Completely personal post. As always not teaching anything, simply sharing my inner world, and I hope you will share too your experiences.
Wow or holy freaking crap!!! The grand flashes of realization - a coin termed by Este on Ryver - will knock you off your feet if you are not steady in your Universe of Self, won't they?
Over here, they've been rolling in like mad, and I wanted to share one with you that 'started' in my human awareness last night and 'finished' this morning (because I made space for bliss!) if you view it in linear time.
If I see it through the eyes of the divine, all of this already happened and I'm watching it unfold in real time.
I can see BOTH so clearly - through the human and divine vision we have talked so much about here.
With each breath I take what was fuzzy in my vision becomes focused (a sense not mentality).
I have deemed it THE BREATH OF CLARITY.
Last night I heard the words from my soul - or now - integrated being-ness, "Your duty here is done. You have served well, and it's time to move to the next community - leap to the next destination on Babaji's enlightenment map."
For new people, Babaji's enlightenment map is a dark representation of the world he shows me from time to time where self-realization activity is shown by twinkling lights across the globe.
In the past months, I have been hearing less and less of the distinct human and soul voices and it has felt much more like a warm stream of consciousness flowing through the center of my being. Yet, for a big move, I appreciated this declaration.
My human facet already knew it, yet it felt so darn good to state it out loud and with clarity. And let's face it, sometimes it is a huge comfort to hear those words so clearly from the Source within.
My tenure in Shaumbraland is over. Sigh. I felt human relief and, most of all, I felt love - the kind that is in complete honor of an experience and those in it. What amazing souls I have seen and known and recognized from lifetimes. Truly grand. And, I am simultaneously passionate about my new life.
As I write, my friend Chris (from the Thirty Days of Self-Love) in Encinitas is out looking at a new place to give me the thumbs up if the energy is supportive. He is also Shuambra but out living it and not watching it on a computer screen.
I have been released not by my human self - who kicked and screamed and then surrendered in these last two years. In the gift of hindsight like Yogananda talked about recently, it was never ever the decision of the human.
Others might say if you did not like it, you can move anytime. In divine will of the God Self space, that's not so true, for me. My human cannot do what it wishes.
Even when it wanted control, my soul would allow the human to play, and then wait patiently as it came back home. The human integrating seamlessly with grace into the soul space and not the soul integrating into the human space. Together they inhabit this vessel that is some biology and more so light with every breath.
Now, the human doesn't want to leave the soul space or try to control anything. It feels safe and warm in this vessel of consciousness. The human is happy to serve the soul's will/ passion in such a beautiful way.
All those voices that pulled in different directions now all flow in the steady stream of the God-Self's unfolding creations. The voices may become one for a time, or they may become distinct, yet they are all integrated and in service to the God-Self, or master as some of you call it. It is such a wonderful sensation within I cannot begin to do it justice with words.
All of this doe not happen in linear steps, but for the sake of recording an experience and bringing the human along, I am breaking it down a bit more mentally....
I can see, sense, and know there is a blueprint in my soul that creates, rather than guides, my experiences here on Earth, and no amount of human bitching has been able to change that in any way - that was the sacred art of surrender I wrote about in October.
As an integrated being, the human no longer bitches about the blue print - that has passed. Instead, the highest authority in my life - my soul - released me, Lauren human facet, from this experience because we have the wisdom distilled AND because the blueprint within is taking me to our next stop on Earth. He/she/it said or declared with a gavel pound, rather, and in the spirit of its divine will, we are done here. Celebrate in softness and in joy.
Last night, I felt this overwhelming sensation of completeness in my bones that the reason I had to stay here longer than when I first wanted to leave was that I needed to be here through Prognost, to support that beautiful energy by being (not even having to say anything), which is why I am on this planet (it's not to drive a fancy car and fly first class, Adamus), and now I can move on being in another space.
