The Puffer Fish & The I AM
Back in November I was visiting my mom in Corpus Christi, Texas and we went to the Texas State Aquarium. We got up early to see the sharks being fed in a huge tank full of all sorts of fish.
Every now and then a shark would go by and eat a fish we had just been admiring. There was this really cute fish pictured above, and I followed him with my camera through the crowds. I had become quite attached.
Then, a shark swam aggressively towards the fish, ready to eat it. The fish didn't try to run or defend itself. Instead, it appeared to take a deep breath (obviously not, but for story sake) and puffed itself out like a big balloon. I held my breath and screamed, "No, don't eat him!"
The aquarium workers laughed at me.
"He cannot be eaten by the shark when he expands!"
"Wow!" I said. "So cool."
The shark then turned around and went to pick on someone else.
I've been thinking a lot about this lately. Mainly my life in Colorado, which is nothing more than a microcosm of the macrocosm. A small example of Shaumbra/ spiritual community and/or family in a small city but representative of the worldwide phenomenon that is SO MANY people going through enlightenment or realization at once.
It can be so hard and so intense. Things that are small and a normal act, such as the shark going after the puffer fish, can seem to intense when we are going through them.
We become hyper focused - hyper focused on a comment (like being called an enlightenment trust fund baby, or someone saying you have a sexual energy virus) or we become hyper focused on a facebook post or the way someone yells at us at a Should/ community gathering. (Guilty as charged!!!!)
Now, that I am in FREEDOM-land, California instead of Shaumbra-land, Colorado, these events and actions that seemed so huge are now just a tiny speck in the grand scheme of things and I realized a few things in FREEDOM.
First of all, if we make someone the villain (no matter how "wrong" their actions appear to the human), we are making ourselves the victim yet again. If you villain-ize, you victimize. Period.
Second, when someone comes after me like the shark, the easiest and most simple way to remain in my chosen FREEDOM is to EXPAND like the puffer fish.
It happened recently that someone was not happy about something I said/ did...details don't matter.
Before this incidence, I had been talking with Kuthumi about compassion. In an energetic movie screen he showed me compassion is not a touchy, feely emotional thing at all. It is simply staying in your I AM no matter what happens outside the Universe of You.
I realized I don't have to respond. I can understand every reaction - my own and those reactions to me - is about the person having the reaction. There's that freedom again. Its not my job to explain myself. In fact, I don't owe anyone an explanation ever!
So I saw myself - my human self - in the reaction standing in my I AM. I didn't have to mentally radiate or do anything. I only had to be. And in being, I could allow the reaction to simply dissipate. My responsibility on lies within myself. And what goes on outside of it will adjust itself according to my inner state. I don't need to do anything. Only BE.
I looked up a Rumi quote about this and it was so related to all I have shared about my life in Colorado and the subsequent ancestral release from a spiritual/ consciousness/ angelic family I went through as I drove myself to Freedom-land, Colorado.
The quote as been modernized but as such, here it is...
"Half of life is lost in charming others. The other half is lost in going through anxieties caused by others. Leave this play, you have played enough."
While many of us left the human play long ago, the residual of the conscious friend/ family scenario has been hanging on for dear life in some of us - me included! until recently.
On this second trip to Costa Rica -- as you might recall the first trip there in January was all about ancestral freedom from any remaining group, family etc. - with special focus on Atlantis and Shuambra (Yeshua experience and NOW) -- I not only was in the compassionate disconnect from those groups which as also indentities, I moved through the residual too. specifically, the human desire to react and defend - yep, explaining yourself is a defense mechanism and then we get into the villain/ victim shit all over again. Until we say DONE!
I am super grateful for the reaction that came to me the week I was in Costa Rica. So thankful because it brought my human into awareness of what I was establishing in my body of consciousness and how I am relating to my I AM as that relationship has been naturally and easily transfiguring since I claimed my California freedom.
Each opportunity that arises to stay with the I AM is a gift. It's not an attack from the shark swimming by. It's a glorious experience of expanding once again - just like the puffer fish. Ahhhh....feels so damn good!
I Am. Period.
I am just back as of late Saturday night from the Kundalini Yoga retreat in Nosara, Costa Rica.
It was quite an experience in softness and clarity. The days were so simple. An element was chosen and the yoga reflected that relationship with it. For example in one, we grounded with earth and connected with ether (consciousness) and the two met in guess where...THE HEART! It was just like the Yogananda channel I shared some moths back:)
While I do not identify as a yogi other than being in union with the GodSelf/ soul/ I am, I loved the openness of the format and the people. There was no dogma - If there was and I bet there was but I seem to be floating in a bubble in which I can connect with people at the soul level, and the human stuff gets sifted through automatically. Not turning a blind eye, but viewing life through the eyes of the divine (a topic from last fall). I am really feeling my inner state being reflected in the outer state around me. There was also lots of free space to connect with divine wisdom within. ✨
The kundalini yogis end with the Sanskrit - Sat Nam. It means truth is my only identity. Appropriate since I've been exploring identity these past few months - under the Banyan Tree with you all and on my own. Being me, I changed it to wisdom. I AM wisdom is my only identity, and it's no identity at all.
No unconscious roles, just SOUL and maybe an act or two of consciousness!
For years, enlightenment seemed even to take on the form as an identity or role and it seemed only when I left it, when I stopped seeking it, did it find me. I AM .... and no words come after it.
Enlightenment as a role as an identity to chase and conquer is interesting to examine. Like I wrote in my last book - Being is so sweet you don't even want to add the word enlightenment after it because it takes away from the experience. BEING. Ahh.....
