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Identities, Roles & Divine/ Soul Will

4/1/2018

20 Comments

 
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As a great experiment or a joke on myself, I decided to post the below post on the Crimson Circle facebook group - I have expanded below. More so, it was about expressing my passion for being without boundaries, and I was taking the temperature of other Shaumbra who also may have experienced sovereignty beyond a conscious/ spiritual group identity.

Surprisingly, I received an overwhelming response and the only person that got ugly with me was someone in Colorado who makes it her life's purpose to get pissed off at anything and everything. She posted that she was laughing at me and 'bye, Felicia!' - too funny and lacking in creativity. If you're going to berate me, at least be fresh and creative! :P These things breeze past me these days. 

For me, the post was a huge humbling realization to realize what I was experiencing in Colorado was not mine. If I was poking fun at anyone, it was only myself. I am the butt of my own jokes - always. 

Further, I was surprised to see a note from Robert Theiss who posted it in his new facebook group, Masters Unplugged. In this forum, Robert will share free bi-weekly information related to walking as a master in this life. I have not watched anything from him ever, but in my conversations with him (expansive), I am interested to see what he shares there. If you would like me to add you to that group, let me know. 

Karen had asked me on Ryver if I felt that I was playing a divine/ soul will role in my time in Colorado. Indeed, I felt that I was and that I would not have played the role so well if I had not lost sight of my self sovereignty. When I go back to my experience, when I left, the three wisemen came and did a deep bow in my honor - Kuthumi, El Morya & Dwal Kuhl. 

I was flabbergasted because that has never happened. What they seemed to be saying is - "Lauren, we understand how hard that role was to play, how much it sucked for your human self. While others may not see it now, for the service that it was, we see you, and we honor you for following the voice of your soul, rather than playing in the enlightenment popularity contest."

Indeed, El Morya has been spouting off about the enlightenment popularity contest that pervades spiritual and conscious groups. But I will save his musings for another time. Let's just say this - he is relentless and I love it but others, probably not so much. 

In the end, those integrated souls have played many roles over many lifetimes - the villian, the beloved, the hated and admired, so who would know better than the human strife associated with it and the deep knowing of the great cosmic game called human life. 

Further, as captured in this tiny post, I have begun to sense into illusory human identities as aspects (unintegrated) and roles as facets (integrated) and in recognition in the gray area between because nothing is black and white. Something I wrote about in my new book. You can get that for free here: www.becomingsarh.com.

Further, since we have covered divine/soul will in here expensively, I see the role/ facet is where your divine - god, also - experience plays out on this enlightened lifetime stage. More on that later, but someone let me know if that makes sense, please... 

Here is the post extended. Curious to know what you are perceiving as self beyond firm identity and what roles you have, are playing, or will play, and how that ties into moving from perceived human free will into the expanse of divine/ soul/ master will. Please comment below with your infinite wisdom. 

***

Strange days are here again 🎶.... it's only been five weeks or so since I left living in Shaumbraland, Colorado. In the vein of wisdomizing, I lived there two years- bought and sold a home, had many experiences, and made many friends. 

When I left, I cried a thousand tears and died a thousand deaths. But if I try to recall any of the two years, the memories are as faded as my old blue jeans. Memories just as hazy if not more than my previous lives, which appear in the shadows of my consciousness.

I asked my soul why I couldn't remember, why I can't recall what it felt like to live there? It's much too far away to grasp onto anything. Too energetically expensive.

I will say I can remember one-on-one conversations (especially with my close friends); I remember deep connections. I really remember vividly all the trips I took outside Colorado, which were many - it is just the periods in Colorado where people were mad at me, asking to borrow money, owing me money, playing out the wounds of Isis and Adam, etc. that I cannot remember. I can only vaguely recall that leaders of the CC got angry at me for some bullshit. It's like it never happened. So why, my human asked,...why can't I remember something that is only five weeks away from me????

My soul replied, you were there only to play a role - the antagonist at times, the devotee at times. You felt everything every Shaumbra has ever felt, so you would know the experience. Partly for writing purposes and more so because I wanted the full experience - that is my soul's personality. Nothing half ass. For example, when I was going to do drugs in my teens, I was going to experience all of them. Full experience beyond right/ wrong, good/ bad....

My soul continued....When that role was over, the dramatic death only came from lack of awareness that it was indeed a simple role and not the illusory identity you held onto far too tightly. 

Now, human Lauren, you know the difference between a conscious role, a perceived identity, and who you really are. 
In these experiences, my human finally understood, it knew more fully, the I am who I am. The I AM beyond any identity or role. The cosmic grand being that I am and you are, too. The God also. 

