Questions of Will Turn into Limitless Passion
In August of 2017, I was traveling with my partner through Indonesia, when I seemingly got struck by the lightening that is deeper awareness, or a radical shift in consciousness.
I had one of those dreams that shifts the course of your consciousness, and therefore your life of embodying this wisdom.
I sensed deeply – again – a radical shift was coming – in fact it was already here – yet my human awareness did not quite understand what was happening and had not caught up yet.
In the dream, my soul sang without words, “What if you traded your current perception of sovereignty for a new one?”
And that was it. Very few words backed up with a symphony of sensations, people are calling communing these days.
It was that simple of a statement, in the form of a question.
Really, in hindsight, it was an invitation from my master self, my soul self, to my human self, to go NEW. But I had to let go to experience it.
Was I going to accept the invite? Of course, I was.
I woke up the next morning – still very human – floored.
“Was I not already sovereign?”
Now, I know the definition of sovereignty is ever-evolving as I allow more and more of myself in, but right then in that moment – I saw it as an either-or scenario. I either was or I wasn’t. Now I sense nothing is either-or, it is all AND. That’s not just a mental concept on a meme anymore.
Now awake, I tapped into the wisest part of myself – some call the master, some call it the soul. Yet, now I see the labels are just terms for the body of awareness that is wisdom, or personalized consciousness, or awareness of Self – a container of wisdom that has no boundaries, duality, or gravity like the singular human experience. Limitless. Timeless.
I went back to what I knew about perceived human free will. I say perceived free will because sure, each of us as humans have the ability to choose. Yet, as long as we are choosing from the singular human perception of reality, I realized we are still choosing from the limited menu. Again, not just a concept, but in experience.
When I see this in my sensory image perception, I see my human self in a bubble. I am interacting with the colorful blocks inside the bubble. I am moving energy around re-arranging the blocks. I am really good at it. I make pretty things with colorful blocks.
Yet, outside the bubble is about a million other tools (ones that don’t even require energy to move!) to create and build with – not just blocks, but realities and sensations beyond any human perception. This dream was an invitation to bust open the bubble, with pure consciousness, and open myself up to what was out there.
Then, I went back to what I knew about divine will, in which we make choices from that limitless wisdom perception of realities. My perception at the time of divine will was the soul being “in charge,” the master part of me making decisions.
Simply as I can state, what I saw in myself, was that the human expression of myself was still very much in charge.
I had become very good – almost too good at consulting the soul, the master, the body of wisdom, when it came to making choices in my life – in creating my life.
I would listen to the song of my soul, and then – step two – my human would take all the information in consideration as well as all the perceived logic and reason from my mind – then I would make a choice in my life.
The human was sitting at the helm of a very large council. Thoughts, copious fears, how I was perceived by others (the mirror) and finally, the soul voice, all had a voice in making the choices and decisions in my life.
I would make choices on things like where to live, what house to buy or when to sell it, where I wanted to travel, where to invest money. These were all the things I thought made me free. The perception of human free will. And quite laughable to me now in a light-hearted way.
Yet, I realized in pure form of divine will, my soul would be making choices. The thing is that the body of wisdom – the master, as some call it – held so much passion, unlimited consciousness, but not for the human experience.
This master/ the I AM that I am/ (insert your term here) does not care about where to live or the next travel destination. It does not care about my bank account. And, it didn’t feel that had a single thing to do with freedom. Freedom was ‘in here’ – it showed me time and again, which never makes much sense until you actually feel it.
The soul, the master, and especially the I AM does not live the physical world – a world that requires energy to thrive in. The I AM, and the “master” part of myself did not need energy to create, yet the human did to continue to live in the energetic world that is physical reality.
And yet, we bring the two together….
The Final Let Go
During the months from August until my radical shift in consciousness in late October, I pondered the merge of wills – of who would be “in charge” of this whole life thing, this whole realization thing.
It wasn’t going to be an either-or situation as my human mind so wanted it to be.
In the either-or, the mind still has life, it still has control.
I pondered, what happens when we move beyond the mind, the categories, beyond the bubble? Not in theory but in practice? What does it truly look like, when we are not just reading it on paper, or listening to it in a channel? What is the sensation of experiencing it - my passion for this unwavering?
What happened when human free will and divine will merged into One will, rather than a conversation in which a deal was struck?
Later, the answer came to me simply and clearly – without the mind…The answer was PASSION.
“Passion for what?” the mind will ask.
Passion for simply BEING (the perpetual state of becoming) ME...
Passion for living completely NEW (and yes, I will give a concrete examples in coming posts)...
– which may not look like much on the outside, but is a world of difference in sensation.
This is the "so much better than I could even imagine part of realization," which I wrote about in the opening post.
The human drive to experience and experience and experience – albeit in its very small awareness bubble (a small fenced in playground, if you will) – merged with the unlimited wisdom of the master who has no limits, no bubbles or fences, which opens the door to....limitless creation.
It wasn’t even a question of human will versus divine will, as I previously thought. That sure was a whole lot of wasted energy.
What was happening was the natural unfoldment in realization in which the categories dissolve, opening up to the passion for embodiment – for realization – for enlightenment.
Trading one type of sovereignty for another, was neither human free will or divine will, it was the complete understanding and implementation – a sensory experience not happening outside of myself in concept, but internally in experience – that my divinity (master self) was completely and totally in charge of realization, rather than my human self.
…And then actually allowing my humanity to let go….
Yet, instead of tossing my humanity to the curb in frustration and lack of self-compassion, in the ultimate act of trust/ love/ (insert your word here), what occurred was a “let go” – a free fall in total trust into the ocean of wisdom of Self.
I unfolded upon myself. I continuously unfold within and upon and above and below myself in each moment. Always dynamic, never static is my state of Being - the state of perpetual becoming Me.
There was no thinking involved in any of it. More so it felt like a sensational build up (like an orgasm) in which I could no longer hold anymore, so I didn’t.
After the dive into the unknown – after the let go – my humanity did not retain its original form. This was the scary part for me. I felt like I might die from the limited awareness I had held onto for so long.
Yet, the body of wisdom within said otherwise. Beyond this I simply knew – with every fiber of my being that this moment right now was the time – so I did it, I let go.
I cannot tell you how – beyond simply relaxing – and then relaxing more – and spending time a lot of ‘alone’ time with myself, without distractions. I can only tell you it was the most natural thing in the world.
And while my human self did not retain its form, in merging with the ocean of wisdom within, I became more ME than I ever have before. And that’s when words will not hold this up anymore.
This state of being (so ME) cannot be defined. It is ineffable. To give it words, well, would be to crush it like a bug on a sidewalk.
Perhaps my own version of spiritual maturity, is allowing an undefinable experience to be just that – a life sans definition.
So I'll just say it again...without defining it...
I unfolded upon myself. And now, I continuously unfold within and upon and above and below myself in each moment. Always dynamic, never static is my state of Being - the state of perpetual becoming Me.
