Originally published on October 26, 2017....
​
I'm writing to you from the tiny town of Dixon, New Mexico. Fall abounds, and the changing leaves are the perfect backdrop for the DIVINE WILL experience, which has been flowing through the corners of my consciousness the last few months. 

When I first heard about moving from human free will into what El Morya called 'being a vessel for the Will of God' - described in my first book, Becoming Sar'h - I wasn't sure what it meant for my human life. Four years later, and on my last trip to Asia, it finally sunk into to the thickness of my human skin what he meant. 

Moving from FREE WILL into DIVINE WILL entails giving up one form of sovereignty and taking up another - super sovereignty. When I first began to sense this shift within me, my friend, Karen, sent me the following quote from Tobias*.

"It will be challenging. You will want to keep both your free will and your divine will. You will want the wonderful attributes of free will while you take on the new divine will. We are here to tell you that it does not work that way. One must be released before the other can be experienced."

Leaving free will and taking up divine will also meant leaving NEW ENERGY creation (creating with energy + awareness) and taking up NO ENERGY creation, instead. Something I will cover extensively here in this new magical venue. This is one of the many reasons I have abandoned my old website. It simply no longer fits my personal experiences.

Like anything else in the self-realization experience, wisdom serves its purpose, and then it must be disintegrated with as much grace as it was received. What was I to do with this body of work on New Energy Creator? Simply walk away. It is and was that easy.

My friend, Xavi, told me a story recently. After teaching thousands of people for more than thirty years, Yogi Bhajan, being in his last days of life, gave a lecture in which he told his students to forget everything he had taught. Though not as dramatic, I feel that way about my New Energy Creator offerings, and I’m sure in some time I will feel that way about this project as well.

On the note of allowing things once integrated to disintegrate with grace, as I was saying, the autumnal season has been the perfect backdrop for such a self-realization occasion. 

In the ever-present cycle of life, the leaves turn a fiery orange upon the curtain of azure sky, shortly before the angel of death appears, gently leading them back to Source - the earth below which created them, and the earth which will cradle them in decay before the time of rebirth.

It is in this space that I found myself standing outside the illusion of time. And, as the experiences occurred outside of the ticks of the clock, the following is written in present tense to denote its absence... 

As Ollie, my dog, and I drive down the winding, gravel mountain pass in early afternoon light, I watch the sparkling Rio Grande flow steady below. The canyon carved by its weaving waters, allows us to pass with grace to our destination. 

I observe the landscape with all my visions - human and divine. With human eyes, I see without the river, there would be no safe passage to the other side. There would be no path carved into the crystalline mountain, which bends only to the wisdom of the river, and never to the will of human drive.

With divine perception, I see I too am carving a canyon through the dense mountain pass that was my humanity, with only the flowing river of my soul's wisdom and without the rigid determination, which has marked my human path for eons of time. 

The Rio Grande, essential for this land’s existence, further represents a perfect reflection of my soul’s irreversible flow returning to Self, the Self I left behind when I crossed the Wall of Fire and into the human experience for the first time.

As I drive across the grand river, I embrace the the fire. I know I will not get burned this time. The waters of the ice cold mountain river keep me cool in its wrath. And I know now, what I am reclaiming has always been mine and mine alone to retrieve - my divinity.

In that moment on the bridge, I reach through the wall of fire, reclaiming my divine right, to be human and God, combined. I bring it over to the physical side of existence. I stare in the face of fire with a smile.

I whisper without force,“It’s been a while, my friend.” 

Later. 

As the sun melted into the horizon, speckled with the trees of the apple orchard before my human eyes, I see with the eyes of God, I too am weaving a path back to Source through the sacred art of surrender. 

“This experience is too personal, too sacred to share with anyone," my soul whispered in warning as I began to sweep into a deep sleep, feeling the divine will spread over me. 

Inhale. I sense divine will as a blanket of blackness, which has enveloped me at sunset and only let up with the rise of the sun, with each turn of the day, spanning the past few weeks. Exhale.

Inhale. Once feared, I endear the darkness now. No where to go. Nothing to do. Paralyzed in the pitch black space, I can only BE. I can rest for the first time in eons, surrendering to the Source that flows within. Exhale.

I find I am relaxed, breathing deeply and steadily, in the void - yet I notice my heart beats a million times per minute as I succumb to the black hole enveloping me once again. 

As I enter the now familiar state, my heart's rhythm slows to a regular beat. We. Are. Safe. I breathe the words in one at a time. 

Then my soul senses my human desire to paint the picture of this ineffable experience in words. Yet, I do not know if it is possible to capture such a thing on paper.

