It's been an intense time for me in allowing yet even more of myself to come in.
Being - a perpetual state of becoming - is a full time job.
I am reminded we can hit pause if and when we want to, yet I have hit pause so many times of the course of lifetimes, it is simply not appropriate for me anymore.
I friend told me, "You know you can slow this down."
"Actually, that would make me really sick," I replied. "It's at the tipping point - one little molecule of consciousness has tilted the whole thing out of balance.
You cannot go back; the only way is to find a new equilibrium that has not been reached before. To go back, would throw off the very nature of my being, might even blow up my body or more likely, my mind."
Further, Joanna said it best in her last article. It's not like you are saying "goodbye, I'll see you next lifetime."
When we died a physical death after our failures in Atlantis and the mess that was the crucifixion, we knew there would be other chances.
When it didn't work out with our soul mate, we knew we would meet them again and again and again in another lifetime to "try again."
The goodbyes I am saying in this state are indeed forever at least in the ways we are familiar with. It's not like I'm going back to the bridge of flowers again to prepare for another life when I leave this physical vessel.
I'm stepping into the third circle, or I am there, and I never left it, I realize.
There's no game that can be played again the same way - the one we all know how to play pretty well.
Saying goodbye to my family, to those from Atlantean lifetimes (also to all space or star connections), all family and friends from the times of Yeshua, from the Vedic period in India, from the shores of Avalon and beyond - well, its not just leaving a club (thanks for those words, Joanna), it's a final farewell or sorts.
I was not crying from human emotion this past week.
The tears roll through my physical body, yet they are the tears of the I AM - well beyond human thought and related emotions.
They are the tears of a non-human BEING from space who came to Earth to create something and messed it up so grandly. There is no forgiveness involved here - only a deep awareness and the necessity of allowing it to roll through every last bit of myself without hitting pause.
With the ever so popular human trick of compartmentalizing, we, for example, say, when something is off - that's just the human side and not reflective of the big picture. That's just their human acting out...That's just this or that. Anything you separate from one another to keep it in line in your head compartments...
Yet, once your mind stops working that way, or you move beyond it, that human dualitistic way of compartmentalizing becomes a tool you can no longer access or rely on. You can't just write off behavior as the human or its last hurrah. Let's add in some maturity here.
Maturity being a balance in awareness and the resulting energy surrounding your current state of being.
Maturity being not taking every single organizational buzz word and applying it directly as a filter of your experience.
You are still allowing yourself to be defined by others through this habit, by the way.
A need to place an experience into yet another category. What if an experience is beyond category?
In other words, I cannot do the old human defense tactic of compartmentalization.
It's the tactic that allows for us to make excuses for people - another strange human trait - instead of feeling into the overarching consciousness of something or someone and deciding if we feel okay to have our own consciousness meld with it in creation.
These are not little decisions. When you connect with something, you create with it. Where you place your energy, or consciousness, rather, is not just a trip or vacation, it is creation.
Doing so without awareness, well, you can feel into that.
Every breath you take creates. Every step you take creates. Where you put your money, that too is a creation. Everything is connected and the only way to disconnect is to see that real clearly.
Yet, in saying firmly "No," to these old relations whether it be biological or angelic family or organizations, "I am operating as a sovereign being," means never operating in those loops and stories ever again, not in the same way. Yet, it is not a disconnect into a void (at least not yet for me). That will come later. Or perhaps it is a reality I can access now???!!!
It's a complete restructure of my relationship with everyone outside myself and thus, a changing relationship I have with myself.
As more of ME enters this physical vessel, I expand.
In the expansion, more layers of myself become visible to me.
I took an ancestral freedom course as a singular human, and completed it.
Now as more layers are in my awareness, I begin to see and realize what that means for me beyond this lifetime and this human self called Lauren and her identities which no longer exist.
Or the definition of human expands and as we pull those parts and pieces into awareness, we move down the spiral and revisited everything we once knew to be true.
