Good morning, friends! This is a post I wrote for a Keahak form and thus in their language not necessarily where we are here...
The following image was purchased and licensed - it is a painting of the creation of Adam or God's touch with finger, which is on the ceiling of a church in Thailand (February 28, 2015).
I chose it because you all know deeply the God, also. Looking at the image, for example, I see myself as both the God and the carbonized Adam. The God before it passed through the Wall of Fire to have the experience of a solid existence within the veils of maya.
As defined by Tobias via Crimson Circle, the wall of fire is the expansion of consciousness or knowingness beyond itself; a metaphor for the doorway leading from home into the void. The zone we crossed through going from the first circle of oneness to the second circle - place for human free will to play out among many other experiences. Again, more limited metaphors because it is so hard to grasp the sensation in words.
And then in realization, in embodied enlightenment, to experience the understanding, with a less than one-degree shift of perspective, that I actually never left the wall of fire, and as God, also, I am simply viewing my creation that is realization in this human form, too. More on that another time...
In my awakening and in my human life, I would continually - as a pattern deeply rooted in my gravity and duality laden sphere of awareness - choose experiences over and over again, and then subsequently look for creative solutions to make my way out of them. The cause and effect -- karma -- way of living. And my human self quite enjoyed it, experience junkie that it is.
I remember my twenty-eight year old human self standing at the altar of marriage. I could hear my soul - master self to some - say, "We do not need to go through this - again. You don't have to choose this."
The separation of voices has left but it was quite strong then...
My human stood there, stomping her foot and said, "I will have this experience. I know it will likely end in a divorce, but this is what I am choosing for myself right now."
I was that self aware and yet I chose this path of most resistance - again. But why? Why would I put myself into the proverbial crystal again? Oh yeah, to have the high of getting myself out of it -- once again.
Four years into the marriage, I knew I had to get out of this bind. I was in a horrifically limiting experience. The master self never said I told you so, but I certainly felt it's wisdom.
I called upon my gnost - the creative solution - to pull me from this experience. Oh, and what an experience it was! I created bigger and better this time. Look at me go:P
My ever patient soul, or master self, said, okay - once again. It created a path for me to find a really nice place to live, a high income that did not require a job or effort. And with some tears and grit, I created a doorway to walk through into my freedom.
It seemed so masterly at the time (and it was a path to freedom that served), yet looking back, it was just another loop in the experience and subsequent creative solution pattern to get myself out of it the experience I no longer wanted - again. Sigh.
Yet, once I was in the freedom space, instead of taking a deep breath and simply being in joy, I created more and more experiences to create my way out of.
I'm sure you can relate. Being broke, time and again, to see how, when, and if you pull yourself out of it. Getting into sticky living situations, karmic relationships, health issues...anything to feed the addiction to the experience - creative solution cycle.
In Keahak and the last Shoud, Adamus talked a lot about testing yourself - stop testing yourself and your worthiness. Well, I already had just in the last six months, linear time. But what I didn't understand, what I had not yet embodied, was WHY, WHY now do I stop diving into the pattern of experience and creative solution to free myself from the experience.
That answer, for me, is self-worth, a subtle yet with so much depth caress of self-love in the deepest parts of who I am, an exhaustion from the patterned cycle, and most of all, the ineffable experience knowing I am God, also - an experience that pales in comparison to anything my human could have dreamed up in its highly limited imagination.
Now I know why I stopped the cycle - the addiction to the local linear "Problem - creative solution format" that has been going on for eons and thousands of lifetimes.
The stop to the pattern happened naturally and without analyzation by my human self - it is only in hindsight that I can write about it - I stopped the pattern to experience creation embodied and my deepest desire for what I might describe as a sovereign peace - complete peace in the human form without needing energy from anyone or anything. Sounds so simple, and it is, but the depths of it are infinite.
Pondering it some more, living in human form beyond any suffering is the most radical creation I can fathom. To suffer is human, but if I am creating any last human experience it would be this one. This is the JOY....
