As a great experiment or a joke on myself, I decided to post the below post on the Crimson Circle facebook group - I have expanded below. More so, it was about expressing my passion for being without boundaries, and I was taking the temperature of other Shaumbra who also may have experienced sovereignty beyond a conscious/ spiritual group identity.
Surprisingly, I received an overwhelming response and the only person that got ugly with me was someone in Colorado who makes it her life's purpose to get pissed off at anything and everything. She posted that she was laughing at me and 'bye, Felicia!' - too funny and lacking in creativity. If you're going to berate me, at least be fresh and creative! :P These things breeze past me these days.
For me, the post was a huge humbling realization to realize what I was experiencing in Colorado was not mine. If I was poking fun at anyone, it was only myself. I am the butt of my own jokes - always.
Further, I was surprised to see a note from Robert Theiss who posted it in his new facebook group, Masters Unplugged. In this forum, Robert will share free bi-weekly information related to walking as a master in this life. I have not watched anything from him ever, but in my conversations with him (expansive), I am interested to see what he shares there. If you would like me to add you to that group, let me know.
Karen had asked me on Ryver if I felt that I was playing a divine/ soul will role in my time in Colorado. Indeed, I felt that I was and that I would not have played the role so well if I had not lost sight of my self sovereignty. When I go back to my experience, when I left, the three wisemen came and did a deep bow in my honor - Kuthumi, El Morya & Dwal Kuhl.
I was flabbergasted because that has never happened. What they seemed to be saying is - "Lauren, we understand how hard that role was to play, how much it sucked for your human self. While others may not see it now, for the service that it was, we see you, and we honor you for following the voice of your soul, rather than playing in the enlightenment popularity contest."
Indeed, El Morya has been spouting off about the enlightenment popularity contest that pervades spiritual and conscious groups. But I will save his musings for another time. Let's just say this - he is relentless and I love it but others, probably not so much.
In the end, those integrated souls have played many roles over many lifetimes - the villian, the beloved, the hated and admired, so who would know better than the human strife associated with it and the deep knowing of the great cosmic game called human life.
Further, as captured in this tiny post, I have begun to sense into illusory human identities as aspects (unintegrated) and roles as facets (integrated) and in recognition in the gray area between because nothing is black and white. Something I wrote about in my new book. You can get that for free here: www.becomingsarh.com.
Further, since we have covered divine/soul will in here expensively, I see the role/ facet is where your divine - god, also - experience plays out on this enlightened lifetime stage. More on that later, but someone let me know if that makes sense, please...
Here is the post extended. Curious to know what you are perceiving as self beyond firm identity and what roles you have, are playing, or will play, and how that ties into moving from perceived human free will into the expanse of divine/ soul/ master will. Please comment below with your infinite wisdom.
Strange days are here again 🎶.... it's only been five weeks or so since I left living in Shaumbraland, Colorado. In the vein of wisdomizing, I lived there two years- bought and sold a home, had many experiences, and made many friends.
When I left, I cried a thousand tears and died a thousand deaths. But if I try to recall any of the two years, the memories are as faded as my old blue jeans. Memories just as hazy if not more than my previous lives, which appear in the shadows of my consciousness.
I asked my soul why I couldn't remember, why I can't recall what it felt like to live there? It's much too far away to grasp onto anything. Too energetically expensive.
I will say I can remember one-on-one conversations (especially with my close friends); I remember deep connections. I really remember vividly all the trips I took outside Colorado, which were many - it is just the periods in Colorado where people were mad at me, asking to borrow money, owing me money, playing out the wounds of Isis and Adam, etc. that I cannot remember. I can only vaguely recall that leaders of the CC got angry at me for some bullshit. It's like it never happened. So why, my human asked,...why can't I remember something that is only five weeks away from me????
My soul replied, you were there only to play a role - the antagonist at times, the devotee at times. You felt everything every Shaumbra has ever felt, so you would know the experience. Partly for writing purposes and more so because I wanted the full experience - that is my soul's personality. Nothing half ass. For example, when I was going to do drugs in my teens, I was going to experience all of them. Full experience beyond right/ wrong, good/ bad....
My soul continued....When that role was over, the dramatic death only came from lack of awareness that it was indeed a simple role and not the illusory identity you held onto far too tightly.