“Once you place the firefly in the glass jar, it can only glow a few moments before it too is visited by the angel of death,” she whispered in return.

The curiosity continues, and I wonder if my immanence** can be captured by words, or if would it catapult me straight back into the density of human experience at first attempt. 

Not being able to hold onto a thought for more than a second, it vanishes into the vortex of the Will of God that now surrounds every corner of my consciousness. What returns is a notion, a nudge of wisdom from within.

"Let me sing a song, instead," I say to soul and to Source in the universal language of images and sensations, rather than in words. 

"Let me sing the song of love - the love that exists beyond the veils of maya. Let me sing the song of coming home to Self. Let me sing of its splendor.”

The answer comes from Source and soul in a literal sparkle of light that flashes in the dark room. I see it with through the eyes of the human and through the eyes of the divine, which I sense resting both in my forehead and at the crown of my head.

Source (of Self) seems to open the gates of permission with careful instructions on the hows and the whys of what I offer in my writing. And, I know I must walk the tight rope with both the wisdom of human experience and my newly discovered divinity with a balance relegated to circus performers alone.

As always, those will eyes will see; those with ears will hear - in the spaces between the words. 

"We have done this before," soul and source sing as one. "It's nothing new. Only the stage has changed."

"Thank you." I mouth the words without sound. I feel a space in my chest open as the river of my soul's wisdom carves a canyon deeply through my collar bone and into heart.

I wonder if I am dying for a brief moment. And then I know I am. Again.

Even Later. Or before, perhaps. Well, both.

For years, at the human level, I did not think or know God/ Source/ Spirit existed beyond the borders of my own soul. I moved from the concept of an external God so long ago. Indeed, I was the only God I knew - blinded completely by the radiance of my own soul, and what a magnificent experience that was - free will to create with awareness at the will and whim of no one other than myself!

Yet, in the fog of the familiar human amnesia, I forgot that in my soul, Source flowed, too. I only needed to dip my toes into its crystal cool waters. In the end, the consistent push of the human will was never any match - at all - to the sweet nectar of divine will. And, like anything else, my decision was not a choice, but a passion that raged in my soul, instead. 

Through my divine eye, I place my bare feet into the liquid gold of the Rio Grande, a reflection from the sun above, and I remember who I am. I realize how I forgot, in my human free will experience, that Source, too, existed.

We are but one and the same, soul and Source. And, we are but two sovereign points spiraling on an infinity symbol, meeting in the middle and separating on the extremities.

What a generous gift to have received - free will with endless possibilities - a gift I enjoyed immensely. I feel the gratitude for the experience, honor it, and let it float with the decaying leaves down the Rio Grande.

Before I reached this trailhead of my own divinity, I stood upon the threshold of my humanity - the trailhead of forgiveness. I allowed the dragon, which guards it’s gates, to breathe the fires of forgiveness into every corner of the edges of the universe of me, igniting and destroying any perceived wrong doing from every lifetime and in between. The greatest of all shames, too, was incinerated - the shame of being human. 

In the tsunami of fire, I embraced my human nature. I allowed myself to be an animal, chasing its desires with reckless abandon. Yet, in this self-given freedom, and with every path that lay open before me, I now chose God - flowing from within me and in unison with the soul's river of wisdom. And, in the end, like anything else, it was never a choice, but a passion that would create the path forward.

In knowing the threshold of forgiveness is marked by the element of fire, and our humanity is marked by the element of earth. Then, crossing the threshold of divine will is marked by the elements of water and air. If you have the will to follow blindly the flow of your soul’s river of wisdom, the vision of both God and human will come to light. Then and only then the opportunity to fly presents itself. 

“Will we jump from the mountain top? Is that how we will soar?” my human asked.

“No, my friend, with our breath we defy gravity and levitate under the canopy of the majestic Banyan Tree, among those who know and those who see. The tree under which you have been floating all along,” Sar'h replies.

Inhale. The two points spiraling along the infinity symbol meet in the middle, once again. They are the merging of human and divine. And now, they are the merging of Soul and Source. And, when either or both of the two connect, they create LOVE. And, it is felt anywhere a spark of consciousness exists, waiting to ignite the divine flame of realization in anyone who seeks it with their soul. Exhale.

Song Suggestion: September Song by Agnes Obel

*Quote is from The Creator Series, available for free from the Crimson Circle HERE. (In Gratitude)

**Immanence refers to the metaphysical concept of divine presence in which the divine encompasses or is manifested in the material world. In other words, humanizing divinity.

Any human who travels to far lands returns home forever changed. It’s no different for the conscious being. Yet, the magnitude of the earthquake of change upon arrive ‘home’ – with one thud of a heavy passport stamp – the world becomes different in ways previously unimaginable for the mere human traveler.