As I pondered this in the tomb of awareness - the shower! - I asked my soul, my master self, my human and my I AM (what I am calling the Infinite I with one voice) what it truly desired.
There were no words, but if I had to pick them, they would be peace - not a human type of peace, but the peace that comes from pure joy - the joy of being - without being beholden to anyone or anything or any energy or any tie - also called the ahmyo life. PEACE - freedom from patterns, freedom from experience addiction. PEACE:)
And the magic in all of this is not a tool or trick and definitely not a complicated formula. The magic of being, of creation from being, is that creation flows like a cool coastal breeze on a hot summer's day across the "Infinite I" - the Infinite I being me as one without the multiplicity of parts - human, divine, I exist and so on and so on...
The creation comes in glorious waves to surf in the absolute pure pleasure of knowing I never left the wall of fire. In the divine perspective, I never became fragmented though the repeating experiences of thinking I was not one - yet they had served me so well.
The creation comes from seeing through the eyes of the divine and the eyes of the human simultaneously - the vision of the Infinite I. And, the waves are simply created from the joy of being, radiating from the Infinite I that is free of patterns, that has "recovered" from the experience addiction (another way to grasp at outside energy) and to create from the no thing.
I think about the physical action of swimming. One usually pushes off the wall of the pool or floor of the ocean to get the momentum to start swimming. In human existence, we would create experiences to get the energy flowing, to catapult us into the next experience. In creation, we no longer need the momentum, so we no longer need to collect human experiences. We simply swim in our own sovereign pool of creation.
I wouldn't be me if I did not add a human anecdote, yet I do so with a big ***** the human condition does not matter, when you have moved beyond the human condition. Not in just theory, yet in the space between the cells and radiating to the edges of your infinite consciousness.
In your terms, I have been "benching" a lot. Complete relaxation in the infinite Now, in the infinite Self.
I recently stayed at the Four Seasons - a very posh hotel - for the weekend. I had such a nice experience in self-love there, I simply felt a notion in the depths of me and in total nonchalance softer than a whisper that I should like to do more of that - in between camping expeditions, of course. My monthly income doubled the next week. There you go.
How did I do that, I wondered in hindsight. My wisdom said, "You swiped left."
Swiping left is a urban slang term for saying I am not interested. It took me some days to realize what that meant.
I swiped left on collecting yet another human experience. I swiped right for soul creation. No energy momentum or force needed. Energy serves me with out the need for movement, momentum, or force.
Now, some who might still be in the pattern of experience and creative solution, might lose that money as quickly as it came. In the space of cavernous self love, it simply multiplies. I do not need it. I did not ask my master self for it. I was not in the space of needing or wanting a creative solution to save me from an experience I no longer desired. I was completely in love with my current experience without needing the creative solution out of it.
Nor did I ask my master self for the partner in my life - a sovereign breath of fresh air. Not ever romantic or euphoric like the old karmic (cause and effect) kind, it has always been good. It has always been easy. There has never been a fight or a grab at energy. A steadily sublime experience.
I did not need him just like I did not need a massive bank account. I could have walked this planet with a backpack and few dollars and felt the same - for my depth is now found in the seemingly subtle - delicately complexly simple - rather than the harshness of the addiction to experience and digging your way out of the experience.
No highs (euphoric) and lows (devastated) -- IT IS SIMPLY JOY -- and there is no converse, or flip side of the coin, on that spectrum of awareness and in the state of BEING. Is it time to swipe left? Or continue swiping right to hook up with that next experience fix? Ah, it doesn't matter anyway. In honor of you!
Post script: After writing this post, I started to realize how this ties into the biological body for me. Am I continuing to choose another body experience of needing outside energy, of being not sick but not well either. How can I swipe left on yet another biological body experience and instead, choose creation of the body of beyond? Breathing...
And with that, my graphic is obsolete - I will make a new one. Cross out transfiguration:P
Today’s Banyan Tree conference call and experience included the theme: I AM CREATION.
