To put words to what I have created in my life, the letters must become musical notes. The 'Infinite I Am' must be stated and sensed deeply.
In the experience of the 'Infinite I' - being - in this language - the master, soul, human, and I Exist and all facets of Self become one without delineation.
Sure, I can dive into a layer, a dimension of self, a singular plane of reality or existence, yet it is only a brief pause before the interconnectedness of the other realities of Self begin to show themselves, twisting and turning back into the interconnectedness of my being.
The wave rises up in the ocean, I ride it and with the wave dive back into the ocean of consciousness. The state almost feels soul-less yet more sovereign than any experience around. I am that I am, no form and no name.
No separation of Self, no delineation between human and divine, for that is what New Energy truly is - integration of all duality, including the human and divine parts of Self becoming one, a singular I AM. An Infinite I.
To experience life beyond duality is not simply inside, but begins to pervade the experience of all realities that move through you.
I no longer traverse other realities, they traverse through me, and without any intent, they leave forever changed, for that is the realized state of being.
In this state of BEING, nothing can brush past your toes or your fingers without leaving changed or re-written - at the molecular structure level.
Many people I come across, you all included, I see like a super nova, as I see your existance beyond linear time. A supernova is a transient astronomical event that occurs during the last stellar evolutionary stages of a star's life (the proverbial last human life), whose destruction is marked by one final, titanic explosion.
It's not so much a destruction but a massive and yet completely gentle explosion back into the true nature of self, and into the Third Circle of Creation.
I can see the timeless, or time-free, evolution. The first circle in the oneness, the second circle as we places a piece of ourselves into this Earth reality, only to have the experience of knowing we are God also through that perception of duality - human and divine - knowing, realizing that we were never separate.
The two parts of self merge into human and divine AS ONE, and we return to wholeness while in physical form - not oneness with others but with the self in a beautiful show of brilliant fireworks that celebrates the remembering we have always been one with self.
The perceived separation between human and divine was yet another way to experience the 'God also' nature of being - another way to experience Self, that served so well until there's nothing that can stop from returning to wholeness.
I folded over myself before I could stop it. The fog lifts that kept me in the dark of my own divinity, beyond duality, and into the nameless, formless state that is BEING. One without edges, with no internal or external.
There's something about this perceived separation between human and divine. The perceived separation brings forth the question: Who am I?
In awakening, in the dark night of the soul, leading up to realization, I brought situations into my lives in attempt to reflect inner states. What I was really trying to do is find out who I was by looking in the mirrors and checking to see if they reflect back who I was.
I looked into the eyes of a lover, but I did not see myself. I looked into the eyes of groups and systems. How I was perceived through their eyes? I did not see myself. As a child, I looked into the eyes of my family, yet I still could not see myself. I looked into the eyes of a student, nope, I was not there.
The mirrors did "work" for a short period - for they brought forth those last parts playing separate roles, and in the perception of separation they came back to self.
For example, when I was still battling internally, sifting through concepts of right and wrong and the emotional states that go with them, I brought forth mirroring situations into my lives, allowing me to move beyond dualistic concepts. And then, one day, the mirror stops.
Where did it go? I felt through the darkness to find something to grab onto. There was nothing solid to grasp. Only a slight hum, a silent song of my soul, that I followed in the dark until I came back into myself. Embodied.
The no mirror existence is something I wrote about and pondered and discussed with others experiencing this before the last Keahak channels, so to hear it is like listening to a grand symphony to which I lent my voice, a symphony of many voices, many songs of the soul combined. Amazing someone can bring that forth in such a cohesive way. Thanks, CC.
Here I will borrow some words from Keahak, I found myself in a new reality of experience that has no basis on the past. Before experiences were predicated on the past, or shaped by past experience. That's all karma ever is and was -- the law of cause and effect. This happened in the past, and now I have this experience based on that.
A literal no-brainer: Creation is beyond linear time and thus, has no basis on past experience.
Embodied Creation from the space of: New Energy Integration of duality, of the human and divine, a singular I AM.
