It's been a while since I have written something of substance here. This morning Xavi asked me some questions on Ryver. I love that so much because without the question, the answer would not form. So here are my answers and an invitation to join me on something I sense will be amazing, especially if you add your wisdom to it as well.
First, I want to start off with a little except from the Thirty Days of Self-Love, Chapter 3...
March 15, 2017
Bend, Oregon to Waldport, Oregon
Yesterday Ollie and I made our way from Bend to Waldport, Oregon, where the Alsea River meets the Pacific Ocean. We took the road less traveled, which took us through piney, mountainous woods and dropped us softly into the lush, temperate Willamette National Forest.
As we weaved through the winding roads, I sensed into what I was creating for myself on this journey. I sensed with each curve I took on the road, with each turn of the steering wheel, that I was weaving the cobwebs of creation for the experiences that lay ahead of me.
Weaving the cobwebs of creation is a concept I have been experiencing and sensually examining for some months now. For me, it is about experiencing creative senses in addition to perceiving senses. Of course, the two go hand and hand.
We use our perceiving senses to get a sensual lay of the land, and at the same time, we can access our creative senses, which we can consciously use to build and experience our reality, minute by minute, second by second.
As masters of Self, we are spiders spinning our own creative webs, weaving the energy designs which will attract and manifest anything we dream or desire in our creative cobwebs. The energetic design of the web determines what we will ‘catch’ and ‘dine on’ in our lives, if you will.
For spiders, weaving a web is instinctual. As masters of our lives, creative senses also come from a place within our body of consciousness, within the universe of Self, that is beyond the human mind and emotions - beyond even intuition and imagination, as creative senses are far more sophisticated. Creative senses come from the soul, or master Self – from the core of who we truly are beyond singular human existence.
Spiders do not use rush or force when spinning their webs. Their movements are gentle, delicate, and precise. Consciousness gives rise to precision. If we choose, we can be completely aware of the energetic designs of the cobwebs we are weaving. We can be as energetically precise – beyond human details – as we would like in our creative abilities.
I share this because while my human was not aware then, the web I was spinning on this day more than a year ago was the creation of the Center of Being.
Center is not a word for an organization or a physical space. It is the center of being that is the individualized source spirit that lives in us all. It was a place for sovereign beings to share their sovereign center with another - in a place that exits beyond physicality, duality, linearity and gravity.
This is not only my creation but yours as well.
For me, this whole experience has unfolded and continues to unfold in some sort of divine (beyond human agenda) format or blue print because we are 'making it up'/ creating it together- each from the point of sovereignty within each of our being - as we go along. Each person who connects to the creation adds their wisdom to it, and it changes shape and form continuously. Transfiguration. Alchemy of Spirit. BEING - a perpetual state of becoming - never static, always dynamic.
Today Xavi asked me some questions and shared some of his views, and I wanted to share the response with you - why I have not shared El Morya's channels, why I am taking a break from big shares until June, and finally, an invitation to ask you to grace this space - this creation- with your wisdom. Of course, you are always doing so by BEING here, but maybe we can share a bit more about this with human awareness, if it something you would like to do.
Xavi first referenced an article by Geoffrey Hoppe in the Crimson Circle magazine in reference to recent events when Adamus St. Germain asked people to leave who were still in lack among other things. I bring this up because it is related to how each of us interact with groups (CC or other) from a different space of ONE-ness, Being-ness, soul sovereignty, and/or divine will. Total disconnection - to reconnect from a space of sovereignty (covered more below).
"Regarding Geoff, I'm surprised that so few people have reacted to it (Adams's imperatives for leaving and staying in the CC). According to Geoff or nobody saw the last shoud or 99.9% of Shaumbra is ok. Well I have another theory, many have not taken for granted and have decided to deny their reality. --- Important question --- This makes me ask myself, in short, what are we doing here at the Center of Being?
Are we going back to the CC because Adamus is finally cleaning? Because it does not seem that the reasons why we gather here are giving.
Let me explain: for me the Center of Being @The_Center_of_Being , or the Banyan Tree, is a non-place where everyone can experience their own EEE process at their own pace, without groups marking the tempo; and share it with others if you decide.
That's great, and that's what I want to do now. On the other hand I realize that we are not going to work or travel in the EEE as a group here, and that is why I imagine that the two channels of El Morya per month have never been given or will not be given. I'm afraid we're going to have to keep going to the CC from time to time to catch up."
It's a great question - and please note I love this kind of exchange - it is not upsetting to me at all. The opposite - so helpful.
Here is my response (also on Ryver where this sort of exchange occurs and shapes these posts and shares immensely):
"Xavi, I'm always glad you bring things up. I am kind of going with the flow. I do not really consider this a group but a gathering of sovereign beings who come together from time to time to share. We don't have rules, regulations. El Morya did ask me to do some channels -- and then he and I both felt a shift. I don't have a real clear direction - I'm honest about that.
Nothing is so black and white for me and schedules and control/ organization makes me cringe because it takes away from the free flow. Also, unlike other channelers, I really feel I must understand something and live it before I share it with other people. I'm not there yet. At all. But I will BE.
Currently, I am experiencing all parts and pieces of myself coming together as one. I sense disconnection and yet I am still able to connect from a different space. For example, I used to go to CC and other conscious/ spiritual groups to get wisdom - to fill myself up - to get my fix.
Now, I feel like I can add my wisdom and observe without needing to fill myself up - I am full - soul full. So for me, CC is still there, Adamus is still sharing wisdom I like to hear. As far as the human game over there. I'm so done. Control is just another form of energy feeding.
I guess what I'm trying to say is two things. It's not an either/ or situation (the mind tends to want that but the mind is dead) - it's an AND. The more you disconnect to become THE ONE SELF the more relationships expand into the AND.
Finally, most importantly for this space, both El Morya and my soul/ higher voice called Sar'h or whatever - I hate the definition and names right now (cringe) - we will probably create a new name for this collective voice (El Morya just told me that) - is planning or creating, rather, something for June.
"Please be patient," - Lauren
"Be ready to be wowed" - El Morya & Sar'h
(One example of my fragments coming together right now....)
However, what we share will NOT be wisdom to absorb and learn from. People will not come to the Banyan Tree to ask for answers or it will back fire and shoot them straight out.
It will be an exploration of I AM and creation from being in which your own soul's wisdom will guide you!
So, moving forward, if you come here looking for guidance from outside of the soul's passionate wisdom - not only will you be disappointed you will probably get sick.
Right now I am attuning my physical body to be able to handle what El Morya and Sar'h as a 'collective consciousness of BEING' will share.
Until that feels complete to human Lauren, I will not share or be beholden to any timeline. I am not going to blast myself into a sick bed or out of the body. We still have too much legacy to leave behind -- as do you all!