On the video chat, we talked about what we are creating – I like to sense into the words embodied creation in and beyond the realization experience.
To be realized without the embodied creation would be such a waste after I have come this far, my “Infinite I” says on days when an edge of me feels like it’s time to peace out.
As Karen so artfully pointed out on the call, she is not focusing on a goal or intention of creating in the future (no agenda and beyond linear time), but rather observing the creation that is already happening right now – infinite now.
In other words, it is the knowing that I am already creating with every breath I take. Why not take a look at that which is already here and ongoing in the state of being – the perpetual state of becoming – enlightenment.
I shared that what I was creating was a “light” body – I referred to it some months ago as the body of the beyond and I tend to lean toward that terminology for now.
And Ruth stepped into share that in the Gene Keys, Richard Rudd talks about the glory body– a term that reverberated through the call.
I’ve been wanting to write about the body I am creating and what my Infinite I (master, human, I am/ I exist in one grand shining light with one communication) has been sharing with me.
Last week I was having the suffering again – tired, swollen, and the worst - extremely slow digestion. It’s not as bad as it used to be because I don’t have the emotional body and the mental body that amplifies such things. Man, those thoughts and emotions can take a tiny ailment and turn it into a massive one if we allow them…and I have…
So, like Karen, I decided to observe with wisdom what was going on. I want my digestion to work. I want this transfiguration to be done.
Then the Infinite I said – THIS IS NOT A TRANSFIGURATION AT ALL. NEVER WILL BE!
Transfiguration is defined as a complete change of form or appearance into a more beautiful or spiritual state. It is Jesus on the mountain top. It is an alchemical transformation from one state to another – from density into lightness.
It seemed I had been holding onto this beLIEf for so long and now I was being told to let it go. Right now!
Instead, the Infinite I showed me that I had one body that was biologically run and energy-consumption driven. AND, I was consciously creating a separate body – the body of beyond – the light body – the glory body. AND, as soon as the body of beyond was ready I was going to jump ship from the biological one (that is essentially dying) and embody the new one.
Of course, the two bodies are not so separate. I feel them in a nanosecond of separation. One lying in one reality and the same one lying in another reality, simultaneous and overlapping realities.
Yet, just like we talked about seven chakras when they were one and just like we talked about a master and human separation when they were all one, I’m going to talk about them separately to bring the mind along. The mind as a computer for information processing rather than analyzation or aspect conversations. D calls it the second mind, and I like that.
With that, here is my big fat AHA! For the week. It is only for me and like always you get to decide what is for you.
Instead of transfiguring, referenced in all the old texts leading up to now – forget the ancients, we are doing something new – and we already transfigured in another lifetime to the best of my wisdom ---
I find I am transmigrating. Transmigration is the passage of a soul after death into another body.
Metempsychosis rather than metamorphosis. Let the butterfly image go…
Only I am not going into a baby body; I am going into a body designed for me and by ME!
Now that IS creationJ
So, all this time I was wishing for better digestion and metabolism (something I have enjoyed off and on), this new body won’t even digest in a biological way.
That’s why for the past few months the Infinite I has been saying – it doesn’t matter what you eat, how long you sleep, blah blah blah. JUST BE. Just be. Just be.
For example, I really had hit the glass ceiling on my own enlightenment thinking not on the surface, yet somewhere deep down inside of me that the saying you can eat whatever you want meant I would obtain an amazing metabolism. Metabolism isn’t even going to exist. Let’s shatter that glass ceiling.
In my massage today, to sooth all the aches and pain, I realized the validity of Ruth’s comments on the call – for me.
Ruth used to be a hospice nurse and like many of us who have worked with those leaving the physical body, she noticed how much the biology wants to live, to hang onto life as it perceives it, even when the soul or spirit is to ready to cross into its next life.
In the massage, I understood the tense muscles were not just knots, the knots were actually the muscles physically holding onto my bones for dear life.
Like someone drowning would grasp onto a life raft thrown their way, my muscles were grasping onto my bones because the cells that make them up know death is coming.
