My Story of Divine Will & Trauma

Housekeeping: I am currently going back to add the Patreon posts to the blog, so everything will be there. I am also posting the edited chapters of the 30-Days of Self-Love under that tab. This may take a while...Also, if you have not check out the Honors page. I am loving this new space and our comments. Thank you. 

Some of the below story is a recap, and the new part is the in second portion. 
___

Going back in time…In late September I was on an Balinese Island called Nusa Lembongan with my partner, who I call D. We did not do much while we were there - the beach, sunsets, playing cards, and I was writing a little. 

One night in my lucid dream state, my soul said to me, “What if you had to give up one form of sovereignty for another?”
“Wait, what?” I couldn’t understand what the words meant. Then it hit me, I was trading the concept - some call an illusion - of human free will and trading it for another - divine will. 

​The series of events that happened afterwards were quite intense. For example, I had a deep soul notion that divine will meant for me closing down my business. Soul Session, El Morya channels for others, Patreon - basically all forms of income tied to my embodied enlightenment experience. It also included removing myself from all systems, when possible, such as Facebook, any groups other than this one, etc. 

For new readers, we dove deeply into systems this summer before heading into divine will.

When I finally released it - the New Energy Creator experience - somewhere in Laos - and made the announcement that i was “retiring” and no longer playing in the channeling, soul session circus, I knew money to support me in my embodied enlightenment experience - if you are new we call this the triple E - was going to show up some how. And, 11 hours after the public announcement, a very large check was sent to me - one that would cover some years. Funding to be in the space beyond the noise - thank you, soul!

Yet, it wouldn’t have mattered. I’d be living in a forest if it had not because I simply cannot work even if it was conscious work. You can put lipstick on a pig, and it is still a pig. 

Those of you who have been on this ride for some months already know this, yet we have a few new people, and I like the recap sometimes. Here's the new:

So between these events, D and I were in Hoi An, Vietnam. Here, riding bicycles is the way to get around. D was taking woodworking lessons with a master woodworker in the village nearby. The man have invited him over for a beer and dinner, so we were going to part ways near the bridge to the village from the town of Hoi An. I was going to find a place to people watch while D had his male bonding time.

Once he rode off, I started to feel very strange. I stopped my bike at a restaurant, and ordered a small appetizer. Then as I was waiting for it to arrive to my table, I had a horrific vision. I saw D floating facedown in a river. I knew somehow he had been struck on the head and then thrown into the river. My heartbeat in my chest was pounding so hard. It felt so real. 

I attempted to calm myself down, to examine what I had saw. Then I could not longer resist it, and I went after him on my bike. After the dark ride, I ran into him, the woodworker, and his wife on the road outside the woodworking studio, and everything seemed to be okay. It was divine timing as they were headed to the couple’s house, which was deep in rice patties, of which I would not be able to find him. That surely would have caused a huge panic in me.

I did not tell D the story until we were riding home from the dinner. 

“That’s so strange. I had a strange feeling, too. What if this was the last time we saw each other?” D said. 

Back to the hotel safe and sound, I let it pass, yet I also knew it was some sort of post-traumatic stress incident. I know the feeling of that from what occurred after my father’s death. Anytime to the phone rang, I would sweat and hysterically cry, because that is how I was coldly notified by one of his neighbors of his death.

We continued to travel, and it did not come up again until we parted ways in India. I got on my separate plane home from Kolkata. On the plane ride, I saw it again - D facedown in river, beaten. Now logic actually came in handy - there is no river in the airport, and I knew D was not going to leave the airport to go into the chaos outside of it. 

Yet, every cell in my body was lit up in trauma, in distress. I was crying involuntary. I was shaking. It was madness as I am usually not drawn into such dramas anymore. 

Then, a more complete picture had come to mind. It was another (simultaneous) lifetime in which D was my partner and was killed by Roman soldiers and dumped into the river. I had found him there, and the trauma still exists. I'm sure you can image the trauma because you too have had the experience in so many lives. 

In this lifetime, I was told it was the Will of God, and I didn’t understand the Will of God to be so cruel. It was the puzzle of lifetimes, and I understand it now, though I do not have words right now. 

So as we bring up Divine Will - Soul Will - the Third Circle - whatever, I know first hand these traumas will shake themselves from our bones. And I use the word bones intentionally - as we discussed before - a lot of the rewiring of the nervous system has taken place to support the Triple E - for me, at least - and several of us talked about how the “upgrade” is now in our bones. 

Right now I feel it in the space where the spine attaches to the back of the head. It’s a dull, annoying pain, in which remembering why it is there helps ease it. Hot water (the mineral hot springs were amazing) and a heating pad have worked wonders as my bones transfigure deep within, ridding the residual traumas, whatever they may be, without too many stories attached.
That's what I have for today. I am still recovering from all the travel and putting my house back together. And, I am so deep within myself it's been a bit harder to will the words. I'm sure it will loosen up soon as many of you have seen. I know I have said it too many times but I love our gatherings like the New Moon so much. It feels so supportive and beyond what we could do sitting in a room here on Old Earth. Thank you, again.