And what a treat to have an experience with others while in the sovereign state without the mind wanting to label everything with a duality. Truly expansive to just be in this environment and not have the mind point out hypocrisy, criticize the teacher, bitch about the students and on and on...
Guillem recently wrote on Ryver something along the lines of telling his friend, the mind, to "Mind your own business!"
I love that! How many experiences have been harsh and ruined by the mind, when simply relaxing into what is and being in whatever experience we find ourselves in would be so much more...expansive and fun for the human?
So much more to share but that's more than enough for today. I just caught myself writing another book...
Speaking of which, the first writing seminar is May 15. That one is currently full, but please let me know if you would like to join one - so far Joanna and Momo have expressed interest. I will tailor it to fit the schedules of those interested.
Please try to find an environment free of background noise - sound and energetic noise both.
Please try to be on time as it's a bit distracting for me to start over again. But if you are late, still join please!
Thank you and very much looking forward to it!
Topic: Center of Being - No Agenda Call
Time: May 1, 2018 12:00 PM Pacific Time (US and Canada)
Join from PC, Mac, Linux, iOS or Android: https://zoom.us/j/202429852
Or iPhone one-tap :
US: +16699006833,,202429852# or +14087403766,,202429852#
Dial(for higher quality, dial a number based on your current location):
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Meeting ID: 202 429 852
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Hello, friends! I hope you will all consider joining us for a hang out, agenda free (more about that below) under the Banyan Tree on this magical April New Moon. Please join me in reading Nataly's story. I love her raw honesty (always appreciated here) and humor, not to mention a very cool drawing. And, we can all relate to only wanting got be in our I AM -ness rather than joining yet another wacky group. Last New Moon I also did not feel like joining, so I get that too. In that case, I just stopped by to wave and say hello, allowing whatever the creation is to unfold. Indeed, I think that is what the Banyan Tree represents to me. No energy, no agenda creation - just allowing passion for the I EXIST to bloom in whatever form it takes. ENJOY!
Finally I am in front of my desk to write you.
There are lots of layers in this story but I am going to keep kind of short and focus in the Banyan tree.
I haven't been in the banyan tree since last January when a couple days before the gathering I felt so much pain inside of myself. I remembered I sat in the rug at my room with my intention to connect with the experience but I was washed down with lots and lots of emotions, sadness....a terrible deep sadness that kept me crying and crying. So, intentionally I chose not to connect with the Banyan tree because it felt not right and appropriate to do it in such state, mainly in respect of myself and the rest of the members.
Over the past months a lot has been happening inside of myself and in my life and for these reasons I haven't being attracted to the Banyan experience.
But more than a week ago I felt one of those quantum leaps happening slowly but surely. So, in the past Monday, April the ninth, my house was quiet, my sons were in school and my husband was out of town. The house felt so good and I felt incredible happy, joyful and with an unexplained tranquility- peace with myself. So, I sat at the rug in my family room to connect with myself like I do every other day.
I only wanted to be with myself and my cat. I closed my eyes and I took deep breathes and suddenly I felt the call to go to the Banyan tree. I felt not resistance from my humanness, and I was very curious about the whole thing.
So, I invited my cat to come with me. I simply wanted to be floating with my cat under the tree.
So, I stood in front of the magnificent and always luminescent (with a golden light) Banyan tree. My cat was standing next to me. I took a deep breath, dropped aside anything that was not mine. I took my flip-flops off and I arranged myself into the lotus position right into the thin air. Then my cat jumped up into my lap.
I felt an incredible sense of contentment and freedom.
So, at the beginning I was just contemplating the magnificent beauty of the golden Banyan tree. I was observing in precise detail the branches, the leaves and the trunk-all emanating this calming and loving light. I felt in a state of wonder- like a child in a state of AWE.
Then, I started to feel the Masters. They were hovering at my left side and suddenly I felt one of them as St. Germain. This took me by surprise. I asked myself, "Is this for real St. Germain??"...not answers came out from him. He remained hovering with his eyes closed but I knew it was him.
Then, I saw Yogananda and he was doing the same.
And then I saw El Morya, surprisingly he was looking at me. He put his right hand up as a sign of greetings and he said to me, "YO!".....he cracked me up!.....and I said, "did you really say YO!"....and I was laughing and laughing while he remained with a Mona Lisa's smile in his face.
It was so unexpected and so charming to be greeted by him in such a funny way...and I Loved it.
As you can imagine I was floating under the Banyan with a big smile on my face. I left the Masters by themselves. Then I noticed that at my right side were many others floating, some were high and some were low. I felt like exploring around the tree but I didn't want to interrupt anyone. So quietly, my cat and I took a tour around the tree. Then we came back at the starting point and I stayed there in my Beingness for some time. It was a sweet feeling. Then after a while it was time to comeback and that was it.
Lauren, at first I hesitated in sharing this story with you because of the "odds details" but then I heard TRUST, so here is the story.
The feeling of this encounter was so fun for me that I wanted to make a quick sketch of him which I have included here...just for the fun!
Hugs to you,
We are so glad you shared, Nataly. It truly is all just for fun!! The fun of being in this magical space.
Someone send me this Tobias quote on the definition of agenda. I quite enjoyed it although I sense there is so much more to playing under the Banyan Tree without agenda.