All that neck pain, the tooth pain, it’s all the biological resistance to this death impending.
It was only when I severed the emotion and mental body response to physical body’s continual discomfort that I was truly able to see the actual and pure physical biological reaction to this transmigration.
I feel like I am dangling on a rope from a moving helicopter way up above a very large mountain range. The helicopter pilot (also me) has been told to signal to me (dangling one) at the exact moment to let go of the rope. And as soon as I let go, the wings that I have never used before will pop out and I will soar. I suspect it’s like a heart transplant only a whole body one. Human example, but for the sake of story and writing things down.
If this terrifies you, and you would like to talk to someone who has actually experienced it. Serapis Bey is hanging out beneath the majestic golden rays of the Banyan Tree. He cannot do it for you, but he can answer questions. And, as always, your Infinite I is there to show you exactly what you need to see in any given moment.
I cannot stress enough that is my own creation. Perhaps some of you are transfiguring rather than transmigrating or something else entirely. I’d love to hear from you.
On the call, I blurted out that perhaps one might “do” a dream walk for the dying body, but when I went a bit deeper into the infinite I, I sensed the creation of the body of beyond is my wide-angle super soft focus and this old biological body doesn’t need any more attention than it has been given the past few thousand years.
Still developing and feedback welcome and appreciated. Without the call, I could not have written this. Thank you!
Please join me in a special treat from Xanthe, sharing her latest adventures in travel and consciousness with us! Thank you!
Approaching our destination in the last few minutes coming closer to the land, I was enjoying the landscape and the vastness of it, and was struck by the lushness I could see from the air. It was not as barren as I expected. I could see the weaves, patterns, flows, and in the same moment I saw these, I felt an understanding of the aboriginal vision tapped into for paintings, of their way of seeing things. The use of the dots bringing to mind the adamantine particles of which all matter is composed. Whilst at the same time feeling the connection to the stars we are a part of also. My first steps out of the airport I had tears in my eyes, my heart was so happy to be here.
In the first couple of days, I had a strong sense of a portal to galactic energies that stayed with me throughout my time there. What was also interesting was the day after I sensed this, we went to a nearby hotel for a drink and I saw a painting that captured my vision of the portal, so cool! For me it felt like the external landscape here was making me aware of my internal landscapes, because up until now, there was a seamlessness I felt primarily throughout my body—now, this was translating to this landscape.
On one level I was hanging out with my friend Pete, chatting, moving through the day and the experiences and on another level I was aware of and feeling so much more of me. Feeling the space and room to breathe, the joy of being surrounded by so much red, and so much me. I became really aware of how there had been an increasing desire for more space the days leading up to my departure.
After a couple of days at Yulara, the resort town closest to Uluru, unwinding, receiving, leaning into, opening, grounding, we were off on a 4-day adventure to 3 of the main sights, with a final arrival in Alice Springs.
Though I was regularly surrounded by other people, there were 22 of us in total, with 19 of those female, I did not find myself overwhelmed or influenced by their energies. Any agitation I experienced was my own during some point of the walks when I felt pushed or stressed by that particular part of the climb. A couple of good fuck yous to no one in particular climbing heartbreak hill at the start of the Kings Canyon walk let me tell you!
Throughout the entire trip the edges felt blurred there didn’t seem to be anything between me and external, it all felt a part of me - the outside and inside this dance of experience, action, feeling all blending, melting into each other. As the 3 days were so full with walking and activity I had little time to think and yet at the same time I had heaps of time, like sitting in the van from one destination to another. Yet I seemed to be in the seamless stream there, for I get car sick reading, and aside from listening to some relaxing music for a short stint mostly I simply drifted, happy to not think, just be.
Although aware of my friend Pete, who would often comment his distress at the fact there was no wifi service or alcohol on a couple of occasions, I was quite happy and not impacted by him. I was very aware of how differently I moved about in this dream of a trip, not having usual desires to chat with others, happy to be bringing up the rear on many of the walks, so that I could enjoy the landscape and its gifts. Always getting help in the exact moment i needed it.
