As a great experiment or a joke on myself, I decided to post the below post on the Crimson Circle facebook group - I have expanded below. More so, it was about expressing my passion for being without boundaries, and I was taking the temperature of other Shaumbra who also may have experienced sovereignty beyond a conscious/ spiritual group identity.
Surprisingly, I received an overwhelming response and the only person that got ugly with me was someone in Colorado who makes it her life's purpose to get pissed off at anything and everything. She posted that she was laughing at me and 'bye, Felicia!' - too funny and lacking in creativity. If you're going to berate me, at least be fresh and creative! :P These things breeze past me these days.
For me, the post was a huge humbling realization to realize what I was experiencing in Colorado was not mine. If I was poking fun at anyone, it was only myself. I am the butt of my own jokes - always.
Further, I was surprised to see a note from Robert Theiss who posted it in his new facebook group, Masters Unplugged. In this forum, Robert will share free bi-weekly information related to walking as a master in this life. I have not watched anything from him ever, but in my conversations with him (expansive), I am interested to see what he shares there. If you would like me to add you to that group, let me know.
Karen had asked me on Ryver if I felt that I was playing a divine/ soul will role in my time in Colorado. Indeed, I felt that I was and that I would not have played the role so well if I had not lost sight of my self sovereignty. When I go back to my experience, when I left, the three wisemen came and did a deep bow in my honor - Kuthumi, El Morya & Dwal Kuhl.
I was flabbergasted because that has never happened. What they seemed to be saying is - "Lauren, we understand how hard that role was to play, how much it sucked for your human self. While others may not see it now, for the service that it was, we see you, and we honor you for following the voice of your soul, rather than playing in the enlightenment popularity contest."
Indeed, El Morya has been spouting off about the enlightenment popularity contest that pervades spiritual and conscious groups. But I will save his musings for another time. Let's just say this - he is relentless and I love it but others, probably not so much.
In the end, those integrated souls have played many roles over many lifetimes - the villian, the beloved, the hated and admired, so who would know better than the human strife associated with it and the deep knowing of the great cosmic game called human life.
Further, as captured in this tiny post, I have begun to sense into illusory human identities as aspects (unintegrated) and roles as facets (integrated) and in recognition in the gray area between because nothing is black and white. Something I wrote about in my new book. You can get that for free here: www.becomingsarh.com.
Further, since we have covered divine/soul will in here expensively, I see the role/ facet is where your divine - god, also - experience plays out on this enlightened lifetime stage. More on that later, but someone let me know if that makes sense, please...
Here is the post extended. Curious to know what you are perceiving as self beyond firm identity and what roles you have, are playing, or will play, and how that ties into moving from perceived human free will into the expanse of divine/ soul/ master will. Please comment below with your infinite wisdom.
Strange days are here again 🎶.... it's only been five weeks or so since I left living in Shaumbraland, Colorado. In the vein of wisdomizing, I lived there two years- bought and sold a home, had many experiences, and made many friends.
When I left, I cried a thousand tears and died a thousand deaths. But if I try to recall any of the two years, the memories are as faded as my old blue jeans. Memories just as hazy if not more than my previous lives, which appear in the shadows of my consciousness.
I asked my soul why I couldn't remember, why I can't recall what it felt like to live there? It's much too far away to grasp onto anything. Too energetically expensive.
I will say I can remember one-on-one conversations (especially with my close friends); I remember deep connections. I really remember vividly all the trips I took outside Colorado, which were many - it is just the periods in Colorado where people were mad at me, asking to borrow money, owing me money, playing out the wounds of Isis and Adam, etc. that I cannot remember. I can only vaguely recall that leaders of the CC got angry at me for some bullshit. It's like it never happened. So why, my human asked,...why can't I remember something that is only five weeks away from me????