So what role are we playing now? I asked my soul - now knowing there is no time, no experience in life in which we are not playing some sort of role. In that case, if I playing a role, I choose the divine will roles rather than the old human games, unless it will be fun for me. 

She said: the role of the integrated soul, who knows how to radiate, rather than absorb and reflect, unless it is an act of consciousness. The role that knows only joy and inexpressible compassion. 

Indeed, I know deeply that 99% of my Colorado experience was not mine. That is why I can only remember 1%. It was the 1% that was mine. And that was all I was willing to pack and take with me. It was not a mental exercise of what was mine and what was not, but a deep soul knowing. The soul sifted on autopilot without me having to do anything. Memories erased in the divine will role play. 

How often have I thought I held sovereignty, when it was nothing more than a human constructed illusion. These sort of questions will make the faint of heart wildly uncomfortable. To know nothing - absolutely nothing - is authentic is enough to blow up the human mind. Authenticity is relative! 

Then my soul sang in images and sensations....

Unsubstantiated human/untethered soul, I joyously surf the waves of passionate expression - until my next starring role on my own sovereign stage emerges. 

I find the human need for boundaries and declarations of "truth" evaporate when the changing tides of conscious move from absorbing to radiating. The boundaries just as illusory as the identity I was so fiercely guarding.
Thus far, this new sovereignty feels so loose, so floaty and not at all as solid and substantiated at the illusory sovereignty I thought I held before. The irony...too much not to laugh at myself and how seriously I took everything...and then I remember it was part of the act.

Xanthe, helped me with the words of this last sentence - unsubstantial - it was the perfect word to describe the sovereignty of my soul experience.

How laughable it is that sovereignty is not the image of a person standing tall holding a staff in one hand and standing their ground ready for battle but instead a soft, flowing motion that is the song of my soul? 

How funny is it that I was so in battle for my boundaries that I failed to see the boundaries I so fiercely guarded were only there to protect an identity that was never mine in the first place?

In the irony of it all, is one beautiful thing: the experience called freedom!


20 Comments
Kim
4/1/2018 11:33:00

Hi Lauren, thank you for this post. Yes, it makes sense that moving beyond illusionary identities also means moving beyond any static boundaries that need to be fiercely guarded. I relate to that feeling; I also feel myself moving into spaces of more fluidity and softness, where human truths cannot be taken very seriously.

Reply
Lauren
4/2/2018 08:19:31

Thanks, Kim. Damian and I were having quite a laugh at "truths" yesterday. It's a huge shift.

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Lindsay
4/1/2018 11:53:49

Thank you for sharing this Lauren. I am having a similar experience- realizing there is no need for boundaries when there is no identity to protect. There is no fear of absorbing anything when you see that all of it is you anyway. The illusion of separation is what makes us believe we need boundaries. It’s a complete paradigm shift. Much love.

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Lauren
4/2/2018 08:24:23

The suffering comes from the idea/ illusion of separation. And for me, forgetting who I AM. Thank you for sharing.

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Xanthe
4/1/2018 12:52:57

Lauren I so enjoyed reading this in its entirety and so agree. It’s funny because in last weeks group class at school, where I am a participant, this topic came up. About having boundaries and the importance And I was specifically asked, I can’t recall why now and I spoke and I said I experience myself as seamless, I share how I am feeling but I do not feel the need to protect myself, I am simply expressing. Something along those lines and in doing so I also realised how true that has been for me in the last little while. I play roles yes, express facets and it is all lightly. There isn’t the investment I once had in becoming them, I am more aware of the fluidity.
What is interesting for me is people’s perceptions of me as I am. A lecturer telling me as feedback after a presentation how I am a standard for being. Classmates expressing how it’s powerful how express, not in a human way, I can’t recall how they described it now lol. The point is I am not attached to identity the way I might’ve been and much more aware of the fluidity of my nature.
In so being, I am aware when someone is trying to project something onto me good or not so good, it just doesn’t stick. And that my choices usually are for preferences I want to experience. And the external landscape changes in accordance.
I glad it was received well in the cc group your post and loved that Robert shared it too.

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Lauren
4/2/2018 08:25:21

So well said Xanthe and reflected to me and received. Thanks for shining your bright wisdom light here.

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Karen
4/1/2018 14:49:16

Thanks Lauren for writing more on this topic. As you know from our Ryver chats I’ve been pondering roles and identities as I chose to become involved in providing input to our Provincial Poverty Reduction Plan. As I mentioned on Ryver, as I walked into this role I felt very different than when I used to work in government and being an advocate was part of my job and my role. This time around I did not feel the attachment to the identity or the advocate aspect. It truly felt like a facet and my Soul was in the driver’s seat. At the same time this experience seems to have acted as a process for my human to release more and more of it’s poverty role/identity and poverty consciousness energies.