I loved being cocooned in the swag and sleeping bag on the two nights we camped out under the stars, finding myself falling quickly to sleep from the tiredness of the day’s activities, managing to sleep most of the night, enjoying the moonlight when I would wake and go to the toilet and the huge amount of stars when they were visible. When I did get to see the milky way, a night when the moonlight wasn’t as bright, it was such a wow, and my immediate thought was it was looking at me. Funny how these thoughts would pop in and feel so true in the moment.
When I first looked out at Kata Tjuta from the lookout at our lodge, on the left I saw a male face and the right a female, and in the middle was what looked like her pregnant belly. I felt quite drawn to it and was looking forward to our walk there. When we got there our guide told us the meaning of the aboriginal name was ‘Man’s cave’. I was surprised because of what I had seen from the distance and I was even more curious. After she told us its meaning, she said as a result she could not share any cultural stories of the area, she would only be telling us about the flora and fauna.
At some point I asked her where the white fella’s name ‘The Olgas’ came from. She said it was after a Russian Princess. Interesting, I thought, seeing it initially as a lack of conversation between the aboriginal and white people, but I held that lightly and then let it go... kind of sitting with it without realising I was. And then we walked around them, those beautiful rocks, sentinels (that just popped into my head as I was typing). As the day and the walking progressed, I found myself coming to a natural aha where it felt like there was a nice clean space here, his presence meant no stories, and she could birth anew.
I have to say I found it interesting we had 22 people for the trip, a master number that represents embodying, bringing those energies into the physical, the 3 males being married or gay - all more sensitively oriented men. I enjoyed observing the young girls when I did and their connections with each other were delightful and easy, there being a couple of little groups of them who had chosen to do this trip together.
There was no bitchiness or rivalries and a real camaraderie with everyone that wasn’t overdone or overstated, simply there and available to each other if needed. The guide said more than a couple of times it was one of the most cohesive groups she had in a while, lol. Whether they were aware of it or not, I could feel each of them were perfectly placed to be on the trip. Each receiving what was for them and unique in their expression. I was also comforted by the fact that many of them found the same parts of the terrain as difficult as I did lol!
Near the end of Kata Tjuta, there was a particularly steep small section, like a slide except it was rocks. For a moment I was tired, and a little nervous because of this, having almost tripped a couple of times. A young Japanese girl part of four travelling in our group, offers me her hand at that moment, and I said thank you so much. She immediately responded: ‘we are helping each other’, and indeed we were.
The walk of Kata Tjuta took all my concentration and being present, as much of the path was rocks of differing sizes and so I had to pay attention to wear I was walking. The couple of times I got distracted I almost tripped, once in spectacular fashion lol!
Kings Canyon starts off with a super steep climb which I took one look at at 6 am in the morning and was like, wtf! Regardless I knew I would do it. I felt a bit like Frodo and Samwise on the huge flight of stairs into Mordor, except these didn’t go on for as long. They call it heartbreak hill and it sure got the heart beat up! And there was one point where I was like, what have I got myself into, are there going to be more of these climbs??? Thankfully not!
The beauty of the canyon was grand like all the other locations – Uluru, Kata Tjuta, though it seemed more difficult to get a great photo because of the vastness of it. We travelled close to the edge quite a bit, though not closer than 2 metres. During the various walks, the guide told us some facts that felt to me like they were nudging me to remember, like the fact that underneath the red of Uluru is a milky blue stone that has been covered by the red due to the high iron oxidisation. And underneath the red at Kings Canyon was a pure white stone. Nudging me to remember.....and in the process and course of the adventure I did.
And when we arrived at Alice Springs on the third night my body felt so achy and tired. I had sore knees from descending so many stairs at the end of the Kings Canyon walk and I felt relieved that this night I would be sleeping in a cosy, comfortable, warm bed. Throughout my time on the trip I had many dreams with males, which due to the light and unwillingness to stick my head out of the sleeping bag, swag, I didn’t record, but felt there was an energy movement.