“Do you know that agenda, by definition, is having a desired outcome of a situation? It is placing your energy on a desired outcome. Dear friends, when there is agenda, you are playing the game of duality. Period! You have a desired outcome. Take away agenda, and you take away duality. Take away agenda, and you allow yourself to move into a new energy. It takes you outside the realms of duality. It takes you into a new consciousness, a consciousness of ascension that is not so focused on the energy of two, duality, polarity. Know no agenda, dear friends. Oh, you will be highly challenged with this. You will feel naked without agenda in your life. You will feel that you are – how to say – without backbone. You will feel like a jellyfish without strength, because up until now agenda has given you strength, great strength. When your agenda was strong, you were strong. You became strong in the Light or strong in the Dark. You were strong in the battle of duality. For a period of time you might feel wobbly. You might feel like Jell-O without agenda. You might feel like running back to duality, where there is a security blanket of agenda." -Tobias, “Know No Agenda”, Shoud Seven: The Ascension Series, Feb 2002
IN THE ABSENCE OF AGENDA, THERE IS ONLY PASSION - PASSION FROM THE SOUL, PASSION FROM THE I AM. Today, an invitation to come play in passion for the I AM WHO I AM, if you choose to. And like Nataly has shared here. Thank you so much for sharing, Nataly!
Kim experienced her own thirty days of self love recently and received too much wisdom to put in a single article. Instead, she wrote a poem for us here and for the Banyan Tree publication. My favorite writings by Yogananda are his "Songs of the Soul" poems. For me a poem is a beautiful way to express without going linear or mental, and I simply love this. Thank you, Kim, for gift to us. I am right there with you in the conscious waves of this poem. A breath of fresh, free air in this dense, dense world.
Love Letter from Soul
By Kim Seppala
Sail the seas and discover new lands,
trail the pathless woods and slide
slippery slopes through the dusk.
Fly the skies and dive the depths,
find treasures of gold and dust
on your way, but listen when I say:
Sometimes, the wildest adventures
are the ones closest to home, found
in the timeless space deep within.
Travel the landscapes of life,
trace the contours of contrast,
for I will never hold you back.
And when you’ve seen everything
there is to see, perhaps you’ll see
me too, standing here
waiting for you, my human,
- my heart-shaped souvenir
from this wild ride called Life;
waiting for the one brave enough to
Love. Love: an all-encompassing place
of lifted veils and unfiltered rays;
Love, a space-less place of
Oneness, but one with
infinite facets of multiplicity.
I'll be here, waiting for the one
who taught me to Love, waiting
at the end of time, at the edge of space.
I am here.
Hey friends, I love all of your shares and will respond...eventually...yet I wanted to share what is going on with me right now and why it is so hard to read, respond, etc. on here. Well, hard is not the right word. It's not 'appropriate' to respond in this current context.
Sometime last week, I began having conversations in my dreams (nothing new here but the conversation was). I was going through an awareness of the difference between my soul voice and the voice (not the right word but for the sake of story) of my master self. Like El Morya I find the word master far too limiting and a bit puke-worthy, so perhaps I will just call it the I AM.
So I was discerning between my soul wisdom voice and the deep knowingness of the I AM. Waves of the I AM have been rolling in...I don't have anything to compare it to. It's not integration. It's so far from processing. There is no trash to burn off. There is no fear.
There is discomfort. That feeling like I wrote in my 'Notes' post - like you left the stove on but know you did not. My body feels stretched...I won't say new, because it is too familiar at the same time.
Yesterday was particularly uncomfortable. I was in the bathroom getting something from under the counter and Damaian was out of the house on his own. As I leaned down in the tiny bathroom here at my California home, I felt a very large presence behind me. Damian is a big dude - tall, muscular build. I said out loud, "D, is that you?"
Then I realized the bathroom door was closed. I was alone. Duh. And...
Then I realized this tall figure (HUGE, almost dark - a black hole...) was me. No, I'm not integrating an aspect. Having thousands of experiences in that experience, I'm 100% clear on what that feels like. This was me - this figure was my I Am (my master self).
So I decided to take a long walk alone - even without the dog - a long walk with the huge I AM.
I asked a question without words. An inquiry without a solid question. The "answer" I received about what I was experiencing ...
You are in the Sovniverse - like omniverse. OMNIVERSE is defined as the collection of every single universe, dimension, realm, reality and all the wisdom that goes with it.
In this context, the word was changed to add sovereign. So, my I AM was telling me "we" are in the sovereign omniverse of SELF.
Well, okay...makes sense if you do not think at all.
The GRAND figure continued to walk behind me. I invite it in. More so it is less coming in, that I am letting go.
Letting go of Earth nature, letting go of my biology, letting go of human constructs like systems, concepts of right and wrong. Sure, I did this before as you have but another layer in the spiral of the return to self is seamlessly occurring. Yet, I am still stretched, melting into myself.
I do not care if I die, I tell it. There is nothing I have left to do that cannot be done without a body, I say. I am complete in life. Just come in already and quit following me around. It's so 'time.' Time for the end of separation and a new era of sovereign one-ness (for lack of a better term). The clear drop of consciousness, I think Joanna called it....
No fear. No resistance. I have already died a thousand deaths in this body and lived. I am no longer attached to this body. It's ready to go. But I know deeply I will continue walking on Earth for sometime, just not in a biological vehicle.
By the end of the walk the I AM (master self for you Keahak people) is touching me on my back. I feel it coming into merge with the spinal cord. The base of the neck so irritated from this whole thing.
I realize I cannot create - we cannot create what we wish to do with the Banyan Tree - until each of us are in our SOVNIVERSE. I will not be ready to share until the I AM is done doing whatever it does. Yet, I do have a timeline. That will be June. Then, and only then, will I really be able to ..... create....with you....and not lose myself....without even a molecule of agenda or force....
So until then, I am inviting you to step into your sovniverse - create at will. Create forums on Ryver at will from your sovniverse. You don't need my permission.
I invite you to gather at the Banyan Tree on April 16 from the space of your sovniverse. I have been driving this vehicle for so long, I couldn't pick up the reigns if I tried. It's not that I don't care - well that too - but instead of caring, I'm going to let the seed blossom on it's own. It doesn't need me to water it anymore. The wisdom you add here is plenty.