Now, human Lauren, you know the difference between a conscious role, a perceived identity, and who you really are.
In these experiences, my human finally understood, it knew more fully, the I am who I am. The I AM beyond any identity or role. The cosmic grand being that I am and you are, too. The God also.
So what role are we playing now? I asked my soul - now knowing there is no time, no experience in life in which we are not playing some sort of role. In that case, if I playing a role, I choose the divine will roles rather than the old human games, unless it will be fun for me.
She said: the role of the integrated soul, who knows how to radiate, rather than absorb and reflect, unless it is an act of consciousness. The role that knows only joy and inexpressible compassion.
Indeed, I know deeply that 99% of my Colorado experience was not mine. That is why I can only remember 1%. It was the 1% that was mine. And that was all I was willing to pack and take with me. It was not a mental exercise of what was mine and what was not, but a deep soul knowing. The soul sifted on autopilot without me having to do anything. Memories erased in the divine will role play.
How often have I thought I held sovereignty, when it was nothing more than a human constructed illusion. These sort of questions will make the faint of heart wildly uncomfortable. To know nothing - absolutely nothing - is authentic is enough to blow up the human mind. Authenticity is relative!
Then my soul sang in images and sensations....
Unsubstantiated human/untethered soul, I joyously surf the waves of passionate expression - until my next starring role on my own sovereign stage emerges.
I find the human need for boundaries and declarations of "truth" evaporate when the changing tides of conscious move from absorbing to radiating. The boundaries just as illusory as the identity I was so fiercely guarding.
Thus far, this new sovereignty feels so loose, so floaty and not at all as solid and substantiated at the illusory sovereignty I thought I held before. The irony...too much not to laugh at myself and how seriously I took everything...and then I remember it was part of the act.
Xanthe, helped me with the words of this last sentence - unsubstantial - it was the perfect word to describe the sovereignty of my soul experience.
How laughable it is that sovereignty is not the image of a person standing tall holding a staff in one hand and standing their ground ready for battle but instead a soft, flowing motion that is the song of my soul?
How funny is it that I was so in battle for my boundaries that I failed to see the boundaries I so fiercely guarded were only there to protect an identity that was never mine in the first place?
In the irony of it all, is one beautiful thing: the experience called freedom!
Hey friends, I wanted to write down a few notes. I'm still in this holding pattern my soul showed me - that it will be June before I am sharing more about this space and self realizations. Yet, I do want to check in a share a slice of life.
Besides my soul whispering to me that we (my multiple self) were releasing identity over the next few months and showing me some sort of creative bloom in June, my soul has been whispering to me about my body.
A couple months ago I really wanted to create a series on the body of the beyond - what the body goes through and how it transfigures in the embodied enlightenment experience - both Sar'h and El Morya and other contributors have a lot to say about it, yet I can't really write about something or share a channel unless I go through it.
Some channelers can share things without having to go through them;
A storyteller must have the experience first. I am the latter.
So, as I said, my writing is in a bit of a hold pattern as a result.
I will say for two weeks or so my soul has whispered to me - "It doesn't matter what you eat."
For about six months, I was unable to eat meat or drink anything. That has let up significantly, yet I know I will not return to the animalistic method in which I did before. I know there is nothing wrong with letting your human be human. I went all out, and in the end, my human nature said to me, I'm done, it is out of my system. I'm ready for NEW.
Sar'h said yesterday to the human self who is a bit confused yet relaxed at the moment:
"Your body is no longer biology, no longer an expression of the Earth; your body is an expression of me, your soul, and needs no Earth, no biology to exist. That's what it means to be on Earth, not of it."
My soul also whispers each day:
"It does not matter what you eat or do now - this body as a physical expression of soul."
This is understood by me Lauren, the human, but am I living it??? Not really.
In one reality I am, and in another it hasn't spiraled down into wisdom as of yet. Here's why....
When I used to have realizations, there seemed to be a natural progression - a move through linear time. It's different now.
The realization occurs or exists, rather, outside linear time. So there is one Lauren incarnation who totally gets what my soul is saying and there is another who is puzzled. They exist in different realities. I can see one linear day soon that the two will overlap. Let me try to explain this again, please.
What's different is that I am not going through a Darwinian evolution this time. I see time folding on itself for this to "happen."