So often in the dogma-laden vocabulary of the Crimson Circle and other organizational ties, we talk about disconnect.
And it is appropriate -- yet in the "disconnect" I begin to see the complex webs of connection.
It's not like you can remove yourself entirely from everything - at least not right now - what you change instead is your relationship with them. I'm not talking just about people and organizations.
I'm talking energy and even more so how consciousness streams (senses) and archetypical energies (so hard to pick words) interact with one another and what they create.
The "ties" don't go away completely, yet the look and feel much different. We are not cutting cords with etheric knives, for heaven's sake.
In other words, the streams of the overarching (archetype) consciousness that flow within you and between you and what is outside of you, begin to change direction.
Everything supports you now instead of hindering your personal evolution, but there is a shifting tide is not without tugs and pulls.
There is a regime change, you are now the king or queen (all of you not just a small portion of you - it's not an external concept floating in the clouds that you post about on social media but completely internal and overtly sensual) of your own domain.
You do not rule over people but over SELF - all of it. Even the parts and pieces who have never touched down on Earth.
Oh, how thin I had spread myself, my consciousness of who I AM. Wow. Come back into my awareness right here, right now.
For an example that is easy on the brain, seeing my mom for three days about a week ago, I realized just by being around me, she was profoundly affected, and unknowingly to her narrow-view human awareness she was changing her karmic relationship with her ancestral body and family.
The first night my mom was terribly sick to her stomach - throwing up and the other... She said it was bad food (If you still are pointing to food poisoning and such as a reason for your symptoms like a friend I have who is a twenty-year Shaumbra, well, I got nothing nothing left for you).
I could see so clearly in the spiral of allowing more of who I am to expand, I was also disconnecting, or rather, re-writing the connection between myself in my ancestral lineage. My mom - well none of us operate in a vacuum - we are sovereign and yet what we do has a ripple effect that moves beyond the space-time continuum - was feeling that at her deepest layers too.
After she got back home (got her a plane ticket back - three days is plenty!), my mom's estranged brother who had not talked to her in twelve years contacted her and demanded a copy of my grandmother's will. He planned to contest it. He didn't say, "Hi, I am so sorry. I'd like to reconnect." He came out with his swords in hand.
All the old junk for her and this family coming up for release just because she was in my physical presence.
It's easier for me to remain behind the short wall to watch all of this when it comes to my human physical family lineage. Much easier than any connection from Yeshua and Mary Magdalene timelines and Atlantean dramas.
Last night I saw my great grandmother Helen (passed long before I was born but who was with me most of my life) and my grandmother Lillian, who died last summer, cross the bridge of flowers.
Realizing they were not going to heal or transform this deep ancestral wound from the near Earth realms (they learned from watching me all this time), they both made the decision independent from each other, the best thing they could do was return to their angelic families, get a full life review, and transform themselves, rather than the agenda-laden, string-pulling which is a defining characteristic of near Earth realm living. They could come back to Earth with a fresh life start.
I too see this happening in the Crimson Council connection I have. I was deeply rooted in this space for an amount that cannot be measured in time, but can be measured by how much of myself I put into it - all of me.
It comes in more and more as I move down the spiral of the new-ness of myself I have brought into this physical body or more so the awareness in this point of being.
My sense of focus is no longer creating an image of my realization happening in a vacuum. My sense of focus has expanded to realizing my embodied enlightenment affects everything around me - even and especially when I am firmly in a no agenda observation state.
(The Banyan Tree specifically, more later).
Somewhat necessary was this focus to think realization was only about me. Now I simply cannot make my focus that narrow anymore.
Choosing realization for yourself is like throwing a giant rock in a still lake. The ripples reach out infinitely, as as you deepen into the realized state of being, your awareness of who you are and why you are here expands infinitely as well.
The vacuum was an illusion, and the definition of sovereignty is as dynamic and ever-changing as my state of being.
I'm pleased to report the tears have stopped. I could have watered the Sahara Desert with them. My I AM is that big:)