Like Joanna said and like I stated so clearly in the manifesto, if you are here, this is your creation too. And this creation needs no leadership. It doesn't need anything, of course, but what will make it blossom is more people in their I AM-ness.
Next post, I will share a beautiful poem by Kim, which is the song she is singing to herself and the wisdom she is lending to the Banyan Tree.
One final note, I invite you to sense into archetypal realms that are left from "previous" ancient civilazations, such as Atlantis, Avalon, The Vedic Period, Ancient Egypt....and ponder if that is what the Banyan Tree could be.
Long after we have finished our last lives on this planet, could we possible create something as GRAND... could the achetypal energy/ wisdom of the Banyan Tree exist on for eons of time for those choosing consciousness over automation.
Perhaps we are laying the groundwork, creating a portal/ an energetic pathway - without force or persuasion - into true freedom for those who will live in the age of the machine.
For me nothing is more exciting. And I am not going to taint it will any human garbage, so I will wait until June.
See you under the Banyan Tree on April 16. Perhaps if you have been "using" the tree to heal, fill yourself up, gain something, perhaps you will grace it with your sovniversal wisdom instead.
In the last week or so I have been lending a lot of conscious breath (Thanks, Guillem!) to what we are creating here at the Banyan Tree. I sense your wisdom, and I read it everyday in the comments here and on Ryver. Este and Karen have written poems. Momo has danced away identity. Raphaelle recently wrote a song about it she is recording, which I will share here. So good!!
Right now all that wisdom has been put into the creation of our beloved Banyan Tree, yet I want to capture it beyond the fragments in comments, shares, etc. So I posted this on the Ryver forum:
Recently, I read a book, Balthasar: The Magus, and the story of the three wisemen (and more) written by Marisa Calvi (a friend) and told by Ascended Master Kuthumi. At the end of the book something really struck me. Kuthumi's soul in Balthasar's body realized at the end of the book that the three wisemen (3 sovereign souls) had come together to create an experience that would usher in the new conscious brought forth by Yeshua's birth and his role on Earth.
He said each of these three souls came together in creation and that creation had it's own soul. They were three unique flames in a fire of creation and that fire had a soul and each of the flames as spirit individualized. I bring it up because I have been sensing so keenly that the Banyan Tree has started to have it's own soul, it's own consciousness.
The soul is filled with the wisdom of each of our souls, AND we do not lose ourselves in the experience but enjoy from a place of individualized spirit or sovereign souls. It is our creation to enjoy! And it creates a pathway for lack of a better word for those choosing consciousness over automation for eons to come as well as those who are moving beyond firm group identities into their sovereign states. Simply GRAND!
And like El Morya always reminds me, it's time to allow creations the same sovereignty we allow ourselves. It is only then that the tree will thrive. It is only in allowing the sovereignty of the creation, such as the Banyan Tree, that we move beyond agenda, control and more so, we are not building something anymore with plans and constructed blue prints, we are allowing a creation to bloom from our unique states of being. I'd love to hear from you all on this one before forming a full post. A call for wisdom contributions, if you would like.
Joanna, answered and she captured what I have been sensing in words, and we have decided to gather the wisdom up and put it into a book - PDF I will send out and publish on this website - in the summer.
Here was her response/ wisdom contribution/ so much more:
I had a dream a month or so back, and St. G said to me “You each have a clean drop of this consciousness now; it’s up to you what you do with it.”
Back in 2010 he also told me (through Geoff) that I should write the books I was planning (that I never did), BUT that I would be involved in something that would bring me much more fulfillment. Imagine that. (Lauren here: Indeed, Joanna - my books now feel like a tiny little side gig and not my full creation.)
When I read Lauren’s post about the Himalayas, with the similarity of the St. G message for her, her experience of not quite knowing until now what was being created, and now with the Banyan Soul, it has brought together all I’ve been seeing and hearing over the last few years also. I also began to write with a group of sovereign beings, but at the time I didn’t know there were other humans involved! I’m loving this unfoldment.
Coming together in sovereignty and the birthing of the new. My ultimate passion, both in creating outwardly and within myself. Yep, myself. (Lauren again: such a better definition and words than old divine will - thank you! - I AM CREATION.)
What I see, so far, is this: What we are creating here is entirely new. I don’t fully know what that ‘new’ is yet, just know that it is. While there is nothing new in enlightenment, so to speak, there IS something new afterwards. (YES!)
There IS something brand new that is created when sovereign beings gather. The difference between how this was done before to birth something on Earth, is that this comes from a space within that is entirely free from the past and identity….even before Earth. Now that we are in a new energy from the ones before, gathering like this actually creates another “clean” consciousness…..for any being to access eventually. (OUR LEGACY - El Morya adds)
It is a clean slate - no past, no identity, no story, no old idea of ‘family’. It’s like we go back to ‘original’ but with consciousness and awareness. Because even within enlightenment, and awareness and pulling one’s self together, we tend to have definitions of ourselves that are limiting, until we don’t anymore.
It is no mistake that there is so much coming up for many regarding identity and regarding how we relate to each other in sovereignty, and that sovereignty isn’t what we thought it was.
We are creating this entire space of existence where none of what we have created before exists anymore, except the wisdom. Quite literally, timelines are being disintegrated. This may take some time to trickle down to awareness in full. And of course, it is as we are, always always morphing, changing and becoming.
The beauty is, we don’t know what it will look like. We are making it up as we go along. So there is more here, that I just don’t see yet and that hasn’t been created yet. And I am totally excited to see what it becomes and hear what it has to say.