If you enjoy reading these, the rest of the series will be posted on my:
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This could also be called an experience in going beyond the singularity of the human vs. master (here on this website we use soul) dialogue, but I ran this one on CC forums so I'll use that language.
I would love to hear about your unqiue experiences too, please, below. Thank you.
So much of the dialgue out there in the CC-verse has been about the little limited human and the wise master and the dialgue between the two AND I think it is an amazing and necssary part/ experience of the realization experience, yet it has its limits. A shelf life if you will, as does everything.
A while back now, I felt my humanity weave itself into the Tapestry of Self.
That doesn't mean I am so done or graduated - I think that never happens and we are always in a state of perpetual becoming, yet soon it comes from an integrated space of human and divine combined, not human vs divine.
What it did mean to weave my humanity into the fabric of me? It meant an end to the human/ master discussions and conversations that had been going on for years or probably lifetimes. Served so well...then nah....
Here's an example: I had something come up to 'integrate' recently that I am calling my angelic council part of myself.
She was always in some sort of meeting "out there" - always concerned with the state of affiars, and her contributions to these councils, that shall remain un-named. These council meetings were in my dreams and my waking life until I said, I'm just not interested in that anymore. No, thanks, feels old. Angelic council.....meh....
Then it naturally occured to allow this part in - but it felt different from as aspect integration - like the one where a peice of you comes into the oversoul that putting itself back together again.
Nope -- this time I expanded self out to include (not bring in) this "angelic council" part into embodiment. I was quite surprised when I realized 'angelic council facet' had never been embodied on Earth and had been in an angelic council meeting for the duration. No wonder she was ready to be done. Let's just relax on a beach now, please:)
In this expansion to bring in angelic council lady, there were many tears. It felt as if my I AM was crying, not my humanity, and at the same time completely enjoying NEW-ness within itself, here embodied for the first time on Earth - wow!.
Side note - with her here embodied on Earth for the first time, I have this wildly brilliant and fun childlike innocence - everything is just so freaking cool when I allow that experience to flow through.
And, also coming up, some fears of losing myself entirely (only physically, not ceasing to exist) came up too, but they flowed in gently and flowed back out gently because they had no place to land. Sand that slides through my fingers.
Another way to say it, I expanded so much I felt like I might cease to exist in physical form, and then I let go of the tie to physical form, and instead I became even more physically embodied - I love a good paradox!
YET, I want to tell you there was NO SUFFERING involved in it, only SENSUALITY.
It was such an amazingly sensual process to expand myself into bringing this amazing facet of myself into this physical form - With the tears and how deeply I sensed myself. So many layers and streams of consciousness flowing through my embodiment. Yowza!
I was both crying tears of all the old wounds (firmly knowing they were not mine anymore, but the sensuality of the tears of release - yessssss) AND the experience was completely orgasmic in knowing myself in an even deeper way. Embodying more of me. That is always the absolute best; it is the singular passion for living for me right now.
Who am I outside of past, present, and future? It is my Creation! Sublimely fantastic.
Something stood out in all of it, too...There wasn't some "limited human" and "master" in a dialogue about what was going on. It was an explosion of Self, a grand display in the cosmos that make up the Universes of ME, and it was beyond beautiful, without time, and without the scale that gravity tends to provide us. It was completely natural, and because it was natural, it was without suffering.
Now that may piss some people off to say I no longer suffer and to say it out loud, too -- and then I am tempted to remind you of my intense suffering but that's so ridiculous - in this new state of being you no longer view all that as suffering when you "look back" --, OR those who still find themselves in the suffering cycle may say, hey it's nice to hear from someone that it does end. It does end! It has been a solid year.
And we'll see it unfold, right? If it shows back up, I'll tell you.
For me, realization is not limited to, but includes the end of this suffering that most of us have clung so tightly too. I think maybe it is because we associate suffering with living - at the cellular level.
Physical life IS suffering. So deep within the depths of our being we feel (even though we know it's utter bullshit) that if we let go of suffering, we will cease to exist. It's primal.
Or perhaps, there is another hang up that allows someone to move beyond suffering as soon as they become aware of it. For that's all it takes, a tiny glimpse of awareness re-writes the whole experience in embodied form.
It now happens daily or multiple times a day. A tiny drop of awareness, and I have become new again. and again. and again....
How do I write this/ finding words....what am I trying to share???
After a certain level, or stream, rather, of consciousness flowed into me -- not out there surface level but in embodied form - spiraled and all -- last year, around this exact linear time, something switched in the world of human suffering for me.
First of all, I do not feel I have a little, petulant human to describe, to blame for everything. So much of the talk "out there" on the forums is the little human and its rediculous-ness and how it is to blame for everything. Stupid human. Limited human. Master vs human. Fight within. Struggle within. If its hard, it means I am accomplishing something towards enlightenment. Bullshit!
And I get it, because I wrote those posts on those forums, and man, I got a lot of likes on them. I really thought I was having this suffering experience, yet in hindsight I was playing out the role of it for some sort of experience that I was actually enjoying! and saying it was miserable instead (enjoying the misery loves company to some degree too!) and I don't need to do that anymore.
It's a certain perception shift that I received internally and in expansion of Self from moving from warm, shallow water of a group and the camaraderie there to the bottom-less ocean of "way the fuck out there" - even your "way out there friends," say hey, bitch you are too far out there. Yep, and I'm more ME for it. Ahhhh....hahaha.....:P
Instead in this go round of 'expansional integration', my glorious and deeply loved human part of myself - my humanity - is and was enveloped in the fold of Self that is me.
It is not a separate piece of myself (and never will be again) that I beat up and view as a rebellious teenager or a crying child. Get's old, no?
Though, I know that part and I so understand how painful it feels at the time. I really do. I remember - only when I'm writing and need to to be sensitive to others. (How am I doing on that? - eek and shoulder shrug)
I say this because when something flips upside down you truly view the "past" as never having suffered though it felt so real at the time. It takes a twinge of perception to go back in that suffering perception.
Instead, my humanity is so intervoven in the fabric of myself I cannot distinguish it from the I AM, from my divinity.
WELP - That's the definition of New Energy right there, integration of all duality including human and divine -- and the weirdest word of all - the master - so strange in this space to separate something out and give it a title.
Ahhh...weird....master.....Adamus said in the shoud master is just a word for wisdom, that helped; I still dislike the word. It feels heavy and not nearly playful enough!!!!
In sum, the delineation between human and master was a great tool to begin communication between the two -- and about one million other pieces and parts that you likely don't wan to entertain until they become a symphony of Self -- yet as long as they are kept separate there will always be a struggle.
.... peace for a while, co-exietence, battle mode, back and forth, and ahhh...allowing the great divine convergence...
I'll go Buddha bullshit on you. It's so basic yet to really go multiple in it, feels so good. Like melting a marshmallow on a stick in the fire - s'mores. MMMMM.....