I sense this will be a complete radical shift in what is shared here. I ask for human patience AND MORE SO for you all to contribute your wisdom to this collective being consciousness and the CREATION FROM BEING experience - if you choose.
Xavi - thank you for playing your divine/ soul will role to perfection. I am so serious when I say it is appreciated!!!"
So today, as my soul asks me to hang on a couple more months for what will be shared this summer, I invite you to contribute your wisdom under, in, and throughout the branches of the majestic, golden Banyan Tree, if it is your will. If you choose, maybe share below as well. So helpful for human me right now...
In total honor of you and your unique experience and what wisdom you bring here!!!
By the way, how can anyone charge for something that is a mutual expression of creation - in which everyone is bringing their wisdom to the table/ banyan tree??? It is beyond comprehension these days. An old game.
THANK YOU from the Center of my Being to the Center of Yours!!!
Got Wisdom? :)
On this POST, Raphealle wrote the following comment. It's so much what I sense going on and reflects so perfectly the conversations I've been having with others and mySelf I wanted to share her wisdom and add a few notes...Perhaps you will add your wisdom in the comments section too....
She wrote, "Dear Lauren, as always thank you for this space! I deeply can feel and love the discernment between building and true creation. Between allowing creation to happen from soul passion, without agenda, vs. planing, working and forcing things into reality. I see that those principles Adamus named as Ahmyo life are identical with the basics of creativity and art (those artists commited to express divne will, mostly without naming it so).
And there comes the point where I stumble again and again : connecting with my soul passion I hear loud and clear that it is time to step out of hiding, to start to share! It is so I started creating a blog, without knowing what I will share and with who, to find my many ways of sharing.
So what happens? The agenada comes back though the backdoor, as building the ground for soul passion became the agenda. And of course this goes beyond comfort and the human fears and limitations, so sometimes it feels like effort, as work, as you surely experienced also with your physical creations in the last years. Or not?
And if I don't go into physical, if I stop when it comes to the point when physical action beyond human fear and laziness is required, labeling it building and effort/ what sense does it make to even stay in physical?"
I see this a lot especially with my friends whom I hold in high regard, like you. They have so very much to share but when it comes time to put things on paper or a website, that voice inside says something is off. When it comes to charging money, again the voice comes.
In fact, sometimes I feel those like you have so much to say, more than me, it is hard to focus on one thing. For example, your wisdom, your beautiful singing voice, your understanding of healing, and your amazing connection to worlds beyond this physical one. That's a hell of a lot of stuff to bring into the physical.
How do you choose what to focus on? How do you bring all that magnificence into a website? It's near impossible. (However, you do capture it so well in a song. You make my heart expand infinitely when you sing...) Yet, there is the distillation of soul wisdom which can create the matter, consciously, if you choose (or better yet, don't)....
Old Lauren would tell you to have a deep, sensual conversation with your soul about passionate physical expression and see what comes up. That's old Lauren.
However, I have found there was no conversation with my soul about what my passionate creation was or is. It simply unfolds each day. I do not think about anything. I move from bed to laptop and everything unfolds.
I say and I mean it, I do not want to do anything or participate in any conscious community anymore. Yet, more and more and more money shows up AND I know psychically and intuitively EXACTLY what is going on in the conscious community on physical Earth and non-physical Earth, without actually wanting to know it.
In this space, for me, choice is completely irrelevant and soul and human are ONE voice, although the human has become a facet, which can still have an opinion but nobody in my body of consciousness listens to it anymore. So basically, it talks like three times a week.
I call my friend Tess the master of non-physical creation (I will not share the details because it is not mine to share but I hope she shares her story at some point). She doesn't have a website. She doesn't work at a job either. She has everything she needs and more. If and when she does decide to create in the physical, well...I cannot wait to see it.
Yet, I do NOT see her struggling to create in the physical. The divine unfoldment is in a beautiful ease in her body of consciousness. It is a pleasure to watch and to spend time in her radiating presence. One of my favorite things. She doesn't need a website. It might even diminish her grandness.
I offer this story to share that one does not have to be going big on a giant project or crowd funding campaign to be a Master of Self and in bliss. In fact, it seems to go the opposite way....
Indeed, as you know, not everything has to be created in the physical. Creations are no less real if you cannot touch them with your human hands or see them with human eyes.
Raphaelle, I would say you have many creations already. It's like a buffet. What item from the buffet would you like to bring into the physical, if any? Could you view it as an experiment? Watch agenda pop up and circumnavigate it? When the agenda pops up, I have found it is a great opportunity for distillation of wisdom. Where did the agenda come from? Is it mine? If so, let's integrate the bitch...
Actually, none of my creations in the past years since closing my Public Relations firm have felt like work. It felt entirely appropriate for a while to charge people for sessions (to have the experience so I could write about it not because I loved it but I did and do love the people so much), and I had to charge for the workshop in the Netherlands to pay Sandra and Jonathan. To bring my creation forth at that time, I had to play by their rules and/ or the rules of the conscious community - that collective consciousness thats says unless you pay money, it is not worth anything. Blah...
I desired the experience so I was willing to pay the fees laid out in the contract, something I knew was important to Sandra, so I respected it as I was in her domain. I did not make so much money, I was paid in the experience of the community sharing. That's okay, and I am grateful for the experience with many of you all, and the other piece was only a slight irritation. Worth it, but not something I am going to repeat.
Also, I have found, for me, if I express a passion and I stay in that passion (not by choice or effort but because I have no other choice but to bloom in expression, like an orgasm you cannot hold back) - money shows up to support it. Yet, the money doesn't have to come from quid pro quo sources.
A soul expression may be funded with an investment that has been stagnant and then all of sudden blooms in correlation with my passion, for example. This money has no strings attached. I don't owe anyone a good, service, or my time. I am not beholden to anyone or anything.
I have written about it HERE.
"I watch this line moving also with Sandra and Jonathan, I see both of them truely commited to their soul passion and then it gets kind of twisted by human will force."
My comment: I love them both and see their soul's passion expressed and then squashed with hardness and effort like shooting darts, and that is why I took the time to write them. I do not take the time to write other people. I can relate so much and hold so much compassion. I think the masters hub and the movie hold many potentials. I wouldn't even bother if I did not think the pure passion was there - even if it is a tiny spark, that's all you need to start a fire.
I am not against charging for things or even asking for monetary support. It is not something I want to do, but others can certainly make it a conscious endeavor if they choose. Yet, when you take money for such things, you are beholden to it and often affected by the consciousness of the person who gave the money. There's a reason patrons are patrons, often because it gives or buys them a voice. I know this from my non-profit work days. We were always beholden to our donors. Always.