My soul replied, you were there only to play a role - the antagonist at times, the devotee at times. You felt everything every Shaumbra has ever felt, so you would know the experience. Partly for writing purposes and more so because I wanted the full experience - that is my soul's personality. Nothing half ass. For example, when I was going to do drugs in my teens, I was going to experience all of them. Full experience beyond right/ wrong, good/ bad....
My soul continued....When that role was over, the dramatic death only came from lack of awareness that it was indeed a simple role and not the illusory identity you held onto far too tightly.
Now, human Lauren, you know the difference between a conscious role, a perceived identity, and who you really are.
In these experiences, my human finally understood, it knew more fully, the I am who I am. The I AM beyond any identity or role. The cosmic grand being that I am and you are, too. The God also.
So what role are we playing now? I asked my soul - now knowing there is no time, no experience in life in which we are not playing some sort of role. In that case, if I playing a role, I choose the divine will roles rather than the old human games, unless it will be fun for me.
She said: the role of the integrated soul, who knows how to radiate, rather than absorb and reflect, unless it is an act of consciousness. The role that knows only joy and inexpressible compassion.
Indeed, I know deeply that 99% of my Colorado experience was not mine. That is why I can only remember 1%. It was the 1% that was mine. And that was all I was willing to pack and take with me. It was not a mental exercise of what was mine and what was not, but a deep soul knowing. The soul sifted on autopilot without me having to do anything. Memories erased in the divine will role play.
How often have I thought I held sovereignty, when it was nothing more than a human constructed illusion. These sort of questions will make the faint of heart wildly uncomfortable. To know nothing - absolutely nothing - is authentic is enough to blow up the human mind. Authenticity is relative!
Then my soul sang in images and sensations....
Unsubstantiated human/untethered soul, I joyously surf the waves of passionate expression - until my next starring role on my own sovereign stage emerges.
I find the human need for boundaries and declarations of "truth" evaporate when the changing tides of conscious move from absorbing to radiating. The boundaries just as illusory as the identity I was so fiercely guarding.
Thus far, this new sovereignty feels so loose, so floaty and not at all as solid and substantiated at the illusory sovereignty I thought I held before. The irony...too much not to laugh at myself and how seriously I took everything...and then I remember it was part of the act.
Xanthe, helped me with the words of this last sentence - unsubstantial - it was the perfect word to describe the sovereignty of my soul experience.
How laughable it is that sovereignty is not the image of a person standing tall holding a staff in one hand and standing their ground ready for battle but instead a soft, flowing motion that is the song of my soul?
How funny is it that I was so in battle for my boundaries that I failed to see the boundaries I so fiercely guarded were only there to protect an identity that was never mine in the first place?
In the irony of it all, is one beautiful thing: the experience called freedom!
It's been a wild ride to die the death of all identity/ idendities and find that when you wake up you are still alive and have not left the body - but die you certainly did.
Ryver seems to have become the heart of this space - where the humanity and divinity meet. Should you wish to join us and read not just my but others experiences as well - and share your own wisdom pearls - you can email Este at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I really appreciate your personal notes - one I read this morning summed up so much of what I experienced...THANK YOU!
"Lauren, I've just realized and been considering - the ENORMITY of what’s actually happening in your 'life ‘ ….. when the caterpillar leaves the chrysalis…..it is essentially the death of the caterpillar..
I get it that you didn’t so much ‘leave’ a conscious community (CC) but you died - no ‘you' to leave and no ‘you’ to go anywhere...(exactly!!!) and yet still staying in the form of Lauren , with all her memories …i can see that it’s beyond being brave … and as you have said .. only YOU can truly understand what its like …no point me saying its gotta to be hard !!
Enlightenment can't hold ANY identity , I suppose, .. or it wouldn’t be enlightenment … the cruel paradox, or simply that moment of terror /doubt before those wings actually catch the air and fly for the first time ..
BUT … and the reason I wanted to write to you … the fact you are prepared to do this , and share this …apart from helping (understatement) the likes of me beyond words … brings humanity something it hasn’t yet been able to access ….. the WISDOM and understanding of what comes next ….