In the integration of the human and divine, I am beyond linear time. All those past experiences that told me what was safe and what was not, no longer apply. I am beyond duality. Gosh, I just don't have the words for that yet. Here is the sensation _________.
Or the local linear....I tried to create something X way and it didn't work, so now I am going to try Y. The linear lists and mental analyzation and processing can play no role. In fact, it is not even an option anymore. I'll try this...It's not a temptation to turn down, luring me into yet another experience to wisdomize.
I feel myself trying to touch down on that mental plane sometimes, to visit that layer of reality, but my feet can't hit the ground there. The plane is still there, I can explore it, but my ship has nothing to land on in that mental plane - a metaphor for the ineffible.
Creation from nothing, seems to cover this. Creation from no prior experiences.
It's the swimming metaphor I have used before. When you swim you push off the side of the pool or the bottom of the ocean to get momentum to start swimming. This no energy creation, or true creation, you don't need to push off the wall or the ocean floor.
In other words, I don't need to use a battle situation to create my reality. This battle duality is not limited to human conflicts, instead it is more of an inner resistence used as a place to spring forth from, to move enough energy to catapult you into the next experience, for example. A bottomless pool.
The no energy creation is creation without momentum, without effort. It's a state of no resistence as realities and layers move through you seamlessly. No resistance in the multi-layer reality experience. In other words, your feet don't have to be on the ground to jump anymore. Motion requires no movement - another Keahak term.
There is creation. There is creation without mirrors. Creation unfolding in a simultaneous moment. The infinite I removes time, gravity, and resistant duality (not referring to right and wrong but beyond that, no separation in, say, your sensory experience).
I want to write that I am surfing into the beyond. Yet, that's not accurate in experience. Instead, I have been surfing here the whole time, I simply lost the awareness of it in the fog of humanity.
I'll try it again. Something new is brewing and I'm going to paddle directly into that wave. Oh wait, I've been riding this wave all along. It's instant, this knowing. I use it as an example...
This space that seems to reverse into the future in a split second and back to linear now and then two time lines or more, two realities are more, they overlap in a single point of awareness, until you are in about a dozen or more realities simultaneously with infinite awareness of all of them, and how they intersect and interact.
Observing, breathing self. Knowing you will not lose yourself in the beyond. It is only something to experience and explore in steady joy of being - no highs and lows that defined the human experience.
The going beyond time, beyond reality, I find I am observing it, watching it - without trying to change it, no desire for that - twist and turn and re-write the so-called future and the past.
That's the over-arching experience of my state of being these days. You have an undeniable moment of clarity in realization (so limiting a word but for reference), and that moment returns and returns again in a PERPETUAL STATE OF BEING and you go back into your life and all its defining moments and you become aware that you were only pretending to be separate the whole time. An act of consciousness.
Sounds a bit trite that way - all words do, so I could say realization rolls through my human memories and they are re-wired and re-written. It's like a gentle Earthquake that creates a a rolling effect across the planet of self. The roll causes the paved streets to lift into the air from the soil, suspend in mid-air, and then land in new places and new patterns.
The pathways to the core of my being that branch or expand from your center in all directions. They open up and become clear. These conscious pathways re-adjust themselves as I observe and never manipulate. No clogs in the pathways. A state of no resistence. States of allowing and being ebbs and flows.
Some days, like today, there is NO CENTER, no core, and no edges because I expand like the breath into the no separation, integrated being. Expanding in and out at will of the hunger-less, time-less passion. I become an infinite landscape - it does not end, it does not begin. There is no way to find the middle of something that stretches into infinity.
Further, the past is re-written and then it doesn't exist at all (literally the past dissolves completely) because there was never a timeline. I can reach back for a memory or two, but they are no longer stored within me.
In the infinity of simultaneous living, I create from no thing because I am already everything. I don't need to grab at an past experience to make a mental decision; I don't even think about the next six months because its already contained within me.
