Questions of Will Turn into Limitless Passion
In August of 2017, I was traveling with my partner through Indonesia, when I seemingly got struck by the lightening that is deeper awareness, or a radical shift in consciousness.
I had one of those dreams that shifts the course of your consciousness, and therefore your life of embodying this wisdom.
I sensed deeply – again – a radical shift was coming – in fact it was already here – yet my human awareness did not quite understand what was happening and had not caught up yet.
In the dream, my soul sang without words, “What if you traded your current perception of sovereignty for a new one?”
And that was it. Very few words backed up with a symphony of sensations, people are calling communing these days.
It was that simple of a statement, in the form of a question.
Really, in hindsight, it was an invitation from my master self, my soul self, to my human self, to go NEW. But I had to let go to experience it.
Was I going to accept the invite? Of course, I was.
I woke up the next morning – still very human – floored.
“Was I not already sovereign?”
Now, I know the definition of sovereignty is ever-evolving as I allow more and more of myself in, but right then in that moment – I saw it as an either-or scenario. I either was or I wasn’t. Now I sense nothing is either-or, it is all AND. That’s not just a mental concept on a meme anymore.
Now awake, I tapped into the wisest part of myself – some call the master, some call it the soul. Yet, now I see the labels are just terms for the body of awareness that is wisdom, or personalized consciousness, or awareness of Self – a container of wisdom that has no boundaries, duality, or gravity like the singular human experience. Limitless. Timeless.
I went back to what I knew about perceived human free will. I say perceived free will because sure, each of us as humans have the ability to choose. Yet, as long as we are choosing from the singular human perception of reality, I realized we are still choosing from the limited menu. Again, not just a concept, but in experience.
When I see this in my sensory image perception, I see my human self in a bubble. I am interacting with the colorful blocks inside the bubble. I am moving energy around re-arranging the blocks. I am really good at it. I make pretty things with colorful blocks.
Yet, outside the bubble is about a million other tools (ones that don’t even require energy to move!) to create and build with – not just blocks, but realities and sensations beyond any human perception. This dream was an invitation to bust open the bubble, with pure consciousness, and open myself up to what was out there.
Then, I went back to what I knew about divine will, in which we make choices from that limitless wisdom perception of realities. My perception at the time of divine will was the soul being “in charge,” the master part of me making decisions.
Simply as I can state, what I saw in myself, was that the human expression of myself was still very much in charge.
I had become very good – almost too good at consulting the soul, the master, the body of wisdom, when it came to making choices in my life – in creating my life.
I would listen to the song of my soul, and then – step two – my human would take all the information in consideration as well as all the perceived logic and reason from my mind – then I would make a choice in my life.
The human was sitting at the helm of a very large council. Thoughts, copious fears, how I was perceived by others (the mirror) and finally, the soul voice, all had a voice in making the choices and decisions in my life.
I would make choices on things like where to live, what house to buy or when to sell it, where I wanted to travel, where to invest money. These were all the things I thought made me free. The perception of human free will. And quite laughable to me now in a light-hearted way.
Yet, I realized in pure form of divine will, my soul would be making choices. The thing is that the body of wisdom – the master, as some call it – held so much passion, unlimited consciousness, but not for the human experience.
This master/ the I AM that I am/ (insert your term here) does not care about where to live or the next travel destination. It does not care about my bank account. And, it didn’t feel that had a single thing to do with freedom. Freedom was ‘in here’ – it showed me time and again, which never makes much sense until you actually feel it.
The soul, the master, and especially the I AM does not live the physical world – a world that requires energy to thrive in. The I AM, and the “master” part of myself did not need energy to create, yet the human did to continue to live in the energetic world that is physical reality.
And yet, we bring the two together….
The Final Let Go
During the months from August until my radical shift in consciousness in late October, I pondered the merge of wills – of who would be “in charge” of this whole life thing, this whole realization thing.
It wasn’t going to be an either-or situation as my human mind so wanted it to be.
In the either-or, the mind still has life, it still has control.
I pondered, what happens when we move beyond the mind, the categories, beyond the bubble? Not in theory but in practice? What does it truly look like, when we are not just reading it on paper, or listening to it in a channel? What is the sensation of experiencing it - my passion for this unwavering?
What happened when human free will and divine will merged into One will, rather than a conversation in which a deal was struck?
Later, the answer came to me simply and clearly – without the mind…The answer was PASSION.
“Passion for what?” the mind will ask.
Passion for simply BEING (the perpetual state of becoming) ME...
Passion for living completely NEW (and yes, I will give a concrete examples in coming posts)...
– which may not look like much on the outside, but is a world of difference in sensation.
This is the "so much better than I could even imagine part of realization," which I wrote about in the opening post.
The human drive to experience and experience and experience – albeit in its very small awareness bubble (a small fenced in playground, if you will) – merged with the unlimited wisdom of the master who has no limits, no bubbles or fences, which opens the door to....limitless creation.
It wasn’t even a question of human will versus divine will, as I previously thought. That sure was a whole lot of wasted energy.
What was happening was the natural unfoldment in realization in which the categories dissolve, opening up to the passion for embodiment – for realization – for enlightenment.