My alternative: Begin to make the movie, paint the picture, create the album with pure passion and watch all the support you need show up. Take the mechanical structure out of creation as to not limit its grandness. Easier said than done, I know. And allowing. More allowing. Don't punch me:P
"The years before I stopped everything from my professional life, that was always connected to healing, therapy and art, because I felt it gets poisoned when the need for money comes in. That was a good thing to distill, to get to the roots, to make my way through all those layers of fear, basicly to die and to die to find the simple soul passion within. Surprise, it goes perfectly together with what I learned in this lifetime. And all the physical basics are gone, except a old car I use a lot and a flat payed from social welfare. If it comes out that I am constantly travelling I go to jail, sound and feels like a joke. Haha. Really.
Maybe even this wish or dream to have a professional life that is completely independent from Income, or income that is independent from work/expression also is just human will- wanting to escape the density of this reality? Really, I would love to hear some outside insights on that."
My comment: Gosh, doesn't escaping the density of this reality sound good? Sometimes when I venture out of the house, I want to stop having to be around people. Yet, people will be human. They will smile and laugh and hiss and hit. This world will be dense and unfair. The government will be corrupt and the money system stifling.
And then I take a deep breath. I cannot change people or the physical earth. I can change my perspective. I can change how I interact with both people and the world. And I love to play in the space beyond the veils of Maya.
That's why we use the word BEYOND. It is not one or the other. We don't exist either in gravity or not in gravity. We do not exist in linear time or not in it. We exist in both gravity and no gravity. We exist in linear and non-linear time. We create and we build and we evolve. What experience do we choose consciously? Do we have any choice left at all? For better and worse, I do not have choice left in me.
Going BEYOND is all inclusive. It simply means our awareness has gone beyond the limits of maya, and we still play in all fields. We can hate it and curse it, or we can see it as a playground to experiment on. We can sense how amazingly grand it is to be incarnated as self-aware beings right here, right now. Or we can curse it and dream every day of escaping it.
It will always be both for me, yet I choose to focus on the fun. My soul's passion is to play in no energy creation for conscious creations and new energy creations and new energy businesses are a chapter I already closed. There is no more passion for it.
And the honor for those who do love to build runs deep in me. Enjoy it before it exhausts you beyond all fun and pleasure and begins to feel like work with a conscious twist. Or even worse, the "have to complete" the project because I took donor money weight becomes too heavy to carry around. A master never wants to "have to do" anything. The I AM is not beholden to anyone or anything, and their soul expressions reflect that.
In honor of you all and Raphaelle who has the voice of an angel. (Deep gratitude)
What if your ultimate physical creation is the embodied enlightenment experience and everything else - the movies, the websites, the books, and everything besides that experience - are mere distractions in the GRAND radiance of your Being (essence) embodied? Is that not the Magic of Being? Is it not that simple?"
Over on the Ryver community and in my Facebook messenger people were sending me all sorts of messages about the Shoud, so here's my experience after being asked by multiple people. The photo is me before the Shoud and then during...Thanks, Nazar and Kiara, for reflecting to me how truly harsh it was. I didn't realize the level until I saw the photos. Same too for a friend.
It's not that I even want to go to the Shoud, yet I do love meeting my friends there and seeing their faces and hearing their stories. And perhaps learn a thing or two about being in OPE (other people's energy).
Right now at this very moment I have a flame burning inside myself, a flame of passion - passion for being and a passion for sharing that passion of being in the Shangra La of Self.
When you have gone through the darkest parts of yourself, after you have died a thousand deaths and burned to ash and risen like the Phoenix, you live in a state of joy - all the time. And I do. It's not human joy. It's something that does not have a word - yet.
It's not that you do not know the darkness in the world. It's not that you have forgotten the suffering in the embodied enlightenment experience - that you will never forget.
Yet, in every moment you hold a fire burning passion for knowing the God inside yourself. You don't have to do anything but be.
Several "shaumbra" have gone through this that I know personally. They have reached the depths of death and despair only to realize they found themselves in heaven - the heaven of self-awareness, or self-realization.
When I first arrived at the Shoud around noon, my fire burned bright.
One person, a long time Shuambra and teacher came up to me and grabbed my arm - not in a feeding way, but in a sharing way.
As she touched my arm she asked, "When? When is it going to happen?" She meant enlightenment.
"Any day now," I said with a big smile on my face.
I could see her master self behind her, waving at her saying, "I am right here. You can recognize me anytime."
She is so close. It's right there.
I said nothing more because in this environment sharing that you had gone through it and found a light on the other side is not welcomed. So all that's left to do is smile in honor of the person.
Also, I don't want to ruin the surprise that her master self is following her around and tapping her on the shoulder at every moment, she just can't see it yet.
And then the Shoud program started. I sat in the nice neat rows (the great teacher-student divide) and pondered the check-in process for the event.
When I checked in I was given a Christmas card from Geoff and Linda - nice - and a lecture -
"If you do not have your name badge on when the Christmas Party starts, you will be kicked out!"
The woman saying it seemed to read it off a piece of paper in she had been given, and you could tell she was embarrassed to say it.
They went through the updates and went through the workshops - all sold out.
And the doubts, fears, lack of passion that pervaded the land of Shaumbra began to rain in the studio. Not pleasant but good for business if you sell workshops.
This is nothing knew and it's a given - enlightenment is not pretty - we know that - yet all that doubt and despair can be contagious if you let it.
Doubt can only land and stick on someone who allows it. But do we need to place ourselves in an environment where its rampant? You can answer the question for yourself.
Then as Adamus began to talk and ask questions, one man shared that he was bored and had no passion - that's what happens when the perceived human will leaves the body - just before the divine will of the God self comes in. We've all been there, will be there, or are there now. I remember it well.
All the creations of the aspects start to cease because as the aspects come in for integration they can no longer create.
Soon that man's lack of passion will turn into a great fire burning within him - a deep passion for SELF, for being - if he allows it.
If I had been called on I would have shared my passion for being, but that is not welcome in this space.
My dear friend sat in front of me. I could feel the passion boiling from deep within her, too.
I am not special. There are others too who have allowed their enlightenment, but in this space we were not invited to share, in fact, it would be heavily frowned upon.
So why do we keep going when it's not supportive of the experience? Habit? Holding a standard? None of it, for me. It's pure curiosity. What it was like as a seeker is not at all what it is like after the seeking is done. Adamus could go up there and take a shit. Doesn't matter. But I am not immune to the soup of energies.
What if in this space we were able to share that passion for being, the passion for sensuality, to share what was happening beyond the nothing, to say what we have uniquely found beyond the void? Would it be supportive or would we be chased out by shuambra with pitchforks? I guess we'll never know because we have not been allowed to.
In the Center of Being - that passion for being is always welcome and you are always invited to share. As Adamus said, stop worrying you are judging - you are discerning. Again and again.