Suffering comes from the perception of separation. Separation is an illusion.
When you realize you're already realized....you realize, there was never any separation at all between human and divine.
Yet, what an experience to move from delineation into wholeness. Truly radical. Actual rebellion. Grace.
Reversing yourself back into your natural state - realizing you never crossed the Wall of Fire.....
Booo - its all just words until it happens, bubbles floating throughout you like popping a champagne cork.
The two "sections" (human and divine) will merge naturally on their own, in divine timing for the person involved, for sure!, especially when they declare themselves ready. And then preferably forget about it:) I did. That amnesia serves too.
However, as long as the language -- language creates -- focuses on master vs. limited human, suffering will always be present as you duke it out internally, instead of allowing these many (infinite, even) amount of threads weave themselves into a seamless tapestry of Self.
The Seamless Tapestry of Self woven into the Infinite Expression of You Embodied. Holy Wow!
So beautiful. I cannot wait to see what you all weave into your tapestry, or what you have woven already -- beyond any sense of time.
In honor of you. Thanks for allowing me the space to bring it into words, albeit a bit shakey. Made a little graphic with some senses in it for fun:P Why not?
I absolutely cannot edit my own stuff or worry about perfection, so thanks for taking my typos with ease.
t’s not been too long where I felt like I lost my passion for well anything at all. I used to have projects, physical creations, all sorts of stuff I had not done -yet. Stuff I needed to make happen physically, stuff to engage others in.
But it died sometime in the July heat (oh that desert, left me high and dry). What’s left to do on this planet, after having done it all? What’s left to do, when you don’t have a project to share and create (so fun when it’s flowing but it flew out the window or dried up in that heat!)?
It’s only been in the past few months that it came rushing back in like a cool California ocean swell: The singular passion for knowing myself sans past, present, future but in this broad and beautiful infinite NOW and just having as much fun as possible in this “last” physical life.
Allowing all the streams of realities, waves of consciousness to flow through me with no desire to change them. No desire to analyze or even discuss but just BE me fully embodied.
This picture captures it. Post surf with some amazing human beings who simply want to go out, catch a few waves and witness the sunset in all its glory!
Simplicity in simultaneous multiplicity embodied with an unabashed passion for being me - sans definition - living life - sans definition. Surf’s up!
Long before I found the Crimson Circle, I was traveling the planet alone, picking up parts and pieces of myself that I had left in other 'lifetime' experiences. In Peru, I found I needed to go to Mount Sinai, from there to the high desert of the American Southwest, and the list goes on.
In 2014, I found myself trudging up the rugged terrain of Mount Sinai - the place was empty under a terrorist threat and a suicide bomber had blown himself up that morning. After getting off my camel and moving forward on foot, tired and feeling very much confused and so far away from my home, I asked, "Morya, what am I doing here?!"
Ascended Master El Morya (he hates the title) had been with me in awareness for over a year now as I write about in BOOK ONE.
I looked down and on the ground was a puzzle piece. I picked it up and felt the sensation inside myself say, "you are picking up parts and pieces of yourself from every lifetime on Earth. This is just one piece of the puzzle."
Later I wrote in my journal, "Realization/ Enlightenment/ whatever the hell buzz word works for you...is like throwing a million piece puzzle up into the air. Yet, as I learned the hard way, it's not the human self putting the pieces back together with the mind. Instead in a state of relaxed being-ness, the I AM true nature of my being tosses the puzzle freely into the air and allows it to put itself back together. Allowing energy to serve us, means in this case, simply being in that natural state of the I Exist, the puzzle pieces can come together at will and re-arrange themselves at will - for enlightenment is not a destination - being is not a static state, but a dynamic one in the perpetual state of becoming that is the embodied enlightenment experience, or Triple E."
Once those pieces were collected - they still come in an re-arrange something that continues for even a master like El Morya - I began to bring the parts from the cosmos, from the parts and pieces never on Earth before - the embodied enlightenment experience.
Hey, remember when enlightenment became a heavily loaded word that had to be discarded. Doesn't realization feel that way now in its heavily rotated use?...
During the SAM channel in Bled, instead of using aspects and facets from the Aspectology materials, he used these words - parts and pieces of Self.
I smiled with delight, remembering back in the days before CC, where I only had my own natural experiences that were not filtered through any language or definition, only my own independent senses.
In some ways, I felt so lost at the time. I could not see sometimes the beauty of my own natural evolution of Self, unfiltered. All is appropriate and all serves but what a cool thing that I did not realize at the time. How grateful I am to have NOT found CC until I had the time to experience it all raw.
Currently, I feel myself returning to that time, allowing this expansion to perpetuate without the filters of an organization, having developed an unwavering in trust in the perfection of my unique unfoldment.
I've written a lot about aspects and facets and will continue to do so. But until recently, I had not really experienced what happens after the aspect integrates, or after the parts and pieces are picked up. In other words, how does a facet work and how do I play with it? Better yet, how does it play into creation embodied?
Sar'h is indeed a facet of myself in this last lifetime. Much like the author Joachim Wolffram describes Althar the Dragon. He has a bit more experience than me, tapping into it and the returning to Self.
On my car ride from Oregon to Texas, my "Infinite I" - for new folks that is what I call my soul, human, I AM and all parts and pieces combined as ONE - began to show me how to navigate or allow the shift of the facet to come forth in expression and then return to the source of me - the God also. I really have no words for this yet so I return to an old quail for the sake of having a space holder.
The waves rises up in the ocean, expresses it self and then returns to the source of the Infinite I. The wave as the facet. I have no words really. It was an energetic sensation, a stream of consciousness that flows through the edge-less center-less being that I AM.
Some how and without words, I feel how this is so related or intertwined with the "God, also" state of consciousness - the ineffable experience of knowing you are Gold also. I wished I had more words but for now the sensation -------------------- here.
You are not in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop. - Rumi
I have also been pondering the uniqueness of each of us and honoring how cool that is that while some things we hold in common, we get to choose how our experience and expressions go, uniquely.
For example, some people having clear and defined days where realization "occurred." I simply do not have it though I have a general time period where I felt a significant shift.
I wrote this in my notes...
Before I was moving in a linear timeline toward a goal of enlightenment. When the knowing of the I AM God, also occurred sensationally (last October), I expanded in all directions and then reversed into a new state of being-ness.
From this single point of existence, energy began to serve me, delivering all parts and pieces of myself, to fully embody in physical and non-physical form all that I am.
Sometimes I move in reserve, I back into an experience and/or expression of Self, and yet I find I am never moving forward, only sinking into more of myself with each moment, breath or stream of awareness.
(Gosh, does that make any sense???)
What are you all experiencing and expressing?