So Lauren .. no flowers for this period of ‘mourning’ .. but love , compassion and gratitude as you step out into your new day. In other words...THANK YOU."
To my friend who sent this message, thank you. Indeed, that is what 'happened' or what I experienced/ am experiencing. I truly feel like I left the planet entirely and my human self is basically shocked that I still exist in physical form.
Every morning I wake up, I am in shock, pinching myself to see if I still have a physical form.
I really understand now what my soul was showing me in the context of the lines between the embodied master and the ascended master being so thin and permeable. I am both AND. You are both AND.
For example, on my drive to California, which ended up being 20 hours because of a wreck that stalled traffic, I found I was going in and out of multiple, simultaneous experiences.
First, I was visiting my friends in Colorado and saying a proper goodbye without all the drama. I found I was standing in to living room of each of the people (I could see and share every single little detail), and I was driving my car at the same time. All very real experiences.
An old human friend also texted me on the drive while this was happening - being in multiple places - that they saw me clear as day sitting on a couch in a Dallas restaurant/bar. Oh shit, I was in more places than I even knew and I was driving...Is this safe?
My soul also showed me why I had to make a 'splash' leaving Colorado. My human was really just wanting to slink out (dash out the back door unnoticed) in the middle of the night and my soul (that divine will) said no, we have to make it a little dramatic. WHY??
We - my soul said - created a pathway and potential out of that identity - out of all identities - for others to choose if they ever feel called to - potential not directive. We - my soul said - are passionate about to signaling where the 'doorway' out of identity lies to anyone who might find themselves ready to integrate that last human identity. Limited human words, but I'm sure you catch my sensational drift.
Why does it have to hurt so bad to the human self? I asked my soul, and then I cried and cried and cried.
The tears began to stop flowing and I saw the magi - the three wisemen - and each of them was bowing before me. Kuthumi (Balthasar) finally raised his head from his bow and said, We are here in honor of your birth.
And then he laughed, welcome to mastery!
He meant to tell me the human will never thanked or even appreciated at the human level for creating these potentials that each of us - you and me - create every time we go through a realization. But other masters like him will see you and will be there to say I honor you and this expression which was so very difficult for the human.
I also understood, he was showing me, the human facet never becomes enlightened but it does come to a level of awareness and realization that will make it not so hard the next time we create a potential for consciousness.
Of course, I know this is the case already, but in that moment I really, truly, actually at the deepest level of my being-ness let go of the need to belong or be seen at the human level - this experience of the magi is a new norm.
There's no time or space for all emotion anymore. Be still and know, instead. It is simply too energetically expensive and my human self seems to have come to a deep understanding of it - finally - but we shall see....
When we saw the sign for the Richfield, Utah exit, my soul said to me in sensations not words, pull over - today is complete. And the odometer read, 888. So I slept....
The next day, wanting to distract myself on the drive through Utah I tried to turn on channel from a consciousness group. It used to help me pass time on the road. But when I turned it on it was taking the experiences of knowing the SELF as God also and mechanizing it, making it linear. It hurt my head severely. I tuned it off and drove in silence.
"I am singing a song of SELF to which there are no words," my soul said. "Tune into that."
Suddenly the eight hours of driving ahead of me, turned into eight minutes, and I drove into California as the traffic parted like the Red Sea.
I will say I feel the human facet of me (it feels like a tiny part of SELF somewhere in my body of consciousness but not in the body - the human facet is hanging out on the edges and the soul inside the physical body now) is still in mourning and is still annoyed with how dense and slow this reality is. The human facet wants to know when our furniture will be delivered and why the internet is so slow. But it is a tiny little meek voice at the bottom of a well, right now. I swat it like a fly buzzing around my door.
I will write more but suddenly, I feel that is enough for today. Going to take Ollie to the beach. THANK YOU all for your sovereign support on this last experience. I is so appreciated.