The heavy mental thoughts started about three days before the Shoud. I do not have heavy mental thoughts anymore, so I know they are not mine, but I listened to them to see what was "in the air", as Adamus said.
I want to mention as most of you know already - but just in case - the voice of Adamus is a collective conscious voice of Shaumbra - a reflection of Shaumbra back to Shaumbra, so basically we are listening to ourselves.
The thoughts were of the doubt and anger variety.
"This is made up...I'm not going to reach enlightenment - not before I run out of money....I'm already enlightened, said one aspect to the other, let's get out of here...I hate you. I hate everything. Why did you lie to me, Adamus....Blah. Blah. Blah."
When I was sitting in the studio the thoughts became louder and louder, and I knew they were not mine. They weren't anyone's, really.
However, I noticed something. When people came into the studio, they were generally light energetically and open. Then after the shoud the energy was very dense and contained a very deep sadness, which we all know is part of the experience but when you put it all into a small strip mall building, it becomes doubt and despair soup and then everyone is swimming in it with a drink in their hand. The Titanic?
Indeed, the old ways of channelers and workshops are indeed becoming a sinking ship.
There's lots of ways to look at it. One: is it is an excellent exercise in discerning what is and what is not yours. Two: It's a beautiful mess.
In the message, Adamus was reassuring - boredom, nothingness, despair, lack of passion - it's all a sign you are in a perfect place to allow your enlightenment. Perhaps it was not the message people wanted to hear. I watched the energy take a turn for the worse.
"This is it?" I heard the woman in front of me think internally.
Then came the party. Despair and lack of passion were attempted to be drowned out, as one man swallowed some whiskey straight from the bottle outside. I watched in observation.
With the alcohol hitting his blood stream, his aspects became even more animated. Mr. Doubt suddenly had a renewed vigor and Mrs. Lack of Passion started yacking away, talking over Mr. Doubt. There was a whole screen play occurring in the man's body of consciousness, one that had been rehearsed many times.
I watched in compassion, and then my master self asked, "We can understand it, but is this really how we want to spend our Saturday?"
Later after not eating all day and with the energies swirling I found I was very hungry. I saw a salad placed on a table. Light-headed I walked over to get some. Geoff scolded me that I was to not eat that salad and I needed to have something off the other table. The other table had farmed Costco shrimp and hormone cheese on it - stuff no master would eat. I really just wanted a small cup of dry lettuce. He didn't just scold me once inside but also again when I went outside for air.
"I'm so sorry," I said.
Again, is this how I wanted to spend my Saturday as a master? Was it masterly? No. And why wouldn't Geoff be more concerned with what was happening energetically in his space, if concerned about anything at all.
Side note: When and if the Center of Being has a physical space, there will be fresh, live food and you can have salad whenever you want.
I left early. The conversations go down a notch or two as more alcohol drunk, as more factory meat is consumed. I watched it with observation. The masters that walked in at noon where dwindling in numbers. I was going to lose my master too if I stayed too long.
I watched the energies become more and more chaotic as the atmosphere has aspects dancing on the ceiling, stamping in more doubt, more anxiety and more mental assessments of everything. There's also some joy mixed into the soup. There's honor and gratitude somewhere in there, but the other voices in the building are too loud. I can't hear myself inside this building.
I am just watching it. Yet, the noise level becomes so intense I excuse myself.
On my drive home I notice that I feel toxic - after months of feeling like pure joy. I get home and take a salt bath. Texts from three other Shuambra talked about how awful the experience was them too - it's not a human complaint they are stating - it is a master discernment.
I finally get to sleep about midnight. The doubt has manifested into despair - I now feel a deep sadness that is not mine.
But knowing it is not mine is not enough for it to go away, I have to keep it and hold it like soothing a crying baby.
"There, there, sweet child," I say to this Shaumbra baby. "Everything is going to be okay. I promise."
My heart feels like it is breaking in two. I cry for it, not for me. I cry because I know what it is like although I don't feel any of it anymore.
I text my master friends here on Sunday. They too felt the deep heart ache; they too cried. None of it was ours.
None of it is yours either. I belongs to the dying aspects in the ethers.
By going to the Shoud each month, I am essentially volunteering myself for this horrific duty. One I don't need anymore.
Last night, a friend texted that there is darkness everywhere in the world so it would be no different in the shoud. Indeed.
I responded, "When I am alone there is no darkness. Only the passion for being."
It's true. It's honest. Although I do hope to be able to hang out with people and not watch an aspect puppet show at some point.
When you have met all your so-called dark parts. The one who slit her wrist in front of her lover. The Arabian knight who murdered and raped. And you love them and allow forgiveness of them. It's not that they go away, it's that they are no longer dark. The become light in the shine of awareness.
Every morning I wake up in a state of passion. There is no doubt because I am living proof that enlightenment is not made up. I live in a state of ecstasy when I am alone.
So to walk into a strip mall where people are not in that space is like diving into a pit of despair. As a master you will not be overcome by it. But you still will be affected. An energy hangover, Adamus once called it.
As new masters, we are the babes learning to walk in our mastery. When you are learning to walk as a child, you don't just wake up and run a marathon. You take wobbly step after wobbly step, until they day when you simply take off - walking, running is on autopilot.
Or we are baby birds, learning to flap our wings and fly. Whatever analogy you like.
It is my hope for the etheric and/ or physical space for the Center of Being - for what I/ we are creating - never takes someones beingness and blankets it in the toxicity of contagious doubt.
That is why I have been stern in my writing. Talking about not giving or receiving under the Banyan. Leave your doubts at the door, leave your heavy mental aspects at the door, and join your master self under the tree.
Until there is enough people being in their passion, the physical space will remain a fiction for I am not creating another Crimson Circle.
I will not sell workshops and channels to doubting folks. It's done. Its over.
It has served it's purpose and I honor it. It was a huge part of my expansion. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
But it is not my creation - anymore. I am not here to manage the energies of Shaumbra - it's something you don't want to take on but by showing up you have some how agreed to it. The Colorado Shuambra who have lived here for years say similar things.
I am here to create joy and experience my creation. I am here to share my passion for being - by being passionate.
I am creating a space where there is no microphone, but if there was, I would hand it to all of you.
I am creating a space where there is no stage, but if there was, I would ask all of you all up there, and I'd sit in the audience, instead.
I am creating a space where you can eat salad any time you flipping want to! :P
First of all, divine will is something that cannot be taught. It happens naturally and takes over your life in such a sweet way that you don't care about anything else. Really.
I'm pleased to say, so far, it also comes with all human needs and desires being met without effort - either that, or I'd be the happiest bum living in the forest and sleeping on the beach right now.
Instead, the less I give a shit, the more money keeps piling up for the embodied enlightenment experience or being enlightenment gathering space.
