Hi friends, 

Here's some administrative updates....

THE CALLS

Our next call will be on November 6, at 1 p.m. Pacific - that's late in Europe and early morning in Australia the next day, but it had the most votes. 

I really love the calls and learning so much about you all. I also encourage everyone to chat with each other and make their own calls. 

Yet, I am going to try something new in January and into 2019. To cover the costs of Zoom, and the time and energy I put into facilitation and scheduling the call, I will be asking for  $3-5/ month donation, for our typically 1.5-2 hour calls.

Zoom costs $15/ per month and I usually spend about 4-5 hours making it all happen. An hour after, regrouping and napping. 

I never wanted to do this but lately it feels like an affordable exchange would be more appropriate - something I learned in Tuscany - I lost some money on that trip with all the changes in sleeping arrangements, and the collective time D and I spent arranging it was about a 40-hour work week.... I do feel drained on occasion after scheduling and providing these services and it's something I really needed to learn about myself. 

I am also going to limit each call I facilitate to five people or less, so that everyone has a chance to share and receive feedback (if desired). I can be much more present when there is fewer people and more present people. For some reason when someone chips in a few dollars, the commitment to show up changes. Not in all cases but some. 

That means less people, getting up and down, drinking wine, eating, having side conversations, and just not being present on the call. It's so hard for me to focus when people pop in and out, turn the video off and back on, and my personal pet peeve showing up late...then sharing your experiences just before ducking out or having a side conversation and not listening to anyone else's... Not when I'm facilitating, please. 

Another Option: Each of you take turns being the facilitator on the call each month. You are in charge of the time and setting up the Zoom webinar. Without a paid subscription, the call can only be 45 minutes, but it is a quality service I want to pay for.

You can make your own themes and if you want to make it a happy hour with snacks and drinks - why not??? Up to you. I'm good either way. You can use the Ryver topic section labeled calls to do so. Open to feedback....

In the meantime, everyone is welcome to join us Tuesday. Simply click the link below. November Free For All Call. 

THE BANYAN TREE BOOK 

Joanna (mainly) and I have finished the first ever Banyan Tree publication. You can check it out here or on the New Moon Wednesday when I will officially email it out. Joanna, you are an amazing designer and truly captured the essence of our collective creation. I cannot thank you enough!

This book sets the stage for what the Banyan Tree represents - a sovereign collective of souls (embodied and not, for lack of a better way to say it) and it includes your personal stories and art about the tree. So much goodness and gold in there. 

A huge thank you to all contributors!!!

When I was driving somewhere across the desert in September, I saw myself as Sar'h along with El Morya floating under the Banyan Tree. We had been using our hands and arms to commune and then as if on cue, we both folded our hands in our laps, suspended under its branches. With the folding of our hands in our laps, we closed our eyes. 

"Sleep to dream," El Morya "said" - you know he doesn't use words...

It was a symbol of completion - not in finality - but the seed has been planted, the consciousness has started to flow - what our tree of creation has to teach about creation is there for anyone to watch or sovereignly engage with at anytime, with a special invitation each new moon. 

However, I sense for me (as floating Sarah facet- ha!) and El Morya, it is just time to chill (wait is not the right word because it implies linear time) for a bit.

Instead, while simultaneously floating under the Banyan, I'm going to let the Sar'h facet of myself continue to write about - realizing you're already realized - and our book that is for people moving from New Age/ spirituality mentality into the New Energy consciousness.

Enough for now and spacial cosmical desert gathering in June to be announced soon.

Thanks everyone for being here. Please enjoy Ryver (and save what you want on your personal computer) until our subscription runs out in March 2019.

​Este has found another free space, which saves me from the donation begging process. The Patreon funds have been used up and I am now funding all this myself, which I am happy to do, mostly, but tempered with also honoring my energy served. 

See you on Tuesday!!!  

Hi there, 

Lauren Hutton is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting. 

