Memoirs of a Modern Master Stories: The Loan

These stories are in the format of the book, Memoirs of a Master by Adamus Saint-Germain. I love reading this book from the perspective of a new master, and the learning curve that comes with it - rather than the perspective of a student - although I can identify with that as well.

I have written it in third person to make it clearer for me - Sar'h, my master Self, and Lauren, the human. Please note sometimes I use composite characters and the timeline may very slightly from linear time for story sake, and I do not view the world in linear time. You can click on 'Memoirs of a Modern Master' in the categories section to your right to read all of them. Enjoy!

The master, Sar'h, had a friend who proclaimed she desperately wanted to achieve enlightenment in this life. Let’s call her Andrea. Andrea took all the courses - she had for two decades, maybe more. She spoke the conscious language like a pro, yet she always seemed to be in some sort of external battle - clearly a distraction from having to face what was going on inside of her. 

Andrea came to the master one day asking for money. $5,000 to be exact. To be paid back in two months with interest, of course. The money was for her new business. She had taken a course on conscious creation, and she was going to get it right this time, applying what she learned. 

The master looked into her purview. The master did not see her as a student but also a dear friend. When she looked into the body of consciousness of the friend, she knew that there was no way the business was going to succeed, yet the master knew that Andrea needed to have this experience - to fall on her face - to see what was really occurring within her. In fact, Andrea's soul even begged to have the experience - to create an opportunity for the human Andrea to step out of the prison she created over and over and over again.

The master had plenty of money - she never had to work since she stepped into her mastery. But her human self wanted to warn the friend that she would fail and lose money. The master in her said that was not appropriate and this friend needed to learn the lesson on her own - to integrate it - so she lent her the money. And then she waited and watched. 

Catastrophe after catastrophe occurred in Andrea’s life. The new master watched with compassion. She never judged her friend, but watched with compassion Andrea fall and fall again. Andrea finally came to her. I am so sorry I cannot pay the money back. 

Then the master noticed Andrea was constantly spending money on things the master never spent money on. She was always paying for sessions with spiritual teachers, going out and buying expensive meals and fancy alcoholic drinks, chiropractors, body treatments, new clothes, new shoes. The list went on. 

After a year passed, the master said relaxed and calm, "Hey, it is time to pay me back, friend."

By this time Andrea admitted the she had spent the money on the business she had now abandoned. After some conversations, Andrea finally admitted she had a retirement account that she could use to pay the master back. The money was coming any day now, Andrea told the master over and over again. 

The master felt steady in that she would pay her back, and she was not worried about it. Yet, watching Andrea she knew she had not learned her lesson. She watched Andrea continue to spend money with reckless abandon. Andrea kept saying she would pay the money back. That she was back on track. That she had a new business plan. That she wasn't shopping anymore. Well, Andrea, said a lot of things. In fact, she rarely stopped talking; she rarely listened. 

The thing is Andrea was being as honest as she knew how to be. In her mind, she had it all figured out. She twisted around the language of the spiritual teachers she followed to fit her situation. She said this situation had been about self-love - something all the teachers were talking about these days. The master knew that Andrea could not love herself because she did not know herself. 

Yet, the master knew as much as Andrea thought she was telling the truth, she was not only lying to the master - worse - she was lying to herself. She had lied to herself for so long, she didn’t even know the truth anymore. 

Lauren, the human, was heartbroken, watching the destruction occur helpless, yet her inner master said this was an important experience to have, to bring Lauren through. The master said there was a learning curve in owning her mastery in this life, and this friend was showing her something worth more than $5,000 - worth more than money could buy.

The master and Lauren both gently hinted about being paid back and what was going on in Andrea’s life. Andrea asked for advice almost daily now, but never actually listened to what the master had to say - showing her where to look not what to see. 

Andrea continued in her ways. When she drank too much at an event she would cling her glass to give a toast in which she proclaimed her mastery and extreme abundance. Her speeches were Oscar-worthy, the master noted.  

Lauren counted at the master's advising. Seven times over the course of one year, she gave Andrea the advice she asked for. She was patient in being paid back. Then she watched Andrea spend more than the money owed on frivolous gifts for herself and others. 

On the eighth time Andrea came to the Master for advice and to apologize and to give excuses again for not paying her back, the master flipped her demeanor. 

“Not only have you disrespected me, Andrea,” she said. “Worse, you have disrespected yourself.”