I recently doubled my old human life 401k retirement fund in the cryptocurrency market hitting a few buttons on the computer screen. Three months invested. Yeah, and not tied to any of it. (This is not financial advice. Please, no. I have no clue what I am doing but playing...)
I am watching it all in awe. I know it is 'not polite to talk about money' but we are going to have an amazing space to 'no energy' gather once it is done piling up and the perfect space presents itself. It's also going to have to have a surf beach - that's my only human caveat. A reef wave to be exact.
So you cannot teach divine will, but what you can do is share experiences, and then when the person is naturally going through the process they will recognize it happening. That's about the only option, and St. Germain and El Morya have been up to this for a lot longer and it's the same way they go about it.
Also, there is the stigma associated with the words divine will. For me, it feels so sensual to say it and permeates my body of consciousness like a warm blanket. Further, it is not my responsibility to change the words if there's an old hang up about them. I am not Adamus marketing genius machine and sometimes it feels cheap to keep re-packaging the same old stuff. Like feeding a baby with the "in comes the airplane" trick. We're not babies.
Maureen wrote me the other day, she said, "I keep trying to find the new in new energy business but never found it."
That made me laugh hard. At myself, too. What I am saying is no matter how we change the words, there is nothing new. So all the re-branding becomes a bit tired after a time. Like now:)
Plus, you all know how to make up your own vocabulary that works for you. You don't need another person playing consciousness word police with you. It's so old, and actually feels more makyo than the new age right about now. Further, someone taking out their unintegrated I hate the church aspect from lifetimes ago on me is not cool. (That person has left).
Someone asked the following....And I cannot stress how helpful these questions are to me in my writing process...
About your saying: "I would say - for me - divine will, the third circle of creation, and the Ahmyo life is when the flowing river of the soul's wisdom meets the river of Source, your divinity that you were separated from at the Wall of Fire, and the two rivers flow into the ocean of YOU, the ocean of the I AM."
I also talked about soul and source of self on the same infiniti symbol, meeting in the middle...
They said, "I don't understand the two rivers ... How I understand up till now is that my Soul is the same as my Divinity ... ? My Divinity is now enriched with my experiences, and when integrated being wisdom ... or what do you mean?"
And it was not the only person who asked me - are you externalizing God - so that why I am answering it this way.
My answer - in this space of being - is there is no internal and external - those are old mental concepts. As you expand in all directions, every single duality dissipates.
External and internal is a dualistic concept. In expansion, those linear lines cease to exist.
Finally, when I write about divine will, I am describing my own experience. It's really up to you to have your own experience, to create that space. My experience will not be yours.
I will tell you that what you are passionate about when you enter this space is not to teach divine will (and you cannot). Instead, you might like me be deeply passionate about first, spending many hours and days alone, and second, you desire to share deeply with others in the same space. Or, that is my case and Morya shared the same sentiment.
And, people's human free will actions will drive you nuts for a time, too, especially when they act as if God anointed them himself (joke). But I am told it will go away. That can't come soon enough.
Keep your questions coming. I really appreciate them. I also want to write about relationships more. In the hungry planet world, power couples are it - even in all these conscious groups. The channelers of change...cough....
I have been thinking about the NO power couple, the no energy relationship. More to come on that.
I spent a lovely day on Mustang Island in Corpus Christi, Texas, and friends, it was superb. I chatted briefly with the Kuthumi to my El Morya. What a fucking gift! And I talked to the "energy does not require force" embodiment - Master D. Ah, and I never brushed my hair or put on a bra. Woo Hoo. #ahmyolife :P
Here is the latest reader request:"Lately my human self has felt some struggles related to friendships with other women. Having been a woman in most of my lifetimes, I have noticed some old patterns of competition and jealousy come to the surface, even with friends who are conscious and going through their experience of enlightenment. This also relates to the topic of allowing ourselves to shine. I understand that we lose some friends when we allow ourselves to be our authentic, radiating selves. But it would also be great to still have a few human friendships here. What are your (and El Morya’s) perspectives on this?"
This is a great question and one I have pondered for lifetimes. I have a lot of personal experience with it (also having been a woman in many lifetimes), and I'm going to share some of my Lauren human experiences and wisdom from Sar'h, who has navigated my human self through these experiences, but first Master M.
When it comes to human relationships, Master M, is a bit harsh. He says with energy not words that we are not here to be liked.
"Who cares?" he has asked me when I whined about the energy of competition among girlfriends and energetically draining boyfriends.
"Why do you keep putting yourself in these situations?" he would ask - not to be cold and callous but to present a question for me to answer deeply at the soul level. Why was I continuing to allow myself to be distracted?
He indicated the further we step into Divine Will, the less we will need and desire human friendships. He says instead friendships take a sweet turn in the embodied enlightenment experience, although they are quality not quantity.
He also warned that just like when we go through a human awakening and those in mass consciousness stare at us like we are crazy, when we step into divine will those still creating and playing in human will, will also look at us with the eyes of human judgement. We must remember it is not really them, but the human will clinging onto the soul for dear life that judges.
"Many will say they are choosing enlightenment. They will play the part extremely well. It will appear as if they have it all together on these social media sites, and people will be drawn to them for a time.
Yet, in the end, many will not be willing to forgo the human comforts (he's not talking about renunciation of material possessions, but of human attachments, such as co-dependent relationships and a desire to be liked, for example) that must be shed to have the full experience.
As I said before, they will jump at a chance for the $100 (or the supposed conscious handsome dude - Lauren add), a dozen others are fighting for - not once or twice or three times, and finally learn the lesson, but over and over again.
For those of you becoming or already sitting in your divine will space, you will know deeply, for you, it was never a choice but a will of your soul so deep and so strong to know it is God, also, that there was never a way to stay in the human will circles.
Like Lauren - and some of you did this a long time ago - after diving after the $100 bill for the last time, you will say no more. You will step back, breathe and be, allowing the riches of Divine Will to simply appear in your hand (and the super actually conscious dude will appear).
And you will not have the desire to share with your fellow humans "choosing" enlightenment instead of being it, because it is too much of an energetic expense and you know they will not be able to comprehend it.
Like we have been talking about for many months, in divine will there is no longer judgment, but a fined-tuned discernment, which could not be perceived while still operating in human free will."
After my first book was published or birthed, I decided to have a party to celebrate. As you know, I do not have children, and the book was my baby. It was almost like a baby shower or my child's first birthday party.
I invited friends, made a huge meal, bought amazing wine, and opened my house to my Colorado community. I didn't mind the effort because it was a celebration I wanted to share with friends. Writing a book is a solitary experience, so being around people was a real treat.
I had books for sale for $10, but did not push it and kept them in the corner. It was simply there if someone wanted to buy it.
Now in human worlds, if I were back in Austin, Texas, my friends would have put on this event for me. They would have walked around the room, letting people know the book is for sale.
