Swipe Left: From experience, gnost junkie to creation embodied

Good morning, friends! This is a post I wrote for a Keahak forum and thus in their language not necessarily where we are here...

The following image was purchased and licensed - it is a painting of the creation of Adam or God's touch with finger, which is on the ceiling of a church in Thailand (February 28, 2015). 

I chose it because you all know deeply the God, also. Looking at the image, for example, I see myself as both the God and the carbonized Adam. The God before it passed through the Wall of Fire to have the experience of a solid existence within the veils of maya. 

As defined by Tobias via Crimson Circle, the wall of fire is the expansion of consciousness or knowingness beyond itself; a metaphor for the doorway leading from home into the void. The zone we crossed through going from the first circle of oneness to the second circle - place for human free will to play out among many other experiences. Again, more limited metaphors because it is so hard to grasp the sensation in words. 

And then in realization, in embodied enlightenment, to experience the understanding, with a less than one-degree shift of perspective, that I actually never left the wall of fire, and as God, also, I am simply viewing my creation that is realization in this human form, too. More on that another time...

In my awakening and in my human life, I would continually - as a pattern deeply rooted in my gravity and duality laden sphere of awareness - choose experiences over and over again, and then subsequently look for creative solutions to make my way out of them. The cause and effect -- karma -- way of living. And my human self quite enjoyed it, experience junkie that it is. 

I remember my twenty-eight year old human self standing at the altar of marriage. I could hear my soul - master self to some - say, "We do not need to go through this - again. You don't have to choose this."

The separation of voices has left but it was quite strong then...

My human stood there, stomping her foot and said, "I will have this experience. I know it will likely end in a divorce, but this is what I am choosing for myself right now." 

I was that self aware and yet I chose this path of most resistance - again. But why? Why would I put myself into the proverbial crystal again? Oh yeah, to have the high of getting myself out of it -- once again. 

Four years into the marriage, I knew I had to get out of this bind. I was in a horrifically limiting experience. The master self never said I told you so, but I certainly felt it's wisdom. 

I called upon my gnost - the creative solution - to pull me from this experience. Oh, and what an experience it was! I created bigger and better this time. Look at me go:P

My ever patient soul, or master self, said, okay - once again. It created a path for me to find a really nice place to live, a high income that did not require a job or effort. And with some tears and grit, I created a doorway to walk through into my freedom.

It seemed so masterly at the time (and it was a path to freedom that served), yet looking back, it was just another loop in the experience and subsequent creative solution pattern to get myself out of it the experience I no longer wanted - again. Sigh. 

Yet, once I was in the freedom space, instead of taking a deep breath and simply being in joy, I created more and more experiences to create my way out of.

I'm sure you can relate. Being broke, time and again, to see how, when, and if you pull yourself out of it. Getting into sticky living situations, karmic relationships, health issues...anything to feed the addiction to the experience - creative solution cycle. 

In Keahak and the last Shoud, Adamus talked a lot about testing yourself - stop testing yourself and your worthiness. Well, I already had just in the last six months, linear time. But what I didn't understand, what I had not yet embodied, was WHY, WHY now do I stop diving into the pattern of experience and creative solution to free myself from the experience.

That answer, for me, is self-worth, a subtle yet with so much depth caress of self-love in the deepest parts of who I am, an exhaustion from the patterned cycle, and most of all, the ineffable experience knowing I am God, also - an experience that pales in comparison to anything my human could have dreamed up in its highly limited imagination.

Now I know why I stopped the cycle - the addiction to the local linear "Problem - creative solution format" that has been going on for eons and thousands of lifetimes.

The stop to the pattern happened naturally and without analyzation by my human self - it is only in hindsight that I can write about it - I stopped the pattern to experience creation embodied and my deepest desire for what I might describe as a sovereign peace - complete peace in the human form without needing energy from anyone or anything. Sounds so simple, and it is, but the depths of it are infinite. 