Andrea protested in alarm. “I have not. I have been totally honest with you.” 

“You have the money to pay me back in your retirement account, Andrea,” the master said. “I expect by the end of the week.”

“That’s going to put me in a bind, “ Andrea told the master. “I have to pay taxes on the money to give it to you. Couldn’t I just pay you back over time, in small installments?”

The master had allowed the installments once before with another student, a student who also did the same things as Andrea. She knew that old trick. It was something she did not need to learn again.

"Thank goodness," Lauren thought, relieved. Lauren, the human, had found this whole situation stressful. The master, Sar'h, was calm and that calmed her too, but this was a friend - one she could lose. The master said she had to be prepared for that - at anytime. Becoming was not in alignment with belonging. Compassionate detachment, the master called it. 

“NO!” the master said firmly to Andrea.

Lauren could not believe this person was feeling inconvenienced when it was her, the master who was inconvenienced by the whole ridiculous situation. The master, Sar'h, reminded Lauren to breathe - we were learning how not to be affected by those around us, especially not by our students.

Students - Lauren hated the word and what it meant - but she agreed this experience could be categorized as nothing else in human words. Yet there was no pay. There was no classroom. "Interesting," Lauren thought.  

Andrea was alarmed and shocked at the master's change of demeanor. Andrea lacked the self-awareness to know the master had given her seven chances over more than a year to make good on her promise. Andrea was so unaware she could not remember all the excuses, the apologies.

Andrea could not see that her spending habits were a huge disrespect to the master who had shown up for her - that is until the master was forced to point it out, no matter how painful it would be to Andrea. 

At this point, the master seemed like the most unkind person in the world. Lauren hated being disliked, but the master in her said that was part of her own lesson in all this. Becoming and belonging do not go hand and hand, Sar'h reminded her again. Sometimes the kindest act of mastery is to draw a line of intolerance. 

Andrea had studied enough to understand on some level. She cashed out her retirement account and paid the master back. 

“I really learned the lesson this time,” Andrea told the master and herself another lie. She apologized yet again. And again. 

Two months later, homeless, Andrea was asking to sleep on people’s couches. Yet, instead of changing her habits, Andrea continued to buy expensive meals, pay for beauty treatments, and she drank alcohol at every chance she got, often running up very large bar tabs. 

The master in total love and compassion watched, knowing - one day, perhaps not in this lifetime - Andrea would look back and appreciate the lesson, but not until it sunk in - when she finally stopped lying to herself, many, many moons from now.

The master had planted a seed that could only bloom when awareness was chosen by Andrea, and Lauren let all the stress and any human ill will go, fly away, knowing that she had stepped further into her mastery and the learning curve that comes with stepping into her new role. 

Andrea despised the Master, who lived in Lauren's human body. When she drank wine with her friends she talked about how mean Lauren was. Yet, Andrea's soul sighed and knew what the Master showed her.

Lauren, the new Master, never cared for she knew what was really going on. The lies we tell ourselves are so seductive. It wasn't so long ago that Lauren had lied to herself, too.

Lauren as the master, Sar'h, knew there was no need anymore to defend her behavior to those who could not see it the gifts given, for they had not yet been received. 

Lauren, in her new state, realized that being a friend, in the human sense of the word, in this situation was not possible.

A "friend" in the human sense would continue to play the game - she would continue to advise, to support these lies that hurt no one more than they hurt Andrea. A "friend" would continue to build up Andrea, to be her cheerleader in the games Andrea was playing with herself. 

Lauren had to stay steady in her mastery, steady in her firm boundaries, or she too would be just like Andrea - blinded not by the need to have more money  --- but by her own need to belong.

To be continued….

Author's Note: I think the story begets two things: asking us to be honest about our current state of being with ourselves and for ourselves only, AND recognizing the learning curve that is stepping into mastery, such as realizing the definition of friendship expands and shifts in the new 'role.'

Just like when we abandoned our human lives upon awakening, it is often that we must shed our 'conscious workshop' friends for a time too after we have stepped like a babe into our mastery. Ascended Masters like El Morya are always there to 'lend a hand'. Not with advice or energy but by holding the consciousness of BEING as a sort of welcome mat for those who have entered the embodied enlightenment experience. When you get there, if you are not there already, Sar'h too will stand next to the welcome mat in your honor. Meet us under the Banyan Tree, fellow masters?