Extended note - a comment from a friend, Kai - which captures more fully a relatable experience for me:
"It took yet another phase before I understood what had been going on from the start: a naturally unfolding process that was creating, as me, a new state of being here now. For years, I thought I was reconnecting to all these "parts and pieces” that were different emanations of my “Oversoul”; then it felt more like I was expanding to include them in what I could “access”, know and experience beyond my human life here. Recently I learned that others feel they are inviting “parts and pieces” back in, “allowing their aspects to become facets”, (re-)ntegrating or “embodying” them.
It’s much more than all of this. The overused (and now distorted) words you mention were not badly chosen to start with. “Enlightenment” = switching on the light in what used to be a dark room, so you see what’s been there all along. “Realization” = recognising, clearly comprehending, what has always been true. All the parts and pieces, all the resonant lifetimes, existences, energies, beings… are all me (always have been, always will be) AND are all evolving as I am. They are multiplicity of my own singular sovereign creator self, me, expressing and experiencing my own creation. A new phase has begun. Now I feel us all evolving together in a VERY difficult to describe "loop around future change" where we all shift to different parallel realities."
Indeed - so hard to describe, Kai. I feel like a kindergarten student trying to explain my dissertation. Somehow that childlike innocence is serving me in the writing right now. Thank you.
I've been pondering a lot lately my personal and unique NEWNESS (and yours). I have been pondering -- pondering for me is exploring the energetic makeup and sensations associated with a sense of focus in a current state of being that knows no past, not future yet one expanded Infinite NOW -- I have been pondering how I have stepped into a new way of BEING me and what it means for each of us sovereignly and uniquely as we reverse into the realized state of BEING.
What once worked - categorization, for example - no longer is a coping mechanism for the vastness of being embodied in human form. Categorization - what do you mean by that? Well, once upon a time, it was so easy to place the voices inside of myself into categories - human and divine, for example. By divine, some use there term soul voice or the ever-so-popular term - master voice.
But how do we operate in the world when the two distinct voices human and divine become ONE - a symphony of the songs of our soul that is both human and divine as one - with no clear or present separation. For that is the definition of NEW ENERGY, allowing the integration of duality, including our divine nature and our human nature. You can no longer create a divide between human and soul, human and master, as they all merge into one.
However, that ONE is not (at least not for me) a singular voice that has the quality of a human-constructed singular voice. Instead, it is a symphony of all parts and pieces of Self that create a cohesive song, a playlist even. With the sense of focus, you can zero in on the violin perhaps, or maybe the flute solo. Yet, any human concept of clarity - it seems to me, personally - must be thrown out for a new sense of clarity - one of simultaneous multiplicity in a singular Self.
Let me try it again -- Simultaneous realities and expressions occur in an expanded NOW moment and all radiate from Self. In other words, the Experience of Self is expansional in all directions at the same time. New Energy.
And that's a whole lot of NEW to take in!
In the baby steps I've taken into the NEW, I have noticed (observation in the sense awareness) that this state of being has no center -- for example, my soul is no longer the core; the I AM is no longer in a firm place. All of these parts and pieces do NOT have a central sun to orbit around in an organized manner. Damn.
In this state, I have found a new way to "ground". Once I placed my bare feet into the grass to ground myself - to relocate my center. Once I asked myself questions and discerned the soul voice from the human one - to relocate my center of Self.
But what is left to do when there is no center and no categories and no separation between human and divine or any other parts and pieces of Self?
Now, I find I look to the cosmos. I watch the stars pop into the night sky and form constellations. I admire the Milky Way from the desert landscapes around me.
I watch, I observe something with no perception of order - the universes above me. I watch them exist without the need for definition, for plans, without any need for order. They simply exist in their own magnificence.
Master Morya once described to me that I was in the moment knowing the Universe(s) of Self, of the Universe(s) of Me, allowing it to flow into my awareness. I am just now starting to fathom what that really means.
And, what better way to let go of the old definitions of clarity, order, the present moment, and singularity than looking up to the universes above, for they are the universes within when you see through the lens of no separation.
Through that expansion, I find there is nothing left to do, only to be. And have some fun too. Why not?
I am that I am Maitreya - a form-less, name-less being of pure Christ consciousness - that has overseen the collective consciousness of the planet for eons.
Up unto this point, those who hold space for the Christ-ed consciousness of the planet Earth have rarely been embodied.
There have been few to grace the planet with their embodied presence, and to a large degree it has been left to and handled in the angelic realms since the creation of the Earth in physical form.
This body of work both human and divine has ushered in the New Age, and now the New Energy.
In the New Energy, the human form and divine nature no longer have the boundary of separation.
What you might see in the angelic realm is now exactly replicated in the physical world, for as you in your embodied enlightenment experience have become one with self - fully integrated human and divine with no separation - so too have the angelic councils and their physical Earth representations.
It takes an integrated being to see the integrated space of the former councils, which are being broken up and restructured along with each of you who are making those changes within yourselves, for yourselves - the implications of that are infinite.
With the introduction of the Banyan Tree by Sar'h and El Morya, the space was created for a place to show up and allow - without the noise of the ever-changing structures - the radical shifts to roll through in a sovereignly supportive space.
As the overseer of this realm through all major planetary shifts, I too am giving what you all might call a resignation letter of sorts - we all are in a way - in hopes of redefining our place in the Quantum shift that is the New Energy and the end of the hierarchy of New Age.
The mystery schools have closed their doors. Many angelic councils have imploded. And what is needed is a space that no longer relies on hierarchy and the divide between human systems and angelic structures, but a place where the two meet in complete integration.
Right now that place is the Banyan Tree. I appreciate the invitation to join in the celebration beyond the duality of human and divine. It is unmistakably here, at the perfect moment beyond space and time.
Because this website has expanded so much, it's basis for existence has been buried. For that reason I have created a space just for the Banyan Tree at www.banyantreecollective.com. It will feature channels from those on the "other side", the voice of faceted Sar'h and Master Morya, and how they see the Banyan Tree until well, until they stop coming through me. All posts written and transcribed by the facet that is Sar'h - no Lauren.
A Shaumbra-related post...
One morning in mid-August, I woke up, and just like that called my landlord and said I don't want to live here anymore. He said no problem to break the lease. "I just want you to be happy." Okay, wow.
So I rented a storage unit and scheduled movers without a destination in place. I'll simply wander. No planning or what ifs.
Then, as I often do, I got in my car and drove off with no plans. My dog and I drove up the Pacific coast through Oregon.
You see something else has been occurring in my awareness that has no edges, no center, no human needs to be met, no conversation between what you all here call master and human. (Adamus addressed this in the last channel - beautiful!)
I am one with me - a vast ocean of consciousness that flows through with no boundaries. No distinction between physical world needs and experience of the Infinite I (human/ soul/ I exist/ master/ whatever all as one cohesive, constantly in motion being).
What's really at stake here - and for all of us allowing all of who we are to come in - is that we are here embodied on the planet in the Age of the Machines as Adamus St. G calls it.