If you think my concept of service implies I have not held sovereignty, I ask you to expand into the sovereignty that comes from the sacred art of surrender into the divine will of the soul or God Self. The one that shows you, ever so gently and ever so wise, the role you play or the expression of the I AM that is in the blue print of the soul. It is not who you are (none of this is) but how you express the I AM, rather, in physical form.
I know, I know... many here would correct me (man, they love to correct) that being in Crimson Circle was not about doing anything for anyone else, and that's quite true for most of them. It is not my truth, though, and I am the ultimate sovereign authority on my own experience. There's an AND I'd like to add.
For me I didn't need to do anything here. I only needed to BE - the human just couldn't remember that for some time with that maya amnesia (forgetfulness caused by the density of duality, gravity and linearity).
Everything Adamus St. G has shared, El Morya and my soul voice, Sar'h, already showed me, the human, well before I arrived in Colorado or Shaumbra-land.
I know many of you relate to already knowing most of this and it just being a reminder for the human. I am not alone, unique or special in this regard at all. So many of you here have already checked the ascension box and have come back here for another round, in limited human terms.
I simply had to go through it again, so I could write about it and leave my written legacy behind, El Morya reminds me of our many conversations on the topic. It is something I chose to do. To give me the vocabulary that would appeal to a new generation of self-realized beings. One that would make sense to the modern world.
Now this Colorado/ Shaumbra experience is done for me. What a wonderful experience watching my human self and the others around me embrace the master, soul, GodSelf into their lives and finally becoming it.
And further, I was not here in Colorado for only me (I could be out in the ethers having a party - I already did this), yet I held a passion so deep and still do to sovereignly support others in the God-Self realization experience that for the past two years this was the place to BE it and to express and connect.
It was nothing the human would expect. There's no thank you's or recognition in holding a standard, in being an example. In fact, if your presence opens people up, they will not thank you. Most will hiss at you. And that's okay.
In this integrated state, the recognition would feel really in discord with my state of being. I only bring it up to note that letting go of the human need for recognition was one of the most intense experiences I've had in this lifetime.
Today, right now, I am a joyful bowl of laughter and honor for each and every person I came across here. When you see through the eyes of the divine, beyond the human junk, there is nothing left but the radiating soul gems of each person I came across here.
Service is something I have never shied away from. When I sat with Babaji, Yogananda, and El Morya (and Mark - he just reminded me) last night AND I was in the radiating space, we hummed, we om-ed, and we breathed those deep, delicious breaths of clarity. All the way into our next stop on the enlightenment map:)
"Encinitas!" Yogananda exclaimed - his hermitage is just down the street from the potential place I found yesterday.
I smiled big. "Surf's up, dude!"
For clarification, I am not directed by the masters who sit with me - like you here who talk to them too - they simply reflect back to you your GodSelf. Yogananda is not telling me to go to Encinitas, California for a mission. He is saying, "Lauren, your God-Self says with every fiber of its being that this is your next place to BE."
I hope that makes sense that these wonderful beings never give directions to the human, yet reflect back the God Self within.
I had another breath of clarity and divine sight...
Those who are firmly rooted here in Shaumbra-land - not the un-rooted vagabond souls just passing through - they are about a decade away from expansion if you looked at it from this space and time - AND that could change. It's not set in stone.
In this vision I saw self-realization represented as a tall, thick totem pole made of all sorts of animals. And in my third eyes vision, I see shaumbra (no faces, no names) running around the totem pole.
They point at it. The talk non-stop about it. But they never actually touch it. They don't embrace it. It sits outside themselves because of illusory limitations that simply don't exist beyond the veils.
Yet, we all know you cannot tell someone this, and it's certainly not my place, nor would it change anything. Being the standard now, means moving on. I do not need to sit in this jungle anymore. There's another one waiting for me.
Part of my vision also showed me the "trickle effect" as Sar'h called it.