I took a pause to come back and read this to see if I captured the moment. A yellow breasted bird flew up. No, it was not a master friend visiting me. It was me visiting me. I do not need the ascended master to reflect anything back to me. The bird perched on the chair beside me. Me staring back at me. Empty eyes, no past, in mirror-free creation.
The bird had empty eyes just like mine, free from expectations or past experience. Free from seeing myself through the eyes of others, but as exactly as I am that I am.
1. Stripped Down & Strung Out
The following was first published on January 22, 2018
It was August 2015 in the Texas Hill Country. The stifling heat radiating off the dry ground below in waves had given way to an unusually cool evening. I was sleeping in the back of my pick up truck, open air.
The breezy sky opened up and enveloped me, and I was relaxed after a long day of volunteering in the kitchen of a youth camp for refuge teens from war-stricken countries.
Washing dishes in a make-shift kitchen in the stifling sun proved so laborious, I held only one speck of energy reserved at the end of the day. There was nothing to to do but surrender to the exhaustion.
I had just gotten off the phone, texting with Jack - a man I spent many lifetimes with and was deeply in love with at the time - unrequited love of lifetimes. He loved me, he said in energy not words, but we would never be together, he said with words. I took the scraps he gave me like a starving dog and thanked him after he scolded me.
The night gave way to the brilliant stars that lit up the sky and a meteor shower of epic proportions filled the cosmic movie screen projected above as I drifted off to sleep. I lay unable to move in the back of the truck with nothing but a pillow, a sheet, covered with the coarse salt of dried sweat, and a copious amount of hope.
Not hope that Jack and I would be together one day. Not hope that I would stop having all these human problems that never seemed to end. It was the kind of hope that fills up your body crown to toe tips when you have nothing else to lose. Some call it freedom. It was a surrender of sorts, and more so, a path when none others were visible in the human eye.
I drifted off to sleep. In my dream, I was driving my white truck. Suddenly, thieves approached and began to strip the car as I drove. They ripped off the rearview mirrors, even the doors - anything and everything. I found I held no fear. I held no anger towards the theives - at all. I just watched. Neutral observer as my life was stripped away.
When the vandals took the tires off the truck, and it could not longer be driven, I got out and walked, totally un-phased by the stripping of my vehicle and all that I owned. I just kept walking, nothing in my hands, only the clothes on my back. I walked steadily and peacefully. Numb human, yet full of soul sensation.
I came to a stream. Jack was there, and he kissed me. But I walked on.
I walked through a knee-deep stream as my clothes began to fall off. Piece by piece I became fully naked.
And I kept walking through the water. I stepped on rocks and my feet bled, the red pools forming in the water beneath them. Jack did not follow, and I did not care. I did not look back. I didn't need to. I knew he was not there.
I passed a group of souls, beings, and I somehow knew were awake, and they said, "Stay here with us. We found Utopia."
I did not look up when I nodded in their direction - in acknowledgement and a sign of saying I hear you but no thanks.
I walked on and on, through dark waters. My feet continued to bleed. All I could feel was bliss. Bliss in this moment was steadiness without a high or low. It was pure existence without interference.
I reached a stopping point, still all darkness, and there was no one there. I felt a sensation sort of like love and a lot like acceptance fill my body. It was a peace not available to the human experience and therefore held no words.
I guess it's the kind of experience which only runs on a hope no one else can taste, a freedom which only comes from losing everything -- one you cannot know until you are stripped down and strung out.
After the dream, I would try to go back to human life. I continued to wash dish after dish at the youth camp. I smiled at everyone I came across and they smiled back.
And then the hope that often felt like desperation, disease, and despair turned into something else - a guiding force that would not let me stop walking.
When the car died, I kept moving.
When my love for another was not returned, I moved forward.
When the clothes came off, I walked naked.
When my feet bled, I did not stop.
When people showed up, I did nothing more than smile and walk on.
These days - I have been sober for so long now - yet I am strung out.
High as a kite on the non-linearity. Spinning and twirling in infinity beyond the veils of maya.