Doing the camel ride as the last part of this leg of the adventure was a great laugh, one that I initially felt nervous about undertaking, but still went to the toilets and put my bra on to do it. I am so glad I did as its quite different to riding a horse and was a most entertaining experience for me.
It was at this spot our guide discovered we had a flat tyre and so we got to hang out with some joeys a little longer, and also I ended up having a conversation with one of the ladies regarding the books she was reading titled the 12 rules of life, I think. Anyway, part way through this discussion Pete came over and joined in as did this English lady, and before I knew it somehow he was taking something I had said in a personal way, and I could feel the energy between us intensify. I knew it wasn’t mine so i cruised along from there as we drove into Alice with our crew for dinner.
The place we had dinner that night had a Samoan band playing and in their introduction they acknowledged the aboriginal people as the original custodians of the land (something that happens more frequently these days than it did prior to me moving to NZ). She expressed how she was glad for Samoa finding independence from England 50 or so years ago and the desire for American Samoa to find its independence, and then her wish for the aboriginal people to experience that also. I felt a response emerge from inside of me, that this would not happen in the way she thought, and the movement forward would be different, honouring the uniqueness of all. Being in Alice Springs, I really felt and became aware of the galactic story behind the experience of the aboriginal people and the white settlers.
Aboriginal people more visible here, so that they felt like the majority and I felt like they looked more at home here in a way. My first morning in Alice I went to get myself a coffee having woken up earlier than Pete and ended up getting drawn into a conversation with the owner of the cafe regarding the aboriginal situation, him telling me much of what goes on with white people coming to help, all looking to save them, bringing lots of gifts, money etc. and nothing happens. We agreed on the fact that throwing money at something doesn’t solve the problem. There are no attempts to learn the language or culture to gain an understanding.
As I wandered around town on the day we were there looking at the aboriginal people, feeling into, wondering. I didn’t have answers, but they seemed at once visible to me and yet in some I saw furtiveness, and desire to be invisible in some way. One man said sorry when he wasn’t even that close to bumping into me. There certainly seemed to be wariness. One beautiful aboriginal woman came and sat at our table after her white friend asked us if it was ok and I said yes off course. We had a long table. It’s funny because I had noticed her when she walked in and commented to my friend Pete how beautiful she was. She thanked us as we left and I wished her an enjoyable day, feeling like something more had transpired in this small exchange. I really felt here in the presence of so many more aboriginal people, how somehow my experience of physical abuse served them in some way. Weird eh.
It was at this cafe also that the tension between Pete and I surfaced again, I could feel his judgement, and something else, and I felt so fragile, like I was going to shatter. So I chose to have some space from him and do some journaling and talk to sister Jo (lol) who promptly told me she had been feeling the same that day, as had others. In addition that it would likely serve me to step back from this one, which echoed my own feeling, in addition to me feeling that things would soon reveal themselves. I had a sense there was something hidden and more going on than was presently visible.
After some time apart we went to dinner and things flowed easier between us and did reveal themselves. The next morning we were back on the bus heading to Yulara. I was happy to be heading back there for a couple of nights to relax, chill and consolidate before flying back to Sydney. In the meantime integration was happening with the presentation of a full blown cold!! Which reminds me this manifested not long after we arrived in Alice, but the experience I had that precipitated it was quite potent and unexpected and occurred the minute we left Kings Canyon, with me feeling like I had a cold shaft running the length of my spine for 2.5 hours until we arrived at the exact centre of Australia, Erldunda, where we had lunch. All of a sudden the cold shaft was gone and I am awake, alert and more animated than I’d been in days chatting away to some of the girls and sharing foodie favourite places of Sydney, as some of them were heading there.