Yes there is the living in mastery and joy and realizing all these things about being here in freedom… and many many are here just to enjoy that and experience the unfolding of who they are in human form…but many of us are going to the next space of existence…and we can also experience that from HERE.
And we will begin to understand the new we are creating within ourselves as BEINGS also.
For a few years now, I’ve been going to this place of what I (as an integrated being) am going to create myself to be. I am combining my core essence with any other I choose…to create something new within myself and to be whatever/whoever I want to be…and from that come the new creations. And there’s always a good chance I’ll be surprised.
So like we are all combining our wisdom to create this new soul, I do the same within myself.
THANK YOU, JOANNA! When I read this yesterday, I wanted to allow it to sink in a few days before sharing, and then I ws too excited this morning not to put it out.
I am crying knowing that someone else sees the creation, touches and tastes it in a similar way - and is a hell of a lot better at explaining it. Sometimes when we get so close to something, when we are so in the creation, it's hard to see the grand design of it all. Joanna can and did.
And I know you all SEE it too, so we are asking for your contributions for a book that we will put together. You can add art. poems, links to music, and anything that can go into a PDF or weblink. Please send those in by May 21. In the meantime, we have two New Moon Gatherings that you can inJOY and share about - April 16 and May 15.
If you are new, check out the Banyan Tree, New Moon and click on the Banyan Tree Category for all article related - or wait until it comes out in e-book form.
With our human journalism backgrounds (too funny!), Joanna and I are going to compile the creation publication. I will include the full story of the history of the Banyan Tree - El Morya came to me in September 2017 to bring forth the idea.
I will go through your shares and comments dating back to September, yet if you could email me your comments and experiences (dreams, senses, etc) at firstname.lastname@example.org, I would be so appreciative (takes some of the digging work out...). This will also be sent out to new members as they come in as there has been a bit of confusion as to what the Banyan Tree is and how we are creating it with each conscious breath.
More to come!
If you have not read Balthasar The Magus, you can do so here if it calls to you: www.amazon.com/Balthasar-Magus-Lets-Walk-Three/dp/0980350654
I just noticed the publishing date on the book - September 30, 2013. It's quite funny because El Morya showed up on my doorstep for the first time in my adult human life on October 3, 2013. What we are birthing is so much grander than our human self can know.
Love and gratitude from us all.
Decided to start sharing some of my personal journal entries. Why not???
Enlightenment Notes from April 4, 2018:
I guess you cannot escape your cosmic connections in the human experience.
Since moving from Colorado and physically from Crimson Circle, the non-organization organization I have been involved with for the past three years, I felt myself totally disconnect – the chords were ripped so fast from my body of consciousness it sent me spinning. Wheee! Free!!!!
My human breathed a huge sigh of relief. Thank, God. I don’t have to play these roles anymore. No more identity. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah….bawahhahahahahahah….
That cackle is the sound of my soul and my ascended master friends El Morya, Kuthumi, and Dwal Kuhl laughing at me.
Even Adamus St. Germain is there laughing at me something hysterical.
Having a keen sense of “self humor” – the beautiful ability not to take yourself seriously – at all – ever!! And when you act serious, you are completely aware of the act.
Through the laughter, human Lauren finally remembered the divine comedy we are playing in. As long as you are a human on Earth you are playing a role. The other parts, facets of self, in the cosmos are playing a role in all the various realities.
The human/ control/ agenda/ perceived human free will – another great cosmic joke! Too funny not to laugh at – thought it would somehow be able to pick and choose and decide in all of this.
Yet, when you make the expansion into the soul self AND master self – I am feeling these as one voice yet distinct simultaneously – making the “decisions” (the human has no fucking say or negotiation ability anymore and tuckered out to observe from the sidelines)… wait, what’s the right word….?
How about instead of decisions …choices of the soul….or better yet allowing divine will to flow through self and the vessel of the body….the body no longer a human body but a soul body….
My human does have a choice, I guess…fight it or laugh…end the end it’s never a choice, you cannot help but to laugh at the IRONY.
The irony is that in leaving Colorado I am spending more energy on the Crimson Council than ever…or perhaps my awareness shifted, more likely – Crimson Council is the group of angelic beings who supports the worldly creation that is the Crimson Circle and those allowing embodied enlightenment.
Every single night I am with the Crimson Council in the last ten days. I am working with individuals in my sleep. I even know the names and what exact patterns we are breaking in my sleep. I have always done this, yet not on this particular council – or rather, I am just becoming aware of this.
The ironic part – leaving the CC in physical form, I’m now more involved than ever. HA!
Then in a simultaneous dream reality, I am with the “Indian” crew, creating another portal for expansion for those choosing consciousness. This is entirely different than the Crimson Council work. It is all who I call Sar’h, but different facets of her.
Lauren, human self, is also going through multiple scenarios working out her human residual fears. No need to do these in the physical so creating a little reality for burn off. Smart. Masterly.
During the day, I am stunned to find myself not in conflict anywhere.
I search my body of consciousness almost in a panic – there has to be at least one – at least one little battle to play out and analyze. There has to be something there to fix, to process, to unravel.
“Oh my God, there is nothing!” (relief)
“Yay! There is nothing to fix.” (celebration)
“Holy sweet baby Jesus. There is nothing to fix!!!!” ( panic!!!)
Damn it. I cannot even panic!!! (surrender)
Final stage: More Laughter!!!!
The human wanted enlightenment all this time, and now it has no idea what to do with it.
And, it is hilarious!
I once asked, “Is this it? Is this all there is to enlightenment?”
Today and the past month…”This is it! This is all there is to enlightenment!”
The human wants to go back. “Hold on. I had some more things to fix, to experience, to do.”