Instead of walking, I've taken up floating and flying.
My head spins, my heart beats fast and then not at all, and I spin and spin and spin.
And that weird desperate hope thing has turned into knowing.
The knowing feels like the motion of waves in the ocean.
Am I seasick or I am experiencing a reality long forgotten?
2. The Tunnel
Sometime in 2017, I was living in a Shaumbra community in Colorado. I had begun to feel that instead of enhancing my impending realization, it was hindering it.
That night in my sleep, I was calmly digging a tunnel through rocky dense ground. I whistled while I worked. My headlamp lit the way in the dark night. I was alone with no fear.
Then suddenly, a shaumbra woman showed up. She had a lantern and began to push and shove me at my back. She was desperate to get out. Thinking I had found the way out, she shoved her elbows hard into my back.
I took a deep breath and with as much energy without force I could command I said, "This is my way. It's time for you to find your own."
She clawed at me some more, scratching at my face. I stood motionless and unmoved. Then I watched her turn around and go look for someone else. I did not say it out loud, but added to the energetic communication. "Only you can find your way out, and the only way is to relax and enjoy the moment."
I looked out and she was furiously digging a hole in another spot. I knew she would figure it out and soon, so I let her. the light emerged at the end of my dark tunnel, and I strolled through it, easily and with grace.
3. The I AM THAT I AM Highway
I made the move back into the land of the living in February and emerged in mass consciousness around May of 2018.
It was easier this time, and things seemed to align effortlessly. I did miss the camaraderie of my friends who spoke realization, and yet I knew I was in the right place.
In June, before the Keahak finale, I drifted off to sleep. Again, I was in my white pick up truck. I found myself at the entrance of a freeway.
The green highway sign said, "I AM THAT I AM.....789 MILES. No services. No exits. No turnarounds."
In my dream, my human facet was trying to get to Colorado, to make it in time for the Keahak finale.
An older woman showed up - she was also me - and said, "There's no going back. You have set yourself up to drive along the I AM THAT I AM highway for the rest of your physical existence."
My human facet driving the car turned around to look and see if there was an escape before driving onto this highway - the point of no return.
There were spikes that would smash my tires and all sorts of obstacles that prevented this human driver from putting the truck into reverse. The panic set into this human woman that was also me, and then she surrendered with a deep sigh.
She put the car in drive and hit the gas petal with great gusto. The old woman jumped in the car just before it entered the highway, and they became ONE. Again.
The human came back from its "vacation", or time away, and began to enjoy the road trip.
Now, what was the Infinite I (human and divine combined beyond duality) going to create?
Then I really got what New Energy meant...
New Energy is what comes after the New Age. This evolution of energetic dynamics allows for the integration of duality, including the human and divine parts of Self becoming one, a singular I AM.
While the New Age is based on vibrational energy and dimensional delineation, New Energy is expanses in all directions simultaneously, branching from the single point of the I Exist.
Saturday, Adamus announced the beginning of the Emergence series of channels at the monthly webcast. I totally forgot about it, yet had the sense that I was needing to tune into something. That I was missing something. Then a friend texted that he was watching the monthly webcast, so I tuned in.
I was so deeply and profoundly touched by Adamus’ words in the opening statements at the core of my being and deep within my chest, a space behind my heart, I decided to transcribe them here. ADAM-US is after all a collective consciousness and to hear the words reflected back to you of something you experienced is near indescribable.
Last month or so I had a chat with Adamus about this topic. I know I am not the only one. There are some I know in physical and some I do not know yet. And, I have found when I take something up with this consciousness, if it comes from the deepest space inside me, it will make it into the materials. Not the screaming, unbalanced human being I was in the past, but the living breathing being who is saying hey, this might be helpful and I know because I am living it. Things might have changed since your last Earthly visit.
Looking back – so much easier in hindsight – the realization experience, which really feels almost like a reversal into what already existed - through the eyes of the human and divine combined, started sometime around the fall of last year.