Topic: Zoom Call - Third Circle peeps
Time: Nov 6, 2018 1:00 PM Pacific Time (US and Canada)

Join from PC, Mac, Linux, iOS or Android: https://zoom.us/j/302640924

Or iPhone one-tap :
    US: +14086380968,,302640924#  or +16468769923,,302640924# 
Or Telephone:
    Dial(for higher quality, dial a number based on your current location): 
        US: +1 408 638 0968  or +1 646 876 9923  or +1 669 900 6833 
    Meeting ID: 302 640 924
    International numbers available: https://zoom.us/u/aeIzIUXXtm

I was about to attempt to edit myself, I've done a lot of that these days, yet I've also taken a new view that it's not so much what you say but how you say it. And who you say it to.

I've kind of a done an excavation of Facebook forums these past two weeks or so, and it helps me remember that this whole hyper-focus, obsession with realization (oh man, me too, not a judgement-based comment) is HARD and ARDUOUS and PAINFUL. I now remember that.

AND, I'm willing to admit I had forgotten. Even in the space I'm in - the "hardest" thing as of late was pulling in this "angelic council" part of myself, which I wrote about in September.

Well, I didn't really pull a piece of myself in; I expanded my being-ness out to include it in ever-expansing embodied form. (Kai, thanks for help with the words). Still not exactly what I want to say....It's coming...

I'm no longer collecting the puzzle pieces but instead I sensing what I call ITERATIONS IN EXPANSION. Ones that do not go down a linear line in gravity but expand from all directions sans gravity. Iterations as in upgraded software of Self, embodying more and more of myself with each moment.

Iterations traditionally means repetitions but in this case, I use it as another way to describe the state of perpetual becoming - BEING. 

In this expansion to bring in "angelic council self", there were many tears (it felt as if my I AM was crying and at the same time completely join NEW within itself. Also, some fears of losing myself entirely (only physically, not ceasing to exist) came up too, but they flowed in gently and flowed back out gently because they had no place to land. 

Another way to say it, I expanded so much I felt like I might cease to exist in physical form and then I let go of the tie to physical form, and instead I became even more physically embodied - I love a good paradox!

YET I want to tell you there was NO SUFFERING involved in it, only SENSUALITY.

It was such an amazingly sensual process to expand myself into bringing this amazing facet of myself into this physical form. With the tears and how deeply I sensed myself, I was both crying tears of all the old wounds (firmly knowing they were not mine anymore) AND the experience was completely orgasmic in knowing myself in an even deeper way.

There wasn't some "limited human" and "master" in a dialogue about what was going on. It was an explosion of self, a grand display in the cosmos that make up the Universes of ME, and it was beyond beautiful, without time, and without the scale that gravity tends to provide us. It was completely natural, and because it was natural, it was without suffering. 

Now that may piss some people off to say you no longer suffer -- and then I am tempted to remind you of my intense suffering but that's so ridiculous - in this new state of being you no longer view all that as suffering when you "look back --, OR those who still find themselves in the suffering cycle may say, hey it's nice to hear from someone that it does end. 

And I promise it does. If you still have suffering coming up in your life, it won't always be there. I want to tell you that. Realization is the end of this suffering that most of us have clung so tightly too.

​I think it is because we associate suffering with living - at the cellular level.

Physical life IS suffering. So deep within the depths of our being we feel (even though we know it's bullshit) that if we let go of suffering, we will cease to exist. It's primal. Or perhaps, you have another hang up that allows you to move beyond suffering as soon as you become aware of it. For that's all it takes, a tiny glimpse of awareness re-writes the whole experience in embodied form. 

It now happens daily or multiple times a day. A tiny drop of awareness, and I have become new again. and again. and again....

How do I write this/ finding words....

After a certain level of consciousness flowed into me last year around this exact linear time, something switched in the world of human suffering. 

First of all, I do not feel I have a little, petulant human to describe, to blame for everything.

So much of the talk "out there"  on the forums is the little human and its rediculous-ness and how it is to blame for everything. Stupid human. Limited human. Master vs human. Fight within. Struggle within. If its hard, it means I am accomplishing something towards enlightenment. Bullshit!

