COLORADO REALIZATIONS : WALKING DEEP IN SELF-DISCOVERY --> SURFING INTO THE GREAT BEYOND
In the last few weeks, people have asked me why I ever lived in Colorado and what I realized from the experience.
I had some mumbo jumbo answers, and my friend Alice - well, I think she is still my friend, who knows anymore - asked me to distill it, into one sentence - tough but supportive.
Colorado allowed my human self to catch up with my mastery - that was my answer.
It wasn't the workshops, everything covered in the workshops had already been covered in my one-on-one sessions with El Morya and friends AND MORE SO, my own soul, like yours, was my greatest GURU in all of this...for some examples...
Sure, the workshops were supportive of catching my human up, but more so - though painful to the human facet - the interaction I had with others going through these really difficult times was the magic sauce that created this space I AM today.
This interaction with the brave souls choosing enlightenment created the intense friction inside that lit the fire and burst forth into passionate soul expression - embodied I AM-ness - existing without attachment to anything, anyone, or any group or system.
Anyone who has not lived in a community who are all choosing realization at the same time will not fully comprehend what it is like - you never get to go home after the workshop, your whole life becomes one big CC workshop!!! Imagine that. I'd say people do pretty well for themselves in this context.
It is so hard (deep and detached compassion) and I have a huge amount of respect for the people choosing it... AND after a point - 20 years for some - it doesn't have to be so painful. The JOY is right there to step into at any time, if you choose it. Breathe JOY. Allow everyone to be where they're at. It's so simple. I wish I could have seen that myself sooner.
When I lived in Colorado and found myself isolated and persecuted like my neighbor telling me I had the virus last year and reaming me solid - I think "enlightenment trust fund baby" was the words she used, I would take what I called OWNERSHIP WALKS.
On these walks, I would take responsibility for my creations. I would mull over the energetic and spoken (often texted) feedback about my "level" of consciousness. I would go over what I could do different and sift through what was my junk and what was their junk.
I was so busy owning my own shit creations, mulling over what I could have done different, I forgot, sometimes people are just assholes, and it was important to laugh at that. :P
At the time, these ownership walks, were so supportive for self reflection, and I will add my soul says I was overly hard on myself. I have been severely hard on my human this lifetime, even when I really did not need to be.
Was I really being TOO BIG and over sharing? Was that the energy virus - being BIG? AND knowing deeply, because I was abundant in this life that was going to be offensive to someone not in that experience, or rather fighting with it.
I'd be walking by the lake saying out loud, "Hell yeah, I am an enlightenment trust fund baby." That's not my stuff. And, I'd be thinking how can I re-route myself to not offend so many people - without shrinking myself. There was no good answer - all I could do was expand anyway, so the mental exercise was a huge waste of energy in the end.
I could go on but will say the ownership walks - the sifting through the mud for gold - the exercise in discerning what was mine and what was not - was so helpful for the human facet perception of realization and how I found I could interact with those brave souls choosing enlightenment around me.
Ownership walks became a daily habit in my two years in Colorado....and the reason I bring it up is that I noticed here in California, I no longer need to walk the path of personal responsibility sifting, mental analyzation against a set of standards I did not write - the pre-existed before I even showed up.
Those standards of the conscious community - THOSE ARE NOT MINE! I have no standards anymore:P
What once served greatly, no longer serves. And it changes so quickly in expansion of SELF, and in multiplicity of SELF.
Long ago leaving the "should" and "supposed to" of mass consciousness, I have now walked on from leaving the conscious and not conscious distinctions of my behavior perceived through the eyes of another. Kim, you said it so well.
Instead, I am finding I am surfing across realities - dualistic ones, material plane ones, etheric realms like the Banyan Tree, 'future' Earths and "future" selves - AND surfing across them without getting stuck, without getting sticky shit stuck on me, and, most expansive, not giving a fuck - also known as - pure joy!
PURE JOY = Not giving a fuck in a single cell of my being!
THE INNER AND OUTER LINES BLUR BEYOND DISTINCTION...
NOW - there is no separation between my inner world and my outworld - it's all my BIG FAT offensive BEING-NESS.
And that was so reflected on the conference call we had yesterday. Everyone was able to share and no one gave an opinion or measured what was said against a pre-conceived standard. No policing at all. TRULY it felt like a physical reflection of our Banyan Tree gatherings we started in October but with our human facets in tow.
I was wowed to the core at how GRAND you all are.
Further, I walk out of my house and people really want to be around me. Every evening there is a game or dinner invite. People smile when they see me. I notice in a restaurant people want to sit by me and chat with me.
I am not analyzing every word that comes from my mouth for fear of being corrected by the word police or consciousness workshop vocabulary distinctions.
I AM NOT WALKING ON SHAUMBRA EGGSHELLS - holy shit - I am not worried will they be mad at me or correct me, how I appear to them, or if will I be able to be my expanded self without being offensive or "virus-y" - I hate that word!!! Freedom!!!!
In my very last ownership walk, I see my role in the creation. I allowed my human self to feel like it needed to walk on eggshells, to play down my massive abundance (I created it why can't I celebrate it), to make my self smaller than I am (I'm a big mamma, I can't play meek). I allowed yelling texts from a neighbor to affect how I exist in this world. I allowed other's opinions of me to steal my joy.
AND that is my own doing - I OWN IT - but do I ever need to put myself back in a situation like that - HELL NO - And, that concludes my last ownership walk of this lifetime. A bow in honor of it's death.
Of course, everything is always perfect. But when I go back over the two years I had in Colorado, I never downplay my keen business savvy facet. I use whatever language suits me in any given second and allow it to be totally and radically inconsistent.
The other last ownership walk realization is something very important to me. The only hard line I want to draw in the sand.
I must have a home that is all mine, and that is not open to other people (except D).
I will never have an open door or room for rent ever again. I did not know this about myself. There is now a circle drawn around my house. I don't care if you sleep on the street, but never in my home - ever again. I will not be drawn into feeling obligated to have someone sleep on my couch or play host.
It is simply not something that I will ever do again. There's no right or wrong about it. It is simply essential for my thriving in this life, that I have one 1,100-square-foot-space in which energies are my own and not mixed with anyone else. (My partner D is of course the exception. Our energy field meld and swirl seamlessly.)
If I went back and did the Colorado experience again, that is the only other thing I would change.
So in closing the Colorado chapter, I close the chapter on ownership walks, giving a fuck, and I'm off on my multi-reality surfboard catching waves on the 250,000 senses available to me, and the thousands of realities, waiting to be explored.
And even though I don't need it, there's dozens of people who really actually want to hang out with me and Ollie right outside my front door. I guess allowing my big bad SELF out of the closet wasn't so bad after all and that need to belong was certainly and definitely NOT MINE as it left as soon as I crossed that Colorado line.
I'll see you guys on the waves, under the Banyan, and on our next conference call. If you joined, thank you so much for sharing. A huge thank you to Joanna for breaking the sharing boundary. If you would like to share a video or article here, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.