Our role and our experience here in allowing all of ourselves in is that when we do it for ourselves - our self alone, it also restructures and re-wires all the various consciousness containing multiple potentials and possibilities.
As I drove through Northern California, I felt the post apocalyptic world scenarios beyond linear time move through me. I do not push these streams away even it it felt a bit off or ugly; these realities flow freely through me, without the pull of a dualistic view, yet I remain sovereignly in tact. I moved through artificial intelligence scenarios with the same freedom. And many more...
I am but ONE sovereign part of a huge network that I never lose myself in.
Yet, even though I have no agenda, even though I never attempted to mold and shape these realities and potentials -- when these streams run through us in our embodiment, they do not leave unchanged. The potentials and probabilities renew and hit a tipping point of no return.
Buying a beautiful house is more than the perception of an ahmyo life. For me, it is a tiny creation. It feels more like moving doll furniture around in the limited perception of the physical world. "You go here" I say as I lift the house and put it on the Oregon coast in my tiny model of the 3D world.
What's really at stake... is you and me, all of us here, embodying ourselves fully at a time when the world is full forward - to the point of no return - in its evolution into a fully technocratic state of existence.
We will not be carrying signs on a picket line. We will not be scared. We will not say the sky is falling. We will hold our own space - silent and firm in our embodiment.
I don't know about you all, yet as the Age of Machines - which is already here simply not as visible yet - I'll be on my porch overlooking the ocean, allowing all streams of consciousness flow through me.
A state of no agenda, no inner boundaries, where nothing leaves unchanged as it moves through me. I don't move through it/ them/ they, it/them/ they moves through me.
Perhaps after twenty years (and about 15 or 1,500 lifetimes) of throwing the kitchen sink at enlightenment and still finding ourselves worrying about what color to paint the kitchen, what car to buy, firing someone or not, whether we have $5 or $50,000 in our bank accounts, we'll turn our awareness, our consciousness and our keen sense of focus to what's really at stake here - the big picture of planet Earth and it's various relaities.
Perhaps in doing so, all those limits and questions of should I or shouldn't I will take care of themselves, in knowing and remembering why it is that we all came here to experience for ourselves and in return, how it molds and shapes reality without lifting a finger. Energy serves us AND the planet will never be the same.
I never realized how truly limited I was when previously I worried about where to live, was I realized or not, did I get the channel or not, what other people were doing in their lives - these questions cease to exist. Also obsolete was questioning all the limited human crap, not just the stuff above - and I truly did not know how long that list was. Holy hell.
It seems these days each consciousness layer/ reality/ dimension that rolls through me, also allows those limits to come up and dissolve in the grandness of my being. A constant state of limits flowing through me, and coming out the other end completely re-written.
All that time wondering about should I buy that plane ticket or not, seemingly sticky relationship situations - do I have a partner or not, should I attend this workshop or not, can my biological body handle realization or not, why can't I lose this last five pounds - is in the end the most ridiculous garbage to spend any energy on. It is unfathomable how rediculous all this is in a limited human state or constant worry and anxiety that is only focused on the tiny human self and survival.
The paradox is until you allow all yourself in and let go - finally, you cannot fathom what's at stake. What's at stake is only a few words written on a page or so eloquently and amzingly explained in a ProGnost update.
And when you cross that threshold, there is no going back into the separation of human and divine. There's no unseeing what you came here to do, or to BE, rather. What's at stake is far too important to even ponder worrying about moving the doll house furniture around in this tiny human world. You have become much too big for it. Suddenly, you no longer fit through the door. You ate the mushroom in Wonderland.
After twenty years, can we not make a decision to move forward into that grand creation? Are we not ready as a "the most advanced" group of humans on this planet? What's at stake is far to important for all of us to ignore anymore.
Isn't it happening already? SURE, yes it is. But to bring your embodied awareness into it is one of the greatest gifts in the world you can give yourself (the richness can not be captured in words), and in turn the greatest gift you can offer humanity without being tied to the outcome.
In honor of you,
To put words to what I have created in my life, the letters must become musical notes. The 'Infinite I Am' must be stated and sensed deeply.
In the experience of the 'Infinite I' - being - in this language - the master, soul, human, and I Exist and all facets of Self become one without delineation.
Sure, I can dive into a layer, a dimension of self, a singular plane of reality or existence, yet it is only a brief pause before the interconnectedness of the other realities of Self begin to show themselves, twisting and turning back into the interconnectedness of my being.
The wave rises up in the ocean, I ride it and with the wave dive back into the ocean of consciousness. The state almost feels soul-less yet more sovereign than any experience around. I am that I am, no form and no name.
No separation of Self, no delineation between human and divine, for that is what New Energy truly is - integration of all duality, including the human and divine parts of Self becoming one, a singular I AM. An Infinite I.
To experience life beyond duality is not simply inside, but begins to pervade the experience of all realities that move through you.
I no longer traverse other realities, they traverse through me, and without any intent, they leave forever changed, for that is the realized state of being.
In this state of BEING, nothing can brush past your toes or your fingers without leaving changed or re-written - at the molecular structure level.
Many people I come across, you all included, I see like a super nova, as I see your existance beyond linear time. A supernova is a transient astronomical event that occurs during the last stellar evolutionary stages of a star's life (the proverbial last human life), whose destruction is marked by one final, titanic explosion.
It's not so much a destruction but a massive and yet completely gentle explosion back into the true nature of self, and into the Third Circle of Creation.
I can see the timeless, or time-free, evolution. The first circle in the oneness, the second circle as we places a piece of ourselves into this Earth reality, only to have the experience of knowing we are God also through that perception of duality - human and divine - knowing, realizing that we were never separate.
The two parts of self merge into human and divine AS ONE, and we return to wholeness while in physical form - not oneness with others but with the self in a beautiful show of brilliant fireworks that celebrates the remembering we have always been one with self.
The perceived separation between human and divine was yet another way to experience the 'God also' nature of being - another way to experience Self, that served so well until there's nothing that can stop from returning to wholeness.
I folded over myself before I could stop it. The fog lifts that kept me in the dark of my own divinity, beyond duality, and into the nameless, formless state that is BEING. One without edges, with no internal or external.
There's something about this perceived separation between human and divine. The perceived separation brings forth the question: Who am I?
In awakening, in the dark night of the soul, leading up to realization, I brought situations into my lives in attempt to reflect inner states. What I was really trying to do is find out who I was by looking in the mirrors and checking to see if they reflect back who I was.
I looked into the eyes of a lover, but I did not see myself. I looked into the eyes of groups and systems. How I was perceived through their eyes? I did not see myself. As a child, I looked into the eyes of my family, yet I still could not see myself. I looked into the eyes of a student, nope, I was not there.
The mirrors did "work" for a short period - for they brought forth those last parts playing separate roles, and in the perception of separation they came back to self.