Instead, my glorious and deeply loved human part of myself is enveloped in the fold of Self that is me. It is not a separate piece of myself that I beat up and view as a rebellious teenager or a crying child. (Thanks for the words, Joanna). 

My human part is so intervoven in the fabric of myself I cannot distinguish it from the I AM, and the weirdest word of all - the master - so strange in this space to separate something out and give it a title. Ahhh...weird....

The delineation between human and master was a great tool to begin communication between the two, yet as long as you keep them separate there will always be a struggle. Suffering comes from the perception of separation. Separation is an illusion. 

The two "sections" (human and divine) will merge naturally on their own, for sure, when you declare yourself ready.

However, as long as the language (language creates) focuses on master vs. limited human, suffering will always be present as you duke it out internally, instead of allow these many (infinite even) amount of threads weave themselves into a seamless tapestry of Self. 

The Seamless Tapestry of Self woven into the Infinite Expression of You Embodied. 

So beautiful. I cannot wait to see what you all weave into your tapestry, or what you have woven beyond any sense of time. 

In honor of you, 

Sar'h and Lauren as one - but more Sar'h (no clue how to talk about that yet...)

​Have a wonderful weekend!

I've been pondering a lot lately my personal and unique NEWNESS (and yours). I have been pondering -- pondering for me is exploring the energetic makeup and sensations associated with a sense of focus in a current state of being that knows no past, not future yet one expanded Infinite NOW -- I have been pondering how I have stepped into a new way of BEING me and what it means for each of us sovereignly and uniquely as we reverse into the realized state of BEING. 

What once worked - categorization, for example - no longer is a coping mechanism for the vastness of being embodied in human form. Categorization - what do you mean by that? Well, once upon a time, it was so easy to place the voices inside of myself into categories - human and divine, for example. By divine, some use there term soul voice or the ever-so-popular term - master voice. 

But how do we operate in the world when the two distinct voices human and divine become ONE - a symphony of the songs of our soul that is both human and divine as one - with no clear or present separation. For that is the definition of NEW ENERGY, allowing the integration of duality, including our divine nature and our human nature. You can no longer create a divide between human and soul, human and master, as they all merge into one. 

However, that ONE is not (at least not for me) a singular voice that has the quality of a human-constructed singular voice. Instead, it is a symphony of all parts and pieces of Self that create a cohesive song, a playlist even. With the sense of focus, you can zero in on the violin perhaps, or maybe the flute solo. Yet, any human concept of clarity - it seems to me, personally - must be thrown out for a new sense of clarity - one of simultaneous multiplicity in a singular Self. 

Let me try it again -- Simultaneous realities and expressions occur in an expanded NOW moment and all radiate from Self. In other words, the Experience of Self is expansional in all directions at the same time. New Energy. 

And that's a whole lot of NEW to take in!

In the baby steps I've taken into the NEW, I have noticed (observation in the sense awareness) that this state of being has no center -- for example, my soul is no longer the core; the I AM is no longer in a firm place. All of these parts and pieces do NOT have a central sun to orbit around in an organized manner. Damn.

In this state, I have found a new way to "ground". Once I placed my bare feet into the grass to ground myself - to relocate my center. Once I asked myself questions and discerned the soul voice from the human one - to relocate my center of Self.

But what is left to do when there is no center and no categories and no separation between human and divine or any other parts and pieces of Self? 

Now, I find I look to the cosmos. I watch the stars pop into the night sky and form constellations. I admire the Milky Way from the desert landscapes around me.

I watch, I observe something with no perception of order - the universes above me. I watch them exist without the need for definition, for plans, without any need for order. They simply exist in their own magnificence. 

Master Morya once described to me that I was in the moment knowing the Universe(s) of Self, of the Universe(s) of Me,  flow into my awareness. I am just now starting to fathom what that really means. 

And, what better way to let go of the old definitions of clarity, order, the present moment, and singularity than looking up to the universes above, for they are the universes within when you see through the lens of no separation.  

Through that expansion, I find there is nothing left to do, only to be. And have some fun too. Why not?

