

Now, I never feel the need to take a shower after a client session. There has been an energetic exchange and a permission of sorts for me to reflect back to the client, so they can find the answers within. However, when I am in a group socially, there is not a direct energetic exchange. I do not have permission per say to tell them what their souls are screaming but they cannot hear. And it is not my place to tell someone, “Hey, your soul is dying to speak with you. Can you not hear it?”

I left the event thankful for the experience, especially for witnessing the compassion in my body of consciousness even when someone was rambling on about good versus bad energy - there is no such thing - it is all energy. I was grateful for the morning musseling with friends, whose energy was quite lovely to dance in, and for a once in a lifetime human experience.

Yet thirty people at a shamanic ceremony sent me to that familiar space of existence. I felt energetically dirty. Once again, I was in the shower, gently washing off the energy of others: their aspects, their dualistic concepts, their desperation to find validation and answers outside of themselves. I was scanning my body of consciousness, with ease I might add, for what was mine and what was not. It’s not a mental exercise but a sensual one I created to move me through this in a graceful way.

I have come a long way from even being able to sit in a group that large, with that much seeking. Yet I realized at some point I would not have to wash it away. I would not have to do a sensual scan for what is mine and what isn’t mine. I would simply know and be.

Even more so, I realized how much I truly love to be alone, dancing and making love to my own energy. Today I am heading to my A-frame beach cabin. It will be total seclusion. For some, the idea of being alone with themselves for a week would be terrifying. I have been in this space of my life. When you are alone without distraction you have to face all aspects and facets of yourself. For me, time and space alone is now a joy, a gift I am giving myself.

So where’s all the self love in this. Well, today it’s simply an honoring for the self-realizations I have experienced and an honoring and excitement for the self-realizations coming down the pike. For now, I’m going to sit in the compassion I truly felt last night, and glow.

Compassion is a sense that the world beat out of me. We live in a society where brain is king, and brains are in constant criticism and judgment of their surroundings. The soul knows no judgment or criticism. It knows love, honor, and compassion, instead. Now, I have created a renewed compassion for those around me and myself. I am choosing to enjoy it.
 
READER REFLECTIONS
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Breathe and connect with your soul in deeper awareness.
Ask you soul to show you your own unique experience for determining what is yours within your body of consciousness and what does not belong to you but may be hanging around.
Ask your soul to reveal to you in words, images, sensation, or other forms of communication how you are impacted by the people you interact with in all realities.
In this space of expansion, ask yourself:
How do I manage energy in my life?
In what cases am I aware/ unaware of how I interact with external energy?
In what way do I connect with my internal energy source?

Ollie and I woke up to the sun shining bright. In Colorado, a state with more than three hundred sunny days per year, it’s easy to take it for granted, but not here in the Pacific Northwest. It has been raining so hard for the past few days I thought I was going to have to call Noah to build another ark.
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It was a pleasant surprise to see a yellow object glowing in the sky, so I cut my writing time yesterday. Basically, Ollie was howling at the door, “Let’s gooooo!” So we did.

Ollie and I drove from beach to beach before our cabin was ready. We played in the sand. Ollie found some other dogs to frolic with. Oregon beaches are super dog friendly and a leash wasn’t in sight, which was welcome news. Let’s just say Professor Ollie does not enjoy a leash. That’s for dogs, he says. Clearly he is not dog - shush, don’t tell him.

We shared a really fresh fish and chips lunch and headed to the grocery store to stock up. Tea in place of wine and vegan in place of the road/ party food I had been living on for the past few days.

For those of you who do not know, in my soul sessions after the face-to face meeting, I ‘dream walk’ clients into a deeper awareness of soul and human communication. It is often easier to integrate and connect to the multiplicity of SELF while sleeping as we are usually more relaxed and less mental and emotional in the dream state.

Like dream walking a baby into this world or someone leaving the physical body, I walk humans back to their souls in life – in what happens in between – in the dream state. I usually do not like to drink an excess of alcohol, have sex with someone else, or eat animal products during this time. Then I go back to burgers, beer, and sex pretty quickly.

As I have taken two weeks off from any client work, I am my own client in my rented Seal Rock, Oregon cabin. I was my first client, and I certainly will be my last. I enjoy the return to self. I expand in dream walking Lauren and Sar’h, the voice of my soul, together once again.

“But aren’t they already together?” you ask.

Yes, and there is always so much more to explore together. Sar’h will show me something new from time to time.

“Show me that which is already there but I cannot see yet,” I tell Sar’h as I drift off to sleep. It’s always amazing what I discover with my renewed sense of human awareness.

Furthermore, I would say the most interesting internal discovery as of late is that the lines between human, soul, and facets have become quite thin. It’s not so easy to distinguish between the many, the multiple that make up SELF anymore.

Integration seems like the natural progression, so it feels quite good to have the lines blurred. Maybe that’s why it is so hard to go into a house full of thirty people. I can’t simply pull out the polite human facet and put it forth for the party anymore. That old trick feels much too fragmented right now. It’s concepts and realizations like these that I hope to dive deep into during the next week.

Ollie and I found our cabin late in the afternoon. It’s absolutely perfect. The windows look out to the gently roaring Pacific Ocean and neon green garden paths weave the property, where Ollie is allowed to roam free. He’s in heaven after being in motels for the past week.

Also, I’m going to be honest. I spent yesterday completely ‘energetically hung over’ from the shamanic gathering. It was not the single beer I had at lunch or the one I had with dinner. It was too much energy in one place, and many people not aware enough to hold responsibility for their energy.