(the feeling of leaving the stove on….but you know you really didn’t…but you just want to check anyway…just in case…)
And the funniest thing of all is that it can’t. It really is this easy AND there is no going back. Because there is no back or forward.
Beyond the simultaneous dreams, linearity is no longer here – in the now laughable term – “daily life”….
Buying a new car…I saw it in the parking lot, and I realized I already owned it.
I had owned it for some time. Now, I just had to reverse into how I got there, so I pulled out a checkbook and wrote a check for it. I reversed backwards into the experience of where it came from. I saw it all happening through the eyes of the divine.
My human held up a finger – my human is so outside of my body – the body is now a simple expression of the soul – it held up a finger and said “wait, let’s research the car.”
“Why,” my master self said. “We already own it, have for a long time, and it works out - incredibly. We love the car.”
“Oh, right,” and the human laughed hysterically. “This is fun!”
It all – all of everything - occurs in the same split second, the same moment. All of existence, experience, and expression is the same simultaneously. You get to fast forward, rewind, hit pause or whatever in any reality you inhabit. It is so freeing. And the only way there is to let go of the conflict.
I said it a hundred times. Drop the sword. I believed it. I sensed it would happen. But nothing compares to the actual experience. Beyond words, my friends.
Even the smallest of thoughts are part of the conflict. You cannot reject them. And, I’m going to say it. You can only allow it to go. It wants to go. The conflict. The mental thoughts. They want to leave. The suffering game. It wants to go too. You only have to let it. Stop blocking the door as it tries to push its way out.
“Is it really that easy?” Turns into….
“I know this really great, cosmic-level joke. It truly is that easy.”
A head nod in acknowledgment of Joanna who had this etheric conversation with me out on my surfboard last week as we laughed our fucking heads off.
Big love. Big life. Big fat laughter!
What I actually share publicly from my journal....Just to show you all how I mold and shape what I share to fit an audience and why this place is so special to me...I don't have to water it down here. Concentrated, undiluted experiences here and not there....
And my soul whispered to me, control is just another form of energy feeding.... I find it applied to perceived self-control too.
Trying to manage energy, set boundaries, rules of engagement, even the perception of using logic (just more battle internal...and energetically expensive....so many layers to this) ...and then when I wasn't using the energy to regulate and manage, it flowed seamlessly into the flow of creation.
I found all that energy no longer managed by the human flowed into soul creation. While not all creations need to be material, I am quite enjoying my new car. A representation of energy serving me in every moment. It's a ton of fun to drive too. I walked in, wrote a check, and drove off in one hour. No logic, no number crunching, no should I or shouldn't I, involved.
It's really jaw dropping to realize how scary it is for the human not to be in conflict - even an internal debate such as what car to buy. The layers of this battle called logic run so deep, but they are not who I AM.
And then beyond that fear that is almost grounding, the magic flows in the untethered experience of soul freedom. This one I can drive!
Picture of the new ride below!
It's been a while since I have written something of substance here. This morning Xavi asked me some questions on Ryver. I love that so much because without the question, the answer would not form. So here are my answers and an invitation to join me on something I sense will be amazing, especially if you add your wisdom to it as well.
First, I want to start off with a little except from the Thirty Days of Self-Love, Chapter 3...
March 15, 2017
Bend, Oregon to Waldport, Oregon
Yesterday Ollie and I made our way from Bend to Waldport, Oregon, where the Alsea River meets the Pacific Ocean. We took the road less traveled, which took us through piney, mountainous woods and dropped us softly into the lush, temperate Willamette National Forest.
As we weaved through the winding roads, I sensed into what I was creating for myself on this journey. I sensed with each curve I took on the road, with each turn of the steering wheel, that I was weaving the cobwebs of creation for the experiences that lay ahead of me.
Weaving the cobwebs of creation is a concept I have been experiencing and sensually examining for some months now. For me, it is about experiencing creative senses in addition to perceiving senses. Of course, the two go hand and hand.
We use our perceiving senses to get a sensual lay of the land, and at the same time, we can access our creative senses, which we can consciously use to build and experience our reality, minute by minute, second by second.
As masters of Self, we are spiders spinning our own creative webs, weaving the energy designs which will attract and manifest anything we dream or desire in our creative cobwebs. The energetic design of the web determines what we will ‘catch’ and ‘dine on’ in our lives, if you will.
For spiders, weaving a web is instinctual. As masters of our lives, creative senses also come from a place within our body of consciousness, within the universe of Self, that is beyond the human mind and emotions - beyond even intuition and imagination, as creative senses are far more sophisticated. Creative senses come from the soul, or master Self – from the core of who we truly are beyond singular human existence.
Spiders do not use rush or force when spinning their webs. Their movements are gentle, delicate, and precise. Consciousness gives rise to precision. If we choose, we can be completely aware of the energetic designs of the cobwebs we are weaving. We can be as energetically precise – beyond human details – as we would like in our creative abilities.
I share this because while my human was not aware then, the web I was spinning on this day more than a year ago was the creation of the Center of Being.
Center is not a word for an organization or a physical space. It is the center of being that is the individualized source spirit that lives in us all. It was a place for sovereign beings to share their sovereign center with another - in a place that exits beyond physicality, duality, linearity and gravity.
This is not only my creation but yours as well.
For me, this whole experience has unfolded and continues to unfold in some sort of divine (beyond human agenda) format or blue print because we are 'making it up'/ creating it together- each from the point of sovereignty within each of our being - as we go along. Each person who connects to the creation adds their wisdom to it, and it changes shape and form continuously. Transfiguration. Alchemy of Spirit. BEING - a perpetual state of becoming - never static, always dynamic.