Trading one type of sovereignty for another, was neither human free will or divine will, it was the complete understanding and implementation – a sensory experience not happening outside of myself in concept, but internally in experience – that my divinity (master self) was completely and totally in charge of realization, rather than my human self.
…And then actually allowing my humanity to let go….
Yet, instead of tossing my humanity to the curb in frustration and lack of self-compassion, in the ultimate act of trust/ love/ (insert your word here), what occurred was a “let go” – a free fall in total trust into the ocean of wisdom of Self.
I unfolded upon myself. I continuously unfold within and upon and above and below myself in each moment. Always dynamic, never static is my state of Being - the state of perpetual becoming Me.
There was no thinking involved in any of it. More so it felt like a sensational build up (like an orgasm) in which I could no longer hold anymore, so I didn’t.
After the dive into the unknown – after the let go – my humanity did not retain its original form. This was the scary part for me. I felt like I might die from the limited awareness I had held onto for so long.
Yet, the body of wisdom within said otherwise. Beyond this I simply knew – with every fiber of my being that this moment right now was the time – so I did it, I let go.
I cannot tell you how – beyond simply relaxing – and then relaxing more – and spending time a lot of ‘alone’ time with myself, without distractions. I can only tell you it was the most natural thing in the world.
And while my human self did not retain its form, in merging with the ocean of wisdom within, I became more ME than I ever have before. And that’s when words will not hold this up anymore.
This state of being (so ME) cannot be defined. It is ineffable. To give it words, well, would be to crush it like a bug on a sidewalk.
Perhaps my own version of spiritual maturity, is allowing an undefinable experience to be just that – a life sans definition.
So I'll just say it again...without defining it...
I unfolded upon myself. And now, I continuously unfold within and upon and above and below myself in each moment. Always dynamic, never static is my state of Being - the state of perpetual becoming Me.
If you enjoy reading these, the rest of the series will be posted on my:
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This could also be called an experience in going beyond the singularity of the human vs. master (here on this website we use soul) dialogue, but I ran this one on CC forums so I'll use that language.
I would love to hear about your unqiue experiences too, please, below. Thank you.
So much of the dialgue out there in the CC-verse has been about the little limited human and the wise master and the dialgue between the two AND I think it is an amazing and necssary part/ experience of the realization experience, yet it has its limits. A shelf life if you will, as does everything.
A while back now, I felt my humanity weave itself into the Tapestry of Self.
That doesn't mean I am so done or graduated - I think that never happens and we are always in a state of perpetual becoming, yet soon it comes from an integrated space of human and divine combined, not human vs divine.
What it did mean to weave my humanity into the fabric of me? It meant an end to the human/ master discussions and conversations that had been going on for years or probably lifetimes. Served so well...then nah....
Here's an example: I had something come up to 'integrate' recently that I am calling my angelic council part of myself.
She was always in some sort of meeting "out there" - always concerned with the state of affiars, and her contributions to these councils, that shall remain un-named. These council meetings were in my dreams and my waking life until I said, I'm just not interested in that anymore. No, thanks, feels old. Angelic council.....meh....
Then it naturally occured to allow this part in - but it felt different from as aspect integration - like the one where a peice of you comes into the oversoul that putting itself back together again.
Nope -- this time I expanded self out to include (not bring in) this "angelic council" part into embodiment. I was quite surprised when I realized 'angelic council facet' had never been embodied on Earth and had been in an angelic council meeting for the duration. No wonder she was ready to be done. Let's just relax on a beach now, please:)
In this expansion to bring in angelic council lady, there were many tears. It felt as if my I AM was crying, not my humanity, and at the same time completely enjoying NEW-ness within itself, here embodied for the first time on Earth - wow!.
Side note - with her here embodied on Earth for the first time, I have this wildly brilliant and fun childlike innocence - everything is just so freaking cool when I allow that experience to flow through.
And, also coming up, some fears of losing myself entirely (only physically, not ceasing to exist) came up too, but they flowed in gently and flowed back out gently because they had no place to land. Sand that slides through my fingers.
Another way to say it, I expanded so much I felt like I might cease to exist in physical form, and then I let go of the tie to physical form, and instead I became even more physically embodied - I love a good paradox!
YET, I want to tell you there was NO SUFFERING involved in it, only SENSUALITY.
It was such an amazingly sensual process to expand myself into bringing this amazing facet of myself into this physical form - With the tears and how deeply I sensed myself. So many layers and streams of consciousness flowing through my embodiment. Yowza!
I was both crying tears of all the old wounds (firmly knowing they were not mine anymore, but the sensuality of the tears of release - yessssss) AND the experience was completely orgasmic in knowing myself in an even deeper way. Embodying more of me. That is always the absolute best; it is the singular passion for living for me right now.
Who am I outside of past, present, and future? It is my Creation! Sublimely fantastic.
Something stood out in all of it, too...There wasn't some "limited human" and "master" in a dialogue about what was going on. It was an explosion of Self, a grand display in the cosmos that make up the Universes of ME, and it was beyond beautiful, without time, and without the scale that gravity tends to provide us. It was completely natural, and because it was natural, it was without suffering.