If you stretch out a string and make a knot on one end - that knot would represent the biology body. The knot on the other end would represent the soul expression body/ the body of beyond. If you take the two knots and place them together (beyond linearity). That is how my soul is showing me that this happens.
Should be interesting....
In all of this letting go of identity and the move to conscious acts or roles in the context of divine will, anxiety has come up. Fear around losing my dog, mainly. I have been dreaming with Shakespearean levels of tragedy and comedy -- and realizing there is not much difference between the two.
Admittedly, I am much more in a state of allowing the change than being right now - yet I can see clearly the peice of me sitting under the Banyan Tree. This fracture of self is uncomfortable to the human, yet the human is in so much trust at the same time. I am watching the fear like a play.
Funny enough, yesterday I stepped on a sting ray after catching a beautiful wave with D. The pain from the venom is incredible. I was living the tragedy and the comedy - simultaneously screaming at the indescribable pain AND laughing at myself as I hobbled home with a trail of blood pouring out behind me.
We cannot take anything too seriously in this life of maya illusions!
Further, I have been wanting to write about friction. So many of us, myself included, want to avoid at all cost and drama or uncomfortable exchanges with other people and that is understandable. I can really see a difference in drama and natural friction.
You can avoid human drama unless you choose to play the act (I do sometimes).
Yet, friction as perceived by the human is simply the sensation of motion to the soul.
You cannot avoid friction (human) and motion (soul sense) in life. Even if you lived in a cave in the Himalayas, you are still going to get sick of snow (probably yell at it because you are alone and have nothing else to get pissed at). You will feel friction or motion from the changing tides of your consciousness or awareness.
Just because you stop interacting with people, does not mean you will never have friction. Further, I sense friction as expansive and healthy for the human.
What I am generally trying to say is friction is a natural part of life and each time it happens you don't have to get out of all interactions with people. You don't have to create new boundaries. You don't have to blame yourself or others for the friction. It just is.
Surfing is a great example. You have to paddle over breaking waves that hit you in the face before you get beyond the break. You have to miss a few waves before you catch the best ride of your life.
Sometimes you accidentally step on a poor stingray and it kicks your ass. But if I just stood on the "safe" shore, I would miss all the soul experiences - the experiences that create the wisdom.
Further, there is no safety on the shore. It's an illusion. I could be standing on the shore "safe" and my dog or my mom could get hurt. The only safety is in the I Exist. In the wisdom that this world is an illusion. That death and pain are illusions. That is the only safety - WISDOM of the SOUL.
For me, I am realizing the friction does not matter. The energy I spent on trying to avoid friction actually had the opposite effect, creating more of it. The old saying what you resist persists.
As we move into more about conscious creation (this summer, my soul says), one of the imperatives besides the self-observation beyond identity is the ability to allow human friction/ sense of motion to flow without knocking us back into a place of hiding. I am not talking about hiding from the people around us, but hiding from SELF. The inner world reflected in the outer world and vice versa.
As I write I realize, anything and everything until June will just be preparation for the the human manifestation knot on the string (resenting malleable linear time) to fold over and meet with the soul creation knot on the string.
Your questions and experiences are alway welcome here. Welcome new member, Elisheva. Honored to have you here. I'm glad Momo told you about this space.
First I want to say that we are good on the Ryver donations - completed and appreciated. Please note I also donated because I enjoy it so much. Thank you! Next year we can look at if Ryver is still serving us well or if we have moved on - transient beings we are:)
The Banyan Tree Story Files continue to grow. For those of you who have just joined us in the physical, Babaji shares with me what he calls the enlightenment map. On this map of Earth, Babaji shows me with little bright lights where embodied masters exist all over the planet. There's a little star on the map for each person and they move and change in real time on the map. (I wrote about it here, too)
Under the Banyan Tree, we connect with these beings, and several of you on Ryver have been reporting the connections to beings like us in Africa - so cool. One even said he was a friend of Yogananda. Not only is it cool, it is part of the imperative of this space - TO CREATE POTENTIALS AND POSSIBILITIES FOR THOSE CHOOSING CONSCIOUSNESS OVER AUTOMATION FOR EONS TO COME - stated in our Magic Manifesto.