So, with my cold in tow I ended up having a very gentle, nurturing, dreamy time in Yulara, with lots of time in the sun the first day and last 24 hours to myself with Pete leaving early. It was my first morning back there I ended up having an awesome conversation via written messages with Jo, which involved looking at a dream she had. It was the effortless ease of the conversation that just felt different in some way which for me, crystallised or helped me in some way to feel into the changes in myself. The funny thing a day later or even less time than that, I kept thinking we had had the conversation as verbal talking.
My last morning in Yulara, I was sitting having breakfast and then saw the message from Lauren on Ryver saying she wants to publish the story of my trip and after an initial thought of, oh shitte, I don’t know if that’s going to be interesting.......without thinking I simply started to write this story and 12 handwritten pages later I was done.
This morning I was pleasantly gifted with an article by Joanna to share with you all. It's probably no secret that I feel a - I would say strong connection, but more its just an open channel of non-verbal communication. I have wondered since she and Xanthe joined us here and changed the dynamic in such a grand way how I knew her. Today I got the answer reading this. I know her from the future now. Two lifelines, or two beings, rather, going in seemingly opposite linear time and meeting in a point of consciousness. Enjoy! - Lauren
I drew this image with oil pastels last year. It was completely intuitive and it just appeared from random strokes. I had almost forgotten about it until I wrote this article. - Joanna
The Consciousness Engineer and New Being
It’s an overcast day, but warm… just warm enough to be comfortable and it’s decently windy. The birds are noisy today, so are the bird bombs (noise makers to keep birds from the cherries) from the field next to us. I overlook mountains, an alfalfa field, my garden and can hear the traffic in the background from the Okanagan Highway. I sit under an old, messy elm tree. One that dropped a substantial branch of itself on our deck last night.
A ladybug has landed on my sandal. I noticed last year and this, that they have changed colour around here. I used to only see the dark red associated with ladybugs. Now they are a beautiful yellow orange and I haven’t seen a red one in a long time.
I’m viewing my human situation on one level. It’s wacky and certainly not ‘masterly’ from…. ahem…certain points of view. I’m viewing my partner leaving his totally entangled family, after the death of his Father, and all the ugliness that entails. Here I sit smack dab in the middle of it, and have engaged in it, living on co-owned land with them, and wonder how I ended up being here! There’s an interesting view in all of it.. but that’s another story.
On another level I explore the vastness of who I AM once again. “Who” doesn’t seem to encompass it. It doesn’t compute. All I’m left to do here is feel. I have gone in and out of my multi-dimensional self, and I have had the names of some facets and have somewhat felt a story or two. And yet now it’s changed again, and it’s settling, and it’s completely different than what I have experience before as the ‘and’, as the human having the supremely joyful, honeymoon, embodied realization experience, and as what I have felt myself to be in multi-dimensional totality from this human plane.
Because, what I’m most engaged in, in the middle of all this, is the creation of the new. I explore what it is to be a new being. Not only a new human… but a new being, and speaking of beyond Earth, well, this is a little harder to translate. Without past, story, anything as we’ve touched on here in this space. We’ve created stories far far beyond and before earth. This was our creation from a different awareness. These stories are being and have been, erased as they existed on their own. Either distilled or erased. It’s like the “I brought you into this world, I can take you out!” Many would argue with me here, and this is for specific situations, but it’s worked for me. Then there is a thunk now….exactly as I wrote that, a bird dropped a cherry pit right beside me. Amusing. Seems we planted a seed.
And there is the NEW element, that we have spoken about. It has been here with me for some time but I couldn’t quite settle it…or rather two new elements on Earth and the first sounds like this:
I have never been here before.
It was funny because before, from a human time standpoint, I knew I was here many times, but I remembered nothing in particular. I knew there was a story there, but I ‘remembered’ nothing. Then a few years ago, it occurred to me I wasn’t here that often and heard something like ‘three times’. Slowly that idea dwindled away. And then again:
I have never been here before.
It’s like I’m viewing people and thinking, what is this about?! I’m viewing and thinking ‘why isn’t this familiar’ and also, at the same time, not surprised. An interesting place to be. Yes, I spoke from this space in my video, that feels like yesterday, but apparently was a while ago! But that aside….