Hey friends, 

Damian, Ollie and I are on a great cosmic tour of the American Southwest. The picture is from the Rio Grande Gorge hike we did yesterday. We also soaked in the Ojo Caliente (hot eye) hot springs. The day before we went to the International UFO Museum and Research Center in Roswell, New Mexico. I posted all those silly photos on social media. 

It has come to my attention that not everyone knows that I backed out of buying the Oregon house - it had some problems and it stopped being easy. If you read my first book, which is now up on the website for free (see tab above), when something is not easy for me, I back away. When it is, I dive in head first. 

I got the feeling I was pushing a boulder up the hill (after it all flowing very easily and nicely along for the first few weeks) and that's not creation - for me. 

Mainly I just got a "not yet" on buying a house - not only for myself but as a gathering space for embodied beings - my longtime physical and not so physical dream. In the end, the house was not big enough (we are growing) and it was so remote AND I'm not ready to settle down just yet. Not that it matters, but has nothing to do with funding - that's all there. 

The idea of even signing a year-long apartment lease is enough to make my stomach churn. I've got my stuff in a storage unit, and Damian and I are enjoying going from one AirBnB rental to the next. We will land in California for a few weeks to see friends, surf, and pick up my other car, and head back to Texas. I'm going to spend Christmas alone somewhere and work on my finishing my second book. 

The Banyan Tree Book - OUT SOON.

Speaking of books, the amazing and talented Joanna Lynn has finished putting together the Banyan Tree book - your contributions - written and painted or drawn - just blow my mind, or soul, rather. I really feel like the publication captured solidly what the Banyan Tree is and how we are creating or pollinating it. Thank you. 

It is not a requirement to visit or be interested in the Banyan Tree, but if you are even the slightest bit curious - please check out the book!

In-Person Gatherings.

I still would like to gather for our planned Creation Conference. While I loved our wild journey to Italy and our casual gathering in Vancouver, I'd love to do something that combines all that. Dinner and wine time, relaxing and chatting time, and a time for everyone who wants to share the ability to present and discuss what creation embodied looks like for them - beyond a teacher/ student role - with a quiet and sober audience. 

“The tree of FREEDOM, the imprint of what comes ‘after’ the student role. I thought that role would be teacher, but that was just another duality. What comes ‘after’ is creation. Perhaps that is the ultimate gift of freedom the tree lends us - the creation experience.” - I apparently wrote this and forgot and it's in the new book. 

​That being said, many are in the Pacific Northwest up to Canada - that area could be one meeting place accessible to many. Also, I thought of renting a larger house in the Colorado Rockies this summer after the Keahak finale, for us to gather. My friend Alice offered to do the cooking and lives in Colorado and Momo often is in Boulder during this time so perhaps she might be willing to lead us in some movement/ dance in creation. Finally, for you European folks we talked about relaxing in Greece. 

​That's just a little taste of what is to come. 

The Ever-Unfolding Present Moment - Infinite, Singular Multiplicity Present.

Everyday is so NEW for me. The past - as Joanna has ever so patiently reminded me time and again - no longer exists. With these parts and pieces of the linear past and previous experience embodied and integrated, I find I am walking like a baby taking its first steps into the New Energy that is embodied living. 

I don't know where I will be or how it will feel or what lies around the linear future. For that reason, it is hard to respond to everything on Ryver or on the website, but I do read it all. 

I am going to give myself a year of wondering before I even start looking at spaces again. And, I'll just tell you all after I buy it:)

The Growth of this Space and the Tree.

We seem to be having a growth spurt. I have been pondering a cap for the space at about 100 - right now it is 66 people. One of the things that struck me in conversations on our European trip is people kept saying how much they liked the "Masters Hub" - which was an online forum that started small and then became thousands - before it blew up too big.

You used to know who was reading your posts and shares and then it became so large you had no idea. And it became a place to share more watered down versions of what was actually occurring in your embodiment. Not a judgment - just repeating what many told me on our trip. 

​So this is a promise we will also ways be small. That we will never have hierarchy or censorship. And you will be able to share with like-conscious people who won't act our their unintegrated roles on you. 