For example, when I was still battling internally, sifting through concepts of right and wrong and the emotional states that go with them, I brought forth mirroring situations into my lives, allowing me to move beyond dualistic concepts. And then, one day, the mirror stops.
Where did it go? I felt through the darkness to find something to grab onto. There was nothing solid to grasp. Only a slight hum, a silent song of my soul, that I followed in the dark until I came back into myself. Embodied.
The no mirror existence is something I wrote about and pondered and discussed with others experiencing this before the last Keahak channels, so to hear it is like listening to a grand symphony to which I lent my voice, a symphony of many voices, many songs of the soul combined. Amazing someone can bring that forth in such a cohesive way. Thanks, CC.
Here I will borrow some words from Keahak, I found myself in a new reality of experience that has no basis on the past. Before experiences were predicated on the past, or shaped by past experience. That's all karma ever is and was -- the law of cause and effect. This happened in the past, and now I have this experience based on that.
A literal no-brainer: Creation is beyond linear time and thus, has no basis on past experience.
Embodied Creation from the space of: New Energy Integration of duality, of the human and divine, a singular I AM.
In the integration of the human and divine, I am beyond linear time. All those past experiences that told me what was safe and what was not, no longer apply. I am beyond duality. Gosh, I just don't have the words for that yet. Here is the sensation _________.
Or the local linear....I tried to create something X way and it didn't work, so now I am going to try Y. The linear lists and mental analyzation and processing can play no role. In fact, it is not even an option anymore. I'll try this...It's not a temptation to turn down, luring me into yet another experience to wisdomize.
I feel myself trying to touch down on that mental plane sometimes, to visit that layer of reality, but my feet can't hit the ground there. The plane is still there, I can explore it, but my ship has nothing to land on in that mental plane - a metaphor for the ineffible.
Creation from nothing, seems to cover this. Creation from no prior experiences.
It's the swimming metaphor I have used before. When you swim you push off the side of the pool or the bottom of the ocean to get momentum to start swimming. This no energy creation, or true creation, you don't need to push off the wall or the ocean floor.
In other words, I don't need to use a battle situation to create my reality. This battle duality is not limited to human conflicts, instead it is more of an inner resistence used as a place to spring forth from, to move enough energy to catapult you into the next experience, for example. A bottomless pool.
The no energy creation is creation without momentum, without effort. It's a state of no resistence as realities and layers move through you seamlessly. No resistance in the multi-layer reality experience. In other words, your feet don't have to be on the ground to jump anymore. Motion requires no movement - another Keahak term.
There is creation. There is creation without mirrors. Creation unfolding in a simultaneous moment. The infinite I removes time, gravity, and resistant duality (not referring to right and wrong but beyond that, no separation in, say, your sensory experience).
I want to write that I am surfing into the beyond. Yet, that's not accurate in experience. Instead, I have been surfing here the whole time, I simply lost the awareness of it in the fog of humanity.
I'll try it again. Something new is brewing and I'm going to paddle directly into that wave. Oh wait, I've been riding this wave all along. It's instant, this knowing. I use it as an example...
This space that seems to reverse into the future in a split second and back to linear now and then two time lines or more, two realities are more, they overlap in a single point of awareness, until you are in about a dozen or more realities simultaneously with infinite awareness of all of them, and how they intersect and interact.
Observing, breathing self. Knowing you will not lose yourself in the beyond. It is only something to experience and explore in steady joy of being - no highs and lows that defined the human experience.
The going beyond time, beyond reality, I find I am observing it, watching it - without trying to change it, no desire for that - twist and turn and re-write the so-called future and the past.
That's the over-arching experience of my state of being these days. You have an undeniable moment of clarity in realization (so limiting a word but for reference), and that moment returns and returns again in a PERPETUAL STATE OF BEING and you go back into your life and all its defining moments and you become aware that you were only pretending to be separate the whole time. An act of consciousness.
Sounds a bit trite that way - all words do, so I could say realization rolls through my human memories and they are re-wired and re-written. It's like a gentle Earthquake that creates a a rolling effect across the planet of self. The roll causes the paved streets to lift into the air from the soil, suspend in mid-air, and then land in new places and new patterns.
The pathways to the core of my being that branch or expand from your center in all directions. They open up and become clear. These conscious pathways re-adjust themselves as I observe and never manipulate. No clogs in the pathways. A state of no resistence. States of allowing and being ebbs and flows.
Some days, like today, there is NO CENTER, no core, and no edges because I expand like the breath into the no separation, integrated being. Expanding in and out at will of the hunger-less, time-less passion. I become an infinite landscape - it does not end, it does not begin. There is no way to find the middle of something that stretches into infinity.
Further, the past is re-written and then it doesn't exist at all (literally the past dissolves completely) because there was never a timeline. I can reach back for a memory or two, but they are no longer stored within me.
In the infinity of simultaneous living, I create from no thing because I am already everything. I don't need to grab at an past experience to make a mental decision; I don't even think about the next six months because its already contained within me.
I took a pause to come back and read this to see if I captured the moment. A yellow breasted bird flew up. No, it was not a master friend visiting me. It was me visiting me. I do not need the ascended master to reflect anything back to me. The bird perched on the chair beside me. Me staring back at me. Empty eyes, no past, in mirror-free creation.
The bird had empty eyes just like mine, free from expectations or past experience. Free from seeing myself through the eyes of others, but as exactly as I am that I am.
1. Stripped Down & Strung Out
The following was first published on January 22, 2018
It was August 2015 in the Texas Hill Country. The stifling heat radiating off the dry ground below in waves had given way to an unusually cool evening. I was sleeping in the back of my pick up truck, open air.
The breezy sky opened up and enveloped me, and I was relaxed after a long day of volunteering in the kitchen of a youth camp for refuge teens from war-stricken countries.
Washing dishes in a make-shift kitchen in the stifling sun proved so laborious, I held only one speck of energy reserved at the end of the day. There was nothing to to do but surrender to the exhaustion.
I had just gotten off the phone, texting with Jack - a man I spent many lifetimes with and was deeply in love with at the time - unrequited love of lifetimes. He loved me, he said in energy not words, but we would never be together, he said with words. I took the scraps he gave me like a starving dog and thanked him after he scolded me.
The night gave way to the brilliant stars that lit up the sky and a meteor shower of epic proportions filled the cosmic movie screen projected above as I drifted off to sleep. I lay unable to move in the back of the truck with nothing but a pillow, a sheet, covered with the coarse salt of dried sweat, and a copious amount of hope.
Not hope that Jack and I would be together one day. Not hope that I would stop having all these human problems that never seemed to end. It was the kind of hope that fills up your body crown to toe tips when you have nothing else to lose. Some call it freedom. It was a surrender of sorts, and more so, a path when none others were visible in the human eye.
I drifted off to sleep. In my dream, I was driving my white truck. Suddenly, thieves approached and began to strip the car as I drove. They ripped off the rearview mirrors, even the doors - anything and everything. I found I held no fear. I held no anger towards the theives - at all. I just watched. Neutral observer as my life was stripped away.