Pondering it some more, living in human form beyond any suffering is the most radical creation I can fathom. To suffer is human, but if I am creating any last human experience it would be this one. This is the  JOY....

As I pondered this in the tomb of awareness - the shower! - I asked my soul, my master self, my human and my I AM (what I am calling the Infinite I with one voice) what it truly desired.

There were no words, but if I had to pick them, they would be peace - not a human type of peace, but the peace that comes from pure joy - the joy of being - without being beholden to anyone or anything or any energy or any tie - also called the ahmyo life. PEACE - freedom from patterns, freedom from experience addiction. PEACE:) 

And the magic in all of this is not a tool or trick and definitely not a complicated formula. The magic of being, of creation from being, is that creation flows like a cool coastal breeze on a hot summer's day across the "Infinite I" - the Infinite I being me as one without the multiplicity of parts - human, divine, I exist and so on and so on...

The creation comes in glorious waves to surf in the absolute pure pleasure of knowing I never left the wall of fire. In the divine perspective, I never became fragmented though the repeating experiences of thinking I was not one - yet they had served me so well.

The creation comes from seeing through the eyes of the divine and the eyes of the human simultaneously - the vision of the Infinite I. And, the waves are simply created from the joy of being, radiating from the Infinite I that is free of patterns, that has "recovered" from the experience addiction (another way to grasp at outside energy) and to create from the no thing. 

I think about the physical action of swimming. One usually pushes off the wall of the pool or floor of the ocean to get the momentum to start swimming. In human existence, we would create experiences to get the energy flowing, to catapult us into the next experience. In creation, we no longer need the momentum, so we no longer need to collect human experiences. We simply swim in our own sovereign pool of creation.  

I wouldn't be me if I did not add a human anecdote, yet I do so with a big ***** the human condition does not matter, when you have moved beyond the human condition. Not in just theory, yet in the space between the cells and radiating to the edges of your infinite consciousness.

In your terms, I have been "benching" a lot. Complete relaxation in the infinite Now, in the infinite Self.

I recently stayed at the Four Seasons - a very posh hotel - for the weekend. I had such a nice experience in self-love there, I simply felt a notion in the depths of me and in total nonchalance softer than a whisper that I should like to do more of that - in between camping expeditions, of course. My monthly income doubled the next week. There you go. 

How did I do that, I wondered in hindsight. My wisdom said, "You swiped left."

Swiping left is a urban slang term for saying I am not interested. It took me some days to realize what that meant.
I swiped left on collecting yet another human experience. I swiped right for soul creation. No energy momentum or force needed. Energy serves me with out the need for movement, momentum, or force. 

Now, some who might still be in the pattern of experience and creative solution, might lose that money as quickly as it came. In the space of cavernous self love, it simply multiplies. I do not need it. I did not ask my master self for it. I was not in the space of needing or wanting a creative solution to save me from an experience I no longer desired. I was completely in love with my current experience without needing the creative solution out of it. 

Nor did I ask my master self for the partner in my life - a sovereign breath of fresh air. Not ever romantic or euphoric like the old karmic (cause and effect) kind, it has always been good. It has always been easy. There has never been a fight or a grab at energy. A steadily sublime experience. 

I did not need him just like I did not need a massive bank account. I could have walked this planet with a backpack and few dollars and felt the same - for my depth is now found in the seemingly subtle - delicately complexly simple -  rather than the harshness of the addiction to experience and digging your way out of the experience.

No highs (euphoric) and lows (devastated) --  IT IS SIMPLY JOY -- and there is no converse, or flip side of the coin, on that spectrum of awareness and in the state of BEING. Is it time to swipe left? Or continue swiping right to hook up with that next experience fix? Ah, it doesn't matter anyway. In honor of you!

Post script: After writing this post, I started to realize how this ties into the biological body for me. Am I continuing to choose another body experience of needing outside energy, of being not sick but not well either. How can I swipe left on yet another biological body experience and instead, choose creation of the body of beyond? Breathing...