Choosing to stay soft in hard worlds is no small task.
As a sensitive being, the world has provided me many opportunities to harden myself in order to stay in it.
Most of the time, I took them.
Antidepressants made me feel less.
Drugs made me feel nothing.
Success made me feel like I had control.
Sarcasm made me feel intelligent and superior.
In this recent exploration of groups, systems, judgements, and discernment, I dove deep into the aspect that wanted to judge myself and judge the people in the groups I belonged to.
I watched and witness myself do it - repeatedly - so I could identify the root and weed it out of my garden of SELF as I no longer wanted to spend energy on such things.
As this judgement aspect came home for integration, I realized it was another false protection mechanism, another human attempt to harden myself so I wouldn't feel and sense so much.
I no longer need to harden.
I can stay soft, safe, and BE me.
If the act of being human is wildly courageous in and of itself, the courage required to attempt self-realization is unmeasurable and indescribable.
Any one who dares to explore it holds my unwavering honor and respect in whatever way they chose it - for themselves.
Today, I chose to stay soft.
I allowed my broken heart to bleed as I watched people tear each other apart in 'supportive' Facebook groups.
I also allowed the courage it takes to stay soft in a world that calls for a thick skin.
I may have shed a few tears as a witness behind a short wall, and not as a participant, but it's a fair trade for remaining open to the beauty of life.
In doing so, I remained open to the energy flowing within me, and my partner's energy. In being and staying open, we had a magical day of laughter and sunshine.
If I had hardened from what I witnessed this morning online, I would have missed the Magic of today. I've had too many stolen moments of joy to allow it any further.The soul whispers, "No more."
I chose to remain soft today. I do not regret it.
Who knows what story I will have tomorrow.