When the vandals took the tires off the truck, and it could not longer be driven, I got out and walked, totally un-phased by the stripping of my vehicle and all that I owned. I just kept walking, nothing in my hands, only the clothes on my back. I walked steadily and peacefully. Numb human, yet full of soul sensation.
I came to a stream. Jack was there, and he kissed me. But I walked on.
I walked through a knee-deep stream as my clothes began to fall off. Piece by piece I became fully naked.
And I kept walking through the water. I stepped on rocks and my feet bled, the red pools forming in the water beneath them. Jack did not follow, and I did not care. I did not look back. I didn't need to. I knew he was not there.
I passed a group of souls, beings, and I somehow knew were awake, and they said, "Stay here with us. We found Utopia."
I did not look up when I nodded in their direction - in acknowledgement and a sign of saying I hear you but no thanks.
I walked on and on, through dark waters. My feet continued to bleed. All I could feel was bliss. Bliss in this moment was steadiness without a high or low. It was pure existence without interference.
I reached a stopping point, still all darkness, and there was no one there. I felt a sensation sort of like love and a lot like acceptance fill my body. It was a peace not available to the human experience and therefore held no words.
I guess it's the kind of experience which only runs on a hope no one else can taste, a freedom which only comes from losing everything -- one you cannot know until you are stripped down and strung out.
After the dream, I would try to go back to human life. I continued to wash dish after dish at the youth camp. I smiled at everyone I came across and they smiled back.
And then the hope that often felt like desperation, disease, and despair turned into something else - a guiding force that would not let me stop walking.
When the car died, I kept moving.
When my love for another was not returned, I moved forward.
When the clothes came off, I walked naked.
When my feet bled, I did not stop.
When people showed up, I did nothing more than smile and walk on.
These days - I have been sober for so long now - yet I am strung out.
High as a kite on the non-linearity. Spinning and twirling in infinity beyond the veils of maya.
Instead of walking, I've taken up floating and flying.
My head spins, my heart beats fast and then not at all, and I spin and spin and spin.
And that weird desperate hope thing has turned into knowing.
The knowing feels like the motion of waves in the ocean.
Am I seasick or I am experiencing a reality long forgotten?
2. The Tunnel
Sometime in 2017, I was living in a Shaumbra community in Colorado. I had begun to feel that instead of enhancing my impending realization, it was hindering it.
That night in my sleep, I was calmly digging a tunnel through rocky dense ground. I whistled while I worked. My headlamp lit the way in the dark night. I was alone with no fear.
Then suddenly, a shaumbra woman showed up. She had a lantern and began to push and shove me at my back. She was desperate to get out. Thinking I had found the way out, she shoved her elbows hard into my back.
I took a deep breath and with as much energy without force I could command I said, "This is my way. It's time for you to find your own."
She clawed at me some more, scratching at my face. I stood motionless and unmoved. Then I watched her turn around and go look for someone else. I did not say it out loud, but added to the energetic communication. "Only you can find your way out, and the only way is to relax and enjoy the moment."
I looked out and she was furiously digging a hole in another spot. I knew she would figure it out and soon, so I let her. the light emerged at the end of my dark tunnel, and I strolled through it, easily and with grace.
3. The I AM THAT I AM Highway
I made the move back into the land of the living in February and emerged in mass consciousness around May of 2018.
It was easier this time, and things seemed to align effortlessly. I did miss the camaraderie of my friends who spoke realization, and yet I knew I was in the right place.
In June, before the Keahak finale, I drifted off to sleep. Again, I was in my white pick up truck. I found myself at the entrance of a freeway.
The green highway sign said, "I AM THAT I AM.....789 MILES. No services. No exits. No turnarounds."
In my dream, my human facet was trying to get to Colorado, to make it in time for the Keahak finale.
An older woman showed up - she was also me - and said, "There's no going back. You have set yourself up to drive along the I AM THAT I AM highway for the rest of your physical existence."
My human facet driving the car turned around to look and see if there was an escape before driving onto this highway - the point of no return.
There were spikes that would smash my tires and all sorts of obstacles that prevented this human driver from putting the truck into reverse. The panic set into this human woman that was also me, and then she surrendered with a deep sigh.
She put the car in drive and hit the gas petal with great gusto. The old woman jumped in the car just before it entered the highway, and they became ONE. Again.
The human came back from its "vacation", or time away, and began to enjoy the road trip.
Now, what was the Infinite I (human and divine combined beyond duality) going to create?
Then I really got what New Energy meant...
New Energy is what comes after the New Age. This evolution of energetic dynamics allows for the integration of duality, including the human and divine parts of Self becoming one, a singular I AM.
While the New Age is based on vibrational energy and dimensional delineation, New Energy is expanses in all directions simultaneously, branching from the single point of the I Exist.
Saturday, Adamus announced the beginning of the Emergence series of channels at the monthly webcast. I totally forgot about it, yet had the sense that I was needing to tune into something. That I was missing something. Then a friend texted that he was watching the monthly webcast, so I tuned in.
I was so deeply and profoundly touched by Adamus’ words in the opening statements at the core of my being and deep within my chest, a space behind my heart, I decided to transcribe them here. ADAM-US is after all a collective consciousness and to hear the words reflected back to you of something you experienced is near indescribable.
Last month or so I had a chat with Adamus about this topic. I know I am not the only one. There are some I know in physical and some I do not know yet. And, I have found when I take something up with this consciousness, if it comes from the deepest space inside me, it will make it into the materials. Not the screaming, unbalanced human being I was in the past, but the living breathing being who is saying hey, this might be helpful and I know because I am living it. Things might have changed since your last Earthly visit.
Looking back – so much easier in hindsight – the realization experience, which really feels almost like a reversal into what already existed - through the eyes of the human and divine combined, started sometime around the fall of last year.
In October of last year, I had the ineffable experience in vivid color and without words the direct experience of knowing, being, experiencing the I AM GOD, also. I don’t even think I can write any more than the one article I wrote. That’s likely all I will ever write about it. It was too personal and too – well, too sacred for lack of a better word – to share.
Another wave of realization rolled through my being in January, a release of guilt, shame, fear, remorse, clinging of the Atlantean dream, disaster, programming, etc. I know we are all unique but FOR ME it was the needle in the haystack – buried so deep and so hidden – the last thread that kept me from the realized state. It was the one thread of crap I held onto all this time that kept me from my realization. It was right there in front of my face the whole time. Once I saw it, it unraveled before my eyes - in high definition, high speed rewind.
Shortly thereafter, my home sold in Colorado and the series of unfortunate or very fortunate events – depending on perception – began to unfold as a left Colorado, which more felt like being kicked out – by an angry mob that bled into my social media experience. There really was no point to be on there for me anymore with this space.