As you are well aware, 99.99% of those in the embodied enlightenment experience are not out there teaching, making movies, being famous teachers, whatever. They may look like regular beings, going about their regular lives, and living the Magic that is BEING for they joy of it, first, and in support of the magic of BEING, and what that creates for souls on Earth with each breath we take. We've been talking about this for some time, and those who needed confirmation have found it in the Prognost materials from January this year.
The Banyan Tree was created for sovereign beings such as ourselves and our new friends in Africa to sovereignly interact or observe other masters of Self - whether embodied or ascended (the line is blurred between the two under the Banyan). It is a place beyond the noise and a place to experience divine will of the soul, the third circle of creation, or to simply be....
Further, true creation comes from the state of BEING (enlightenment). The joy of being here in physical form is creation. The depression, anxiety, whatever, comes from not creating, which is what your soul is here to do, to BE. Next New Moon we will go further into this creation from being.
Speaking of creation from soul, I am being guided by my own wisdom to explore my soul in the absence of identity as a preparatory (for the human) experience for diving into the no energy creation experience - creation from pure consciousness or awareness. To create from consciousness, the awareness must permeate tout to the edges of our being-ness - throughout the Universe of Self.
BEING IN THE ABSENCE OF IDENTITY
This was the theme of the New Moon gathering on the 17th but it has lasted a while for me, and will continue on, according to my soul awareness/ wisdom.
One of you sent me the following note, and it has captured a lot of what I am experiencing.
"Yesterday when I connected with the Banyan Tree, I had an interesting and very personal experience. It was like a funeral celebration for my identities. Not that I will never have human roles anymore, but it was like breaking up with an old version of me. Very expansive, joyful and also feeling sadness for letting go of something that was mine for such a long time. Some of the masters (embodied and ascended) came by, and I also felt your presence, but I wasn’t so much interacting with others, as just being in celebration of this change."
I too have been watching the identities go, integrate. It's not that it will make your pure and authentic - there is no such thing as authentic. We are always playing a role - every time we interact with this world.
Instead, what this experience is gifting me is the chance to really sift through the junk and find the radiating diamond that is my divine will role. What is the role(s) of the GodSelf, the soul, the master on this Earth, in this incarnation? What does that look like for me? How does it shift, change, evolve, and expand? What's the big motion picture and what role does my soul want to play in it? The future self has already decided it, now I'm having fun retracing the steps with childlike curiosity.
WHY THIS SPACE IS UNIQUE
As a side note, I tried to listen to Keahak yesterday. While I couldn't get through it, I did realize my contribution in writing and my talk with Adamus about Shaumbra made it into the channel - YOU CANNOT MENTALIZE WISDOM.
As you will recall about two months ago, I wrote a little article and posted it on the Keahak forum - not to get responses but to add my wisdom of experience to the group. It took a while, but it was nice to hear my contribution make it to a channel yesterday.
I bring this up because instead of getting out of a group in disgust - there is another option.
You can step into the third circle of creation in JOY and then share the wisdom of your experiences with the consciousness/ spiritual organization that you disconnected with. You can visit in joy and be under the Banyan Tree in your sovereignty simultaneously because you are beyond linear time. And you will not get sucked back in because you exist beyond gravity.
Here's a bit of Sar'h and El Morya's vision for the space: READ HERE
Here is the Keahak wisdom I shared, which has finally made it into the channels (both Keahak and a shoud): THE BLOOMING FLOWER
If you are joining us after, I highly recommend reading these to grasp the essence of this space.
EXPERIENCES, IF YOU CHOOSE
Have you ever felt into Divine (GodSelf/ I am God also) Will and then examined the relation to your role on Earth?
If you were going to contribute your wisdom to others choosing embodied enlightenment what would it be?
What is your energetic relationship like with mass consciousness and spiritual or consciousness groups? is it a reflection of your soul state of being or human nature? or Both?
Who are you beyond role/ identity? (for me it is a sensation that has no words)
What does this sentence mean/ invoke/ create in you? -
In creation of energetic pathways - potentials not directives -
For those who will choose consciousness over automation.
For eons to come.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE HERE OR SEND ME A PERSONAL EMAIL. IN HONOR OF YOU!
First of all welcome Nici - we met at a workshop some time ago, and she recently emailed me voicing a lot of what is occurring in here. She joins us both on the website and Ryver. Honored for you to grace this space with your presence, Nici! Truly!