At this time in my life, I was still transitioning from my human friends who outwardly showed their support as I did for them. For example, when they had a baby, I showed up to do their laundry for a month, because having a baby is hard. When I got a divorce, they came and packed up my belongings while I cried in a corner. When there was something to celebrate, we planned a party. When there was a problem to solve, we got on group text and solved it. It was simple and a given.
I learned quickly that would not happen in Colorado and I accepted it as part of moving from awakening into enlightenment, so I was able to drop my expectations there. In Colorado, I learned it was everyone for themselves, which I get - super sovereignty I can dig. For example, when I first moved there, I asked for some help and was given a stern NO. So I asked a human friend who was happy to help. Problem solved.
But something more was boiling in the pot so deeply since I moved there, and it came to a head. It was ugly, but a huge gift, for it came up to be released - the energy of competition.
More than half the people who came to the party were really truly happy for me. They purchased a book, said congratulations. They brought a dish to share. They saw me and how much work and courage went into the book.
Others came, ate and drank, never mentioned the book, talked about themselves, and energetically put a wall up between me and them. Here I was the fat kid with thick glasses in junior high again. Why didn't they like me???? I was trying so hard to fit into their rules, be self sufficient, say the right things (as I was constantly corrected for my word choices). It was exhausting. Why did these people show up to only talk to their friends and shun me?
I cried for a couple of days the victim crocodile tears, and asked my soul, what am I do wrong?
"First of all, stop trying to play by their rules. They feel the energy of you trying to please them, and it is like making yourself a target. More importantly, can't you see this is about them. You wrote the book they have been trying to write (figurative, not literal). You are creating! The ones who are happy for you, are in a state of self-love. The others are not YET. Have compassion and move on. "
That can't be it, I thought, I must be doing something wrong. But I went on with my life, and went straight into the 30-days of self-love experience, which changed everything. For those of you who read it, you already know I was not fully in love with myself before I left, and now I sense it deeply.
When I got back to Colorado after the 30 days, one woman came up to me at a group event.
"I want to apologize. The last time I saw you at the party at your house, I did not like you. I talked bad about you. I am so sorry. It was really that I was not loving myself, and seeing you happy and thriving made me feel bad about me. It is nothing you did. It was me."
She gave me a hug. She was genuine. All was and is forgiven. It was a magical moment for me.
AND right after that, another woman sensing my radiance, came up to me and said, "I do not like your human self, but I can honor you at the soul level."
The words felt like darts, the energy competitive and aggressive, yet I could see it was not her talking to me, but this old energy of competition.
The difference - it flowed right on through me when I would have stressed and analyzed it for days or even weeks before the self-love flowed in.
My dearest friend in Colorado and I also had a bout of this weird, old, nasty female competitive energy that took us a part for many months. This one was on me, completely. I accused her of all sorts of things, which were really my own. After a long break and apologies she so masterly said were not needed, we too have moved passed it.
Master M who seems to care less whether I have friends or not, jumps for joy when I am going to meet her for a walk. He says, "(Her Name), yay, I can't wait to hear what she has to say!"
He says she is like Kuthumi was to him in his last life - a trusted friend and a true master without the bullshit who will tell you directly to your face, what you need to hear even when you don't want to hear it. These words may seem harsh but you can tell they come from a space of deep honor for you not out of jealousy or competition.
Those are the type of friends you will have in divine will. They will not care who you were, but who you have become.
Sar'h says it is like any growth - there is always a death, before the rebirth. Don't forget to water the soil of SELF and have patience for the beautiful bloom sure to grow - one worthy of your company.
I could say so much more about the history of women on this planet, the old competition for the man in the village, and more. Yet, it's an old story, one that is best told through silence.
In appreciation for all of you, no longer the lobsters needing to claw our way to the surface of the water tank, for we already exist in the freedom outside of the tank.
Big love. Big life.
READER REQUESTS CONTINUED...
There are several questions that have come up from multiple masters of SELF.
When I sense into the energy behind the questions, they seem related, but not so much on a mental level. Don't know how I am going to piece this together, but Master M confirmed my intuition these are all strands from the same thread, so why not try?
Below are the questions. I'm going to take a stab at it with Master M. Please feel free to add your wisdom below. I am genuinely curious.
From one reader:
"Something has been with me lately. It is about the parallel realities that we live constantly. In the past I used to enjoy those dreams about the other realities, but lately when I dream about it, it brings me a sense of dissatisfaction and discomfort to my current reality."
From another reader:
"What does playing with the energies from divine perspective look like?"
"How is everyone experiencing multi-dimensionality from the space of Divine Will?"
- I hope to hear from you masters on this one. -
Let's just say things have taken a strange twist over here in the multi-reality department. The other night I was sleeping and awake. I looked over at D to see if he was awake, and I saw him sleeping (physical body) and also sitting up listening to his headphones (also an image clear as day but I could tell it was not his actual body made of matter).
Last night D had a dream in which we were watching a movie - a horror film - on his laptop. Then we were in the horror movie. A movie that was Hollywood worthy, according to D. He woke up, and then right back into the movie. He says he wasn't scared because he knew it was a movie - a high-definition blockbuster at that.
Like the first reader question/ comment, I too used to revel in the experience of multiple realities. It's so very cool to learn about parallel story lines and simultaneous lives. Then something shifted recently for me as well.
About three days ago, I was laying in bed in a deep state of relaxed ONEness with my soul. When I came back into human form, I was so irritated. It felt so limited and fragmented. I didn't want to scream, but everything physical felt like the irritation of sandpaper on my skin. A low grade irritation - one that is so dull it is extra irritating.
Perhaps when we are so expanded and then we have to stuff all that energy back into physicality, we experience the magnitude of existence only to come back into the dull 3-D world. That's nothing new to us, but hang with me for a few paragraphs.
I have a sneaking soul suspicion that this is part of the motion into the third circle, or transfiguration (cellular shift) from Free Will to Divine Will. We are bringing the expansion of the soul's will into human form - embodied enlightenment.
For a human metaphor, that's a whole lot of consciousness to stuff into one body. We are embodying God within our physical bodies. Of course, that is not going to be pleasant every minute of the day.
Might explain my bloating and weight gain - surely it's not all those cakes I have been eating:P
Let me try this another way...In human free will, those simultaneous lives and multiple realities also had free will, right?
The role of SELF in that reality could do whatever it wanted.
In Divine Will, or Soul Will, I mentioned before it feels like my soul is a flowing river headed in one direction (obviously not - but for the sake of human writing). Those parallel story lines are not in the flow of my soul's will, which has taken the driver's seat.
Like a ship turning in the sea to go with the tides of your transfiguring consciousness, it is going to take some time for those story lines to be in the flow.