The creation of consciousness and the creation of my own being is what I consider to be the epitome of creation in my world. I spend much time here. I explore here. I create here. (Many years ago, my friend called me ‘A consciousness engineer’.) I feel what it means to be in this absolutely pristine and untouched space of self with the second new element…clean consciousness. I do not feel a triad of beingness as master, I AM and human. Not even remotely…although I once felt different layers somewhat like that. And now, that feeling of WE within the I AM feels different. WE no longer computes as it once did.
A while back, there was a short period of, hm, an interest a couple of years ago, deep deep in the arms of creator, feminine, me, whatever you want to call it. Within that, I wondered, why don’t I remember anything? I hadn’t actually questioned it before, so then it just became common place that I didn’t. And then, from others, I heard particular names of who I am ‘also’ and I played in those ideas for some time, and on some levels it’s all true, in terms of getting to know and integrating the different realms of self from the human perspective. Of course much also came from myself and my explorations. Yet quite annoyingly, in the expansiveness of feeling that at first, I eventually felt the limitations in those names I was given. I felt the expectations in those names….from all over creation.
But the truth NOW, is that NONE of those names are fitting.
And as I feel now, my original has been re-born and I am experiencing this birth. I’ve known this for a while, but really feeling it now. The meld is occurring on the human level to a greater degree. While I am still multi-dimensional, the multiplicity has (somewhat) disappeared for me. As I adjust to this, it can almost feel as if ‘it’ went away. But there is a different depth here now, sitting in this human space, in this (a bird I’ve never seen before just landed in my garden) melded space. The word expansive doesn’t work here as it once did. Will I create new ‘ands’? I dunno. Is this just a phase? I dunno. ha! ‘It is and it isn’t’ I hear.
There’s not much more than clean consciousness and me. Having no name seems to be much more true. Can what I AM NOW be encompassed in a name? I’m exploring what’s possible now. How the clean consciousness affects things. How the implant integration has changed things in the physical and how I feel. (This story is 1/3 done, honest!) I’m exploring the ‘multiplicity’ vs the ‘meld’ now and what that means.
It’s a bit of a sleepy, hazy place today, but it’s warm and kinda cushiony for now.
And in re-reading and tweaking this, the image occurs to me.. that I fell backwards into the multiplicity, it came in on itself and it seems to have melded into one and from that came the birthing again of I AM. I wrote a couple years ago when I started to feel this ‘and you will know yourself again as original’. And I move now, as with many things, from the knowing and sitting in different dimensional spaces, into the embodiment of.
I wrote this yesterday and let it rest for the night. Came back to re-read once again, and then came across the comment from Xavi under Lauren’s I Am Creation article, that I hadn’t heard before he wrote it. From Adamus: "Once Ascended you will find yourself back in the Wall of Fire, only it will not burn you anymore, and you will discover that you have never moved from there.” (From the Altar Book Four preview)
And here we go again!
A note from Lauren: Joanna, this picture is striking for many reasons but going back to the future now it looks like my visit to the Sequoia National Forest, which has occurred but not in linear time. While in Poland, on a very hot day (Raphaelle, it is hot as balls in Europe!) on June First, El Morya appeared to me in physical form. The last time was in September when he introduced the Banyan Tree to me and well, you know what happens next.
So when I got home I went to look for a camping spot in the national forest which only opens on June 20th. It is usually booked out six months in advance but there it was - the single camping spot I reserved so easily. So I'm going to go find out what already happened....stay tuned...
Thank you, Joanna, and Xanthe for always taking my writing to the next level. I write something or just "think" it and there you are pushing it ever so gently into a deeper consciousness. Others might be annoyed. I am overjoyed to be pushed to go further and I thank you both.
Also, I have felt the WE dissolve into the I. No longer feeling any attachment to a Sar'h voice or past lives, I seem to be swimming in the future now. What a party!