This space started in February/ March 2017, it has grown and evolved because of you. Este created Ryver and suggested an Italy meeting. Joanna has a wealth of ideas to share. Karen and Maureen created our Vancouver gathering.

We can breathe with Guillem each Friday morning, if we choose. Xanthe invites us into her stream of consciousness. Michael tones. Raphaelle sings her soul:)

Gabor takes us on a multi-reality journey in his writing. Momo dances beneath the canopy of the Banyan and shares her dance in words too.

Nataly and Sylvia and Eiril (new art soon) paint. The list goes on...

Each of you has brought and continues to bring a consciousness that has made this space what it is today.

If there is something missing - for example, a book or list of members with photos and bios - that you would like to see, I encourage you to go on and create it. We are all the "boss" here. 

If you would like an event in your area, let me know - like Karen did in Vancouver - help plan it and I'll book a ticket there and help out. 

The Center of Being/ Third Circle is your space just as much as it is mine. 

​Welcome, new friends and "old" cherished ones.  

Long before I found the Crimson Circle, I was traveling the planet alone, picking up parts and pieces of myself that I had left in other 'lifetime' experiences. In Peru, I found I needed to go to Mount Sinai, from there to the high desert of the American Southwest, and the list goes on. 

In 2014, I found myself trudging up the rugged terrain of Mount Sinai - the place was empty under a terrorist threat and a suicide bomber had blown himself up that morning. After getting off my camel and moving forward on foot, tired and feeling very much confused and so far away from my home, I asked, "Morya, what am I doing here?!"

I looked down and on the ground was a puzzle piece. I picked it up and felt the sensation inside myself say, "you are picking up parts and pieces of yourself from every lifetime on Earth. This is just one piece of the puzzle."

Once those pieces were collected, I began to bring the parts from the cosmos, from the parts and pieces never on Earth before - the embodied enlightenment experience. 

Hey, remember when enlightenment became a heavily loaded word that had to be discarded. Doesn't realization feel that way now in its heavily rotated use?...

During the SAM channel in Bled, instead of using aspects and facets from the Aspectology materials, he used these words - parts and pieces of Self. I smiled with delight, remembering back in the days before CC, where I only had my own natural experiences that were not filtered through any language or definition, only my own independent senses.

In some ways, I felt so lost at the time. I could not see sometimes the beauty of my own natural evolution of Self, unfiltered. All is appropriate and all serves but what a cool thing that I did not realize at the time. How grateful I am to have NOT found CC until I had the time to experience it all raw.

I've written a lot about aspects and facets and will. But until recently, I had not really experiences what happens after the aspect integrates, or after the parts and pieces are picked up. In other words, how does a facet work and how do I play with it?

Sar'h is indeed a facet of myself in this last lifetime. Much like Joachim describes Althar the Dragon. He has a bit more experience than me, tapping into it and the returning to Self. 

On my car ride from Oregon to Texas, my "Infinite I" - for new folks that is what I call my soul, human, I AM and all parts and pieces combined as ONE - began to show me how to navigate or allow the shift of the facet to come forth in expression and then return to the source of me - the God also.

The waves rises up in the ocean, expresses it self and then returns to the source of the Infinite I. The wave as the facet. I have no words really. It was an energetic sensation, a stream of consciousness that flows through the edge-less center-less being that I AM. 

Some how and without words, I feel how this is so related or intertwined with the "God, also" state of consciousness. I wished I had more words but for now the sensation -------------------- here. 

You are not in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop. - Rumi 

I have also been pondering the uniqueness of each of us. For example, some people having clear and defined days where realization "occurred." I simply do not have it though I have a general time period where I felt a significant shift. 

I wrote this in my notes...

Before I was moving in a linear timeline toward a goal of enlightenment. When the knowing of the I AM God, also occurred sensationally (last October), I expanded in all directions and then reversed into a new state of being-ness.

From this single point of existence, energy began to serve me, delivering all parts and pieces of myself, to fully embody in physical and non-physical form all that I am.

Sometimes I move in reserve, I back into an experience and/or expression of Self, and yet I find I am never moving forward, only sinking into more of myself with each moment, breath or stream of awareness.