It's not that those parallel realities and simultaneously lives go away, although they are/ or become integrated into our ONEness. And I "think" our awareness of them continues to expand until we become so comfortable with our multiplicity that it is no longer that annoying fly buzzing around us.
I'm not sure how to say it, the story lines continue to exist but the human will in the story lines seems to also transfigure into soul will. Thus, not only this human life must make the shift into Divine Will; all your lives and realities are making the shift, simultaneously, too. Holy crap!
Master M says this is something that must be sensed and not mentally understood, but that the parables might help bring the human along. He also reminds me of the 'science.' When you move from free will into being a vessel for the will of God (self), you are undergoing such a radical shift at the cellular level, it is no surprise that you might be irritated, tired and then wired, starving and then stuffed.
He says if your human wants to know what to do, he recommends avoiding making big decisions, any kind of external commitments, and instead dedicating yourself to doing nothing - BEING and BREATHING.
He says in this transfiguration what you think you want to create will change drastically, and any creation requiring effort is a huge waste of energy that might be better directed to this deep, cellular shift going on inside of you.
Master M says we've had the glimpses of what lies on "the other side," and the experiences in remembering patience "pays off."
For example, we were trying to figuratively create $100 when $1 million was just around the corner - if we were patient, if we did not settle simply to curb our human discomfort of the unknown.
Or when we were trying to find shelter in any place available when there was an empty mansion waiting for us half a mile down the street. Yet, we took the tent just in case there was not a better option down the road.
Master M is saying don't dive after the $100 bill, especially one that a dozen other people are trying to grab at. Don't stop and sleep in the tent. Walk on into Divine Will - let the others have the experience fighting over the only tent left as you kick your feet up in the mansion down the road.
BREATHE and BE your way into the infinite riches of DIVINE WILL.
The more human discomfort of the unknown you can allow to flow through you (because you have the deep knowing of what riches await you), the "better off" you will be.
Damn, Master M, thank you!
As far as playing with energies, I sense a shift in that experience too. I do not know yet how playing with energies appears in Divine Will, yet I have a deep knowing it is vastly different than how we played in Free Will.
Master M says many of you either stopped playing with others in their Free Will experiences and games a while back. Others like me, he said, have just felt the deep soul message that it is time to leave those worlds, not knowing at the human level what is next, but knowing deeply in our soul space, that what's "ahead" is infinitely more "interesting" and "rewarding."
I use quotes so much because words are so damn limiting to the energy that he is using. I wish I could type in light. Perhaps you see the golden rays, too.
I sense this is enough for today, but I will continue and continue on this topic for many posts. Please share. I would love to hear from you all. Your questions are super helpful, too.
Also, thank you for this FREE space to share unfiltered. None of this is ever edited and is "real time" - a beautiful breath of fresh, conscious air for me. Infinite gratitude. It is PURE JOY!
I received the following reader request. It has been slightly edited for brevity and anonymity...
"I was reading a thread in a post where you wrote that you choose to never dim your light in any setting."
(For context, I wrote on a Facebook thread I was once told true humility was never dimming your light to fit into any given situation.)
I got a bit confused I must admit, I was guided to dim myself in places I go that is pretty dark, which can be as a self-protection mechanism as to not be attacked.
I am of course taking this up with my own soul master self (Right on!), but I am curious because I don't want to create any attacks, and I know if that's the reason I will get attacked.
I also know that by shining my light I cannot be attacked everything just go into distillation as the light is the I exist.
But I also know that people get scared of this light. I also remember that Adamus said that people who get scared of it are running away, and YES they do. Others stick around because they are drawn to it from their inside.
Is it possible to ask you to write a post about your view on this?"
Yes! This is a topic that has plagued me for many years and many lifetimes. I, like many of you, have often felt too big, so I shrunk myself as to not cause a stir. I also felt punished for being so big (or expanded) when I finally had the courage to BE my big self.
It seems to me also that this phenomena is magnified online. It seems, especially lately, that in online forums, people tend to be more vocal and aggressive than they would be in face to face contact.
After publishing my book and being my BIG SELF online, I lost friends. I lost many friends. Their actions seemed to say, "How dare she shine?!" and I took it personal.
The thing is nothing - absolutely nothing is personal. Anytime someone is triggered, it is showing them places within their body of consciousness, within their Universe of Self, where they can expand. It creates a crack for the light to come into the unexplored parts of themselves.
When we are triggered by someone's aggression or retreat (retreat is also a trigger response), it is showing us the tight places that call for expansion within us as well.
In this context, any "explosion" or collision of our body of consciousness with any one else can be viewed as a huge gift. It is the gift of awareness. The gift of knowing where we can expand even further into the GRANDness of who we are.
I am finding when we allow the action and reaction energy expenditures they return to neutral energy quite quickly. In opposition, when we try to suppress or control actions and reactions ("I am not supposed to react."), they become magnified.
It comes back to the sense of focus. For example, when I first published my book and started this Patreon page, I found when people responded to what I wrote, it was so important to me, in my little world. Positive or negative feedback - it didn't matter - the reactions were hugely important.
Then as I softened my sense of focus, my view expanded, my multiplicity returned. Someone's reaction to my book (nothing but a small act of consciousness), I found instead of a tidal wave the reaction felt like nothing more than a ripple in my body of consciousness.
For me now, the tidal waves were a huge gift - the best gifts - as they opened up pockets of awareness within me, ones I had not seen for years or lifetimes.
If you are on this page, you already know discomfort is an awesome experience because it means we are expanding. It's the caterpillar becoming the butterfly - the snake shedding its skin. The discomfort is necessary in the transfiguration.
So my response is always be your BIG SELF. No longer in fear of the reaction - with the expanded awareness - with the softer focus, any triggers are like beautiful packages to unwrap from our soul.
"Soul, what is this uncomfortable experience showing me? What wisdom can I distill from it?"
Being "out there" is scary. We have been programmed for hundreds if not thousands of lifetimes to shut up and blend in. In this last lifetime, or one of the last, in human form, you don't want to look back and see that you did not live your full self life for the sake of not "hurting" someone's feelings.
Every time my "feeling were hurt" I did not allow it to harden me. Instead, I became softer, more aware of all the facets of my BEING-ness. Although I was probably crying big crocodile tears through it, as I am an avid crier.
Now when someone criticizes me or leaves this Patreon page with a huff and a puff (rare but it happens), it is but a mere ripple in the ocean of ME.
On the other side of the coin, praise is deeply honored and appreciated - immensely honored and appreciated - yet it too is also a ripple, rather than a tidal wave.
My human no longer needs to derive energy from the approval or disapproval of others.
Many, many human derive energy from being pissed off, from the disapproval. Then they can shout about being the victim. It's an effective human way to get some momentum going in their human world. I know from vast experience:)
"I cannot believe so and so did such and such..." - Such a worn out story for me, yet I was pulled into it a few short months ago.