Judgment free - how can I judge when the awareness is not even present enough to think about energetic dynamics and management. How can I expect someone to manage their energy, when they don’t even realize what they put out and what they receive? Back to honoring people exactly where they are without trying to change it. Ahhh, compassion feels so much more expanded.

In other communities, like those of you reading this, I am spoiled a bit. A higher percentage of you understand energy management and energetic dynamics. I am not going to teach that here but simply say all the energy you need for anything and everything is inside of you. You do not need to beg, steal, or borrow energy from anyone or anything outside yourself.

Back to the energetic hangover: I felt like I could barely function in the human world. I even wore my baseball cap inside the grocery store to block the energy of other humans. I’m all about making eye contact and chatting with strangers 99 percent of the time. Not yesterday. I was on OPE (Other People's Energy) overload!!! I haven't felt that in ages- not at this level.

So what does a master do when they are energetically hung over in a marijuana-legal state? This one started a fire in the hearth, got a little stoned, and opened up the cabin doors to allow the roar of the ocean to permeate the house.
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I breathed a deep sigh of relief and sensed gratitude for my magical cabin creation for the next week. It should be an interesting journey into the blurred lines of SELF. I look forward to what I might I discover as I dance in this grand space of awareness. I am so grateful I gave myself this gift of solitude. It truly is a pleasure to know me.
 
READER REFLECTIONS

Using the breath to bring awareness between all parts of the universe of you, consider the following questions. If you think you have done this already, then you already know how to do it, and can apply it to your current situation.
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• What does the concept - energy management - mean to me?
• In what ways am I filling myself up with energy?
• From what various sources do I gather energy and use it?
• In what life situations have I attempted to feed off the energy of others?
• In what life situations have people fed off my energy?
• How does energy management relate to the self-love experience?

The rain returned yesterday, and it was a perfect day to spend in rest and relaxation. If you’ve read my book, you know that when Master M reintroduced himself to me in October of 2013 – it’s strange to think that was only three and a half years ago – one of the first things he said to me was I needed to BE, not DO.

Let’s just say since then, I have become a lot more accustomed to being and now doing is the part that I feel some resistance to. For example, yesterday I had to handle some tax matters. I put the business facet of Self forth and got it done. I still felt energetically hung over from all the stimulus of the previous days, so I sat in allowance of the hazy feeling that shadowed over my existence.

In the old days of Lauren I would have fought the haze. I would have done a lot of doing to get rid of the lazy, hazy feeling.

If there’s something I have experienced and internalized, it is that if you relax and allow - some people use the word surrender - all will take care of itself. It just might take some linear time to complete itself. And it did.

About three days of solitude, allowing, and dream walking myself, I woke up this morning back in the clear space, with the inner knowing everything in my body of consciousness belongs to me at this given moment. That will certainly help my writing game. Usually on these days, I don't do any writing, so that was interesting.

It seems to me the haze, the lack of clarity, could easily be mistaken for something un-pure. Purification seems to be everywhere these days. My Facebook feed was filled up yesterday with energetic reports about purification, and the shamanic fire ceremony was also sold as a purification fire.

How old is the concept that we, as humans, are not pure and therefore must purify ourselves? No wonder I felt the need to shower after the event. It wasn’t mine. I was feeling the sensation of being dirty, of being un-pure from the people around me. I even saw a person bathing in the fire fumes, using their hands to ‘wash’ the smoke over them.

Yet there is nothing un-pure about any of us. We are all made up of light, dark, and everything in between. We've all had lives as the warrior and the wounded, as the persecuted and the persecutor. There is nothing to fix, clean, or get rid of. There is integration, if you choose, and we can allow all of it, so-called pure or un-pure, whatever.

The concept of purification is outdated. In the new energy, you are either aware or not aware yet at the human level and it is usually it’s a combination of both. Awareness comes with compassion, an honoring of the now whatever that looks like. I consider myself an extremely aware person.

However, I know there’s a whole lot out there beyond the edges of my awareness that I have not yet realized. That’s exciting for me. It’s a land of awareness to discover, explore, and play in. Not lessons I need to learn or something to beat myself up about not knowing yet. Uncharted territory lights me up inside. My inner explorer is always ready to pack its bags for the next experience.

Today, I will conclude with the following:

Perhaps, a true facet of perceiving oneself through the lens of love includes knowing there is nothing inside of you that needs to be cleaned, purified, buried, or released. Perhaps, it includes knowing you are whole and complete now, whether you are pleasant and positive or downright irritable and a little miserable. Perhaps self-love is a total acceptance of where you are right here, right now, without trying to change it.

Let’s take that a bit further:

Sure, most of you know this on a mental level, but is it something that is permeating your entire body of consciousness? For example, I have felt for quite sometime that there was nothing to be purified in me. However, in the past few days of relaxation, I moved this notion through parts of myself that it had not reached, parts of myself on the far edges of my awareness.

That's the glory of it all. We can take concepts that we understand completely and use the motion of awareness to spread it like butter on toast to the very edges of the landscape of SELF, which for me actually stretches the edges of awareness out even further. Like a car driving in the fog, the headlights only show you so far ahead. One has to keep driving to see what lies beyond the fog.
 
READER REFLECTIONS

My self-love realization for today was:

• A facet of perceiving oneself through the lens of love includes knowing there is nothing inside of you that needs to be cleaned, purified, buried, or released.
• A facet of perceiving oneself through the lens of love includes knowing you are whole and complete now, whether you are pleasant and positive or downright irritable and a little miserable.
• Self-love is a total acceptance of where you are right here, right now, without trying to change it.

What was your unique self-love realization today?

Do these concepts resonate with your soul and human experiences?

​Share you own story below or with a trusted friend, if you choose.