Now that may piss some people off to say I no longer suffer and to say it out loud, too -- and then I am tempted to remind you of my intense suffering but that's so ridiculous - in this new state of being you no longer view all that as suffering when you "look back" --, OR those who still find themselves in the suffering cycle may say, hey it's nice to hear from someone that it does end. It does end! It has been a solid year.
And we'll see it unfold, right? If it shows back up, I'll tell you.
For me, realization is not limited to, but includes the end of this suffering that most of us have clung so tightly too. I think maybe it is because we associate suffering with living - at the cellular level.
Physical life IS suffering. So deep within the depths of our being we feel (even though we know it's utter bullshit) that if we let go of suffering, we will cease to exist. It's primal.
Or perhaps, there is another hang up that allows someone to move beyond suffering as soon as they become aware of it. For that's all it takes, a tiny glimpse of awareness re-writes the whole experience in embodied form.
It now happens daily or multiple times a day. A tiny drop of awareness, and I have become new again. and again. and again....
How do I write this/ finding words....what am I trying to share???
After a certain level, or stream, rather, of consciousness flowed into me -- not out there surface level but in embodied form - spiraled and all -- last year, around this exact linear time, something switched in the world of human suffering for me.
First of all, I do not feel I have a little, petulant human to describe, to blame for everything. So much of the talk "out there" on the forums is the little human and its rediculous-ness and how it is to blame for everything. Stupid human. Limited human. Master vs human. Fight within. Struggle within. If its hard, it means I am accomplishing something towards enlightenment. Bullshit!
And I get it, because I wrote those posts on those forums, and man, I got a lot of likes on them. I really thought I was having this suffering experience, yet in hindsight I was playing out the role of it for some sort of experience that I was actually enjoying! and saying it was miserable instead (enjoying the misery loves company to some degree too!) and I don't need to do that anymore.
It's a certain perception shift that I received internally and in expansion of Self from moving from warm, shallow water of a group and the camaraderie there to the bottom-less ocean of "way the fuck out there" - even your "way out there friends," say hey, bitch you are too far out there. Yep, and I'm more ME for it. Ahhhh....hahaha.....:P
Instead in this go round of 'expansional integration', my glorious and deeply loved human part of myself - my humanity - is and was enveloped in the fold of Self that is me.
It is not a separate piece of myself (and never will be again) that I beat up and view as a rebellious teenager or a crying child. Get's old, no?
Though, I know that part and I so understand how painful it feels at the time. I really do. I remember - only when I'm writing and need to to be sensitive to others. (How am I doing on that? - eek and shoulder shrug)
I say this because when something flips upside down you truly view the "past" as never having suffered though it felt so real at the time. It takes a twinge of perception to go back in that suffering perception.
Instead, my humanity is so intervoven in the fabric of myself I cannot distinguish it from the I AM, from my divinity.
WELP - That's the definition of New Energy right there, integration of all duality including human and divine -- and the weirdest word of all - the master - so strange in this space to separate something out and give it a title.
Ahhh...weird....master.....Adamus said in the shoud master is just a word for wisdom, that helped; I still dislike the word. It feels heavy and not nearly playful enough!!!!
In sum, the delineation between human and master was a great tool to begin communication between the two -- and about one million other pieces and parts that you likely don't wan to entertain until they become a symphony of Self -- yet as long as they are kept separate there will always be a struggle.
.... peace for a while, co-exietence, battle mode, back and forth, and ahhh...allowing the great divine convergence...
I'll go Buddha bullshit on you. It's so basic yet to really go multiple in it, feels so good. Like melting a marshmallow on a stick in the fire - s'mores. MMMMM.....
Suffering comes from the perception of separation. Separation is an illusion.
When you realize you're already realized....you realize, there was never any separation at all between human and divine.
Yet, what an experience to move from delineation into wholeness. Truly radical. Actual rebellion. Grace.
Reversing yourself back into your natural state - realizing you never crossed the Wall of Fire.....
Booo - its all just words until it happens, bubbles floating throughout you like popping a champagne cork.
The two "sections" (human and divine) will merge naturally on their own, in divine timing for the person involved, for sure!, especially when they declare themselves ready. And then preferably forget about it:) I did. That amnesia serves too.
However, as long as the language -- language creates -- focuses on master vs. limited human, suffering will always be present as you duke it out internally, instead of allowing these many (infinite, even) amount of threads weave themselves into a seamless tapestry of Self.
The Seamless Tapestry of Self woven into the Infinite Expression of You Embodied. Holy Wow!
So beautiful. I cannot wait to see what you all weave into your tapestry, or what you have woven already -- beyond any sense of time.
In honor of you. Thanks for allowing me the space to bring it into words, albeit a bit shakey. Made a little graphic with some senses in it for fun:P Why not?
I absolutely cannot edit my own stuff or worry about perfection, so thanks for taking my typos with ease.
Lauren (Sar'h) writes adventure novels and short stories about the embodied enlightenment experience. She fancies herself a humanizing divinity journalist and DJ, and shares that work joyously on this page.