(Gosh, does that make any sense???)

Enough for today. Thank you, and welcome new friends, Marco and Hubert.

What are you all experiencing and expressing?

SEEKING SIMPLICITY. 

So much of what I have been seeking in finding a home in a retreat-like setting has been such a deep craving for simplicity and simultaneously allowing the definition of who I am to expand beyond an edge or boundary. 

No such house exists for it is only the house inside myself. 

Instead of getting lost in the complexity, I found I can find the simplicity in the perspective of grand - without cutting of parts and pieces of myself.

Instead of say being present in some limited now, I can be with all of me in the simultaneous multiplicity without needing to identify the core, for it no longer exists.

The I AM, the I Exist has spread throughout the entirety of the Infinite I. There is no human or divine. Embodied it is all both - and. 

This is more where my writing will go in the next months. I feel many of you also seeking simple and sovereign and beauty in the basics and plan to spend a year or so in this space - a move away from urgent and overwhelming. 

More simplicity can be found on banyantreecollective.com.

EMBODYING PARTS NEVER BEFORE ON EARTH.

Seeing clearly I brought in a piece of myself never before in physical human form. The angelic being and all her experience on councils and creations which had impact on Earth, yet never roots.

The Banyan Tree will defy the points of separation in the coming linear years - a place that defies the angelic council and human organization counterpart and move as one entity (sovereign in itself beyond 'members')

With angelic Sar'h faceted and embodied here and now - no past, no future - I found I was able to enjoy the organizational  gathering in Bled. 

I could see the power games without needing to correct them or a desire to point them out. Those with eyes saw them for themselves. With Sar'h fully here in faceted form, I could see so clearly people feeling out their own discernments for themselves. For me, the freedom is in the observation - the awareness - without even needing to discern - though I did move my butt out of the auditorium a time or two.

Even more so, I could deeply appreciate the beauty in the offerings, specifically the channel from SAM (Tobias) and a DreamWalk to bring the Atlantean being into the present point of awareness (very confirming for what I have written and you all have shared here since January). 

THE BANYAN TREE: DISSIPATING THE URGENCY

Speaking with many of you on this trip, I know many feel the urgency of the Banyan Tree creation. Gabor, for example, told me how he remembers standing in the Himalayas (as I have written before) in another time and space when we all agreed to create it in the future now. 

Some do not have that strong of feelings about the tree but simply want to play. I love this so much!

This is the most beautiful balance of the 'sovereign collective' of beings here on this space because it dissipates the urgency sensation - which should no longer be mistaken - as I have done - for a linear urgency. Instead, we might choose to see it as a soul passion without linear time boundaries. 

What this time calls for now - as I sense it - is a simple and gentle relaxation into embodying SELF fully. 

For no patterns, or pieces of separation, and especially wounds or any kind of lack will make it into that creation - without it boomeranging right back into your head (oh, I almost did this to my physical human self before I took a giant inhale into myself).
And that's the beauty - there is no hurry. It will all unfold in an urgency that exists beyond the construct of time. Perhaps, called passion, or will. 

PARTNERSHIPS: INDEPENDENT BEINGS COMING TOGETHER IN HONOR OF EACH OTHER'S UNIQUENESS

I don't write about my relationship much nor will I ever. It's too sacred and personal - even for me. Yet, Damian and I realized on this trip that some people we ran into assumed we held the same perspectives and experiences. That could not be further from reality. 

Damian is a beyond unique, sovereign, beautiful being with his own experiences and expressions that do not mirror mine - he simply doesn't feel a passion for writing them as I do. Many of you were lucky enough to see his latest sculpture in Italy (pictured below), and I love that he was able to share that with you all.

SONGS FROM THE SOUL

As much as I enjoyed talking with everyone on our trip, more so - as Amy J pointed out - I loved looking you all in the eyes in total honor and deep respect for unique you. 

I loved singing the song of my soul without music or lyrics and hearing yours sing in a sovereign unison. So much more of this, please!

Finally, we will gather again. But obviously not in Oregon - but once in North America and again in Europe (Greece is the overwhelming choice here). 