What was that experience? What was it really about? I have asked so many times only to shelve it for later. I simply could not put my finger one what that experience really was. Why I was so sad, why I still am sometimes.
Since leaving, I’ve had a few doubts that only reminded me to trust myself. Was I delusional? Did I make this realization experience up? Are these people who have cast me out right about me? I know you can relate - those in their free states now.
Yes, in realization you are still a human being with human attributes. You don't turn into super man or super woman. You almost become even more human in a way. (I'm so glad some of you let me know this. Thank you. I am passing the wisdom on.)
The answers undeniable and completely personal - you are the only one who will really truly know - undeniably. The dawn was upon me AND it was nothing I could imagine. It was more than I hoped it would be and less than I hoped it would be in many ways.
I’ll tell you why I am choosing to write this below.
I knew who I was and what I was and was not, and it didn’t matter what anyone or anybody else thought, said or did. It was my realization. And, it was beautifully mine and mine alone. I needed to be alone too.
Now to the channel...
ADAMUS in the August 2018 shoud (paraphrased as I am not a good typist):
“Is everyone going to go through (realization in the CC)?....Yes, sooner or later…. Some of you are going to take your time. You’ll go through in the slipstream. Some are going to go fast because you’re just so damn ready. Others will go in their slip stream. It’s not a race and there is no award for those who get there first...
(On those realized) You’re not going to be beating your chest about it….It’s such a personal beautiful quiet thing. It’s so personal…. You are not going to be bragging. You are not going to need acknowledgment. You are not going to get acknowledgment - from me or from others. Nor do you want it. You know – and that’s all. That’s all.
(I have found this to be extremely real in my personal unique experience, but it doesn't mean you will not want friends and that you will not be hurt...).
For those of you who have come along through this early, you already know this. There is no preaching at the others and not saying this how you have to do it. You’ll realize that. You don’t say this is how I did it and you have to do it. (talks about preaching on social media).
(Indeed, the desire to tell anyone how to do anything fades away, likely just after it rears its ugly head for the last hurrah of spiritual ego, in my personally unique experience.)
There’s no rushing anybody and there’s no pandering to anybody (poor dear etc.). You just allow them, and they’ll come through and maybe in your slip stream.
For those taking their time – and there’s something to be said about that – let the others go through and have the rockier path.
(The profound part for me…)
For those taking their time, don’t throw rocks at the ones you think that might have made it. Why would you throw rocks? To test them. Have they really made it or are they making it up?
You know rocks hurt, even to a master because they are still in a human body.
My body seized up here, I too felt so sick. I felt the trauma of my move from Colorado – I’m at the six-month mark and just now able to function completely.The steadiness did not set into until a year or so, and now a rock is just fine. The reverberation dissolves much more quickly.
Don’t throw rocks. Don’t assault them. Don’t criticize them. You are really just trying to test them.
Don’t to do that because when you first come through in the emergence there is an incredible sensitivity and sensuality.
If you are hanging back and waiting, don’t throw rocks. If any of this happens on social media, delete those posts. This is too sensitive. It hurts too much. It goes too deep - even for a human master.”
If you truly know me, you know I am not bringing this up to pat myself on the back. I bring this up to say that for me, this was and STILL is an extremely sensitive and sensual time. Go easy on yourself, go easy on those around you (reminder for ME!).
It's really level out now, even just after writing this - added in November 2018.
Everything I thought a master is has been thrown out the door. Everything is not perfect, and yet like my friend, Xanthe, told me, it does feel at arms length. You still feel deeply, almost even more deeply, but in this beautiful state of grace and realization it becomes clear - so clear - that deep deep feeling, or sensation rather, is not yours to hold onto. It rolls through you without the analyzing mind and is beyond my descriptive abilities right now.
The other thing is the more my realization sinks in, the more normal I feel. I feel more like a normal human being each day – after a lifetime of feeling so weird. I believe this comes with extreme self-acceptance and balance sets in eventually.
To think you won’t cry. Oh, I have cried and cried and cried. Driving from Colorado, I dehydrated myself from tears while simultaneously opening to my true nature. The lotus flower in the muck.
To think that you won’t feel when energetic daggers are thrown at you. That you are some sort of stone being who is not moved by their surroundings is a total fallacy.
In the end, this message personally gave me some deep sensual acknowledgment not from outside myself but from within myself.
I also want to note that I am greatly enjoying the materials from CC in this relationship – having removed the human quality of it – for now. It still does not feel safe for me to go into that human system space but the direct relationship with the materials and placing my wisdom int the vault, the conscious library feels really good.
Instead, of using the materials as tool to get further along some strangely perceived realization timeline or platform. I am simply loving the words that help me remember how I did ‘such and such’ in hindsight.
How did I stop allowing my mind to consistently feed off me? How did my body make the jump? How did I have this profoundly personal experience and at the same time have so many people throwing rocks at me? What is embodied creation going to look like as we re-write history?
The materials are amazing for this. Adamus came to me around May and he said don't let the human side of things prevent you from having a direct relationship and direct input into the materials offered by the channels. Since then, I have heard so many of my own experiences and words make it into the channels. I feel seen and heard on a completely different 'level' of awareness that holds no human recognition, which would feel terribly icky at this point.
Realization was simply a perception shift of worthiness, a freedom from being beholden to anyone (especially my own aspects and guilt – for blowing up Atlantis in this case – this continues to roll through deeply).
It had nothing to do with what my human life looked like. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel. I don’t cry. If anything, I feel more deeply than I ever have in my whole life.
The opposite of guilt is innocence. The dichotomies that arise in being beyond duality is something the mind would never be able to fathom. For example, to be completely in a child-like innocence (guilt-free) AND finding the spiritual maturity I so lacked when I first started writing with you all and creating this space.
The spiritual maturity comes with the balance, of learning to walk like baby through this embodiment. The paradox of child-like innocence as the path to maturity. Love that.
It is so tender, and self-care and self-nurturing is still needed in the fragility of this state, which is equally unbendable and unbreakable and unmoved by the rocks thrown.
There is a learning curve of how to walk like a baby, to learn to crawl and stand holding onto the table for stability, in this new state. Balancing comes but it takes some time - time I gave myself after my move to California six months ago.
I could go on, but at least wanted to capture this tender moment, knowing I am not the only one on this website who will or has gone through this. Thank you.
Karen, I keep thinking of you texting me as a drove out of Colorado. It is imprinted in my soul. The text popped on my phone when I was in the depths of the rock’s impact. THANK YOU.
I'm so glad I tuned into the five minutes; what that message did for me, what it moved within me, cannot be captured in words. Deep exhale. Holy crap it feels good to shuffle that around.
Massive gratitude for you all and this space - NO ROCKS. NO RACES.
Lauren (Sar'h) writes adventure novels and short stories about the embodied enlightenment experience. She fancies herself a humanizing divinity journalist and DJ, and shares that work joyously on this page.