Interesting in that a few posts ago you were writing about service, and how we contribute while being here on the planet. And I am seeing that this experience was doing double duty. For me first in the transforming of this poverty consciousness, and second for imbuing my energies into this political structure and environment which is dealing with poverty.

I had an experience last night as I was reviewing the Shoud highlights from last month and in particular the discussion around the poverty consciousness caught my attention. No surprise as I feel I have been releasing those energies through my writing of the input to the Poverty Reduction Strategy. And I was wondering out loud with my Soul if we were indeed ready to release those energies, that identity, that role for good. As the human I said I did not know how to do that other than make that choice, and then let Soul move those energies through me, through my body and out. And I got the sense/message that is what has been going on throughout this whole process. Then I felt this expanded sense of Self, and joy at these energies leaving. I don’t know if this is what triggered a very restless night, or maybe it was the full moon energies, but in any case I did not sleep well. And I even double dosed on my THC, once before bed and once in the middle of the night, and it had no effect! So some strong energies kept me awake.

I’m tired today, but feel another step closer to freedom. I know enough to know that there can be many layers, and I’m not clear if there are any left, but I do know another one got peeled last night. So on to the next experience.

I lost track of dates, and last night happened to be the deadline for submitting to the Poverty Reduction Strategy. I forgot, but sent in my second letter this morning. So it feels that for now my “role” in this is complete. My energies have been distributed throughout the system. And I personally used it as an opportunity to go to more depths of releasing those things that were keeping me in the poverty consciousness. One of them that surfaced and surprised me a little is the guilt/blame I felt for becoming disabled and being on public assistance. So I was able to observe that and release it. In any case, I feel the majority of the big stuff is gone, or so I hope! And now I can move into those “rebirth/renewal” energies.

If I get approached to give any further input via my MLA or the Ministry, I believe it can be from a different perspective. Although right now I don’t feel any need to do that. Ready to move on to whatever is next.

As I was having my cuppa French roast this morning I looked up and saw a rainbow on the horizon, and it felt like an energetic nod to having moved into new energies.

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Xanthe
4/1/2018 15:40:18

Oh I loved reading more about that movement Karen, the letting go, integrating and stepping into more, beautifully punctuated with a rainbow! ♥️🌹

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Lauren
4/2/2018 08:26:30

Wow! Karen, I read this on Ryver but they was you wisdomized it here is perfection. Thank you so much for sharing with us. The slight shift in awareness becomes massive in realization.

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Joanna
4/3/2018 22:57:07

Sounds like a beautiful clear movement to me. I have found that these shifts often result in more energy, and you let a little more of You slip in, so that definitely leads to having more energy! And then the body has to catch up :D. Anyway, happy to hear of this movement for you.

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Xavi
4/2/2018 01:51:51

Dwell in God, dwell in God, dwell in God and befriend your Soul. Service creates friendship for ever.

Who would Lauren have told you that could happen? You went through an illusory hell to finally discover that you were doing a service and finally discovering a very positive response.
The irony of the situation, which I share, is that if your human side knew the "plan" from the beginning, never wisdom and service would have had a profound impact. Dwell in God and befriend your Soul. It seems easy to say and hard to do. We are not yet in that place of total fluidity and trust with the I Am; although from your experience, Lauren, now you are getting closer to living it.
Thanks for all you have done. With love.

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Lauren
4/2/2018 08:27:59

I love this. Thank you for seeing me in the grand picture. I don't expect it anymore but it sure feels nice. :) Indeed, I do feel closer to knowing when I am playing a role and when I am just sitting in a pile of human drama (ewww...)

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Momo
4/2/2018 20:40:38

Tonight i facilitated a dance session where we intentionally softened our roles and usually defined identities into an improvisational stream of consciousness flow of dance, movement and voice interactions.

Sometimes we would also intentionally play with taking on specific roles, preferences and definitions.

At one point our non-defined stream of consciousness free form way of being melded with our roles and preferences to do this or that...it all became one flow and the group of us became very boundless and interconnected.

Initially there was a good deal of resistance to this game from one of the participants. By the end, all of us found it really fun and surprising, I found it restorative and nourishing for the communion between human and soul to enjoy this boundless scenario. There was a sense of the group of us surfing as one body through each fresh moment.

Thanks for this great article Lauren about an essential experience of softening and expanding our ways of being delightfully embodied...Both solo/sovereignly and with others too!

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Lauren
4/4/2018 12:11:48

That sounds amazing, Momo. I love how this all radiates out and flows in infinity. It is so fun!

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Joanna
4/3/2018 22:46:36

Momo, This sounds like a blast!