Praise is an even more seductive mechanism of deriving energy externally because it also feeds the human ego. I would say there is nothing wrong or right about it, only that staying within the space where everyone agrees with you is not always super supportive of us learning, or remembering rather, to create energy from within.
For me, both are still occurring. I am still deriving energy externally and internally, although I feel the external energy sources slipping through my fingers like sand on a beach.
That's why I talk so much about cigarettes, beer and food - they represent this shift from external fulfillment to internal. It's just an example from my personal life. Something for the human to comprehend...
Additionally, we can always go back to the art of discernment - what serves and does not serve us in any given moment and understanding it changes in any given moment and any given reality.
For example, being in a critical, aggressive community taught me so much about myself. Now, I don't need to have that experience. The light came in through the cracks already. I am so glad I had the experience.
Furthermore, my sharings and offerings to this world are no longer a choice. There are no longer the questions... "Should I share or not share? What will people think? Is it safe?"
Yet, there is discernment in how to share. I am learning I can radiate without having to put a sign on myself that says, "Hey look! I am radiating!" And I can have a god laugh about when I did that. Why not laugh?! It all served. Every ridiculous human act served me and continues to serve me. Humor is optional, but sure helps.
Back to the point...Now my soul offerings flow from soul unfiltered, and the reactions of others are none of my business.
I would have to shrink myself into the dualistic world to care, and it's too energetically expensive. My human recently tried and gave up! My human finally realized it can longer paddle up the stream of SELF. It doesn't want to anymore.
To the person who wrote this (and to myself):
You know deeply (soul-level gnost) that it is no longer a choice to share your soul self. In BEING, you cannot, or will not, dim your shine for any situation. You simple ARE - YOU EXIST in all your radiance and grandness.
Your human, like mine and many of ours, is simply catching up to this way of BEING. We can resist, or we can breathe and allow the discomfort to flow through undiluted and with honor for the wisdom is distills.
That truly is the MAGIC of BEING.
In magic there is no dark and light. Magic is neutral and lives outside of gravity and duality. And as soon as we learn how simple it all is, even the magic of the experience distills into wisdom.
For me, I'm savoring the unraveling of the mysteries of the Magic of Being, before they too dissolve into the source from which they came - the wisdom of God (SELF) - and are no longer a mystery but an "Of Course!"
What's going on with you SHINY, SHINY souls?
Finally catching up on reader requests. Please note the last post sent too early from my phone. It has been updated, so you'll need to read it on the website. Thanks for your patience!
One patron recently asked about being open to a romantic relationship after many years of being alone and how it looks in the Triple E.
That is something I feel I can share. However, I'd be the last person to talk to about long-term, making things work, or sticking it out in relationships.
I will also say I've attempted human relationships and that was absolutely impossible for me. I can't play "human" and can't hardly talk human anymore.
Being alone was my natural state of being even in my human life. I only had one serious boyfriend from age 25-28. I was married to him from 28-32. I swore I'd never do it again. And I meant it.
Since my divorce and going through these major shifts, I attempted to stay open to relationships but nothing lasted more than a night or a few weeks.
I will say the "romantic" experiences did at least scratch an itch and at best, I learned a lot about myself and my patterns from each one.
And, then it became too energetically expensive, too much of a distraction, and I declared myself done.
That's right when it happened - when D showed up (and another wonderful person and I ended up having to pick, yet there was never a choice...).
In my life movie screen, it seems about four months ago, I pretty much woke up with a companion while walking the Camino de Santiago.
We met at a Crimson Circle workshop in May 2016 and talked through text every now and then. Something shifted on the walk.
The words I would use: deep understanding at the cellular level, respect of one master to another. He saw me for who I really am. I see him beyond any layers, only core.
Of course, four months into this does not make me an expert, but here's what I have learned about myself in the context of a "new energy relationship" - I put that in quotes because the only "real" new energy relationship is with SELF - no one else.
*All my personal, unique soul experiences- never advice, never criticism- Please share your experiences below*
For me, I will not be in any relationship (friendship, business, romantic) that requires hard work. Just like in any creative expression, hard work is a signal for me to turn around, to re-route.
So many people love to talk about how hard their marriage or whatever was and how they made it through it. That has never resonated with me, although I honor the experience without understanding it.
This relationship is really easy. The only minor hiccups have been sharing living space with other people who were integrating, so I have decided I won't do that anymore. I need my own space, and the only person I can share it with right now is D.
After living alone for all but seven years of my life - I did not even have college roommates- people usually bug the crap out of me. It's beyond explanation how I am never annoyed with him.
But it's new, you might say, it will get hard. So what?
If it's hard, neither of us can or will do it. Neither of us is capable of force or fight anymore. Again, I can only be in a relationship of any kind that requires no effort.
Soul expressions of honor, compassion, and love require no effort at all in any kind of relationship.
Next, the only kind of commitment that exists for me is to my self-realization. I'm not interested in other men, only in putting me first.
To be with someone who does the same, holds self-realization at the highest priority, is the only way for me to be able to have this experience.
I cannot have a partner who is not self-sufficient and self-aware. I tried too many times to be with a human- at the expense of my own health and wellbeing.
On a practical level, I do not have typical manly man experience - D is not going to defend me (he literally contains no force).
He is not going to give me accolades publicly, like on Facebook, or serve as a cheerleader.
My ex husband did these things, and they all came with a cost and a big fat story. Thank goodness we don't have to repeat the Adam/ Isis roles.
D knows that there's nothing to defend, that accolades feel cheap to me, and that the resonance from his Being is way better than any words shared.
We also split the costs of everything and take turns with human tasks. So helpful. Whoever is grounded enough and who's brain works enough, gives it a go. 😜
I don't have any words of wisdom here except if someone shows up in your life that causes a spark in your soul, why not explore it with expanded awareness?
If you still enjoy sex, do it as much as possible before the desire to do it goes away like other human pleasures have.
Furthermore - to the person who asked and maybe others - you have learned so much about yourself these past years alone. You know how energy works. You know what you will or will not tolerate. You are too soul intelligent to be bamboozled by the swaggering karmic driveby that once could have wrecked your life. It's not going to happen. You are simply too YOU!!!
Also. I will share my deep inner knowing. Relationships for me will never be life long. I transfigure too quickly and won't bend and certainly won't break for anyone else.
When I sat in the initiation with Master M in 2013 and he asked if I wanted to be a vessel for the Will of God, I knew it meant giving up anything and everything in the human world that kept me from it.
As long as we are both evolving, as long as it's easy, I will stay and enjoy it. When it comes time to part it will be in honor, after that I'm going to spend a good long while by myself.
In the meantime, making love is exquisite. As long as it feels that way, I'm in.
If you feel called to, please share your "new energy relationship" take for your fellow friends curious about diving back in...