In October of last year, I had the ineffable experience in vivid color and without words the direct experience of knowing, being, experiencing the I AM GOD, also. I don’t even think I can write any more than the one article I wrote. That’s likely all I will ever write about it. It was too personal and too – well, too sacred for lack of a better word – to share.
Another wave of realization rolled through my being in January, a release of guilt, shame, fear, remorse, clinging of the Atlantean dream, disaster, programming, etc. I know we are all unique but FOR ME it was the needle in the haystack – buried so deep and so hidden – the last thread that kept me from the realized state. It was the one thread of crap I held onto all this time that kept me from my realization. It was right there in front of my face the whole time. Once I saw it, it unraveled before my eyes - in high definition, high speed rewind.
Shortly thereafter, my home sold in Colorado and the series of unfortunate or very fortunate events – depending on perception – began to unfold as a left Colorado, which more felt like being kicked out – by an angry mob that bled into my social media experience. There really was no point to be on there for me anymore with this space.
What was that experience? What was it really about? I have asked so many times only to shelve it for later. I simply could not put my finger one what that experience really was. Why I was so sad, why I still am sometimes.
Since leaving, I’ve had a few doubts that only reminded me to trust myself. Was I delusional? Did I make this realization experience up? Are these people who have cast me out right about me? I know you can relate - those in their free states now.
Yes, in realization you are still a human being with human attributes. You don't turn into super man or super woman. You almost become even more human in a way. (I'm so glad some of you let me know this. Thank you. I am passing the wisdom on.)
The answers undeniable and completely personal - you are the only one who will really truly know - undeniably. The dawn was upon me AND it was nothing I could imagine. It was more than I hoped it would be and less than I hoped it would be in many ways.
I’ll tell you why I am choosing to write this below.
I knew who I was and what I was and was not, and it didn’t matter what anyone or anybody else thought, said or did. It was my realization. And, it was beautifully mine and mine alone. I needed to be alone too.
Now to the channel...
ADAMUS in the August 2018 shoud (paraphrased as I am not a good typist):
“Is everyone going to go through (realization in the CC)?....Yes, sooner or later…. Some of you are going to take your time. You’ll go through in the slipstream. Some are going to go fast because you’re just so damn ready. Others will go in their slip stream. It’s not a race and there is no award for those who get there first...
(On those realized) You’re not going to be beating your chest about it….It’s such a personal beautiful quiet thing. It’s so personal…. You are not going to be bragging. You are not going to need acknowledgment. You are not going to get acknowledgment - from me or from others. Nor do you want it. You know – and that’s all. That’s all.
(I have found this to be extremely real in my personal unique experience, but it doesn't mean you will not want friends and that you will not be hurt...).
For those of you who have come along through this early, you already know this. There is no preaching at the others and not saying this how you have to do it. You’ll realize that. You don’t say this is how I did it and you have to do it. (talks about preaching on social media).
(Indeed, the desire to tell anyone how to do anything fades away, likely just after it rears its ugly head for the last hurrah of spiritual ego, in my personally unique experience.)
There’s no rushing anybody and there’s no pandering to anybody (poor dear etc.). You just allow them, and they’ll come through and maybe in your slip stream.
For those taking their time – and there’s something to be said about that – let the others go through and have the rockier path.
(The profound part for me…)
For those taking their time, don’t throw rocks at the ones you think that might have made it. Why would you throw rocks? To test them. Have they really made it or are they making it up?
You know rocks hurt, even to a master because they are still in a human body.
My body seized up here, I too felt so sick. I felt the trauma of my move from Colorado – I’m at the six-month mark and just now able to function completely.The steadiness did not set into until a year or so, and now a rock is just fine. The reverberation dissolves much more quickly.
Don’t throw rocks. Don’t assault them. Don’t criticize them. You are really just trying to test them.
Don’t to do that because when you first come through in the emergence there is an incredible sensitivity and sensuality.