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Joanna
4/4/2018 08:54:49

"...that is my soul's personality. Nothing half ass. For example, when I was going to do drugs in my teens, I was going to experience all of them. Full experience beyond right/ wrong, good/ bad" -- just love this. All about diving in!

Yep, loose, floaty, insubstantial - the freedom there is so incredible compared to what we are used to. Sooo open that there is no fear of 'losing' oneself in another's belief systems, or a circle's belief systems, or humanities belief systems. When you know and embody who you are, none of that matters. You know you can't get pulled back or lost ever again. A lot of this comes from an enormous amount of trust, especially when smack dab in the middle of 'loops', as I experienced to a smaller degree also. :D. Of course there is gravity, and the necessity of being alone...cause that's just the way it is on this fun planet...but this realization is always there.

And 'truth'..Yes, I always kinda chuckle and the battle of 'my truth, your truth' we see so often...when people are saying that, it's usually an identity protection for sure! It's also interesting, because it's sometimes necessary as people are finding out who they are and trying to become accepting of themselves, but they expect others to accept it for them, and will fight for it! And so of course nothing becomes resolved.

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Lauren
4/4/2018 12:10:54

And it's distilled. Thank you. I love the way you write - like you talk:)

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Nici
4/5/2018 01:35:56

I’m finding this discussion on identities/roles/boundaries quite interesting. As one who has been through the release of deep-rooted roles for a while, I suddenly found myself in a place lacking the usual rigidity, my mind not quite knowing what to make of this new way of being. Soon enough though, I began emerging from the perceived ’vacuum’ left by the absence of roles/identities, which by the way, I tried to no avail to fill in with ingesting more food and watching more movies – sigh! no harm done though, still best friends with my body and mind :))

For a while, I had been feeling total disconnection to everything and everyone but suddenly this too dissipated and to the mind’s relief :), I realized I still existed in a broader context, I was still part of the whole. It felt as though a cloud had been lifted from over my head and I could breathe freely again.

Without doing anything in particular, I also emerged from my self-imposed isolation - people started showing up, talking to me more, things started happening, energies seemingly moving at a faster pace. Everything coming to me without me ‘asking’, wanting, or ‘making’ it happen. No truths/identities to defend or be spoken of, and no need for placing barriers and filters between me and those around me. Feeling ‘naked’ and enjoying it, for the first time in my life :)

At present, I’d like to touch on a couple of related topics:
1) I find it ‘tricky’ for a single woman to be totally open, express her innate sensuality, with no boundaries, and not to attract the attention from men who take that as an invitation to sex. [I’ve recently had an unpleasant experience with a male friend and now I’m instinctively retracting and protecting myself when interacting with (unawakened) men].
(2) It feels wonderful to detach from roles & identities that no longer serve us, and consciously choose the roles we want to play in this life – but the human personality is an identity that does not go away with the embodied enlightenment experience. She may change from one form of expression to another as she goes through the motions of self-realization but she will always be Nici. Related to this, in Keahak, we are asked to change our names and I never did. I like who I am, my human Nici. There was a time when I didn’t but then I was able to really see her and I loved what I saw. So I finally stopped trying to change her, and I don’t see why I would change her name either. If I were to ’drop’ the “Nici’ identity I’d have to create another one to keep expanding on the path of self-realization...which would be fine, but still an identity :)

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Teresa
4/8/2018 13:25:48

Hi Nici, love your sharing, I can relate to everything you are saying! 😊❤️

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Nici
4/8/2018 14:56:03

Hello Teresa! Thanks for the sweet note! ❤️
To expand a bit on my sharing related to a life with no boundaries for women, yesterday a friend sent me the quote below from one of Robert Theiss webcasts that I hadn't seen before. It spoke so much to me, and described exactly what I have been experiencing (more bluntly after the divorce). And now that I think of it, I've been living this conflict over expressing my sensuality (other than to my own self ;) for the longest time. It was interesting to hear from Mikael that I can get inappropriate sexual response from 'awakened' men as well, because this was something I did not want to believe (even though I had a couple of experiences with shaumbra to 'prove' it happens! You know, the old mind talk - 'it was my fault', 'he didn't mean it', it was the alcohol talking' and so on... sigh!).
Big hugs ~
P.S. My dear mind is now telling me that perhaps I shouldn't share this much, that some may take it as a sign of being conceited, or something... But I'll be brave and hit the 'submit' button :))
Here is the quote:
“There is a resistance to feeling the sensual nature of your soul. We get why you don’t quite trust that. Especially as a woman. You don’t want to radiate a false message because you’ve noticed that when you’re feeling very sensual with your own self that other human beings who have not gone thru the awakening process, and even those who have, think what you are offering is sex, when that was the furthest thing from your truth. You’re just feeling really turned on by you in relationship with your soul”.

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