To know this yourself, you need not step on a plane or drive across borders – you need only expand your mastery in perspective and perceptions to seeing, sensing, and knowing deeply that everything – every little last thing in this life and all others – is and was an illusion.

“Who are you beyond these illusions?” Master M and Sar’h asked Lauren, the human who is finally catching up to her own mastery, as we flew sixteen hours across the world from New Delhi to New York. 

It wasn’t just a question for me but for everyone who joined in the New Moon gathering of embodied and ascended masters.

I was able to see so clearly the roles I had played on the Earth’s stages. I was able to see how I was the writer and producer of my life. Knowing that used to be a big realization – I create my own reality. And then like any realization, there comes a point when it is time to let it all go, once again. 

Something in me clicked – this was no longer needed, no longer desired - I did not need to write anymore human free will plays. In that realization, I completely had to let go of every single thing I have shared and wrote about on the New Energy Creator website. 

In embodied enlightenment, these concepts of creatorship are outdated, and obsolete, though they were a vital part of my journey. You no longer need to create with New Energy (energy containing consciousness). Instead, creation requires no energy at all.

We are marked by the grace in which we let things go. I watched that body of work be sucked into the vortex of what no longer serves. What do I do with all the New Energy Creator work? I archive it into the library of the soul’s wisdom, and I walk on. It’s that simple.

In the New Moon gathering, I saw in divine will I was beyond acting roles, beyond writing a script, directing, and staring in it. For those roles were the will of the human and not the will of God. 

In other words, in the will of God there is a different script, or perhaps none at all, Sar’h and Master M suggested, allowing me the wiggle room to discern for myself, as I will allow you to do as well.

So as I found myself behind the curtain of all stages, I had a backstage pass to watch as more things were sucked into the vortex of what was no longer mine. I watched the stories, the plays, and the movies that no longer served reverse with the changing tide of my soul’s wisdom. 

I remember in 2014 standing at a Mayan ruin in southern Mexico. As I entered the hearth of a stone structure, I heard Sar’h and Master M telling Lauren, my human self, “Let go of the need for recognition.” 

For years, in the human will, I felt I needed to become unattached to being seen, so that people would see me. In this New Moon moment, it became very clear that I no longer wanted recognition at all. Not wanting it did not mean letting go of it, not being tied to it, but really with every cell of my being desiring the opposite experience. I want to be left alone, to play no role at all, and simply BE in my own essence.

This trip was defined by the letting go of human free will and stepping into the will of God. There are several things that got twisted around by the human. I feel like it is hugely supportive to talk about what I got “wrong.” The feeling of embarrassment left me some years ago, anyway. 

First, Master M said he was going to meet me in India. He certainly did but, of course, it was not on the old physical Earth. It was beneath a Banyan tree, of which only those with eyes can see it.

Going back to the beginning of the trip, I realized deeply that I would no longer be sharing with the audience that is Masters Hub and other groups spiraled off from the Crimson Circle. Not because it was wrong or bad – it serves many right now – but I had quickly outgrown it. 

My human free will reasoned it was because we (multiple me) were “supposed to” “work with” a larger audience. In that human thought form, I created the ‘Return to Self’ series for a larger audience, advertised it as a way to explore this theory. 

I could not have been more off. That is not what I am “supposed to do.” Too funny! 

What I really did was set up my own energy portal for ME – not the readers – to Return to SELF, and what I found is I no longer want to teach anything, and I certainly do not want to work with anyone in awakening stages of realization. 

Why? Because I can see, sense and know everything is perfect - absolutely perfect for them - and requires zero interference. Also, I do not enjoy it at all. More importantly, it is not the will of God. 

Teaching is rarely, very rarely a divine will action. As I have seen in myself, it is so easy to turn and manipulate what is definitely human will into believing from a human perspective that it is divine will.

Sar’h ever so gently whispered, “Those who are out there teaching are doing so because they still need to learn the material themselves.” 

It makes so much sense. All of what I have been sharing – writing the Thirty Days of Self-Love was about me finding that space for myself. Each client I met with and reflected their mastery back to was a way for me to reflect mastery back to myself. I no longer need the mirror – I can see myself so clearly in the darkness of the New Moon. 

Yet, I took a pause to honor the experience that playing the teacher, facilitator role gifted me, and let it go, as it no longer serves.

So what does exist beyond the illusions of human free will living – for me?

There is one thing I kind of got right, or was at least on the right track. I said I would be “working with” those who are committed to the embodied enlightenment experience – beyond the circus, beyond the social media videos, beyond the cool kids club (none of which are wrong or bad but simply do not flow with the state of divine will). 

