Questions of Will Turn into Limitless Passion
In August of 2017, I was traveling with my partner through Indonesia, when I seemingly got struck by the lightening that is deeper awareness, or a radical shift in consciousness.
I had one of those dreams that shifts the course of your consciousness, and therefore your life of embodying this wisdom.
I sensed deeply – again – a radical shift was coming – in fact it was already here – yet my human awareness did not quite understand what was happening and had not caught up yet.
In the dream, my soul sang without words, “What if you traded your current perception of sovereignty for a new one?”
And that was it. Very few words backed up with a symphony of sensations, people are calling communing these days.
It was that simple of a statement, in the form of a question.
Really, in hindsight, it was an invitation from my master self, my soul self, to my human self, to go NEW. But I had to let go to experience it.
Was I going to accept the invite? Of course, I was.
I woke up the next morning – still very human – floored.
“Was I not already sovereign?”
Now, I know the definition of sovereignty is ever-evolving as I allow more and more of myself in, but right then in that moment – I saw it as an either-or scenario. I either was or I wasn’t. Now I sense nothing is either-or, it is all AND. That’s not just a mental concept on a meme anymore.
Now awake, I tapped into the wisest part of myself – some call the master, some call it the soul. Yet, now I see the labels are just terms for the body of awareness that is wisdom, or personalized consciousness, or awareness of Self – a container of wisdom that has no boundaries, duality, or gravity like the singular human experience. Limitless. Timeless.
I went back to what I knew about perceived human free will. I say perceived free will because sure, each of us as humans have the ability to choose. Yet, as long as we are choosing from the singular human perception of reality, I realized we are still choosing from the limited menu. Again, not just a concept, but in experience.
When I see this in my sensory image perception, I see my human self in a bubble. I am interacting with the colorful blocks inside the bubble. I am moving energy around re-arranging the blocks. I am really good at it. I make pretty things with colorful blocks.
Yet, outside the bubble is about a million other tools (ones that don’t even require energy to move!) to create and build with – not just blocks, but realities and sensations beyond any human perception. This dream was an invitation to bust open the bubble, with pure consciousness, and open myself up to what was out there.
Then, I went back to what I knew about divine will, in which we make choices from that limitless wisdom perception of realities. My perception at the time of divine will was the soul being “in charge,” the master part of me making decisions.
Simply as I can state, what I saw in myself, was that the human expression of myself was still very much in charge.
I had become very good – almost too good at consulting the soul, the master, the body of wisdom, when it came to making choices in my life – in creating my life.
I would listen to the song of my soul, and then – step two – my human would take all the information in consideration as well as all the perceived logic and reason from my mind – then I would make a choice in my life.
The human was sitting at the helm of a very large council. Thoughts, copious fears, how I was perceived by others (the mirror) and finally, the soul voice, all had a voice in making the choices and decisions in my life.
I would make choices on things like where to live, what house to buy or when to sell it, where I wanted to travel, where to invest money. These were all the things I thought made me free. The perception of human free will. And quite laughable to me now in a light-hearted way.
Yet, I realized in pure form of divine will, my soul would be making choices. The thing is that the body of wisdom – the master, as some call it – held so much passion, unlimited consciousness, but not for the human experience.
This master/ the I AM that I am/ (insert your term here) does not care about where to live or the next travel destination. It does not care about my bank account. And, it didn’t feel that had a single thing to do with freedom. Freedom was ‘in here’ – it showed me time and again, which never makes much sense until you actually feel it.
The soul, the master, and especially the I AM does not live the physical world – a world that requires energy to thrive in. The I AM, and the “master” part of myself did not need energy to create, yet the human did to continue to live in the energetic world that is physical reality.
And yet, we bring the two together….
The Final Let Go
During the months from August until my radical shift in consciousness in late October, I pondered the merge of wills – of who would be “in charge” of this whole life thing, this whole realization thing.
It wasn’t going to be an either-or situation as my human mind so wanted it to be.
In the either-or, the mind still has life, it still has control.
I pondered, what happens when we move beyond the mind, the categories, beyond the bubble? Not in theory but in practice? What does it truly look like, when we are not just reading it on paper, or listening to it in a channel? What is the sensation of experiencing it - my passion for this unwavering?
What happened when human free will and divine will merged into One will, rather than a conversation in which a deal was struck?
Later, the answer came to me simply and clearly – without the mind…The answer was PASSION.
“Passion for what?” the mind will ask.
Passion for simply BEING (the perpetual state of becoming) ME...
Passion for living completely NEW (and yes, I will give a concrete examples in coming posts)...
– which may not look like much on the outside, but is a world of difference in sensation.
This is the "so much better than I could even imagine part of realization," which I wrote about in the opening post.
The human drive to experience and experience and experience – albeit in its very small awareness bubble (a small fenced in playground, if you will) – merged with the unlimited wisdom of the master who has no limits, no bubbles or fences, which opens the door to....limitless creation.
It wasn’t even a question of human will versus divine will, as I previously thought. That sure was a whole lot of wasted energy.
What was happening was the natural unfoldment in realization in which the categories dissolve, opening up to the passion for embodiment – for realization – for enlightenment.
Trading one type of sovereignty for another, was neither human free will or divine will, it was the complete understanding and implementation – a sensory experience not happening outside of myself in concept, but internally in experience – that my divinity (master self) was completely and totally in charge of realization, rather than my human self.
…And then actually allowing my humanity to let go….
Yet, instead of tossing my humanity to the curb in frustration and lack of self-compassion, in the ultimate act of trust/ love/ (insert your word here), what occurred was a “let go” – a free fall in total trust into the ocean of wisdom of Self.
I unfolded upon myself. I continuously unfold within and upon and above and below myself in each moment. Always dynamic, never static is my state of Being - the state of perpetual becoming Me.
There was no thinking involved in any of it. More so it felt like a sensational build up (like an orgasm) in which I could no longer hold anymore, so I didn’t.
After the dive into the unknown – after the let go – my humanity did not retain its original form. This was the scary part for me. I felt like I might die from the limited awareness I had held onto for so long.
Yet, the body of wisdom within said otherwise. Beyond this I simply knew – with every fiber of my being that this moment right now was the time – so I did it, I let go.
I cannot tell you how – beyond simply relaxing – and then relaxing more – and spending time a lot of ‘alone’ time with myself, without distractions. I can only tell you it was the most natural thing in the world.
And while my human self did not retain its form, in merging with the ocean of wisdom within, I became more ME than I ever have before. And that’s when words will not hold this up anymore.
This state of being (so ME) cannot be defined. It is ineffable. To give it words, well, would be to crush it like a bug on a sidewalk.
Perhaps my own version of spiritual maturity, is allowing an undefinable experience to be just that – a life sans definition.
So I'll just say it again...without defining it...
I unfolded upon myself. And now, I continuously unfold within and upon and above and below myself in each moment. Always dynamic, never static is my state of Being - the state of perpetual becoming Me.
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Lauren (Sar'h) writes adventure novels and short stories about the embodied enlightenment experience. She fancies herself a humanizing divinity journalist and DJ, and shares that work joyously on this page.