When leaders of an organization play in the mud of gossip and control, it trickles down into the whole system. There's no way around it. It permeates and it stinks like hell, making everything else stink that touches it.
The human thought we might be here to change that. No, in this service experience, all we were here to do was observe it.
Simply breathe, be, and observe. It really was that simple, and my human made it so freaking hard. It's laughable now. I'm having a good chuckle at my own expense. :P
Removing the veils of maya while laying in my bed last night I saw a golden road before me. Yogananda stood on the side of the road smiling and glowing...
"All road blocks cleared. California here we come," he said with pure joy.
Tears. What friendship really looks like.
It's right here in my home. Heart explosion.
The gold- bricked road ended in Encinitas, California. That's where the next chapter of my life of service (yep, I said it without a disclaimer - kiss it) will begin. I will carry this space with me, of course, and the Banyan has no geographic location.
But I am done with all outside channels, especially the Crimson Circle (there's no judgment from me and it's totally appropriate here if you are not - this is a personal post).
I talked with someone on Sunday who has some years on me in this space, who shares in a similar way, and she shared how she stopped listening to channels about three years ago. She said she no longer needed her "fix."
Truly, as addictions disappear from my body of consciousness, listening to channels is the next to go - to make room for so much more. LIVING IT.
It was August 2015 in the Texas Hill Country. The stifling heat radiating off the dry ground below in waves had given way to an unusually cool evening. I was sleeping in the back of my pick up truck.
The open air enveloped me, and I was relaxed after a long day of volunteering in the kitchen of a youth camp for refuge teens from war-stricken countries.
Washing dishes in a make-shift kitchen in the stifling sun proved so laborious, I held only one speck of energy reserved at the end of the day to do much but surrender to the exhaustion.
I had just gotten off the phone, texting with Jack - a man I spent many lifetimes with and was deeply in love with. He loved me, he said in energy not words, but we would never be together. I took the scraps he gave me like a starving dog and thanked him after he scolded me.
The night gave way to the brilliant stars that lit up the sky and a meteor shower of epic proportions filled the cosmic movie screen projected above as I drifted off to sleep. I lay unable to move in the back of the truck with nothing but a pillow, a sheet, covered with the coarse salt of dried sweat, and a copious amount of hope.
Not hope that Jack and I would be together one day. Not hope that I would stop having all these human problems that never seemed to end. It was the kind of hope that fills up your body crown to toe tips when you have nothing else to lose. Some call it freedom. It was a surrender of sorts, and more so, a path when none others were visible to the human eyes.
I drifted off to sleep. In my dream, I was driving my white truck. Suddenly, thieves approached and began to strip the car as I drove. They ripped off the rearview mirrors, even the doors - anything and everything. I found I held no fear - at all. I just watched.
When the vandals took the tires off the truck, I got out and walked, totally un-phased by the stripping of my vehicle and all that I owned. I just kept walking, nothing in my hands, only the clothes on my back. I walked steadily and peacefully. Numb but full of sensation.
I came to a stream. Jack was there, and he kissed me. But I walked on.
I walked through a knee-deep stream as my clothes began to fall off. Piece by piece I became fully naked.
And I kept walking through the water. I stepped on rocks and my feet bled, the red pools forming in the water beneath them. Jack did not follow, and I did not care. I did not look back. I didn't need to. I knew he was not there.
I passed a group of souls, beings, and I somehow knew were awake, and they said, "Stay here with us. We found Utopia."
I did not look up when I nodded in their direction. I walked on and on, through dark waters. My feet continued to bleed. All I could feel was bliss. Bliss in this moment was steadiness without a high or low. It was pure existence without interference.
I reached a stopping point, still all darkness, and there was no one there. I felt a sensation sort of like love and a lot like acceptance fill my body. It was a peace not available to the human experience and therefore held no words.
I guess it's the kind of experience which only runs on a hope no one else can taste, a freedom which only comes from losing everything. One you cannot know until you are stripped down and strung out.