Speaking of Ryver, that's going to be your goto Center of Being place for the next couple of months. I have literally been writing almost every day on here for a year. March ninth was the start date last year!
And, I'm going to take some time off posting here - but for another more important reason. We will continue the conference calls per request AND of course, the Banyan Tree meetings. Next new moon: March 17th!
Here's the main reason. My soul whispered to me yesterday, "June, in June everything will change - like at an expanse where you won't like what you have written before it."
"Well, okay. Didn't we just move across three states, sell a house (closes on Monday- woot!), integrate an Atlantean implant and go through the karmic/ as central release thing with shuambra AND publish a book? Can I have a break, please????"
As you know here, we define being as perpetual becoming - it never stops - it is a dynamic, expansional experience and long after we leave Earth, we'll expand beyond our Earthy experiences into so much more.
A friend here recently asked me does enlightenment happen in stages or is it an ever-expanding experience of the soul without clear stages like aspect integration/ threshold/ etc?
I would say, for me, the later, but because the human is in linear time - stages is a linear time concept - and we are bringing the human along it can feel like a phase or stage. Plus, in the workshop world you can't just shove it all into one.
For example, El Morya says he continues in his state of perpetual becoming - only he is more aware because he lives outside the veils of maya. Yet, we still are here in physical form.
So I asked my soul to clarify in a dream and man did it suck.
In the dream, I was with someone - a female I do not know in this life - and we became really drunk (in this case a symbol of unconsciousness). I blacked out and when I came to I had all these tattoos on my body that I could not remember getting. I was able to get rid of a few of them with a conscious swipe of the hand but some stuck. I can't tell you the fear and anxiety I had while in this in the dream - palpable.
When I woke up, I realized the tattoos where representative of identity - identities that attached to me when I wasn't paying attention. Some were easy to get off and others clung onto my wrists. Even a letter from the tattoo artist saying I needed to be more aware....
Publishing a book and being on Facebook this week, identity has been a major theme for me. The writer identity coming in strong. It doesn't feel like ego, and I am certainly unattached to sales etc. But writing goes so much deeper to me.
One night when I was nineteen or twenty I almost overdosed on drugs. I knew if I passed out, I'd be gone, so I kept myself awake. That's when I heard my soul voice say, "you will write books that help people, if you stay here on Earth. Is that what you choose?"
It kept me alive through the experience, and stuck with me - of course. So "Writer" goes well beyond ego and into a deep part of my consciousness.
Also, being back on social media, I see 99% of comments and shares are reinforcing identity - mostly the I'm so conscious hear me roar identity. I am not exempt. There's absolutely nothing wrong with any of it. For me or for others.
What my soul is asking me to do now is examine who I am beyond identity - sure, I have done this before and you have too. But I'm going to explore it in the uncharted corners and depths of my being. Going down the spiral into the depths of my being-ness.
Speaking of body and the silly exchange between Xavi and I, I also see myself still indeitified with my body. Not how it looks, but the Earth it is made from - the biology of it. "A biology addict," my soul said.
Sar'h keeps telling me it does not matter what you do or do not do with your body right now - that is not going to make human sense - she says this so clearly because in this next phase (to the human, not the soul who lives beyond linear time and dualistic constructs) we are going to integrate the body - just like I integrated the human in my recently published book.
For these reasons, until June when this is all going to happen according to the voice of my soul, I'm going to relax into the experience of knowing who I am beyond any and all identity. I will keep notes and journals, possibly make a video, but my soul says not to share any of it until June because my views and how I share myself with the world will change so drastically I will not be the same voice.
It's quite strange to keep the Facebook author page going and dive into this experience but I am simply going to be putting book material out there and less in the group/ identity-clinging space (again, nothing wrong with reinforcement - I am simply embarking on a different kind of journey).
The human body/ biology as an identity is something I have been pondering a while now with no clear direction or ability to share, so as a writer and human, I sure hope I find words. Sylvia - I get why you couldn't find words on the last conference call. So understand now.
See you on Ryver, under the Banyan, and on our next conference call whenever that may be.
Also, under the Banyan this month I invite you to explore BEING beyond identity, if you choose. Or simply stop by and have a dance outside gravity. What fun?!
Please keep commenting, posting, and interacting while I'm on "vacation" - HA!
So much love and gratitude,