It's been a wild ride to die the death of all identity/ idendities and find that when you wake up you are still alive and have not left the body - but die you certainly did.
Ryver seems to have become the heart of this space - where the humanity and divinity meet. Should you wish to join us and read not just my but others experiences as well - and share your own wisdom pearls - you can email Este at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I really appreciate your personal notes - one I read this morning summed up so much of what I experienced...THANK YOU!
"Lauren, I've just realized and been considering - the ENORMITY of what’s actually happening in your 'life ‘ ….. when the caterpillar leaves the chrysalis…..it is essentially the death of the caterpillar..
I get it that you didn’t so much ‘leave’ a conscious community (CC) but you died - no ‘you' to leave and no ‘you’ to go anywhere...(exactly!!!) and yet still staying in the form of Lauren , with all her memories …i can see that it’s beyond being brave … and as you have said .. only YOU can truly understand what its like …no point me saying its gotta to be hard !!
Enlightenment can't hold ANY identity , I suppose, .. or it wouldn’t be enlightenment … the cruel paradox, or simply that moment of terror /doubt before those wings actually catch the air and fly for the first time ..
BUT … and the reason I wanted to write to you … the fact you are prepared to do this , and share this …apart from helping (understatement) the likes of me beyond words … brings humanity something it hasn’t yet been able to access ….. the WISDOM and understanding of what comes next ….
So Lauren .. no flowers for this period of ‘mourning’ .. but love , compassion and gratitude as you step out into your new day. In other words...THANK YOU."
To my friend who sent this message, thank you. Indeed, that is what 'happened' or what I experienced/ am experiencing. I truly feel like I left the planet entirely and my human self is basically shocked that I still exist in physical form.
Every morning I wake up, I am in shock, pinching myself to see if I still have a physical form.
I really understand now what my soul was showing me in the context of the lines between the embodied master and the ascended master being so thin and permeable. I am both AND. You are both AND.
For example, on my drive to California, which ended up being 20 hours because of a wreck that stalled traffic, I found I was going in and out of multiple, simultaneous experiences.
First, I was visiting my friends in Colorado and saying a proper goodbye without all the drama. I found I was standing in to living room of each of the people (I could see and share every single little detail), and I was driving my car at the same time. All very real experiences.
An old human friend also texted me on the drive while this was happening - being in multiple places - that they saw me clear as day sitting on a couch in a Dallas restaurant/bar. Oh shit, I was in more places than I even knew and I was driving...Is this safe?
My soul also showed me why I had to make a 'splash' leaving Colorado. My human was really just wanting to slink out (dash out the back door unnoticed) in the middle of the night and my soul (that divine will) said no, we have to make it a little dramatic. WHY??
We - my soul said - created a pathway and potential out of that identity - out of all identities - for others to choose if they ever feel called to - potential not directive. We - my soul said - are passionate about to signaling where the 'doorway' out of identity lies to anyone who might find themselves ready to integrate that last human identity. Limited human words, but I'm sure you catch my sensational drift.
Why does it have to hurt so bad to the human self? I asked my soul, and then I cried and cried and cried.
The tears began to stop flowing and I saw the magi - the three wisemen - and each of them was bowing before me. Kuthumi (Balthasar) finally raised his head from his bow and said, We are here in honor of your birth.
And then he laughed, welcome to mastery!
He meant to tell me the human will never thanked or even appreciated at the human level for creating these potentials that each of us - you and me - create every time we go through a realization. But other masters like him will see you and will be there to say I honor you and this expression which was so very difficult for the human.
I also understood, he was showing me, the human facet never becomes enlightened but it does come to a level of awareness and realization that will make it not so hard the next time we create a potential for consciousness.
Of course, I know this is the case already, but in that moment I really, truly, actually at the deepest level of my being-ness let go of the need to belong or be seen at the human level - this experience of the magi is a new norm.
There's no time or space for all emotion anymore. Be still and know, instead. It is simply too energetically expensive and my human self seems to have come to a deep understanding of it - finally - but we shall see....
When we saw the sign for the Richfield, Utah exit, my soul said to me in sensations not words, pull over - today is complete. And the odometer read, 888. So I slept....
The next day, wanting to distract myself on the drive through Utah I tried to turn on channel from a consciousness group. It used to help me pass time on the road. But when I turned it on it was taking the experiences of knowing the SELF as God also and mechanizing it, making it linear. It hurt my head severely. I tuned it off and drove in silence.
"I am singing a song of SELF to which there are no words," my soul said. "Tune into that."
Suddenly the eight hours of driving ahead of me, turned into eight minutes, and I drove into California as the traffic parted like the Red Sea.
I will say I feel the human facet of me (it feels like a tiny part of SELF somewhere in my body of consciousness but not in the body - the human facet is hanging out on the edges and the soul inside the physical body now) is still in mourning and is still annoyed with how dense and slow this reality is. The human facet wants to know when our furniture will be delivered and why the internet is so slow. But it is a tiny little meek voice at the bottom of a well, right now. I swat it like a fly buzzing around my door.
I will write more but suddenly, I feel that is enough for today. Going to take Ollie to the beach. THANK YOU all for your sovereign support on this last experience. I is so appreciated.