After the dream, I would try to go back to human life. I continued to wash dish after dish at the youth camp. I smiled at everyone I came across and they smiled back.
And then the hope that often felt like desperation, disease, and despair turned into something else - a guiding force that would not let me stop walking. When the car died, I kept moving. When the clothes came off, I walked naked. When my feet bled, I did not stop. When people showed up, I did nothing more than smile and walk on.
These days - I have been sober for so long now - yet I am strung out.
High as a kite on the non-linearity. Spinning and twirling in infinity beyond the veils of maya.
Instead of walking, I've taken up floating and flying.
My head spins, my heart beats fast and then not at all, and I spin and spin and spin.
And that weird desperate hope thing has turned into knowing.
The knowing feels like the motion of waves in the ocean.
Am I seasick or I am experiencing a reality long forgotten?
Banyan Story Time & Ryver Updates
Welcome Peter and Virginia! Lovely to have you here.
If you are not aware, we meet in the ethers each New Moon under the Banyan Tree – a gathering of embodied masters and ascended masters hanging together – to BE together for a time.
Tomorrow I will have an audio recording of a message from Yogananda. It was my commitment to myself to not share anything I did not live, so after he delivered the message to me on Friday night (party!), I have been sitting with it and letting it seep into my bones. I must say it is much different than El Morya. All heart, all compassion, and so much belly laughter! I look forward to hearing your experiences with it. He truly shows up as a friend and not a teacher. I wouldn’t say it’s channeled but translatedJ - forever dodging that word channel.
Good day, friends!
I wanted to round up some of the Banyan Tree experiences from the New Moon gathering on January 16th. I will say this was an intense one for me. I felt my body vibrating in such a manner it was almost irritating and I asked El Morya, “Is this too much?”
He said absolutely not, that everyone could ‘handle it’ and that it would get smoother each month as our humans ‘caught up’ with us, something we are bringing along in this embodied experience.
El Morya added that everyone hanging out not in a physical body knew exactly what it was like to be in one and interacted with us in the most efficient and supportive way to the expansion which occurs under the Banyan Tree.
Joanna seemed to feel that too. She said, “(I) actually felt and saw the tree grow slightly...like it shifted in some way. Expand is probably a better word. Seemed like the place to be for many beings! Standing room only.”
I too felt there were many more beings who joined us on the 16th and 17th than in previous gatherings. I sense the word got out that we were inviting the ‘ascended masters’ to hang out, and people were beyond excited – especially Mark and other ‘new’ and ‘lesser known’ masters who are really eager to interact with us all.
Karen shares a great experience about Mark below, but first I am going to share a dialogue from our Ryver community. Thank you so much for being so open with all of us in this GRAND space.
“Under the Banyan tree I experienced singing with the group. We were singing in the Indian language and I remember not knowing the words but singing along with the tune as best I could. A beautiful Indian woman, didn't feel a name but would love to know who she was, dressed in a sari came up to me and said I could hear you, it was sweet like honey floating through, I was so surprised as I didn't feel anyone could hear me singing, I smiled gratefully and thanked her!” – Juls
“I’m in travel mode today and airport hang time. Last evening was beyond words. Soooo powerful it was almost uncomfortable. And I kept going between realities when the human would need to tend to some travel or packing item. I had many experiences of meeting and talking to various masters. I’ll bet the Indian woman was Quan Yin. And I hung at the back when we as a group gathered to listen. I felt I was being introduced and wired up to be able to handle the intense energies And, today I’m in this wonderful bubble.” – Ruth
“Aha... Juls & Ruth. I saw a woman whom I did not recognize that in hindsight may well have been Indian. And yes, quite possibly Quan Yin. That resonates. And Ruth, I felt the intensity as well. I saw a few other faces. I experienced mostly an energy exchange without comprehension of a message. Just a wee tidbit, perhaps because I was pondering speaking from my Soul to other Souls (as opposed to speaking from human) I was given the analogy it was like using Bluetooth. It transfers info from one being to another over consciousness waves.” – Karen