I am not here to “work” with anyone, yet in this New Moon gathering, which created such an expansive space beyond the noise, I can see what I can offer you all and what you offer as well – a space for embodied masters and ascended masters to BE beyond all the human constructs and systems. That cannot be done on a Facebook platform. It cannot be done right now in a physical old Earth space. It can only be held beyond the illusions.

Myself and others like you are holding a space in the physical and Master M and his friends are holding a space in the ethereal for those who have the passion to stay here in body and BE. Not teach, not draw a crowd, but to simply be. 

For that reason, I do not want this space to continue on Facebook or Patreon. By 2018, I’m going to move all this content onto a password protected website, which will include a forum for those who make the shift over. More updates on that will be forthcoming, but I did want to share my personal realizations before going into the bigger picture. 

Note: The site was moved over here in November 2017.

***
Coming back from our journey, I cannot un-see what I saw. To know everything around you is an illusion is one thing and experiencing every single reality as a movie screen projected into the physical is quite another. 

Since returning I have not had one brief moment in which I did not see the illusion clearly. Not a single second has passed in which I did not know I was walking though a movie set. The woman who passed me on the trail yelling at me to put my dog on a leash was nothing but an actor on the stage.

So what is real? Let me begin again, please.

Any human who travels to far lands returns home forever changed. It’s no different for the conscious being. Yet, the magnitude of the earthquake of change upon arrive ‘home’ – with one thud of a heavy passport stamp – the world becomes different in ways previously unimaginable for the mere human traveler.

To know this yourself, you need not step on a plane or drive across borders – you need only expand your mastery in perspective and perceptions to seeing, sensing, and knowing deeply (from experience, not a mental construct) that everything – every little last thing in this life and all others – is and was an illusion but one thing – that thing is called love.

Speak not of the human kind of love, but the kind you find in dark crevices in the space between the cells of your being. This kind of love is an experience that can only be found beyond the illusions and behind the curtains of all perceived realities.

The only thing real in this world free from illusion is this dark love – love you can only experience and know when you have given up the rest, including your human free will and any human passion beyond self-realization, through the art of complete surrender. 

I will write it again. To experience this kind of love, you must see clearly and know deeply your perceived passions are but mere distractions.

It’s the kind of love that exists beyond the stages, beyond the movie projected, and it can only be sensed in the absence of that movie screen – one you can step away from for a time and space, like we did in the New Moon gathering, if you joined us.

This dark love - this love that exists outside illusion has another name. It is the Love of God, and that, my friends, is what we brought forth in the New Moon gathering and what I will continue to do each month should you feel compelled to join, checking your human free will at the door, please.

I hate to say it, but Adamus was right. Kuthumi was right. Master M was right. In this embodied enlightenment experience, you will not want to be social. You will not want to be online. Enjoy it while you can. Have the experience in the illusion. 

One day you will wake up, and you will not want to play a role in the illusions anymore. You will see so clearly how nothing is authentic. Everything is an act. And for a time, you would rather be alone, wandering realities. The only company you will welcome is those who pass by who are also walking beyond the veil of illusion. 

Like Kuthumi, you will want to talk to trees. Like Adamus, you will trade your proverbial castle for a forest. Like Master Morya, you will leave your role as prince and become the ruler of your own kingdom, instead. 
And, just like anything else, that too will dissolve. But for a time, you will not want to play in the video game that is Earth’s illusions.

When Adamus first said these things, such as masters are not on Facebook. Masters don’t go to organized Shaumbra events. I said, “Hey buddy, you don’t get to define my enlightenment experience.” That was the human free will talking. 

I will not speak for you all, but for me, he was entirely spot on.

I feel the need to untangle myself from all the roles I created. The master laughs and says, “Hey, just walk away.” And so I am. 

I will continue to meet you all in the space beyond the noise, beyond the veils of illusion, and in complete resonance with the dark love, that is the love of God (SELF). 

As we said before, once you stop grasping at the figurative $100 bill, there are millions waiting for you on the 'other side', and those riches are found only in the love of God. 

Creation no longer requires New Energy; it requires no energy, no effort at all. In fact, it is essential that you do not use effort or energy in your creations in this space. 

This is something we’ve been discussing at length and will some more. 

I will also be sharing about PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) as related to stepping into divine will.

On Wednesday, I am headed to the desert of New Mexico before going to visit my mom. I will surely be bringing anyone with me who wants to come visit and have a cup of tea, go for a long walk among the desert sands, and of course, play with Professor Ollie.

Thank you for your gracing this space with your essence. Oh be ahn, fellow travelers!