Today Xavi asked me some questions and shared some of his views, and I wanted to share the response with you - why I have not shared El Morya's channels, why I am taking a break from big shares until June, and finally, an invitation to ask you to grace this space - this creation- with your wisdom. Of course, you are always doing so by BEING here, but maybe we can share a bit more about this with human awareness, if it something you would like to do.
Xavi first referenced an article by Geoffrey Hoppe in the Crimson Circle magazine in reference to recent events when Adamus St. Germain asked people to leave who were still in lack among other things. I bring this up because it is related to how each of us interact with groups (CC or other) from a different space of ONE-ness, Being-ness, soul sovereignty, and/or divine will. Total disconnection - to reconnect from a space of sovereignty (covered more below).
"Regarding Geoff, I'm surprised that so few people have reacted to it (Adams's imperatives for leaving and staying in the CC). According to Geoff or nobody saw the last shoud or 99.9% of Shaumbra is ok. Well I have another theory, many have not taken for granted and have decided to deny their reality. --- Important question --- This makes me ask myself, in short, what are we doing here at the Center of Being?
Are we going back to the CC because Adamus is finally cleaning? Because it does not seem that the reasons why we gather here are giving.
Let me explain: for me the Center of Being @The_Center_of_Being , or the Banyan Tree, is a non-place where everyone can experience their own EEE process at their own pace, without groups marking the tempo; and share it with others if you decide.
That's great, and that's what I want to do now. On the other hand I realize that we are not going to work or travel in the EEE as a group here, and that is why I imagine that the two channels of El Morya per month have never been given or will not be given. I'm afraid we're going to have to keep going to the CC from time to time to catch up."
It's a great question - and please note I love this kind of exchange - it is not upsetting to me at all. The opposite - so helpful.
Here is my response (also on Ryver where this sort of exchange occurs and shapes these posts and shares immensely):
"Xavi, I'm always glad you bring things up. I am kind of going with the flow. I do not really consider this a group but a gathering of sovereign beings who come together from time to time to share. We don't have rules, regulations. El Morya did ask me to do some channels -- and then he and I both felt a shift. I don't have a real clear direction - I'm honest about that.
Nothing is so black and white for me and schedules and control/ organization makes me cringe because it takes away from the free flow. Also, unlike other channelers, I really feel I must understand something and live it before I share it with other people. I'm not there yet. At all. But I will BE.
Currently, I am experiencing all parts and pieces of myself coming together as one. I sense disconnection and yet I am still able to connect from a different space. For example, I used to go to CC and other conscious/ spiritual groups to get wisdom - to fill myself up - to get my fix.
Now, I feel like I can add my wisdom and observe without needing to fill myself up - I am full - soul full. So for me, CC is still there, Adamus is still sharing wisdom I like to hear. As far as the human game over there. I'm so done. Control is just another form of energy feeding.
I guess what I'm trying to say is two things. It's not an either/ or situation (the mind tends to want that but the mind is dead) - it's an AND. The more you disconnect to become THE ONE SELF the more relationships expand into the AND.
Finally, most importantly for this space, both El Morya and my soul/ higher voice called Sar'h or whatever - I hate the definition and names right now (cringe) - we will probably create a new name for this collective voice (El Morya just told me that) - is planning or creating, rather, something for June.
"Please be patient," - Lauren
"Be ready to be wowed" - El Morya & Sar'h
(One example of my fragments coming together right now....)
However, what we share will NOT be wisdom to absorb and learn from. People will not come to the Banyan Tree to ask for answers or it will back fire and shoot them straight out.
It will be an exploration of I AM and creation from being in which your own soul's wisdom will guide you!
So, moving forward, if you come here looking for guidance from outside of the soul's passionate wisdom - not only will you be disappointed you will probably get sick.
Right now I am attuning my physical body to be able to handle what El Morya and Sar'h as a 'collective consciousness of BEING' will share.
Until that feels complete to human Lauren, I will not share or be beholden to any timeline. I am not going to blast myself into a sick bed or out of the body. We still have too much legacy to leave behind -- as do you all!
I sense this will be a complete radical shift in what is shared here. I ask for human patience AND MORE SO for you all to contribute your wisdom to this collective being consciousness and the CREATION FROM BEING experience - if you choose.
Xavi - thank you for playing your divine/ soul will role to perfection. I am so serious when I say it is appreciated!!!"
So today, as my soul asks me to hang on a couple more months for what will be shared this summer, I invite you to contribute your wisdom under, in, and throughout the branches of the majestic, golden Banyan Tree, if it is your will. If you choose, maybe share below as well. So helpful for human me right now...
In total honor of you and your unique experience and what wisdom you bring here!!!
By the way, how can anyone charge for something that is a mutual expression of creation - in which everyone is bringing their wisdom to the table/ banyan tree??? It is beyond comprehension these days. An old game.
THANK YOU from the Center of my Being to the Center of Yours!!!
Got Wisdom? :)
As a great experiment or a joke on myself, I decided to post the below post on the Crimson Circle facebook group - I have expanded below. More so, it was about expressing my passion for being without boundaries, and I was taking the temperature of other Shaumbra who also may have experienced sovereignty beyond a conscious/ spiritual group identity.
Surprisingly, I received an overwhelming response and the only person that got ugly with me was someone in Colorado who makes it her life's purpose to get pissed off at anything and everything. She posted that she was laughing at me and 'bye, Felicia!' - too funny and lacking in creativity. If you're going to berate me, at least be fresh and creative! :P These things breeze past me these days.
For me, the post was a huge humbling realization to realize what I was experiencing in Colorado was not mine. If I was poking fun at anyone, it was only myself. I am the butt of my own jokes - always.