“I felt a lot of activity, aware of many, the joy and sense of communion going on. Sharing of essences and woke up this morning for first time all week not feeling tired, simply nice balanced harmony.” – Xanthe
“Yesterday and last evening were very powerful. I too, like Ruth would describe my experiences as uncomfortable at times - the magnitude of the energies was intense. I felt like I was being shown so much all at the same time. I know I met several masters and was being supported in the uncomfortableness at times by them. I cannot say I experienced any singing and dancing - although that would have been lovely! Today, I do feel expanded and rewired - although still a bit groggy.” - Deneen
“Obviously, I was there too, I have no definite memories except when I arrived that many were already in levitation. I enjoyed listening to the energy of the grass below. Tonight, I also experienced what it means to get out of the gravity of the old earth or mass consciousness.” – Este
“My experience also included a grand dose of dancing and singing...the first time was levitated freeform playful "dance/flight" under the tree and among the wide expanse of branches. Later that day I went to a sacred land on Whidbey Island where there is a large skull of a baby grey whale...it was the first I ever knew or saw this place and the sign there asked visitors to sing so I began to be sung...songs that were wordless and very distinct came through and resonated in my body and relationship to the whale bones. I was invited to move my 11-sided dance/song sanctuary to that place...not sure if it will happen in physical but just going there (it is called Earth Sanctuary) was mysterious and expansive EEE. Then later in the night/dreamtime, I had a number of intentional explorations of multi-locating...where my awareness dissolved from the physical and into the omnicentric...
This morning my mom came into my dance class and said I'd appeared as a "spirit" in her room in the middle of the night. It sort of scared her since she worried maybe I had died or left my body. I do not consciously remember specifically visiting her but she said I appeared kind of "perched' on the windowsill. She has never said or seen anything like this before to/about me.
Then also this morning a dear friend who paints my body in huge oil canvases first shared an image she was working on of me perched on a stone at the edge of a precipice -- looking about to leap. ....Some of you may remember that I had a dream featuring a very similar image earlier this week...
I posted it in the dreams forum. Somehow, my conscious awareness of going to the Banyan and other places besides the one I am physically located in...and encountering people in the other than physical realms of freedom are not as vivid while they are happening...
Yet, there are these ripples or reflections in the world that indicate through keen synchronicity that something of the Body of Beyond is certainly at play with this EEE and visiting of the Banyan.
I want to thank Lauren and El Morya and all of you for being here...I "get" what he said about needing others to encourage remaining in the body. If it were not for the love, compassion and care I feel...as if I AM Quan Yin....for all the embodied beings on earth...I can't imagine why I would stay.” – Momo
“My experience with the gathering this month was I started to feel a smooth pull to it a day or two before, like I was already there and then on the new moon night I clearly sensed like a very crowded spot buzzing with activity and people -if floating around may be considered and activity, although it's just a metaphor. You know when you have to go to a gathering with some friends and they're already there and your kind of late and sense them there before you get to the place... That kind of feeling. And I didn't have any particular dream or feeling in the morning.” – Guillem
“I've had a lot going on within me this week, so this momentarily slipped my mind. When I entered the Banyan tree gathering, one of the first beings that came up to me was Mark. He seemed quite animated and like there was something he really wanted to share. And I wanted to hear it! Perhaps I was trying too hard, but the message did not and has not come into my human consciousness. I'm sure it got transferred through the "Bluetooth" from Soul to Soul, but I am still curious as to what Mark was trying to get across.” – Karen
I would write more but the magnitude of the experience beyond linearity has not sunk in yet enough to find words. Thank you all for sharing.
Please feel free to share your experiences below in the comments section. If you would like to join us on Ryver and have not received an invite, you can email Este at firstname.lastname@example.org.
RYVER FORUM DESCRIPTIONS