If you are hanging back and waiting, don’t throw rocks. If any of this happens on social media, delete those posts. This is too sensitive. It hurts too much. It goes too deep - even for a human master.”
If you truly know me, you know I am not bringing this up to pat myself on the back. I bring this up to say that for me, this was and STILL is an extremely sensitive and sensual time. Go easy on yourself, go easy on those around you (reminder for ME!).
It's really level out now, even just after writing this - added in November 2018.
Everything I thought a master is has been thrown out the door. Everything is not perfect, and yet like my friend, Xanthe, told me, it does feel at arms length. You still feel deeply, almost even more deeply, but in this beautiful state of grace and realization it becomes clear - so clear - that deep deep feeling, or sensation rather, is not yours to hold onto. It rolls through you without the analyzing mind and is beyond my descriptive abilities right now.
The other thing is the more my realization sinks in, the more normal I feel. I feel more like a normal human being each day – after a lifetime of feeling so weird. I believe this comes with extreme self-acceptance and balance sets in eventually.
To think you won’t cry. Oh, I have cried and cried and cried. Driving from Colorado, I dehydrated myself from tears while simultaneously opening to my true nature. The lotus flower in the muck.
To think that you won’t feel when energetic daggers are thrown at you. That you are some sort of stone being who is not moved by their surroundings is a total fallacy.
In the end, this message personally gave me some deep sensual acknowledgment not from outside myself but from within myself.
I also want to note that I am greatly enjoying the materials from CC in this relationship – having removed the human quality of it – for now. It still does not feel safe for me to go into that human system space but the direct relationship with the materials and placing my wisdom int the vault, the conscious library feels really good.
Instead, of using the materials as tool to get further along some strangely perceived realization timeline or platform. I am simply loving the words that help me remember how I did ‘such and such’ in hindsight.
How did I stop allowing my mind to consistently feed off me? How did my body make the jump? How did I have this profoundly personal experience and at the same time have so many people throwing rocks at me? What is embodied creation going to look like as we re-write history?
The materials are amazing for this. Adamus came to me around May and he said don't let the human side of things prevent you from having a direct relationship and direct input into the materials offered by the channels. Since then, I have heard so many of my own experiences and words make it into the channels. I feel seen and heard on a completely different 'level' of awareness that holds no human recognition, which would feel terribly icky at this point.
Realization was simply a perception shift of worthiness, a freedom from being beholden to anyone (especially my own aspects and guilt – for blowing up Atlantis in this case – this continues to roll through deeply).
It had nothing to do with what my human life looked like. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel. I don’t cry. If anything, I feel more deeply than I ever have in my whole life.
The opposite of guilt is innocence. The dichotomies that arise in being beyond duality is something the mind would never be able to fathom. For example, to be completely in a child-like innocence (guilt-free) AND finding the spiritual maturity I so lacked when I first started writing with you all and creating this space.
The spiritual maturity comes with the balance, of learning to walk like baby through this embodiment. The paradox of child-like innocence as the path to maturity. Love that.
It is so tender, and self-care and self-nurturing is still needed in the fragility of this state, which is equally unbendable and unbreakable and unmoved by the rocks thrown.
There is a learning curve of how to walk like a baby, to learn to crawl and stand holding onto the table for stability, in this new state. Balancing comes but it takes some time - time I gave myself after my move to California six months ago.
I could go on, but at least wanted to capture this tender moment, knowing I am not the only one on this website who will or has gone through this. Thank you.
Karen, I keep thinking of you texting me as a drove out of Colorado. It is imprinted in my soul. The text popped on my phone when I was in the depths of the rock’s impact. THANK YOU.
I'm so glad I tuned into the five minutes; what that message did for me, what it moved within me, cannot be captured in words. Deep exhale. Holy crap it feels good to shuffle that around.
Massive gratitude for you all and this space - NO ROCKS. NO RACES.
Lauren (Sar'h) writes adventure novels and short stories about the embodied enlightenment experience. She fancies herself a humanizing divinity journalist and DJ, and shares that work joyously on this page.