In honor of you and the simple elegance of embodied being-ness -

Lauren with Sar'h completely faceted (more on moving into this later) from Poland. Happily exhausted:) ​

It's been an intense time for me in allowing yet even more of myself to come in. 

Being - a perpetual state of becoming - is a full time job.

I am reminded we can hit pause if and when we want to, yet I have hit pause so many times of the course of lifetimes, it is simply not appropriate for me anymore. 

I friend told me, "You know you can slow this down."

"Actually, that would make me really sick," I replied. "It's at the tipping point - one little molecule of consciousness has tilted the whole thing out of balance.

You cannot go back; the only way is to find a new equilibrium that has not been reached before. To go back, would throw off the very nature of my being, might even blow up my body or more likely, my mind."

Further, Joanna said it best in her last article. It's not like you are saying "goodbye, I'll see you next lifetime."

When we died a physical death after our failures in Atlantis and the mess that was the crucifixion, we knew there would be other chances.

When it didn't work out with our soul mate, we knew we would meet them again and again and again in another lifetime to "try again."

The goodbyes I am saying in this state are indeed forever at least in the ways we are familiar with. It's not like I'm going back to the bridge of flowers again to prepare for another life when I leave this physical vessel.

I'm stepping into the third circle, or I am there, and I never left it, I realize.

There's no game that can be played again the same way - the one we all know how to play pretty well. 

Saying goodbye to my family, to those from Atlantean lifetimes (also to all space or star connections), all family and friends from the times of Yeshua, from the Vedic period in India, from the shores of Avalon and beyond - well, its not just leaving a club (thanks for those words, Joanna), it's a final farewell or sorts. 

I was not crying from human emotion this past week.

The tears roll through my physical body, yet they are the tears of the I AM - well beyond human thought and related emotions.

They are the tears of a non-human BEING from space who came to Earth to create something and messed it up so grandly. There is no forgiveness involved here - only a deep awareness and the necessity of allowing it to roll through every last bit of myself without hitting pause. 

With the ever so popular human trick of compartmentalizing, we, for example, say, when something is off - that's just the human side and not reflective of the big picture. That's just their human acting out...That's just this or that. Anything you separate from one another to keep it in line in your head compartments...

Yet, once your mind stops working that way, or you move beyond it, that human dualitistic way of compartmentalizing becomes a tool you can no longer access or rely on. You can't just write off behavior as the human or its last hurrah. Let's add in some maturity here.

Maturity being a balance in awareness and the resulting energy surrounding your current state of being.  

Maturity being not taking every single organizational buzz word and applying it directly as a filter of your experience.

You are still allowing yourself to be defined by others through this habit, by the way.
A need to place an experience into yet another category. What if an experience is beyond category?

In other words, I cannot do the old human defense tactic of compartmentalization.

It's the tactic that allows for us to make excuses for people - another strange human trait - instead of feeling into the overarching consciousness of something or someone and deciding if we feel okay to have our own consciousness meld with it in creation.

These are not little decisions. When you connect with something, you create with it. Where you place your energy, or consciousness, rather, is not just a trip or vacation, it is creation.

Doing so without awareness, well, you can feel into that. 

Every breath you take creates. Every step you take creates. Where you put your money, that too is a creation. Everything is connected and the only way to disconnect is to see that real clearly. 

Yet, in saying firmly "No," to these old relations whether it be biological or angelic family or organizations, "I am operating as a sovereign being," means never operating in those loops and stories ever again, not in the same way. Yet, it is not a disconnect into a void (at least not yet for me). That will come later. Or perhaps it is a reality I can access now???!!!

It's a complete restructure of my relationship with everyone outside myself and thus, a changing relationship I have with myself.

As more of ME enters this physical vessel, I expand. 

In the expansion, more layers of myself become visible to me. 

I took an ancestral freedom course as a singular human, and completed it. 

Now as more layers are in my awareness, I begin to see and realize what that means for me beyond this lifetime and this human self called Lauren and her identities which no longer exist.

Or the definition of human expands and as we pull those parts and pieces into awareness, we move down the spiral and revisited everything we once knew to be true. 