Further, I was surprised to see a note from Robert Theiss who posted it in his new facebook group, Masters Unplugged. In this forum, Robert will share free bi-weekly information related to walking as a master in this life. I have not watched anything from him ever, but in my conversations with him (expansive), I am interested to see what he shares there. If you would like me to add you to that group, let me know.
Karen had asked me on Ryver if I felt that I was playing a divine/ soul will role in my time in Colorado. Indeed, I felt that I was and that I would not have played the role so well if I had not lost sight of my self sovereignty. When I go back to my experience, when I left, the three wisemen came and did a deep bow in my honor - Kuthumi, El Morya & Dwal Kuhl.
I was flabbergasted because that has never happened. What they seemed to be saying is - "Lauren, we understand how hard that role was to play, how much it sucked for your human self. While others may not see it now, for the service that it was, we see you, and we honor you for following the voice of your soul, rather than playing in the enlightenment popularity contest."
Indeed, El Morya has been spouting off about the enlightenment popularity contest that pervades spiritual and conscious groups. But I will save his musings for another time. Let's just say this - he is relentless and I love it but others, probably not so much.
In the end, those integrated souls have played many roles over many lifetimes - the villian, the beloved, the hated and admired, so who would know better than the human strife associated with it and the deep knowing of the great cosmic game called human life.
Further, as captured in this tiny post, I have begun to sense into illusory human identities as aspects (unintegrated) and roles as facets (integrated) and in recognition in the gray area between because nothing is black and white. Something I wrote about in my new book. You can get that for free here: www.becomingsarh.com.
Further, since we have covered divine/soul will in here expensively, I see the role/ facet is where your divine - god, also - experience plays out on this enlightened lifetime stage. More on that later, but someone let me know if that makes sense, please...
Here is the post extended. Curious to know what you are perceiving as self beyond firm identity and what roles you have, are playing, or will play, and how that ties into moving from perceived human free will into the expanse of divine/ soul/ master will. Please comment below with your infinite wisdom.
Strange days are here again 🎶.... it's only been five weeks or so since I left living in Shaumbraland, Colorado. In the vein of wisdomizing, I lived there two years- bought and sold a home, had many experiences, and made many friends.
When I left, I cried a thousand tears and died a thousand deaths. But if I try to recall any of the two years, the memories are as faded as my old blue jeans. Memories just as hazy if not more than my previous lives, which appear in the shadows of my consciousness.
I asked my soul why I couldn't remember, why I can't recall what it felt like to live there? It's much too far away to grasp onto anything. Too energetically expensive.
I will say I can remember one-on-one conversations (especially with my close friends); I remember deep connections. I really remember vividly all the trips I took outside Colorado, which were many - it is just the periods in Colorado where people were mad at me, asking to borrow money, owing me money, playing out the wounds of Isis and Adam, etc. that I cannot remember. I can only vaguely recall that leaders of the CC got angry at me for some bullshit. It's like it never happened. So why, my human asked,...why can't I remember something that is only five weeks away from me????
My soul replied, you were there only to play a role - the antagonist at times, the devotee at times. You felt everything every Shaumbra has ever felt, so you would know the experience. Partly for writing purposes and more so because I wanted the full experience - that is my soul's personality. Nothing half ass. For example, when I was going to do drugs in my teens, I was going to experience all of them. Full experience beyond right/ wrong, good/ bad....
My soul continued....When that role was over, the dramatic death only came from lack of awareness that it was indeed a simple role and not the illusory identity you held onto far too tightly.
Now, human Lauren, you know the difference between a conscious role, a perceived identity, and who you really are.
In these experiences, my human finally understood, it knew more fully, the I am who I am. The I AM beyond any identity or role. The cosmic grand being that I am and you are, too. The God also.
So what role are we playing now? I asked my soul - now knowing there is no time, no experience in life in which we are not playing some sort of role. In that case, if I playing a role, I choose the divine will roles rather than the old human games, unless it will be fun for me.
She said: the role of the integrated soul, who knows how to radiate, rather than absorb and reflect, unless it is an act of consciousness. The role that knows only joy and inexpressible compassion.
Indeed, I know deeply that 99% of my Colorado experience was not mine. That is why I can only remember 1%. It was the 1% that was mine. And that was all I was willing to pack and take with me. It was not a mental exercise of what was mine and what was not, but a deep soul knowing. The soul sifted on autopilot without me having to do anything. Memories erased in the divine will role play.
How often have I thought I held sovereignty, when it was nothing more than a human constructed illusion. These sort of questions will make the faint of heart wildly uncomfortable. To know nothing - absolutely nothing - is authentic is enough to blow up the human mind. Authenticity is relative!
Then my soul sang in images and sensations....
Unsubstantiated human/untethered soul, I joyously surf the waves of passionate expression - until my next starring role on my own sovereign stage emerges.
I find the human need for boundaries and declarations of "truth" evaporate when the changing tides of conscious move from absorbing to radiating. The boundaries just as illusory as the identity I was so fiercely guarding.
Thus far, this new sovereignty feels so loose, so floaty and not at all as solid and substantiated at the illusory sovereignty I thought I held before. The irony...too much not to laugh at myself and how seriously I took everything...and then I remember it was part of the act.
Xanthe, helped me with the words of this last sentence - unsubstantial - it was the perfect word to describe the sovereignty of my soul experience.
How laughable it is that sovereignty is not the image of a person standing tall holding a staff in one hand and standing their ground ready for battle but instead a soft, flowing motion that is the song of my soul?
How funny is it that I was so in battle for my boundaries that I failed to see the boundaries I so fiercely guarded were only there to protect an identity that was never mine in the first place?
In the irony of it all, is one beautiful thing: the experience called freedom!