So often in the dogma-laden vocabulary of the Crimson Circle and other organizational ties, we talk about disconnect. 

And it is appropriate -- yet in the "disconnect" I begin to see the complex webs of connection.

It's not like you can remove yourself entirely from everything - at least not right now - what you change instead is your relationship with them. I'm not talking just about people and organizations.

I'm talking energy and even more so how consciousness streams (senses) and archetypical energies (so hard to pick words) interact with one another and what they create. 

The "ties" don't go away completely, yet the look and feel much different. We are not cutting cords with etheric knives, for heaven's sake.

In other words, the streams of the overarching (archetype) consciousness that flow within you and between you and what is outside of you, begin to change direction.

Everything supports you now instead of hindering your personal evolution, but there is a shifting tide is not without tugs and pulls.

There is a regime change, you are now the king or queen (all of you not just a small portion of you - it's not an external concept floating in the clouds that you post about on social media but completely internal and overtly sensual) of your own domain.

You do not rule over people but over SELF - all of it. Even the parts and pieces who have never touched down on Earth. 

Oh, how thin I had spread myself, my consciousness of who I AM. Wow. Come back into my awareness right here, right now. 

For an example that is easy on the brain, seeing my mom for three days about a week ago, I realized just by being around me, she was profoundly affected, and unknowingly to her narrow-view human awareness she was changing her karmic relationship with her ancestral body and family. 

The first night my mom was terribly sick to her stomach - throwing up and the other... She said it was bad food (If you still are pointing to food poisoning and such as a reason for your symptoms like a friend I have who is a twenty-year Shaumbra, well, I got nothing nothing left for you).

I could see so clearly in the spiral of allowing more of who I am to expand, I was also disconnecting, or rather, re-writing the connection between myself in my ancestral lineage. My mom - well none of us operate in a vacuum - we are sovereign and yet what we do has a ripple effect that moves beyond the space-time continuum - was feeling that at her deepest layers too. 

After she got back home (got her a plane ticket back - three days is plenty!), my mom's estranged brother who had not talked to her in twelve years contacted her and demanded a copy of my grandmother's will. He planned to contest it. He didn't say, "Hi, I am so sorry. I'd like to reconnect." He came out with his swords in hand. 

All the old junk for her and this family coming up for release just because she was in my physical presence. 

It's easier for me to remain behind the short wall to watch all of this when it comes to my human physical family lineage. Much easier than any connection from Yeshua and Mary Magdalene timelines and Atlantean dramas. 

Last night I saw my great grandmother Helen (passed long before I was born but who was with me most of my life) and my grandmother Lillian, who died last summer, cross the bridge of flowers.

Realizing they were not going to heal or transform this deep ancestral wound from the near Earth realms (they learned from watching me all this time), they both made the decision independent from each other, the best thing they could do was return to their angelic families, get a full life review, and transform themselves, rather than the agenda-laden, string-pulling which is a defining characteristic of near Earth realm living. They could come back to Earth with a fresh life start. 

I too see this happening in the Crimson Council connection I have. I was deeply rooted in this space for an amount that cannot be measured in time, but can be measured by how much of myself I put into it - all of me. 

It comes in more and more as I move down the spiral of the new-ness of myself I have brought into this physical body or more so the awareness in this point of being.

My sense of focus is no longer creating an image of my realization happening in a vacuum. My sense of focus has expanded to realizing my embodied enlightenment affects everything around me - even and especially when I am firmly in a no agenda observation state.

(The Banyan Tree specifically, more later). 

Somewhat necessary was this focus to think realization was only about me. Now I simply cannot make my focus that narrow anymore.

Choosing realization for yourself is like throwing a giant rock in a still lake. The ripples reach out infinitely, as as you deepen into the realized state of being, your awareness of who you are and why you are here expands infinitely as well. 

The vacuum was an illusion, and the definition of sovereignty is as dynamic and ever-changing as my state of being. 

​I'm pleased to report the tears have stopped. I could have watered the Sahara Desert with them. My I AM is that big:)